online dating is a waste of time and i wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

[Capricorn]

I'm with you, OP, online dating is absolutely soul crushing, I've tried multiple apps multiple times in the last couple of years but I end up always uninstalling them because I feel like shit when I get literally no likes after a while.

But I'm self aware enough to recognise that I don't know how to sell myself at all as I have confidence issues, no decent pictures of myself and I get terribly anxious just thinking about what should I put on my bio, so I think it's simply not for me. I did get a date once though, but boy oh boy do I wish it had never happened...

I've tried speed dating a couple of times, and the last time I got a match but then she stood me up after agreeing to a date, so yeah, it's not that great either.

To be honest, this whole pandemic has been a blessing in disguise for me as I've allowed myself to not care about meeting people or being single anymore as you couldn't really socialise until recently (at least in Europe), so I think I'm a bit more nonchalant about the whole dating thing, I'd rather not force it, instead I'll keep going to Meetup events or things like that and maybe I'll meet someone one day, but I'm not going to bother with dating services anymore.

 

[Okabe]

It's because you spend 3 months talking online and not 3 months talking in person.

 

[Socivol]

Met my husband online and we have been together for 10 years. It can work but I can see it being a slog as well.

 

[ChrisR]

I haven't done it due to failing the first two rules of online dating but have seen it work for others.

 

[astro]

Sounds like YOU need to ease up on it. It works great for most people. It's an efficient filter unless you miss the red flags.

Click to shrink...

Do you have any data on it working "great for most people"?

I've had a decent experience with online dating, but I know quite a few who haven't.

 

[ascii42]

I'm inclined to agree, though in fairness the one date I've been on was due to online dating, which is more than the zero I've been on otherwise.

 

[infinitebento]

its good for getting the succ

but i just want some aggressive hand holding man

 

[Brass Body Dave]

It's because you spend 3 months talking online and not 3 months talking in person.

Click to shrink...

Wait, I must have not paid attention to that part

this is absolutely why people are up and leaving. Take it irl

 

[Sejanoz]

Bro why are you talking to girls for three months lol. Unless it's because of the current pandemic.

 

[olag]

First of all, thats the game homie......at any given moment a girl will probably be dealing with more matches than what you get in a year so when you get a match its a race against time. The lock down is definitely not gonna help with that so my suggestion is during this time, dont get attached to anyone no matter how promising.

Also basically from what you said, I would probably recommend you stick trying apps like hinge or bumble as they can have enough conversational prompts to get the ball rolling and held for months at a time until you meet in person.But having said that I've probably had more matches on tinder.

Tinder is the wild west .I've found that even with good looks you're still gonna struggle there but here are some tips Ive found which have made being on the app easier;

• Know what you want and be upfront about it. Sex, relationship whatever
• Conversations are 50/50, if you feel like you're holding the conversation on your own bail out and focus on someone else.
• Work on interesting profile, let you're weirdness shine my dude.
• Keep an eye out for red flags(Ive matched with a few girls who where straight up just trolling matches for shits and giggles. Managed to have decent conversations in the end but at that point there was no way I was gonna initiate anything ).
• Be confident in yourself, who says you have to hate yourself . Embrace your weird quirks
• Most importantly , Have no expectations - come to terms with the fact that any conversation you're having can end abruptly at any point but also come to terms that she doesn't owe you anything outside of being a decent human

Also just whilst we are on the subject, here are some more sanity check tips;

• If someone cancels a date last minute and doesn't specifically offer an alternative day when she/he is free, bounce.
• Dont over think first dates(This one I learnt the hard way). Sure you can make a big day /activity out of it but the important thing is you get to know each other. If your out in a bar and she says she expected more..........thats a red flag.
• Be selective- your swipping habits are a reflection of you. If you're swiping right for every instgram collector/narcasist/low effort account, that says more about you're current mental state than anything else and you need to work on that. Be critical and actually try to match with people for more than just their looks.

 

[shenden]

Just a Tip, OP,

Try finding friends' friends on Instagram. If you see women that you think you could feel attracted to and you can see people in common, add them.

Some will be already taken but you know people break up, and they have other friends you can keep adding.

Click to shrink...

This "tip" sounds even worse than trying to hit on a woman with headphones at the gym. Or is this an actual thing? Maybe I'm just getting too old...

I'm going to say, do not do this OP...

 

[KingK]

Yeah, online dating was an absolutely horrible experience that I spent years attempting and never had any success.

It destroyed my self-esteem and greatly contributed to some severe depression. I cannot stress enough how fucking terrible it was for my mental health.

Meanwhile, the few relationships I have had (including my current 2.5 year relationship) all started from meeting people in real life, not online. Idk, maybe it works for some people, but all it did for me was foster suicidal depression.

 

[Neoraxis]

You can't judge a person by the pictures, i tried it once and was shocked...never again.

 

[Solo]

Met my wife/baby mama on Tinder 6 years ago

 

[Vern]

- Don't become emotionally invested in people you are just chatting with on an app.

- talk to more women

- arrange to meet as soon as possible. If they don't want to meet, move on.

it's not rocket science.

 

[Sayre]

People have already gave good advice in here but I do want to echo a few points.

1) online dating is not the same as it was years ago. It is harder now.
2) when you make a connection with someone it's a race against time. Assume that she is talking with other guys at different stages of the conversation. Your goal is to meet Face to face and if the date goes well, make plans for another date
3) the pandemic makes #2 harder but you can find some way of meeting via webcam or something like that. She is probably in the same boat too. Or just take a break from it until you can reasonably go out.

 

[luminosity]

These days half the pics I see of women on dating sites have their faces covered in bear and dog ears, and big shiny eyes.

Screw you, Apple. Not sexy.

 

[Garp TXB]

Reposting from dating era because I got no response, I think it fits well here:

Does anyone have any experience with LOKO app?I like the concept a lot, just have no idea how effective it is. Difficult to find any trustworthy or accurate reviews out there.

Apparently it requires a short "hello and about me" video, and then if a connection is made it requires a video "date" within 24 hours—for about 15 minutes. Then you can never meet again in LOKO, so if you like each other you can exchange information. That way it apparently eliminates ghosting, fake profiles and a bunch of other nonsense.

Curious if anyone here has tried it or has thoughts on the idea.

(Hopefully this didn't come off like an ad. I'm not affiliated in any way. Just a middle-aged clueless guy about to get divorced.)

 

[Pirateluigi]

3 months without meeting is way too long. Ask them out for a social distance date. I've been taking lots of dates out for walks in the park and it's been a lot of fun.

 

[gozu]

3) the pandemic makes #2 harder but you can find some way of meeting via webcam or something like that. She is probably in the same boat too. Or just take a break from it until you can reasonably go out.

Click to shrink...

I met 2 women for the first time via webcam. Both ghosted me. Webcam dates are bullshit.

No wait, I just remembered I met my SO via webcam too. Nevermind. I guess it's all chance?

 

[Old Gimlet Eyes]

Had lots of success with Tinder and Bumble over the last few years including my amazing wife that I married in March. Don't spend 3 months talking, maybe like 3 days before you meet in person. Also, my wife told me she was dealing with 100's of matches to my 10's of matches, so you definitely are having massive competition. Gotta make that move to meet up early though, spending 3 months talking won't get you anywhere.

 

[Lulu]

Nah it's amazing

 

[Zultima]

It's definitely a stressful thing and almost completely consumes you if you let it. Hate to be that guy but it really does hinge on how good you look and the quality of your pictures/profile, considering it is basically a competition since guys outnumber girls 4:1. Oh and also where you live has huge impact, when I would change my location to nearby city my matches would explode. And yeah don't talk for months on end... or if you do don't get emotionally connected and talk to others too at same time.

 

[Raiden]

Have you tried being handsome?

I dont know man, i know some people that got through it succesfully. I would try not to chat for 3 months without seeing each other for starters. Like this other guy said, some back and forth and then try to meet up

 

[Kinggroin]

What about for booty calls?



Do you youngsters still say "booty calls"?

 

[Mendrox]

Just a Tip, OP,

Try finding friends' friends on Instagram. If you see women that you think you could feel attracted to and you can see people in common, add them.

Some will be already taken but you know people break up, and they have other friends you can keep adding.

Click to shrink...

Please don't do that. Holy shit. For context, I am 29 and those are the weekly fun stories I hear from women in my circle how creepy and annoying that is. Yeah could be younger people that like that, but please do not do that. Imagine some random unknown people adding you (yes even though you have the same friend) and just messaging you.

 

[Deleted member 48434]

I feel like a majority of guys seem to hate online dating.
And I don't blame them.

 

[Glasgow Mega-Snake]

Never had any success with online dating. I think I can create a decent profile, after experimenting with it a bit I got an ok number of likes and responses. But every conversation just tends to fizzle out pretty soon. I guess I'm just not good at appearing funny or interesting to people I've never met. In real life I'm a lot better at getting to know people.

 

[Saganator]

Sounds like you were chatting online, not dating online. Dating online is meeting them, getting a basic feel for their personality, and then meeting in person. You should pull the trigger to meet within the first or second weekend you're talking.

Online dating does suck though. It used to be dope back in the day. Great way to meet the type of women who don't hang in bars and fellow social outcasts. Now everyone and their mom is doing it and it's become more depressing than finding someone the old fashioned way.

 

[Garp TXB]

What about for booty calls?



Do you youngsters still say "booty calls"?

Click to shrink...

No, now it's called "grabbing a slammy"

not really, got tired of keeping up with the lingo so I make up my own.

 

[bionic77]

OP there is no easy way to find awesome people.

The world is mostly filled with stupid assholes.

You have to look for the good ones and they are often taken because its a rare and precious commodity.

 

[IAMtheFMan]

I met my wife through online dating. This was 7 years ago and I'm sure the landscape has changed substantially (it was pre-Tinder). It was a super frustrating experience... so many chats that went nowhere, horrible first dates, phishing, bots. I was on for about 2 years, was about to call the whole thing quits when I met her. It can work but yeah it's a super tedious and time-intensive process.

 

[DeepBlueDay]

Honestly I'm glad online dating exists for us introverted folks. Yes it can be very frustrating, experienced it myself.

But you MAY actually find your love there. I'm living with my girlfriend for more than a year now, it started with texting over a dating app.

 

[klastical]

I know it's the apocalypse so meeting irl is a bad idea right now but I dont think I would bother talking to someone for more than two weeks if they wernt interested in meeting irl.

 

[Ultima_5]

Dating my girlf of 3 years from online dating. Just gotta learn the game and play it

 

[dralla]

Three months is way too long to be talking to someone without meeting them. I usually try and meet the person within a week of texting. I know it's different during quarantine, but you can still meet at parks or other outdoor spots.

 

[octopedes]

I met my fiancée through online dating

 

[Bobbetybob]

Living with my girlfriend who I found via online dating. Worked for me.

Click to shrink...

Same. This is no different to saying "picking up girls on a night out is a terrible way to date!" Like yeah of course it can be, doesn't mean it doesn't work out for plenty of people though.

 

[Castor Archer]

My wife was my first match on Hinge days after installing the app 🤷‍♂️

 

[VideogameVices]

There's eharmony that forces you to fill in that psych profile and people on there are more serious about settling down.

also YMMV - there's lots of fish in the ocean

 

[StallionDan]

I didn't use any dating apps during lockdown as I just expected it to be a ghost town when restrictions lifted and ask to meet.

Based on what my friends are telling me I was right. All their matches they been chatting with are ghosting.

I can't stand such rudeness.

 

[Garp TXB]

My wife was my first match on Hinge days after installing the app 🤷‍♂️

Click to shrink...

Does Hinge stand out as being better than others? That is if you had experience with other apps.

 

[MechaMarmaset]

What the "it worked for me" crowd does not realize is that the online dating scene now is vastly different from what it was a few years ago, especially the way the apps are designed to extract money from single people.

Click to shrink...

Yep. I met my husband on okcupid before all the hookup apps took off. I've used grindr enough since then to know that I'd be miserable these days if I was looking for a relationship.

You almost have to set aside your humanity to use some of these apps.

 

[Doom_Bringer]

I signed up for some Indian dating/marriage sites last year. It was a waste of time, I don't know what these girls are looking for. Their standards are through the roof.

 

[thesoapster]

Obviously couldn't go dating due to the quarantine but it's just been the same thing that happens everytime, they say they can't wait to meet me then it never happens.

Click to shrink...

That sounds like you're getting scammed. And people are still going on dates...lol just a bit more commitment, I guess, to decide to get physical.

 

[TheManWithoutFear]

Just one point of contention for everyone saying "I met my partner online dating and we've been together 7-15 years" or whatever...

Online dating is infinitely worse now than it was 10 years ago. Every single app from OKCupid, Tinder, POF, Match have all added obstacles to prevent their users from matching unless you are spending money and even then...they are trying to make you fail so you stay on the app and keep paying them.

Unchecked capitalism ruins everything baby.

 

[Rosebud]

Why people just don't let things happen naturally anymore (like, enjoy talking to the person BEFORE thinking about a romantic relationship)

 

[electricblue]

I imagine if you're really hot it's easy
But yeah torture for 95% of us

 

[Kensation]

Counterpoint: I met my wife through online dating.

 

[Sunster]

I always had success back when I used it before meeting her. You get ghosted, you ghost others. Your messages get ignored, you ignore others messages. Its not a big deal.

Click to shrink...

basically this yeah