Parents: Sleepovers for 6-7 yr olds at friend’s house - yea or nay?

[Westbahnhof]

I used to have sleepovers at that age, never used to be a problem, as my parents knew both my friends and their parents.
I was also super timid, and my parents had to pick me up in the middle of the night once or twice because I was so distraught haha

EDIT: OP sounds quite a bit too careful and almost scared.
TreadTalks how do you feel about school trips (like skiing or something) where they kids stay overnight with their teachers, summer camps, stuff like that?

 

[CrazyDude]

for real. what the hell lmao

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American's attitude seems to be that every person on the street is out to get there kids. Other countries have first graders commuting on trains and going to school by themselves, but in American they are unable to go to sleep overs.

 

[Deleted member 19844]

What exactly do you think is going to happen at a sleepover for 7 year olds that makes you worried? Did you not have friends growing up?

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I had friends growing up.

 

[demosthenes]

OP doesn't seem to be looking for an opinion here but rather validation of his already determined choice. The passive-aggressive smile isn't making things better.

Add me to the "let them go" column. It's nice to have friends.

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Glad someone else noticed this.

 

[disillusion386]

American's attitude seems to be that every person on the street is out to get there kids. Other countries have first graders commuting on trains and going to school by themselves, but in American they are unable to go to sleep overs.

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Lol, nah. This is more of an OP thing than an American thing. Tons of American kids had and continue to have sleepovers.

 

[Jesse_and_the_rippers]

You sound like you have already made your mind up, so probably wasting my time posting...

Six or seven is plenty old enough for a kid to have a sleepover at a friend's house. Giving your child even fleeting moments of independence goes a long way in building their self confidence and resilience. You can't hold onto that umbilical cord forever, ya know.

 

[N64Controller]

If you're squarely in the "I don't trust the other kids parents enough to allow it", and have no intention to change your opinion for any reason whatsoever, then I hope you have the decency of never ever, ever, EVER allowing a sleepover to occur in your house.

Sleepovers are ok, and extremely unlikely to be any danger for your kid.. Talk to the other parents and try to establish a relationship. If your child wants to go to a sleepover at this other child's place, they are most likely really close. So it's only natural you meet the other parents either way.

 

[ElectricKaibutsu]

I'm fine with it. I did it when I was a kid. I honestly don't see what the big deal is. What do people think is going to happen? The house will burn down? They'll do drugs?

 

[Camwi]

If your conclusion is that all men can't be trusted you're doing it wrong. We should teach our kids about the absolute autonomy they have over their own bodies, but we shouldn't teach them to be overly paranoid and judgemental. That kind of attitude is toxic and makes the world a worse place than it should be.

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I don't plan on teaching them that, that's my job to be overly paranoid. But the statistics say 20% of women in this country have been sexually assualted. Those odds fucking suck, and yeah, they make me not trust most men.

I mean I know eventually things will have to change. Hopefully by the time they reach the age of reason, I'll have taught them how to best protect themselves without passing on my own paranoia, and then I'll just cross my fingers and hope for the best as they fly the coop.

 

[msdstc]

True - though 90% of the time I've seen that story, there are signs or efforts to tell by the child that are ignored.

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Well that's completely unfair. You're basically implying parents whose kids have been abused are ignorant. While that may be true sometimes, I think it's only apparent to you in hindsight.

 

[Deleted member 19844]

Lol, nah. This is more of an OP thing than an American thing. Tons of American kids had and continue to have sleepovers.

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You're right. Sleepovers seem to be a very normal American thing. My social circle is pretty split on the subject, and it seems to fall pretty squarely along the immigrant parents / non-immigrant parents lines.

 

[Deleted member 19844]

You sound like you have already made your mind up, so probably wasting my time posting...

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I don't get this. I was interested in the poll results and what people would say - why do I have to be "unsure" to post? I shared my stance up front.

 

[Westbahnhof]

I'm fine with it. I did it when I was a kid. I honestly don't see what the big deal is. What do people think is going to happen? The house will burn down? They'll do drugs?

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It seems that OP is assuming that the parents could be somehow abusive, be it sexually, emotionally, physically.
In case you didn't see my edit above, TreadTalks :
How do you feel about summer camps? Or staying overnight with teachers during a school trip (like skiing or visiting a different city)?
In general, I'm curious when you think the appropriate time for a sleepover to happen is. 10? 13? 15? 18?

 

[Deleted member 19844]

Well that's completely unfair. You're basically implying parents whose kids have been abused are ignorant. While that may be true sometimes, I think it's only apparent to you in hindsight.

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Thinking about it, that's very likely true (that it's unfair and often only apparent in hindsight). I'm reconsidering that point.

 

[CrazyDude]

It seems that OP is assuming that the parents could be somehow abusive, be it sexually, emotionally, physically.
In case you didn't see it above, TreadTalks :
How do you feel about summer camps? Or staying overnight with teachers during a school trip (like skiing or visiting a different city)?
In general, I'm curious when you think the appropriate time for a sleepover to happen is. 10? 13? 15? 18?

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Also why would they be less likely to be abused if they were hanging out for the day?

 

[demosthenes]

I don't get this. I was interested in the poll results and what people would say - why do I have to be "unsure" to post? I shared my stance up front.

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You're not interested in what people would say in changing your mind. Every response you've had shows that.

 

[sensui-tomo]

Generally I've thought the earlier the better for sleepovers (as long as you've known the parents) and once theyve gotten older it starts to become awkward/less socially acceptable)

 

[RDreamer]

It seems that OP is assuming that the parents could be somehow abusive, be it sexually, emotionally, physically.

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That's likely the concern but to me it seems odd to have that concern only at night. Why would you want your kid with someone who may be abusive during the day? You wouldn't, so sleepovers aren't much different in my opinion.

 

[LegendofJoe]

I don't plan on teaching them that, that's my job to be overly paranoid. But the statistics say 20% of women in this country have been sexually assualted. Those odds fucking suck, and yeah, they make me not trust most men.

I mean I know eventually things will have to change. Hopefully by the time they reach the age of reason, I'll have taught them how to best protect themselves without passing on my own paranoia, and then I'll just cross my fingers and hope for the best as they fly the coop.

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By being overly paranoid you aren't doing your job. We need to show them how to control our fears by responding to them rationally. Teaching your daughter that all men shouldn't be trusted because some can't or won't control their impulses is irrational. Don't pass that feeling on to her, it will do more harm than good.

There are certain situations where assault is more likely to happen. Make her aware of that and teach her to physically defend herself (if needed). After that trust her to figure out things for herself. We limit our children when we aren't willing to let them act independently.

I have a daughter and a son btw if you're wondering.

 

[ElectricKaibutsu]

It seems that OP is assuming that the parents could be somehow abusive, be it sexually, emotionally, physically.
In case you didn't see my edit above, TreadTalks :
How do you feel about summer camps? Or staying overnight with teachers during a school trip (like skiing or visiting a different city)?
In general, I'm curious when you think the appropriate time for a sleepover to happen is. 10? 13? 15? 18?

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Abuse like that is so rare it's not even worth worrying about. I'd need to know the parents of course, but if they seem like they have it together I'd be cool with it.

Full disclosure: my kid is 2 so maybe my opinions will change when he's the age to start sleepovers.

 

[Westbahnhof]

That's likely the concern but to me it seems odd to have that concern only at night. Why would you want your kid with someone who may be abusive during the day? You wouldn't, so sleepovers aren't much different in my opinion.

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I think this is probably based on some misconceptions and assumptions regarding sexual assault.
There's a bunch, right? Peole assume it's strangers, people assume it happens at night, and so on.
I know about this daycare place with like 8 women and 2 men, and the men can never have a shift together, because only women are allowed to change diapers.
The parents went absolutely berserk at the thought of the men handling that task.
People are not very rational when it comes to fears like that.

 

[Omegamon]

American's attitude seems to be that every person on the street is out to get there kids. Other countries have first graders commuting on trains and going to school by themselves, but in American they are unable to go to sleep overs.

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Compared to which countries? Some parents from my country are overprotective because we live in a third world coutry and there is lots of danger

 

[Hollywood Duo]

If another parent is willing to host a sleepover that's probably enough indication they aren't a complete deadbeat.

 

[RDreamer]

I know about this daycare place with like 8 women and 2 men, and the men can never have a shift together, because only women are allowed to change diapers.
The parents went absolutely berserk at the thought of the men handling that task.

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What the absolute fuck?

 

[msdstc]

Thinking about it, that's very likely true (that it's unfair and often only apparent in hindsight). I'm reconsidering that point.

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Good thing, because you're basically shitting on any parents who have had their children abused.

 

[Deleted member 19844]

It seems that OP is assuming that the parents could be somehow abusive, be it sexually, emotionally, physically.
In case you didn't see my edit above, TreadTalks :
How do you feel about summer camps? Or staying overnight with teachers during a school trip (like skiing or visiting a different city)?
In general, I'm curious when you think the appropriate time for a sleepover to happen is. 10? 13? 15? 18?

Click to shrink...

I've had to wrestle with this because their school will take lots of trips like this.

What I've settled on is that I'm cool with the school trips because it would be clearly educationally and socially detrimental to not go (moreso than missing sleepovers at 6-7 yes old).

Re: sleepovers, it's a hard sell for me in general, but if it's the norm of their social circle, then I think 8 or 9 may be okay, provided that I know the parents really well, I see good things in terms of how they are raising their kids, they don't own guns, and if there are no problem-kids in the group.

My personal sense is that this is reasonable for someone who wasn't raised with sleepovers, but does that feel totally off?

 

[Mad_Titan86]

As long as I know the parents I'd have no problem with my little one sleeping over. Not ever letting your kid go to a sleepover seems weird.

 

[Deleted member 18400]

For me the difference is that *generally* you know your family, especially those you grew up with, much better than you do your kids' friends' family.

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Except most child abuse is done by family members....

Just saying.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

My parents let us sleep over friends' and cousins' houses all the time when we were kids.

If you are friends with the parents and can vouch for them not being crazy or abusive, I don't see the problem. If they are strangers, obviously no, but I don't know why you wouldn't at least be on speaking terms with the parents of your kids' best friends.

 

[disillusion386]

You're right. Sleepovers seem to be a very normal American thing. My social circle is pretty split on the subject, and it seems to fall pretty squarely along the immigrant parents / non-immigrant parents lines.

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This is completely anecdotal. I had friends in high school who are kids of immigrants, and they resented the over protectiveness of their parents.

 

[Coyote Zamora]

I don't plan on teaching them that, that's my job to be overly paranoid. But the statistics say 20% of women in this country have been sexually assualted. Those odds fucking suck, and yeah, they make me not trust most men.

I mean I know eventually things will have to change. Hopefully by the time they reach the age of reason, I'll have taught them how to best protect themselves without passing on my own paranoia, and then I'll just cross my fingers and hope for the best as they fly the coop.

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Real talk... Your behavior will teach your children far more than any of your words ever will

 

[Westbahnhof]

What the absolute fuck?

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Oh yeah. I once had a really cute girl sitting on my bed, and all my attraction to her died when she told me that she'd never let her child be in any kind of daycare or kindergarten with a man. Just... nah. As someone who wanted to become a teacher at that point, that pissed me off to no end.

 

[Deleted member 19844]

Also why would they be less likely to be abused if they were hanging out for the day?

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Well, 1) I'm trying to be open minded about it and arrive at a compromise. And 2) there's a deep seated sense that Inappropriate things are more likely to happen when it's late and people are sleeping.

Good thing, because you're basically shitting on any parents who have had their children abused.

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Yeah that makes sense, I'm sorry.

 

[Deleted member 19844]

You're not interested in what people would say in changing your mind.

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Why is that a prerequisite? I was interested in the general thoughts and poll results because in my social circle it's a polarizing topic.

 

[Deleted member 60582]

I don't have kids, OP, so I can only relate as far as my own experiences as a kid with sleepovers. Granted, I grew up in small towns or on military bases, so it wasn't like I was sleeping over half a city away or vice versa.

Generally, my parents and my friends' parents were friends in the first place, and knew each other well enough to trust each other with their kids. If you're not comfortable with having your kids stay over at someone's house, try getting to know the parents yourself and then go from there. We always had block parties or gatherings, BBQs, whatever, so there were no strangers in the equation. It would make the decision much easier on you.

As a kid, man sleepovers are basically your first taste of freedom away from your parents, regardless of still being supervised. They're also great for socialization and figuring out how to behave when your parents aren't hovering over you every minute of the day. Some of the best memories of my life are when 3-4 of my buddies and I would be huddled around the little CRT playing Street Fighter 2 into the wee hours.

 

[Deleted member 21709]

More parents should be like OP.

 

[Deleted member 19844]

This is completely anecdotal. I had friends in high school who are kids of immigrants, and they resented the over protectiveness of their parents.

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Oh yeah totally, I'm just saying that sleepovers aren't a world-wide norm.

 

[Khanimus]

I'm on the fence. It feels just slightly young.

 

[RDreamer]

Oh yeah. I once had a really cute girl sitting on my bed, and all my attraction to her died when she told me that she'd never let her child be in any kind of daycare or kindergarten with a man. Just... nah. As someone who wanted to become a teacher at that point, that pissed me off to no end.

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Yeah someone who believes that no man can be nurturing or that they're more likely to be a pedophile than someone doing their job is beyond concerning.

I'm sensitive to it too since I'm kind of stay at home dad to my son now. I still work a bit but I take care of him much more than my wife.

 

[piratepwnsninja]

No, I'm generally not OK with them, And my general expectation is that other parents would not trust us. but if other parents don't care, and the kids want it, then a reasonable solution to me feels like hosting.

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And if/when the parents of other kids ask, "Why not our house?" you're going to respond how, exactly? "I don't trust you with my kids." ?

Like, I do understand wanting to protect your children. I have three, aged 18, 13, and 3, so I've been through it. But you have to learn to trust other parents, especially those of your child's friends. Now, give them outright trust without first meeting them when the kids at 6-7? Absolutely not. But go hang out for a playdate or something, get to know them, you know, normal stuff.

 

[Magni]

I would need to know the parents first obviously, but once I do and if I trust them, of course. It helps I don't live in a country where people own guns and store them recklessly. That would be my biggest worry if I lived in the US.

This one seems easily avoidable, though.

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Do you also keep your kids indoors during the day to easily avoid them getting sunburnt?

Yup - that's about it. And if I'm willing to host sleepovers, then that helps with that.

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They have no reason to trust you. It's a two-way street, sleepovers shouldn't always be at one person's place. Rotate.

I'm not a parent but I feel like at that age I'd do family sleepovers only - cousins and such like.

I'd open up a bit older, but only if the people were middle class or above.

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How do you determine that, and why that rule in the first place?

 

[The Albatross]

My daughter is only a year old, but my sisters went to sleepovers at their friends' houses at this age, though not that often... they did more sleepovers whn they were 9 or 10 probably. I didn't really go to sleepovers as a kid, only a few times with certain friends, and I never liked it... Always preferred to go home at night.

I'd most likely be fine with it as long as we knew the family decently well enough or the parents seem good. The idea of hosting my daughter's friends for a sleepover is my idea of hell, though.

 

[Deleted member 19844]

And if/when the parents of other kids ask, "Why not our house?" you're going to respond how, exactly? "I don't trust you with my kids." ?

Like, I do understand wanting to protect your children. I have three, aged 18, 13, and 3, so I've been through it. But you have to learn to trust other parents, especially those of your child's friends. Now, give them outright trust without first meeting them when the kids at 6-7? Absolutely not. But go hang out for a playdate or something, get to know them, you know, normal stuff.

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For me it's not that hard of a conversation. I'll just say it feels too young.

I do disagree a bit with the notion that I have to generally trust the other parents, mainly because I've seen so much shitty parenting and because you never really know what's going on at home.

that said, I do recognize that There needs to be a balance, so I will probably allow it in a few years, provided that it's a family we've known well for some time.

 

[Vincent Grayson]

Well, 1) I'm trying to be open minded about it and arrive at a compromise. And 2) there's a deep seated sense that Inappropriate things are more likely to happen when it's late and people are sleeping.

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You do realize that abusive situations largely happen with known people, family, etc? Your kids aren't generally in danger from random parents.

 

[Deleted member 1478]

I'd probably be more suspicious of the one household that will always host sleepovers but never let their kids go to any others.

 

[Deleted member 19844]

You do realize that abusive situations largely happen with known people, family, etc? Your kids aren't generally in danger from random parents.

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The statistic that it happens more frequently with family doesn't make me less worried about random parents, though.

 

[8byte]

I don't think "yes or no" really fits the question here. I think context matters here. Do you know the parents? Do they know your child well enough to supervise them for the evening? What is the other household like?

I think it's a little more complex than just yes or no. That said, I'd like to hope I'd generally say yes, because that would be an indicator that I know my child well, I know their friends, and I'm involved in their life.

 

[Hesemonni]

Our 5 yr old has been on multiple sleepovers and other children at our place too. Chill.

 

[Blackpuppy]

My daughter had her first sleepover at 3 or 4. I think it was 4.

In any case it was a family friend so there wasn't a worry about that. It worked out very well and we've done more sleepovers since. She loves them!

 

[RedMercury]

At this point I'll let just about anyone take the kids for a night as long as they can live within 5 miles of a school.

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Yep. When my kids were that young we could not (well still can't really) afford a sitter and we don't live around family, let the kid or kids go have fun and go out to dinner or something. It's good for their development too, being away from home and having to follow other rules and listen to other adults.