Damn dude, sorry you are struggling. It tends to get a bit better when your kids become little people with their thoughts and opinions. The first 6 months babies can be tough.
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Reverse information on “ They Didn’t Have Children and, Most Said, They Don’t Have Regrets”
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Damn dude, sorry you are struggling. It tends to get a bit better when your kids become little people with their thoughts and opinions. The first 6 months babies can be tough.
Oh it gets better...he knocked up some 30 year old useless chick so he's a single dad too.
When someone says that they aren't interested in having I'm sure they have their reasons. I'd rather someone decide not to have any than have some because they feel pressured to end up in a stressful situation.
what can I say man you honestly just don't get the fulfilment you receive from being truely responsible for another person and helping them grow. That's not condescending that's the truth. I'm unfit I don't get the fulfilment someone gets from running a marathon, I don't think they are patronising me saying that. It's just a difference in perspective.
Also all the kids = environment discussion is hilarious. Ignoring that maybe the next gen can help stop the problem! Also do you own phones and tvs! Then get in the bin you climate abusers. "I don't have kids so I can go to Europe" using air travel you polluting terrorists! Etc.
Basically no ethnically consumption under capitalism covers kids too :)
I wonder how the stats change with multiple kids? Love my daughter and being a Dad the only thing is I can't imagine having 2+ kids and a successful dual income family with the cost of daycare and housing. Also your ability to travel and enjoy non-animated is pretty minuscule for the first 6 years so double that with an older kid and a baby. Also god every time I think about how freaking determined toddlers are to harm themselves and it's one and done is way more appealing.
The main major benefit is freedom. Childless folks have endless freedom.
If you treat your kids right, they will want to be around you. It's not like a newborn is destined to ignore family once they hit 18.
And no one is having kids so they can have a personal nurse in the future. It's totally natural for people who love each other to look out for one another. My pops needs me, I've got his back. I don't see how that's selfish on his end.
I know some old folks that gave their kids a cutoff point for when they can just put them in a home, so that they wouldn't be burdened with a demented shell of a parent.
One of the best thing we can do as a species is to stop the exponential growth of our population. Doing it by choice is a better way to go about this then mass population die off.
It's not really endless though, unless you also have endless money and no personal responsibilities. Hell, getting married or being in a long term relationship is also something that curbs your freedom significantly. But that's the trade off for not being alone.
Dude that sucks. Going to be hard to date as a 53 yo with a toddler
Personally whilst I plan on having 1 kid I can definitely see the appeal of not having them. My partner and I are in our 30s and compared to all the people we know with kids we have SO much free time, disposable income and generally get so much more time to rest and sleep.
We often ponder why we're actually going to have a child but I think it's about wanting to experience it.
We often ponder why we're actually going to have a child but I think it's about wanting to experience it.
The joy you get from having kids is really hard to explain. OP, are you an animal lover? If so, think of the joy you get when your dog is happy to see you when you get home. Now multiple that by a million every time your child smiles. It's an indescribable feeling but it's worth more than any amount of travel or money you could possibly think of.
As far as studies like your OP asked, that's really an impossible thing to ask. How can someone say they truly dont regret having children if they dont know what having children is like?
As far as studies like your OP asked, that's really an impossible thing to ask. How can someone say they truly dont regret having children if they dont know what having children is like?
what? He has a sea of older accomplished decent women who wanted a kid - with jobs, careers and life under their belt to explore. Legitimately. Better in some ways than younger times.
I decided I don't want children. I'm in my early 30s, and enjoy my hobbies, my career, freedom and financial security. Children would negatively impact all of those. I have 5 nieces and a nephew which helps whenever I feel like taking care of little people and they'll be the ones I leave whatever wealth I have when it's time for me to die.
The same way I can say I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by not riding a motorcycle 120mph down a highway, or racing cars at the track on the weekend, or spending large amounts of money at a casino, or any number of other activities I know I very likely won't enjoy. Some people love doing those things. They aren't for me.
I live in france, for the record
one of my 2 uncles got 4 kids and they went to egypt, vietnam, spain and thailand as a complete family. Of course since hes more of a working class guy with his wife (they're both teachers) they never really spare any unecessary money. He's also a rock band drummer and a biker, not a single problem with this, and he got a house in the countryside
As a teacher
My other uncle got 7 kids and he travels pretty much all the time, they're all in crazy rich positions too (he was a diamond seller, his 2 oldest are minimum co directors of the workplace they work at and we're talking about Sony music and Balmain here)
Point being. Its only your point of view that sucks if you dont wanna live a good life with the possibility of having kids. Nobody I know regrets it, I can see why some would, but these people usually aren't ambitious at all nor do have any vision of the concept of legacy
to trick suckers into taking over.
I mean... the opposite of that.
Or do I?
pEACE!!
Most of my friends have children now. Some of them wouldn't do it again. When I was younger I worked with older colleagues with adult children who were able to tell me honestly that if they could do it again they would have stopped at one, that sort of thing.
There are tons of shitty people out there. They didn't all have shitty parents. Sometimes you buy a vehicle that's a lemon. Sometimes you raise a kid who grows up to be an asshole.
There was a thread last year here where the discussion centered around a secret FB group of parents that regret having children. It got pretty contentious. Some members shared that their parents told them to their face that they were a mistake and a regret, that's a painful hurt
I don't think many parents would be publicly open about regretting their kids. They'd just stay quiet.
You'll never get their perspective in threads like this.
You'll never get their perspective in threads like this.
Yeah, I've never been interested in having kids, but was always open to changing my mind as I get older.
Now that I'm getting closer to 30 (and just got a puppy earlier this year lol), I'm more convinced than ever that I don't want kids. I just really don't think it's for me. I'm already constantly frustrated/miserable about how little free time I have just with work, girlfriend, friends, family, puppy, etc. I think I would snap if I couldn't even get at least a couple hours of free time to do what I want to do in a day.
Plus I've always been extremely uncomfortable interacting with children and pretty much universally dislike them, even my own nephew and nieces. I feel awful about it at times, but all I can think about when I have to interact with them is how soon until I can leave.
That's without even mentioning the financial impact, and I'm still tens of thousands in debt.
Now that I'm getting closer to 30 (and just got a puppy earlier this year lol), I'm more convinced than ever that I don't want kids. I just really don't think it's for me. I'm already constantly frustrated/miserable about how little free time I have just with work, girlfriend, friends, family, puppy, etc. I think I would snap if I couldn't even get at least a couple hours of free time to do what I want to do in a day.
Plus I've always been extremely uncomfortable interacting with children and pretty much universally dislike them, even my own nephew and nieces. I feel awful about it at times, but all I can think about when I have to interact with them is how soon until I can leave.
That's without even mentioning the financial impact, and I'm still tens of thousands in debt.
Shouldn't all people be held to the same standard though? I mean what makes your carbon footprint any different than the childs?
Ultimately it's a personal choice with no right or wrong. For me personally I woke up one morning in my early thirties after a party one night and just thought to myself "Is this it?" I had my fun during my teenage years and my 20s. I've traveled the world and seen my fill. I don't believe in reincarnation, so if this is the one shot I get at life, I wanted to experience all it had to offer. That's what pushed to wanting to have a kid.
Initially I wanted two but my wife fell quite ill for a good year and a half after my daughter was born so we ultimately decided against it. I can't say it's easy, or without its struggles - the amount of drama you go through just to convince a four year old to have a bath lol. But without a doubt it's the best decision I've ever made in my life. I've lost count of the amount of times my daughter has done something goofy and I've laughed so hard my ribs have hurt. You can keep your fancy cars and your trips to Europe. I've done that shit and nothing is as fulfilling as looking at your daughter's sleeping face at the end of the day.
Initially I wanted two but my wife fell quite ill for a good year and a half after my daughter was born so we ultimately decided against it. I can't say it's easy, or without its struggles - the amount of drama you go through just to convince a four year old to have a bath lol. But without a doubt it's the best decision I've ever made in my life. I've lost count of the amount of times my daughter has done something goofy and I've laughed so hard my ribs have hurt. You can keep your fancy cars and your trips to Europe. I've done that shit and nothing is as fulfilling as looking at your daughter's sleeping face at the end of the day.
We can come up with screenames that don't plant the idea of consuming cattle on people's minds too. Everyone has a part in saving our planet.
Obviously no right or wrong with the decision to have or not have children. I feel super selfish but the truth is I don't want kids is because I want all my time and money for my own interests. I only get 1 lifetime to exist, experience, and enjoy my life. And raising a child is a huge responsibility -- I mean it's another human being -- so if I don't feel 100% committed there is no way I'm going to do it. Parenting isn't something you can be like "oh I guess I'll try this and see if I like it."
The one thing that gives me some comfort about my decision is that the human race is not in need of more people.
The one thing that gives me some comfort about my decision is that the human race is not in need of more people.
Having kids is unquestioningly one of the best things about my life. I didn't "get it" until the exact moment my first child was born. The moment I saw his face (literally most of his body was still inside of my wife), I broke down into uncontrollable crying and could not stop until it was all over and the nurses were cleaning up.
Watching my kids grow, teaching them, helping them get stronger. The first time my son picked up a book and read to me. Every time my daughter says some word she has no business knowing at 3 (the other day it was, "Daddy are you frustrated?"). It's the best journey of my life and I am so grateful for them and am in such awe of them.
That doesn't mean I'm not jealous of friends who go out at nights. Like most things in life, being a parent means making sacrifices. It's hard work some days but it's the most rewarding thing I've done.
For me, my kids are a thousand times better than having a more expensive car or taking expensive trips. That's a decision you have to make for yourself.
Yup, this is basically my take as well.
I don't really get jealous of the single people around me going out though. At least in my social circles, I would honestly say that I know a lot more depressed single people around me than I do married couples. Either that or the married couples are Oscar award level actors!
I had plenty of fun up until I had a kid in my late 20s, so I guess that factors into it as well.
My wife is also amazing and I could easily go out binge drinking every weekend without issue, but the fact is that I just don't want to 99% of the time.
Watching my son get hype over the newest Pokemon episode or seeing my daughter playing little pretend games she made up herself is 10000x more fulfilling than watching friends sing drunk karaoke or whatever.
Edit: I should also state that I was REALLY lucky and both of our kids are super healthy, never suffered from colic, were sound sleepers from birth, and are generally well-behaved. My daughter has been a bit of a handful recently, but not too bad.
My only real regret is we haven't done as good of a job raising them bilingual as we honestly could have.
My eldest is only 5 though and still picks it up at a good pace, so I am not too worried there.
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I'm 42 years young next week, have four kids, and don't regret it for a second (well apart from when they want me to make my PS account primary on their consoles).
Having a kid sure makes Nintendo games a lot more fun. Picking up Luigi's Mansion 3 to play through with my five year old tomorrow. We'll be taking turns on who gets Gooigi. Then we'll get Pokemon when that comes out, though I'm super bummed there's no co-op mode as we had a blast with Let's Go Pikachu.
That's where I'm at. Second kid will be done with high school when I'm 46. I saw how my mom got to enjoy her late 40s and 50s without kids at home (but with grandkids visiting!) and all her friends were jealous because at the same time they were still dealing with teenage hormones and college applications, etc.
The kid who can't play with their parents, or doesn't think their parents will live till their wedding, or get to know their grandchildren.
My ex's dad was older than my great grand mother (she was less than a year older than me). She told me she didn't want to get married because he wouldn't get to walk her down the aisle.
My son LOVES playing 'the big green guy' in Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3 so he would dig your avatar!
Watching him discover the joy of cutting grass down in Link's Awakening is probably one of my highlights of the entire year. lolol
I have four month old twin boys so obviously they have limited ways to communicate but when I play with them and they start laughing and giggling I just melt. I wouldn't swap it for anything on the planet.
I don't know what the OP was expecting making this thread on this forum. I've learned over time this place has such a warped and hostile view of family/parenthood/children. If you don't want kids then don't have kids but for the love of god don't let this forum be an influencing factor.
I got more enjoyment out of watching my son carve a pumpkin than I would 100 trips to europe.
I'd happily drive a shitty car the rest of my life to afford more for my son.
You want to spend your money on yourself? Good. don't have kids. You shouldn't. not everyone needs to.
But it isn't some silly "justification", my son legit makes me happy every single day
Don't get me wrong, yeah, at times im jealous of my childless friends. Who go out more, always eat at nice restaurants, take a lot of trips.
It isn't like those things stop being fun once you are a parent.
But then I watch my 2 year old son dance and smile and laugh. And I really couldn't give less of a shit about anything else.
It's stressful and expensive and exhausting. And not only would I do it all over again, i plan on doing it again!
I'd happily drive a shitty car the rest of my life to afford more for my son.
You want to spend your money on yourself? Good. don't have kids. You shouldn't. not everyone needs to.
But it isn't some silly "justification", my son legit makes me happy every single day
Don't get me wrong, yeah, at times im jealous of my childless friends. Who go out more, always eat at nice restaurants, take a lot of trips.
It isn't like those things stop being fun once you are a parent.
But then I watch my 2 year old son dance and smile and laugh. And I really couldn't give less of a shit about anything else.
It's stressful and expensive and exhausting. And not only would I do it all over again, i plan on doing it again!
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Maybe it's because of my own experience but I don't think something as emotional and personal as having/raising a child could be satisfactorily distilled in numbers.
I think that if the reason you are curious about having kids is because you are afraid on missing out on something other people seem to have you are better of the way you are.
Having kids is not for everyone and that's a good thing.
I think that if the reason you are curious about having kids is because you are afraid on missing out on something other people seem to have you are better of the way you are.
Having kids is not for everyone and that's a good thing.
It's only environmentally conscious if you don't use your time and money to drive big cars and fly around the world.
I'm sure all the folks saying that having kids is bad for the environment will still adopt a child in need of a family.
But I'm guessing not because it's probably actually the allure of the childless lifestyle that's driving them and the environment issue is just a convenient way to feel superior to parents.
But I'm guessing not because it's probably actually the allure of the childless lifestyle that's driving them and the environment issue is just a convenient way to feel superior to parents.
While I understand the argument that not having kids is environmentally conscious, I feel like potentially robbing the world of more intelligent young people is a double edged sword.
We really confident in having a less populous youth generation and leaving all of these problems up to the old fucks in charge now?
Would the climate change activist movement really be in a better place if the parents of Greta Thunberg decided they wanted to buy themselves a yacht and tour Europe instead of having a kid?
We really confident in having a less populous youth generation and leaving all of these problems up to the old fucks in charge now?
Would the climate change activist movement really be in a better place if the parents of Greta Thunberg decided they wanted to buy themselves a yacht and tour Europe instead of having a kid?
There are a lot of bad "parents" out there that help perpetuate the worst in humanity. If you don't want kids or don't feel up to the task of raising a good-hearted and well-adjusted kid, then probably best to not have one and focus on contributing to the world in other helpful ways (one of them being creating a better world that helps raise better-adjusted people).
I'm 35 and am trying for a kid now. I won't be too crushed if it never comes to be, but I also like kids and think I could probably raise one well enough. I may otherwise adopt. We'll see!
I'm 35 and am trying for a kid now. I won't be too crushed if it never comes to be, but I also like kids and think I could probably raise one well enough. I may otherwise adopt. We'll see!
I agree with all this. I have two young kids (some of you may have actually helped me name the older one, if you were around on the old site ha ha), and my feeling is all the hyperbolic stuff people say about having kids -- both good and bad -- it's all true. I work with some younger people and I think about how it must feel going home on Friday and knowing you have zero obligations for like 60 hours -- sounds like heaven. But then every single day I have little moments with my two-year-old that bring me more joy than anything else in my life, and I can't imagine life any other way.
I would never want to bring someone into the world who could potentially suffer the same chronic issues I have.
I disagree with this. Me and my wife love our parents but 1 they don't live near each other and 2 we don't want to atrophy in the countryside. We don't even live in the same country as them any more.
I think if our kid, that we're currently twisting ourselves in knotsover whether we should have, *didnt* fly the nest, I would consider that a personal fuck up. It wouldn't mean they don't want to spend time with us but there's so much more to life. I'd expect to see them maybe twice a year? It hasn't really factored into our thoughts on having one or not.
We're finding the choice pretty difficult to be honest, mostly me. i consider my life to be pretty perfect and a kid could either take that to the next level or if something goes wrong it could wreck the whole lot. It's a lot to bet.
