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Parents: Sleepovers for 6-7 yr olds at friend’s house - yea or nay?
- Thread starter Deleted member 19844
- Start date
Lmao. This is too true. Pretty much every parent says fuck it once the second comes. Our second slept over at 2 with her big brother as the place they were at had similar aged kids.
It's actually higher than that for women, more like 25-30%. That 20% figure is correct if we are talking about male victims of sexual assault though, so maybe you should reconsider your preconceived notions about this subject.
both of these.
and this
its really not.
and i think you need to take a hard look at your parenting. If your this concerned about a sleep over, my guess is that your a serious helicopter parent.
When I was that young I stayed over my friends all the time and vice versa. As long as my parents knew the other kid and had a conversation with the parent to make sure they were okay with it, then so were they. After a while I just cleared it with both sets of parents on my own for everyone's convenience.
I guess we were living life in the edge?
I guess we were living life in the edge?
Sure but 6-7 is what, grade 1-2? Who cares.
Also, doesn't seem like you were ever a kid. The weird 6 year old that doesn't sleep over isn't a thing lol.
Sounds a little young to me, but we're talking like, literally a year younger than I'd think of sleepovers. But really it comes down to this: Your kids friends are people you should probably know, and their parents are people you should know at least in passing. If you do, it shouldn't be that hard to determine if you trust them not to do something stupid for 12 hours or so. Long term, you can't shield your kid forever, but obviously this comes down to case by case.
So they are doing an activity (sleeping) which is a low risk activity. They aren't playing in oncoming traffic, playing in fields riddled with needles, throwing bottles at each other. What is going to go wrong with sleeping?
As long as I know the parents and they're not dickheads, no issue at all. Bit on the young side, but if my kid's comfortable with it then so am I. I went to sleepovers around that age and I personally think it's good for kids to be away from their immediate family for a bit; be sociable with friends and another family for a night in a new and different environment. I know it did me good. I tried foods I'd never tried before, things like that. It's something I'll encourage my kids to do.
My kids were that age not too long ago, and it absolutely is a thing.
OP doesn't trust the parents. I assume he fears they could have an abusive household, leave harmful things around the house, have large dogs, or have other issues. Seems reasonable assuming he doesn't know the parents. It is essentially letting your kid stay the night with strangers, just because your kid goes to the same class with their kid.
I wonder how many people voting here actually have kids.
My oldest is 4 and I'd say definitely no at 6 or 7. That's also a lot to ask from other parents. Kindergarteners/ 1st graders are needy.
3rd grade sounds about the right age. So 8 or 9, with close friends.
My oldest is 4 and I'd say definitely no at 6 or 7. That's also a lot to ask from other parents. Kindergarteners/ 1st graders are needy.
3rd grade sounds about the right age. So 8 or 9, with close friends.
OP, did you have sleepovers as a kid? You seem to want to know a lot about them which indicates you didn't have that experience?
Their kid is a reflection of what kind of parents they are. It should be a clear marker. If they are good enough friends to consider a sleepover, then you should know the parents to some extent already.
You can't operate as a helicopter parent for their entire life. 6-7 is old enough to go to a friends house for a night.
Their kid is a reflection of what kind of parents they are. It should be a clear marker. If they are good enough friends to consider a sleepover, then you should know the parents to some extent already.
You can't operate as a helicopter parent for their entire life. 6-7 is old enough to go to a friends house for a night.
As a parent you should have met the parents already. They aren't strangers as you brought the kid to the place. This isn't hard. Kids have been sleeping over forever. Nothing has happened this year that somehow makes this scary now.
People posting ages like there is a tangible difference between 6, 7, 8. Let kids be kids.
I'm going to guess most here were kids at one point and slept over their firends place at that age.
Do you think parents drop kids car at the curb and then pick them up at the curb too? Like wtf how has their been no interaction?
Why? The whole first page is them asking about the experience? The whole thread is asking for justification as to why to have a sleepover....
OP
OP
Oh gotcha. What I meant by that is that I only really know myself with certainty. I'm sure there are many better parents out there than me. But I get why it can be misunderstood.
Hehehe I suspect this might be me.
I think for me it just seems that babysitting and daycare are much more necessary than sleepovers, especially at 6-7 yrs old, and since I didn't grow up going to sleepovers. So the necessity of it outweighs the risk (for me).
I think 8 or 9 yrs old would make more sense. Though really I'll never feel super settled about it — but I'll just have to deal because it'll likely be a norm for them socially at that age.
I know it's easy to fill in the gaps with a negative overall picture of me, I get it, but try not to diagnose so broadly here.
I feel more like 8 or 9 makes more sense for me. I didn't have sleepovers because it wasn't the norm in my family / immigrant community, and so they didn't allow it when the topic came up with school friends.
Yeah, I agree with you.
He isn't obligated to meet the parents of everyone that goes to his kid's class.. he is obligated to question if they are a safe environment for his kids though.
I'm in the "no sleepovers" camp, as my kids are 4 and 7. The only places they're allowed to sleep over is their grandparents' house.
I also don't want to dump the responsibility of someone else taking care of my kids in addition to their own for a whole night and morning.
I have no problem with parents who choose to go the other way, though.
I also don't want to dump the responsibility of someone else taking care of my kids in addition to their own for a whole night and morning.
I have no problem with parents who choose to go the other way, though.
OP
OP
It's not a bad assumption - they were right.
So I have two kids and I can definitely understand where you are coming from. It's a unique experience for kids to go and play at another's house and not have to go back to your house that night. I know that there were certainly a couple of sleepovers that made me value my family situation. Releasing control of your kid(s) to another Parent is very much a leap of faith. Meeting the parents can be a big step towards mitigating that risk.
I remember having game nights at my friends' houses and them being some of the best nights I can remember, as I wasn't allowed to have a console. It is a valuable experience for the kid, and personally as a parent, I would have a hard time not giving that same experience to my children.
Edit: OP, I apologize if I came off harsh to you in my first post.
OP
OP
I appreciate the insight (here and in the thread in general of the positive impact). And you didn't come off harshly at all, no worries.
This is such a strange thread. If you trust the parents, great. If you don't, don't. Not all parents are universal, and it would be understandable that you would say "yes" to some parents and "no" to others, based on your comfort level. Personally, I find it hard to imagine raising a child for six years and never reaching comfortability with a single set of parents to watch them while they play and sleep. I think people's reasonable concerns about "What message are you sending your kid?" is that if you have a deeply conservative perspective on this, it's probably true elsewhere.
I mean if everyone had your logic of "no sleepover unless I'm the host", sleepovers wouldn't exist. I'm no parent myself but I don't see anything wrong with bringing your kid over to the house and sitting down for a cup of coffee, maybe even stay for dinner if that's a thing and then leave after. If your kid isn't showing any signs of distress, I wouldn't worry so much. Plus, you'll always have the parents number on hand, if not speed dial & im pretty sure it's the same way around.
I get that you're being protective but don't deprive your kid of fun because of your protectiveness. I didn't have my first sleepover til like 15.
& if you're that uncomfortable, then wait til the age where your kid will have a cellphone and you can check in.
You're a helicopter parent in the making, it's sleepovers - what the hell. If the parents live in a decent house and not in a dump you can reasonably assume that they're just about as capable at watching kids as anyone else.
Sounds like you've already made up your mind OP but I'll add in here:
From one parent to another, let the kids sleepover. The pros absolutely outweigh the cons and as others have pointed out in the thread its a great opportunity for kids to experience other lifestyles besides their own. You can even make it a monthly routine.
Hey "X's Parents" you wanna host the kids sleepover this November? Me and -insert partner here- are happy to watch yours in December if you're down!
It just makes your more friendly, sociable, and approachable from your kids view and other parents view.
From one parent to another, let the kids sleepover. The pros absolutely outweigh the cons and as others have pointed out in the thread its a great opportunity for kids to experience other lifestyles besides their own. You can even make it a monthly routine.
Hey "X's Parents" you wanna host the kids sleepover this November? Me and -insert partner here- are happy to watch yours in December if you're down!
It just makes your more friendly, sociable, and approachable from your kids view and other parents view.
Don't have kids but have enough friends I grew up with to know I would never allow this with my children. Definitely no sleepovers. Eat candy till you're about to burst but I'm driving little Billy back to his casa come bedtime
How did the kid get there? There has obviously been some interaction or the kid wouldn't have gotten there. It's your job as the parent to assess.
He already said that he doesn't believe he can judge a parent by just meeting them - since they will act differently in private.
That is just irrational. You can extend this to any sinfle person you have ever met. Pretty much can't leave a kid out of your watch if that is your outlook.
I was doing sleepovers at 1st and 2nd grade and still remember them vividly. Great experiences.
If the parents are trustworthy and the kids friends serve as a positive influence then I'm not quite sure what the problem would be. Let your kid have fun and experience life.
If the parents are trustworthy and the kids friends serve as a positive influence then I'm not quite sure what the problem would be. Let your kid have fun and experience life.
Seeing adult posters mention being taken to play dates as kids is making me feel really old.
Yep. I guess that poster can't send their kids to school, get a babysitter, or really anything else.
Yep. I guess that poster can't send their kids to school, get a babysitter, or really anything else.
In the last season of Mindhunter, Bill Tench uses the word in like 1981 and it through me off. I don't remember that word ever being used.
OP
OP
I've made up my mind that 6-7 is too young and I'd prefer, if it seems to be the norm for their friend group, for it to be when they're 8-9.
That said, when the time comes, your approach sounds good.
and at the same time, I'll always feel that it's a strange practice hehe.
I completely get where the OP is coming from. I too am very skeptic and distrusting as a general rule, and don't expect people to trust me without knowing me for a good period of time to build that trust. My daughter is 5 and she had a couple of sleepovers already with parents I trust, but it took me 2.5 years of constant connection with them for me to be comfortable enough to try.
I guess when she is older I will relax more, as I am relaxing more now than I was when she was 2, or 3. But the trust thing I think will always be my process, I would never let her go to a sleepover to a friends house that I have no relationship with the parents whatsoever. That seems weird to me.
I guess when she is older I will relax more, as I am relaxing more now than I was when she was 2, or 3. But the trust thing I think will always be my process, I would never let her go to a sleepover to a friends house that I have no relationship with the parents whatsoever. That seems weird to me.