On advice I needed to hear and that helped a lot, the end of the introduction to "Gender Outlaws" by Kate Bornstein had a large impact on reading and has stayed with me since.
I'll likely pop more down in this thread later as it's my and my partner's Christmas Day today so a bit rushed, but good thread OP and this was the first thing that came to mind. 2019 has been a heavy but liberating year.
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"When I first wrote this book [in 1994] language was a big problem. People knew about transexuals. But not many people were talking about the phenomenon of people who are neither men nor women, no matter how they choose to express their gender.To embrace those people (myself included), I borrowed the word transgender. But in many circles today, that word has become simply another word for transsexual — so in my country, the newer and more inclusive word is simply trans.
You will read words in this book that don't ring true to you. Please, take a pen or pencil and cross them out. Write in a word you like better. And when that word doesn't work for you anymore, use another word. The way of gender is a living, changing path, like a river — it does no one any good to try to keep either gender or a river still.
The language you discover may be useful to others, so please share it with them. Write blogs, poetry, drama and films that use your language for gender. Meet with other people who are finding their words, and discuss the value of language in the search for freedom and fluidity in gender. Your language may make others angry. Their language may make you laugh, that's part of the fun.
Now, if anything you read in this book makes you feel bad or wrong or small and weak then please know I said something wrong. This book was written many years ago, and the culture I wrote it in is not the culture in which you're reading it. So, if you find anything to be personally insulting, please accept my apology and keep reading with the knowledge that your gender identity and how you express your gender are correct only when you feel they are correct.
In closing, I'd like you to know that I'm writing this to you at the age of sixty-eight. I'm very old. I may very well be alive as you're reading these words. But if I'm dead, I would be honoured if you call upon me as your ancestor in our mutual journey of gender exploration. I promise you that alive or dead, I will do all that's in my power to help you find and live your destiny.
Much Love and Respect,
Kate Bornstein"
