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online dating is a waste of time and i wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

Deleted member 17990

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
7,461
after having multiple conversations with women that last for like 3 months and then all of a sudden they just ghost me or find someone else to talk to, this is just me ranting about my experience with it.

i've been so emotionally hurt from it especially since i had my first relationship from it that lasted 2 years but was a long distance which i guess was my fault in the end, i've just had enough of it and probably dating all together.

not looking for sympathy i just wanted to vent about it from my experience
 
Brass Body Dave

Brass Body Dave

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
16,568
Sounds like YOU need to ease up on it. It works great for most people. It's an efficient filter unless you miss the red flags.
 
SpaceBridge

SpaceBridge

Member
Oct 31, 2017
2,754
Yeah it's pretty common occurance; unless you're looking for "fun" you're not gonna find anything substantial from online "dating" apps.

edit: I'm coming from a gay point of view where it's seems like I'm fighting an uphill battle of constant requests for sex.
 
lvl 99 Pixel

lvl 99 Pixel

Member
Oct 25, 2017
44,652
I know people who its worked for. Had pretty poor luck with it myself, but its certainly better than going to a bar levels of meeting people.
 
Rydeen

Rydeen

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,499
Seattle, WA.
Yeah I think trying to find a girl during an unprecedented pandemic sweeping the world and putting most people in a position of not being able to socialize physically like normally is a really bad time to be doing online dating, IMO.
 
Nephtes

Nephtes

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,547
My wife and I have been married for 5 years now. We met through online dating. It works...

Disclaimer: it took 5 years of crappy first dates and 3 to 6 month relationships to finally find the right match. šŸ˜‘

By the end of the process I was so jaded with the whole concept, I stopped giving a fuck. I stopped going on elaborate/expensive first dates and laid out rules for potential dates like, "we're going get coffee, if it goes well I might invite you to dinner."
Which is actually partially how I met the right one...

When our coffee date went well I invited her to dinner and she told me she had plans already and couldn't go. šŸ˜‚
 
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Deleted member 3010

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
10,974
Meh, I met my GF there, we now live together and are happy since the last five years. That was on Tinder, not that I'm particularly proud of it lol, but I just wanted to share it here since it seems to be in context.
 
Mar Tuuk

Mar Tuuk

Member
Oct 31, 2017
2,566
I've been dating for 3 years. Once I got a relationship that lasted a month from online. Alot of times it shows promise but then it just ends up to ghosting. Tried speeddating too. I don't like the idea of virtual dating/ zoom dates. I'm waiting for 2021 to go to a restaurant comfortably on a date.
I'm scared since I'm turning 30 in September.
 
Tedesco!

Tedesco!

Drive-in Mutant
Member
Oct 30, 2017
685
I've been with my wife for 17 years. We met via online dating. Worked for us.
 
Rubblatus

Rubblatus

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
3,124
I know the pandemic changed a lot. But when I was online dating, if a conversation went to a week without any plans coming of it I knew that it probably wasn't going to go anywhere. I can't imagine keeping a conversation going for three months.

/coming up on my six year anniversary here.
 
heathen earth

heathen earth

Member
Mar 21, 2020
2,007
Wait, you just talk for three months? Honestly, that's probably why it's not working well for you. I met my wife on a dating site in the very early days of online dating and we've been together for fifteen years now. The important thing is taking that relationship offline as soon as possible. Like, within a week or so.
 
Depths

Depths

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
1,512
Why are you having conversations with women for 3 months on a dating app before even going out with them? You have no clue what you're doing.
 
Sphinx

Sphinx

Member
Nov 29, 2017
2,376
Just a Tip, OP,

Try finding friends' friends on Instagram. If you see women that you think you could feel attracted to and you can see people in common, add them.

Some will be already taken but you know people break up, and they have other friends you can keep adding.
 
earthsucks

earthsucks

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,388
au
three months of 'talking' is way too long. you need to be going on dates within a week or two (max) of the initial connection.
 

Deleted member 10795

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
6,302
Another raised hand here for meeting my wife on Tinder.

Talking for 3 months and then being "ghosted" is quite the red flag. I wouldn't expect anyone in any dating scenario to remain at just talking for 3 months and expect it to go anywhere. I know there's a pandemic going on but.. eh, perhaps shelve dating during this period if that's the alternative.
 
Zombine

Zombine

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,231
Biggest mistake is having any sort of expectations. You need to go into it knowing that midway through a conversation people are going to legit bail. Not because they hate you or you are gross, but because that's what society has created.

Also, don't cling to the first weirdo you meet either. Eventually you'll connect with someone that is everything you could ever imagine and then some. It's going to take a while but you really need to let it play out.
 
SpaceBridge

SpaceBridge

Member
Oct 31, 2017
2,754
Sphinx said:
Just a Tip, OP,

Try finding friends' friends on Instagram. If you see women that you think you could feel attracted to and you can see people in common, add them.

Some will be already taken but you know people break up, and they have other friends you can keep adding.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Do people actually do this on purpose? Actively seek out potential dates onInstagram?
 
Atraveller

Atraveller

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,308
What the "it worked for me" crowd does not realize is that the online dating scene now is vastly different from what it was a few years ago, especially the way the apps are designed to extract money from single people.
 
Lebron

Lebron

Member
Oct 30, 2017
3,576
I met my wife using online dating, OKcupid.

I always had success back when I used it before meeting her. You get ghosted, you ghost others. Your messages get ignored, you ignore others messages. Its not a big deal.
 
TheGhost

TheGhost

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
28,137
Long Island
You need to take breaks from it. Yes some people....most people you talk to see flaky.

Hell alot of people on there are just doing it for fun just to see the attention they get.

But it definitely worked for me on several occasions. Was there alot of bullshit before then? Absolutely but it's worth it in the end. Trust me I'm not a good looking dude (I....may have low self esteem issues and actually look good, just can't see it myself ) but it works.
 

Deleted member 13798

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
12,374
Atraveller said:
What the "it worked for me" crowd does not realize is that the online dating scene now is vastly different from what it was a few years ago, especially the way the apps are designed to extract money from single people.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

This is sadly true. At the same time though, many people don't use it effectively- I've found the sweet spot is like 5 app messages, go to phone, meet in person within a week or so (Pandemic changes this part a bit). You're on an app for dating, treat it like your connection already implies an interest and take it offline ASAP. I keep seeing stories of weeks/months long messaging: this doesn't work. Dating is often a numbers game, and you've got to cast a wide (but specific to what you're looking for) net.

I've met a lot of cool people that went nowhere, a lot of duds, and a truly amazing and exceptional person when I least expected it. It can be a long and difficult process though.
 
thesoapster

thesoapster

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,907
MD, USA
Three month conversations? Then they disappear? Did you actually ever try and, you know...ask them out? Or were you just chatting?

It was a waste of time for me in the past I think in part because I didn't bother curating an IG-style portfolio of pictures of myself, and even then I'm not in upper tier looks-wise. Still, I got a date out of it, and the others I found out within a week or so whether they were interested or not!
 
Grugga Pug

Grugga Pug

Member
Nov 5, 2017
444
I mean, I met my current partner two years ago on Tinder. We've been together ever since and have been very happy. I'm a believer in online dating. Maybe I just got lucky.
 
Zombine

Zombine

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,231
Sphinx said:
Just a Tip, OP,

Try finding friends' friends on Instagram. If you see women that you think you could feel attracted to and you can see people in common, add them.

Some will be already taken but you know people break up, and they have other friends you can keep adding.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

This...is kinda sketchy my guy.
 
Possum Armada

Possum Armada

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
7,630
Greenville, SC
I think it is important to remember that most people on dating sites are talking with and saying multiple people at any time.

Ghosting is a safety thing for alot of women as way too many dudes seem to freak the hell out when they are rejected.

Try to not get too attached until things get more serious. If this is something you struggle with then online dating might not be for you. I used to love online dating (pre-smart phone era) but as my needs changed towards more serious connections I had to give it up as I was getting upset too often.

I ended up volunteering at various organizations. Met my wife through one of them and we have been happily married for four years now. :)
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 17990

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
7,461
thesoapster said:
Three month conversations? Then they disappear? Did you actually ever try and, you know...ask them out? Or were you just chatting?

It was a waste of time for me in the past I think in part because I didn't bother curating an IG-style portfolio of pictures of myself, and even then I'm not in upper tier looks-wise. Still, I got a date out of it, and the others I found out within a week or so whether they were interested or not!
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Obviously couldn't go dating due to the quarantine but it's just been the same thing that happens everytime, they say they can't wait to meet me then it never happens.
 

Deleted member 9932

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
5,711
I've had a lot of sex because of online dating. It's definitely fucking trash if you're looking for relationships or if your looks are not good enough to start getting a reasonable amount of matches.
I posted the other day a thread about the imbalance of genders using online dating. It's statistically impossible for most people to be happy with it, saying otherwise is pure bullshit.
 
JosephMichael

JosephMichael

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
212
Nephtes said:
By the end of the process I was so jaded with the whole concept, I stopped giving a fuck. I stopped going on elaborate/expensive first dates and laid out rules for potential dates like, "we're going get coffee, if it goes well I might invite you to dinner."
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
This. I dated on Tinder/Bumble for a couple years before meeting my girlfriend. I remember being new to the online dating scene when I started and would take girls out to expensive restaurants and go on elaborate dates. I was a total sucker. By the end I was so jaded or "conditioned" to the process. I would often be clear in as warm/flirty of a way as possible "this is drinks/coffee... if it goes well maybe we'll get some apps". It usually made them laugh or whatever, but they knew I was also being serious. I think taking away as much weight off the situation often helped me AND the person I would meet up with just relax and get to know one another.

What worked for me was to lower my initial expectations as much as possible and enjoy that one or two hours for what they are. If it continued to go well just try to temper my emotions if I started getting ahead of myself.

Fast forward to today and I've been with my girlfriend I met on Tinder for 2+ years. It's the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. We live together and regularly talk about taking the next steps.
 
Noctis

Noctis

Member
Oct 25, 2017
11,364
New York City
It's a numbers game and don't take it personally.. essentially expect nothing. Met my girl on tinder going on two years now.

it works.
 
Epcott

Epcott

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,279
US, East Coast
I've learned that nothing but endless conversation and no execution (in the form of date, coffee, walk in a park, or actual phone calls) for longer than 2 weeks tops results in ghosting and or loss of attention. We've been in an era of ADHD Dating for at least 5 years now.

Also, I saw a post recently that summed it up even better:
"Being an old school romantic in a hook-up culture is a special kind of hell."

I think it's more an issue with modern dating itself than the online aspect of it (which makes it harder but it's already rough to begin with).
 

Deleted member 6949

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
7,786
When I internet dated I would match with someone and send like 3 messages back and forth and then ask if they wanted to get a coffee/drink. I wasn't in it for a pen pal.
 

sapien85

Banned
Nov 8, 2017
5,427
I ended up marrying someone I met online. We've been together for over 5 years total now. I didn't meet her through online dating apps though. When I tried that it was a disaster. The only one I had some success with was Grindr and that was 90% just sexual encounters. The ones where I tried dating women through apps went terribly.
 
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