Just went through it recently. Still dealing with it, actually. It's really hard. We used to talk all the time, now after laying it all on the line, not as much. No bitterness there between us, just sadness.
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Realizing you're in love with your best friend fucking sucks, man.
- Thread starter Magic-Man
- Start date
Yeah i have experienced both sides, confessing to a friend and damaging a friendship as well as confessing and starting a relationship with a friend. If you want to respect her current relationship, then is it possible for you to distance yourself from her a bit? Or do you think you can get over her while still maintaining the same level of contact?
personally I had to stop talking to my friend for a couple months before i could move on.
one day you'll be so happy, you won't even remember how this feels
User Banned (2 weeks): Antagonising another member, shaming sex workers
Hmm I remember that one post from that one thread....the one with the "girlfriend" working and sleeping with other men.
@OP Yes shit sucks. Just do anythnig and live your life.
She obviously didn't feel the same way and didn't want to put a carrot infront of your face. She helps you forgetting her.
I'm 40 lol. I was feeling old, but then I just told myself...
This kid could've lived his entire life twice in the years I've been alive.
I don't know, I think this is one you will just have to take on the chin.
You like her, have history- that's fine. But she is seeing someone else.
So you are in the spot impossible spot because you have these feelings, but really you should keep them to yourself. She's with someone, and if its gong great, revealing them would probably be a disaster, she would not react well (because she really likes her boyfriend), and could ruin your friendship, let alone any future romantic prospects. You probably don't want to "go there" while she is in this relationship.
I'd say, if possible, while she is with this person, just keep your feelings yourself, and try to maintain distance between yourself and her for your sanity. Pursue your own interests, maybe try to meet someone else.
That said, if you guys are really close as friends, and it would be impossible to distance yourself without hard questions being asked, maybe you could come clean- don't be creepy and confess your undying love or request she end her relationship. Just say you do have feelings for her and that makes it hard to be around her while in this other relationship and for your sanity that's why you have maintained some distance. Hopefully she can respect that, and then maybe she knows, for the future or whatever.
But bottom line, your best bet is to just accept this relationship she has and move on, other fish in the sea, etc.
You like her, have history- that's fine. But she is seeing someone else.
So you are in the spot impossible spot because you have these feelings, but really you should keep them to yourself. She's with someone, and if its gong great, revealing them would probably be a disaster, she would not react well (because she really likes her boyfriend), and could ruin your friendship, let alone any future romantic prospects. You probably don't want to "go there" while she is in this relationship.
I'd say, if possible, while she is with this person, just keep your feelings yourself, and try to maintain distance between yourself and her for your sanity. Pursue your own interests, maybe try to meet someone else.
That said, if you guys are really close as friends, and it would be impossible to distance yourself without hard questions being asked, maybe you could come clean- don't be creepy and confess your undying love or request she end her relationship. Just say you do have feelings for her and that makes it hard to be around her while in this other relationship and for your sanity that's why you have maintained some distance. Hopefully she can respect that, and then maybe she knows, for the future or whatever.
But bottom line, your best bet is to just accept this relationship she has and move on, other fish in the sea, etc.
Sorry to hear that. I've been there. We did become friends again but it wasn't the same as before. I don't really talk to her much anymore though.
You will move on from this eventually, stay strong.
OP
OP
The second option. I'll be fine, I'm not going to be stupid.
You're so young...yes, this is painful now, but you will get through it. You may be in love several times in your lifetime, just try to focus on what you learn from each relationship to stay positive through the heartache.
Definitely not. College is so much better than high school. The only people who think high school was the best are the people who peaked then.
You... Didn't talk to her for a year. Your feelings are skewed because she's with someone else. Like you're only just now "discovering" your feelings after she starts dating someone else.
You're talking to the wrong adults. If you're heading out to college or going into the job market, you're going to interact with so many more people it'll blow your mind.
I was that loner in high school - didn't have any friends, didn't do great in school, just kinda floated by without anybody realizing. College gave me a chance to interact with people in a way that was impossible in high school. I'd encourage you to not let these moments in your life bring you down because it definitely gets better.
That's because the adults you're talking to are talking to Highschoolers....
High School is only the most social time if you let it be.
OP, I don't want to be condescending. I hated it when older people would do that shit to me. But, like, this basically sums it up:
There ain't much else. The depth of feeling you are feeling will pass. It hurts like a motherfucker; you start to recognize when you hold yourself back; you stop doing so - for the better.
This is the progression.
Ayy, you ever meet people who think middle school was the shit?
Straight up self-selecting population of future MBAs and sociopaths.
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To be frank OP, you're gonna feel even deeper, harder love. And it's gonna make you feel like this was a casual swim. But it's all relative to where you are at a given time.
And that's what you will tell yourself. And that's what will be true.
And then someone you love with all your damn heart will die.
And then you will understand that the depth of love you feel is equally matched by the depth of grief you will experience.
And then your understanding of love changes forever.
And then you keep going.
There ain't much else. The depth of feeling you are feeling will pass. It hurts like a motherfucker; you start to recognize when you hold yourself back; you stop doing so - for the better.
This is the progression.
Ayy, you ever meet people who think middle school was the shit?
Straight up self-selecting population of future MBAs and sociopaths.
——
To be frank OP, you're gonna feel even deeper, harder love. And it's gonna make you feel like this was a casual swim. But it's all relative to where you are at a given time.
And that's what you will tell yourself. And that's what will be true.
And then someone you love with all your damn heart will die.
And then you will understand that the depth of love you feel is equally matched by the depth of grief you will experience.
And then your understanding of love changes forever.
And then you keep going.
I was best friends with a girl throughout middle school and high school. Didn't realize I loved her until month before her wedding day. Haven't really talked to her since, but I think of her often.
I'm not sure what relevance that has to what you are responding to or this thread.
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I was in love with my best friend through the entirety of high school and part of college. We fooled around once. I'm now the godmother to her youngest child and we're both happily married to other people. She brought her whole brood out for Thanksgiving.
Looking back, I've never been more thankful a hook up didn't turn into something else. She's my absolute favorite person next to my wife.
Looking back, I've never been more thankful a hook up didn't turn into something else. She's my absolute favorite person next to my wife.
One thing I'll say is that they way you're feeling now, you'll feel similar or even deeper later with someone else and you'll ask yourself how is it even possible? And when or if that doesn't last then you'll feel similarly hurt, you'll feel like you'll never be in love again...until you meet someone else and feel similar or even more in love. And so on, eventually you'll meet someone with who you feel like you are on the same level. You will feel like that person likes you back the same way as you like them with similar intensity. With who you want to share not just the good things but the bad things.
It's a process and part of life really, you keep improving and you keep experiencing different things. Sometimes it may feel like what's going on right now feels like it's the worst it could be or the best it could be...but you have to keep in mind that you're young and you'll have so much to see in the next decade or two or even longer. Eventually you may not even remember this, because you will be happy with where you are in your life then and with who you are. Yes it may hurt right now, but it gets better.
It's a process and part of life really, you keep improving and you keep experiencing different things. Sometimes it may feel like what's going on right now feels like it's the worst it could be or the best it could be...but you have to keep in mind that you're young and you'll have so much to see in the next decade or two or even longer. Eventually you may not even remember this, because you will be happy with where you are in your life then and with who you are. Yes it may hurt right now, but it gets better.
Think my best friend is in love with me too. Said some things when he was extremely drunk that I ignored. Not really into him like that.
Not trying to diminish or minimize what you're feeling now, because that's rough. But it's better this is happening now rather than in your 20's or 30's, when the risk of them committing for good is much higher. Here you have the advantage of waiting their relationship out or you'll have plenty of time to move on and get past it.
It's funny how far back high school feels in the rear view mirror in your 30's. Some of my best and closest friends I didn't even meet until a few years ago.
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You should stop thinking of her as your best friend and instead think of her as your ex - which she functionally is. If it's having this profound of an emotional impact on you then you should probably stop trying to rationalize her as some friend of yours and begin the process we all go through when we come out of intense relationships. By the sounds of things, she's probably a lot colder towards you than you are to her. That tends to happen when you lose contact with people for an extended period of time. Definitely won't be the last time this happens for you either. I'm not saying that like it's your fault or anything, it's just one of those things that you have to recognize early before you waste your youth beating yourself up over it and letting it poison the next relationship that comes your way.
Hope your situation improves.
Hope your situation improves.
OP, the time to do something is now. If you are 17/18 then that means you'll be graduating in a few months and then most people go their separate ways. If you are going to go into the military after HS, then I wouldn't say anything to her because that would be pretty selfish of you. "Hey I know we've been off and on but I love you. I know you are dating some dude now, but leave him and come with me! btw i'm going to the military."
Decided what you want now and if what you want is her, the best thing you can do is let her know how you feel. Don't force her to do anything. If you all can be friends afterwards, at least you got your feelings out. If not, you'll always be wondering what if, and the longer you take, the better the chances of her feelings changing toward you (not in a romantic way).
Decided what you want now and if what you want is her, the best thing you can do is let her know how you feel. Don't force her to do anything. If you all can be friends afterwards, at least you got your feelings out. If not, you'll always be wondering what if, and the longer you take, the better the chances of her feelings changing toward you (not in a romantic way).
You are super young. Trust me, it sucks now, but in 5 years you'll be amused by how heavy it all felt. It's less likely that you Actually realized you were in love, and more likely that you are infatuated with something you now can't have.
How is this person your best friend? Seems like a lot of context is missing in how your relationship evolved into a critical platonic friendship, because just based on this, it sounds like an on again off again fuck buddy that ended up getting into a relationship, and you miss the casual sex.
Oh, you're 18. lol, man do whatever.
My best friend "S" is a wonderful girl. Beautiful even if she doesn't believe it. A good mother even if her boyfriend doesn't think so. She's great. We get along really well, do everything together, she comes to me when she needs to get away from the "love of her life" - a man she's been chasing for 7 years, has tricked into giving her two kids, (He doesn't believe in condoms.) has done everything for, even though he has cheated on her numerous times and every single time he does she knows he has done it and yet she still takes him back. I've known her for 5 years. Have loved her for just as long. But I'm "not her type". She knows I love her. We used to have sex. Until her boyfriend got out of jail and she pushed me to the side. Our sex was never as good as the sex she has with him. She has learned new things sexually just to keep him from leaving her. Anyway, I moved in with them. Not because I love her, but because I am 40 years old and I wanted to not live with my parents anymore. And it was my only choice. I've tried to move out numerous times before but it always fell through. This is the first time it's actually worked. So I'm here now. In love with my best friend who is in love with a guy who would cheat on her at a moments notice if he had a car and didn't have to watch the kids. But I love her so much. I do anything for her. I've done everything for her. I don't know if I could live without her. I did. For a couple years we didn't talk. But we still found our way back to each other.
I don't need advice. I've gotten plenty. I know you'll just tell me the same thing the stripper at the club told me a few weeks before I moved in. "You're in love with her, but you need to move to South Carolina with your parents. Do not move in with her." Blah blah blah. Let me learn my own lesson. lol (The three of us went to the club together that night)
I know I can probably solve everything by just walking away but I can't do it. My parents want me to go with them when they move to SC. My dad misses having me around. They're even looking for a house with an extra room in case I need to leave. So I have an option. So really the only thing keeping me here is my unconditional love for her.
I don't need advice. I've gotten plenty. I know you'll just tell me the same thing the stripper at the club told me a few weeks before I moved in. "You're in love with her, but you need to move to South Carolina with your parents. Do not move in with her." Blah blah blah. Let me learn my own lesson. lol (The three of us went to the club together that night)
I know I can probably solve everything by just walking away but I can't do it. My parents want me to go with them when they move to SC. My dad misses having me around. They're even looking for a house with an extra room in case I need to leave. So I have an option. So really the only thing keeping me here is my unconditional love for her.
I will say this: falling in love with somebody who was a friend first really is the way to go when you can swing it.
My wife and I were friends for an entire year before it became romantic. It's a blessing that not everyone enjoys.
Best of luck to you.
My wife and I were friends for an entire year before it became romantic. It's a blessing that not everyone enjoys.
Best of luck to you.
Yea? I fell in love like 10 different times during my 20s, and you're not even in your 20s yet.
You're just barely entering adulthood. My honest opinion is that now is not the time to be falling in love romantically. Now is the time to meet people, see the world, and find your place in it. If you work hard, treat people well, and find your place in the world, then love with someone amazing will be a natural byproduct of that. When you haven't even started that path, though, it's nearly impossible to know what you're looking for in a mate.
Move on, my man. I've dated more than pretty much anyone and am now happily engaged. Trust me when I say this - the more you establish yourself as an adult, the easier it becomes to find love that is long lasting. When you're 18, you risk a lot more falling in love since there's a 99% chance you'll grow apart and the love will be based on more superficial stuff.
You didn't know what you wanted because you're not there yet. Otherwise, you never would have let her get away in the first place dude. Think about it.
This is a more succinct way of putting it. Correct 100%
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You broke up because you were gonna move but you didn't move. Who broke it off? What did you do that was "stupid" that it caused you not to talk for a year?
As for the topic itself Ive never been in love with a close friend but def. been infatuated with a couple of girls in my life who were friends where it was obvious it wasn't going to be anything. I was younger so maybe that was more lust but it still sucked.
Wow. Well that's certainly a situation.
As for the topic itself Ive never been in love with a close friend but def. been infatuated with a couple of girls in my life who were friends where it was obvious it wasn't going to be anything. I was younger so maybe that was more lust but it still sucked.
Wow. Well that's certainly a situation.
Did you make a thread about this? Your story sounds familiar. In either case, holy shit.
Do you ever get the feeling that there is more to life than just being someone else's emotional pillow?