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Older women giving young men unsolicited compliments (See Staff Post)
- Thread starter Jokab
- Start date
I like it, and usually see it as a bright point of my day, but that can be becasue people giving me compliments is a rare thing at all.
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Yea this happens to me. Especially when I was younger, older women in my church would place their hands on my chest, shoulders, or rub my back for a little too long.
Of course he does not have to accept a thing...is that not 100% obvious?
My advice is that he should accept.
Sheesh...
Yikes. Wouldn't say that if the genders were reversed. Those aren't even compliments, it's passed that.
Come on lads. This thread is something else.
One step away from 'Man the fuck up'.
Not only am I fine with it, I'm usually flattered by it. I had something like that earlier in the week where an older woman brushed my shoulder (presumably to get some speck off my suit), then leaned in with a smile and told me she wanted to keep me looking good.
Even though there was a significant age gap, I wasn't even remotely offended. That sort of a thing is a self-esteem boost for me.
That being said, I realize I'm not everyone, and just because I enjoy it doesn't mean others will.
Even though there was a significant age gap, I wasn't even remotely offended. That sort of a thing is a self-esteem boost for me.
That being said, I realize I'm not everyone, and just because I enjoy it doesn't mean others will.
This thread isn't about what he should do, it's about how it's not okay that young men can be touched against their will, or made uncomfortable through comments, by older women without consequences. Yeah he shouldn't respond by pulling out a sword and beheading her and should instead take the civilized approach in that moment but it's a widespread problem that hardly anyone wants to talk about.
And this isn't whataboutism or #notallmen, sexual harassment is never alright regardless of gender and people should have their space and feelings respected.
Thank you for at least realizing that others feel differently. If it makes you feel great when it happens, hey more power to you. But the people who aren't comfortable when it happens should have their feelings respected by others instead of being told to "man up" or "stop overreacting"
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Same boat. I like being told I'm cute or handsome, even if it's unsolicited and in a professional setting.
Comments like 'Such a handsome, young man' I typically shrug off as a grandma-esque compliment. It's something people say to little kids, and sometimes people just keep saying it to anybody, regardless of age.
At a previous job, though, I did experience definite harassment.
My immediate supervisor was about 15 years older than I was, and it started off as just generally-weird comments: "I fuck guys all the time, and my husband can't do anything. He'll never leave me, so he just puts up with it." That went on for a few days.
Then it became things like "If it's just for fun, do you want to fuck me?"
Then, after my denial, "If I lose weight, do you want to fuck me? I can probably even get you a raise."
Then, after further denial, "Oooh! You're like my brother! I love that you can take a joke! This is why we work together so well. :D"
And then, finally, after a super-awkward workday, she finishes up the evening with, "Oh yeah, I'm autistic. Sorry about the socially awkward joke from before."
I didn't feel, in any way, physically-threatened in my situation, so I shrugged it off pretty easily. Had that variable been different, though, I"m not sure how it would have gone down.
So yeah, it happens. Try not to let it bother you too much. Most of it is just people being nice. Some of it is just cougars looking for some fun (and why not?). And a small portion of it is legitimately predatory. It's not something that should consume too much of your concern.
At a previous job, though, I did experience definite harassment.
My immediate supervisor was about 15 years older than I was, and it started off as just generally-weird comments: "I fuck guys all the time, and my husband can't do anything. He'll never leave me, so he just puts up with it." That went on for a few days.
Then it became things like "If it's just for fun, do you want to fuck me?"
Then, after my denial, "If I lose weight, do you want to fuck me? I can probably even get you a raise."
Then, after further denial, "Oooh! You're like my brother! I love that you can take a joke! This is why we work together so well. :D"
And then, finally, after a super-awkward workday, she finishes up the evening with, "Oh yeah, I'm autistic. Sorry about the socially awkward joke from before."
I didn't feel, in any way, physically-threatened in my situation, so I shrugged it off pretty easily. Had that variable been different, though, I"m not sure how it would have gone down.
So yeah, it happens. Try not to let it bother you too much. Most of it is just people being nice. Some of it is just cougars looking for some fun (and why not?). And a small portion of it is legitimately predatory. It's not something that should consume too much of your concern.
Imagine how much more (and how more threatening it is when) women get this sort of treatment. Really stark.
But yes this is absolutely sexual harassment and the minute you feel uncomfortable make it known.
But yes this is absolutely sexual harassment and the minute you feel uncomfortable make it known.
I get it from time to time, although it's generally more...quaint, maybe...than it is unwanted or creepy.
I can see how it would be the complete opposite if genders were reversed, and maybe I should be more bothered by it. But part of me likes it, I guess.
I can see how it would be the complete opposite if genders were reversed, and maybe I should be more bothered by it. But part of me likes it, I guess.
I've had it happen lots. It doesn't bother me and I kind of like it. Probably because I know if I don't reciprocate back I don't have to worry about them waiting for me in a dark alley and murdering me.
I'm sure there are certain situations/scenarios where it would be very uncomfortable for men.
I'm sure there are certain situations/scenarios where it would be very uncomfortable for men.
User Banned (1 Week): Ignoring modpost and making light of sexual harassment
They hiring?
its very creepy and strange. The sexy comment came from a lady working at a Sprint booth, the latter some random person at a restaurant who probably had some drinks in her and chitchatted on her way out of the restaurant.
The comments caught me off guard when they happened and i would just wrap the conversation up and exit. This would happen either when I was alone with my son or if my brother would tag along with us. My son never got those types of comments with my wife present.
The "I'll wait for you" comment came from a worker at an airport, who was probably 17-20yrs old herself. I hope she's never been hired to babysit.
LOL. Could be the case for some.
I understand this is your story and your reaction, but that is an INSANE takeaway to have from your boss trying to proposition you.
Yep, get older and younger co-workers that touch my arm/shoulder when talking to me. I have fairly well defined shoulders and arms and they want to see what's going on under the hood, if you know what I'm sayin'. It's odd, yes, but I don't get easily offended so whatever.
In your case, there's no easy way to bring it up other than to just bring it up and say something. I can't imagine it will be an easy conversation, though. If your not comfortable with that, just avoid this person if able?
In your case, there's no easy way to bring it up other than to just bring it up and say something. I can't imagine it will be an easy conversation, though. If your not comfortable with that, just avoid this person if able?
It's happened to me in the past, couple of times a year. Social conditioning led me to believe it was ok and to take it as a compliment. However, if I run these instances through a gender reversal scenario then it becomes extremely obvious that it's not ok..
If it happened today would I say something, probably not.
If I said something similar to a woman today, would I have a job tomorrow, probably not. The difference is, women are more likely to report this stuff due to the social conditioning men receive growing up. Going by a lot of posts in here it's obvious that men, even on a leftist media platform, will ridicule each other on this subject.
If it happened today would I say something, probably not.
If I said something similar to a woman today, would I have a job tomorrow, probably not. The difference is, women are more likely to report this stuff due to the social conditioning men receive growing up. Going by a lot of posts in here it's obvious that men, even on a leftist media platform, will ridicule each other on this subject.
The owner is in prison for embezzlement. I can pass your name along when the sentence is over.
She wasn't my boss, she was a supervisor. The actual boss would have been a wildly different scenario.
I could tell she was a pathological liar, and was probably desperate for some sort of affection (she was about 500 pounds). I honestly felt more sorry for her than anything else. I didn't give her the affection she wanted, but I also didn't hate her for throwing a Hail Mary.
Took me a while to find, too. I think it's this one?
Just to make it clear, I'm not trying to undermine a person's harassment; especially the OP's. What I'm trying to say is that, even though harassment is bad, I, personally, didn't feel like I was in actual *danger.* As such, considering the OP also doesn't appear to be in legitimate danger, he shouldn't, hopefully, let it affect him too much.
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It sucks. Don't think I really encountered these kind of things much thankfully, because the touching in particular, yeah I could get really sensitive from that, probably more than many.
When I worked in a pharmacy I used to get compliments a lot from older women, they also forced tips on me all the time (which they never gave to the older men or females). Looking back though I was sexually harassed by tons of people at the job. Had a female co-worker who would 'jokingly' slap my ass, another female co-worker who regularly asked me about my sexual desires / preferences and a male co-worker who always asked me weird shit like "would you buy me panties". I was young, it was my first job, I didn't realize that it was sexual harassment at the time.
It happens to me all the time. I enjoy the attention personally. It's not the same as the other way around since men are more sexually violent (fact).
You know what else is a fact, its sexual harassment whether its from a man or woman.
I'm really baffled at all the comments equating "sexual harassment" by men and women, without bothering to explain why. To me they seem like completely different things. Different power relationship, different social expectations, different history.
If it's normal for you, this doesn't make normal for everyone.
I think men should get better at saying things that make them uncomfortable but it's pretty hard if there is toxic masculinity.
Can't recall experiencing anything sexual but sometimes even compliments are like "Yeah this isn't the time or place." Typically it's always about my eyes.
The one that stands out is the women that run the voting station I go to. "I really need to set you up with my teenage granddaughter." Ma'am you just checked my ID so I'm pretty sure you know that, age-wise, it won't work out. Mind you I was like almost 3 years ago and I was 20 at the time, so it wasn't a huge gap, but I was like "uhhhh"
The one that stands out is the women that run the voting station I go to. "I really need to set you up with my teenage granddaughter." Ma'am you just checked my ID so I'm pretty sure you know that, age-wise, it won't work out. Mind you I was like almost 3 years ago and I was 20 at the time, so it wasn't a huge gap, but I was like "uhhhh"
I wish I was complimented for my looks more often randomly (without it getting creepy). Touching is definitely a no-go though, that will always feel gross.
I sadly keep getting rather bold women when I have done my delivery side job. From flashing, to grabbing me.
Worst part? I report it, and had been laughed at over it. I now have a direct email I report women (and a few naughty older men), to a director that takes these seriously.
Worst part? I report it, and had been laughed at over it. I now have a direct email I report women (and a few naughty older men), to a director that takes these seriously.
Ha I thought I was alone on this because when I told my friends they would just laugh it off.
At work I found some sunglasses and went to turn them in and an older lady was already waiting for them. I handed them to her and she straight up hugged me and I froze and she said she was glad a young strong man found them. My coworkers just laughed it off be ause they thought it was hilarious that I just froze and made an uncomfortable face. Also had an older coworker who would give you a hug from behind and then slip you a $5 bill.... One time in a shopping parking lot I helped a lady out a case of water in her car because it was heavy afterwards she latched onto my forearm and said thanks but just kept her hand there. After she noticed I was uncomfortable she just laughed and said it was cute and she said she was a toucher.
At work I found some sunglasses and went to turn them in and an older lady was already waiting for them. I handed them to her and she straight up hugged me and I froze and she said she was glad a young strong man found them. My coworkers just laughed it off be ause they thought it was hilarious that I just froze and made an uncomfortable face. Also had an older coworker who would give you a hug from behind and then slip you a $5 bill.... One time in a shopping parking lot I helped a lady out a case of water in her car because it was heavy afterwards she latched onto my forearm and said thanks but just kept her hand there. After she noticed I was uncomfortable she just laughed and said it was cute and she said she was a toucher.
There are is not a different power relationship or social expectation if your superior is propositioning you at work, regardless of the gender of the superior or employee. That is inappropriate behavior for a superior, full-stop.
Similarly, it is inappropriate for even a coworker to touch another coworker in an intimate manner without consent, and it is inappropriate to make sexually suggestive comments to coworkers in the work place. The gender of the person doing the harassing has no bearing on the inappropriateness of these scenarios, and the reason why is pretty self explanatory. That kind of behavior is inappropriate for the workplace, especially without consent. Even if two employees are romantically involved, they should not be making overly sexual comments or excessive PDA with each other.
Men can be sexually harassed, both by other men and by women. Men can be assaulted, both by other men and women. Men can be abused, both by other men and women. It is not a difficult concept to understand.
I'm a male Registered Nurse (24 years old), I've gotten some flirty comments from my older female coworkers that are usually in their 40's. One of my coworkers who is pretty attractive herself always tells me she'd set me up with her daughter if she didn't have a fiance. Mind you they know I'm in a relationship myself lol. She tells me this just about every time I work with her.
Makes me slightly uncomfortable but I just chalk it up as a compliment and move on.
Makes me slightly uncomfortable but I just chalk it up as a compliment and move on.
It seems a lot of other men in here who have experienced sexual harassment/assault have firsthand experienced the "freeze response" which also happens to a lot of women (and presumably other gendered persons) under similar situations. So many people are so quick to blame victims for having this response, but it seems like a common response in these types of cases. Don't beat yourself up for freezing if you did. Happens to a lot of us.
I can understand people who feel uncomfortable about it, but I always kinda liked it and when I didn't, it never affected me negatively. I've never thought being uncomfortable after a compliment was such a bad thing personally... Unsolicited insults in high school, though, that's something else. ;)
I've had women put hands on me in the workplace, nothing overtly sexual in my personal experience and it's never particularly bothered me. Every situation is different, though, and people's tolerances are going to vary.
I think it's perfectly appropriate to speak up and let them know that it makes you uncomfortable if that's how you feel, and the people who tell you to shut up and deal with it should fuck off. You're absolutely entitled to set boundaries for your body regardless of whether you're a man or a woman.
I think it's perfectly appropriate to speak up and let them know that it makes you uncomfortable if that's how you feel, and the people who tell you to shut up and deal with it should fuck off. You're absolutely entitled to set boundaries for your body regardless of whether you're a man or a woman.
I had one older woman, about 50, on the bus tell me that if I ever need anything I can stay with her and then pointed out to me where she lives. She kept emphasizing it like "Really, if you need anything, and I mean anything, you can come to me." It was really strange, because this was all within a few minutes of her sitting down beside me.
Another woman about 40 came up to me at a club, grabbed my dick pretty forcefully and then walked away.
Yet another woman, 60+, who I was giving a lyft ride back when I tried out lyft spent the entirety of the ride telling me how attractive she thought I was, starting with "Oh, I didn't expect my driver to be so attractive" before she even got in the car and then wouldn't talk about anything else. I was just saying "Yup, mhmm, thank you, okay" through the duration of the ride.
All three were super uncomfortable. Not sure how 50+ year old women making you uncomfortable could possibly be a "stealth brag."
Another woman about 40 came up to me at a club, grabbed my dick pretty forcefully and then walked away.
Yet another woman, 60+, who I was giving a lyft ride back when I tried out lyft spent the entirety of the ride telling me how attractive she thought I was, starting with "Oh, I didn't expect my driver to be so attractive" before she even got in the car and then wouldn't talk about anything else. I was just saying "Yup, mhmm, thank you, okay" through the duration of the ride.
All three were super uncomfortable. Not sure how 50+ year old women making you uncomfortable could possibly be a "stealth brag."
In most cases, there's no old-boy network protecting a woman, there's no larger society telling women they're free to treat young men line shit, and there are always options for men to escape.
It's on the link at the top of the page, over the first message on each page.
I haven't had any uncomfortable situations happen at my current place of employment. My last one tho was pretty rife with them now that I look back. I guess I just did my best to think of it as a joke or I would put the blame on myself for being too nice. I didn't like confrontation.
I worked part time as a tutor while going to college, so perhaps the one-on-one would make people feel like they were able to just blurt out whatever (now I'm just making excuses for them). I also had a stalker at one point who would be there all the time and memorized my schedule. Found out my phone number and would call me if I wasn't there. And I had no idea how to deal with it. This was about 5 or so years ago. She eventually moved 6 or so months later and I was free.
I worked part time as a tutor while going to college, so perhaps the one-on-one would make people feel like they were able to just blurt out whatever (now I'm just making excuses for them). I also had a stalker at one point who would be there all the time and memorized my schedule. Found out my phone number and would call me if I wasn't there. And I had no idea how to deal with it. This was about 5 or so years ago. She eventually moved 6 or so months later and I was free.
As a much older guy than most of you its kind of eye opening to read about how many guys nowadays get hit on by older women. It was just not a thing that happened much when I was younger and working, I can't think of a single friend in my 20s-40s who talked about getting hit on by an older woman. Wonder if its the field, changing of the times, the internet letting people be more honest, or what.