And yet while those events are horrifying and I am so sorry you experienced them, it does not give you the right to judge another's experience of being sexually assaulted, and YES he was sexually assaulted.
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NYT: An Unwanted Kiss on ABC's ‘American Idol’ (MOD EDIT: READ OP)
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And yet while those events are horrifying and I am so sorry you experienced them, it does not give you the right to judge another's experience of being sexually assaulted, and YES he was sexually assaulted.
Didn't think I judged his reaction. To tell you the truth, i'm judging some of your (edit) reactions here, however.
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I feel for the guy. I was absolutely the same way growing up and I would've been equally disappointed if I were in his shoes. I hope this doesn't just get swept under the rug because he does seem like he's been effected by it and he absolutely deserves an apology at the very least.
Yep, that is definitely an unwanted sexual advance. The penalty for committing such an act should be the same for either sex, but we're clearly not there yet. Imagine if Lionel Ritchie had done that to a young white contestant. Trump would have probably tweeted a noose.
This was wrong. There is a difference in power between men and women broadly speaking but in this case the power difference between Katy Perry the American Idol judge and pop star and this contestant was far greater than whatever power is afforded to them by gender - and I don't think we can measure power levels like it's Dragon Ball or something, but I don't think it's unreasonable to make that general statement that she's in a position of greater power than him.
I also don't think there's any use quantifying how bad it was, that's an impossible task and it does no one any good to say if it was as bad or somehow "less bad" than if the genders were reversed because of the immeasurable variables involved, I really don't think we can compare acts like that as if it were on some sort of scale. What's clear is that it was wrong and an unwanted sexual act.
I also don't think there's any use quantifying how bad it was, that's an impossible task and it does no one any good to say if it was as bad or somehow "less bad" than if the genders were reversed because of the immeasurable variables involved, I really don't think we can compare acts like that as if it were on some sort of scale. What's clear is that it was wrong and an unwanted sexual act.
I see Katy's doing the absolute most to save her dying career. Forcing a kiss to get airtime on a reality tv show IS predatory behaviour.
And that they're not allowed to not want sexual attention from women. The toxic masculinity jet still has plenty of fuel.
It's not like he has any other choice. I've been raped, sexually assaulted, and sexually harassed, and while it has obviously had a negative effect on my life, I have no other choice but to get on with my life.
So society just is what it is and women and men aren't really equal? It's not the worst thing that ever happened in the world, but it is really pretty unacceptable behavior.
Do you think it's fair or good to put this in the same category as those. I see no harm here, the guy was glad it happened. If he is ok with it why would anyone else care? She apologizes to him, I just don't see anything here. People interact everyday and this just does not meet any level of criteria that leads me to care about it.
Ah sorry, I comment as I go along - bad habit.
Still, I didn't mean you specifically, I meant more "Can you imagine the reaction if the genders were reversed?"
I edited my post. I meant to say judging some of your reactions. Context is everything. 'She should be fired.' 'if that was a man he'd be #metoo'd.' Shit like that has been said, and I'm questioning the motives.
That said, He didn't like it. That's TOTALLY fine. But let's not act like she was on some sinister shit here.
The only person that gets to decide if the kiss was okay or not is the kid, end of story
If he says it was inappropriate or it offended him then she should apologize at the minimum.
This thread would look so so so much different if Simon Cowell did this to a 19 year old girl.
If he says it was inappropriate or it offended him then she should apologize at the minimum.
This thread would look so so so much different if Simon Cowell did this to a 19 year old girl.
There have only been 2 aired episodes of idol this season and In one episode Katy stole a kiss from a kissing virgin, and in another episode she tried to get with a contestant that has a girlfriend and even after he told her he was taken, she persisted on. Not a great start from Ms Perry
Bad move kissing isnt the first thing that would pop in my head when someone does something good. I'm gonna high five you or maybe hug you.
I think she was in the wrong here. Kissing a stranger on the lips without consent is not ok, hearing that he was saving it for a relationship makes me sad. He kinda undercuts the controversy a tiny slight slight bit at the end of the article though by saying he doesn't feel it's sexual harassment :/
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Yeah, I do actually. I don't know why so many people are so obsessed with ranking levels of assault. To me, that's not the point. The point is that consent was taken from him, and that isn't cool. The point is that we shouldn't accept this as ok, because what's ok for one person isn't ok for everyone. We also live in a society where men can't be honest about how they feel if they're assaulted, because often they are ridiculed. I'm not saying he's lying about actually liking it, but things aren't always so cut and dry.
And the guy wasn't glad and said so, then walked back on it (or that's what I'm seeing here).
It still is / can be. Her dopey mistake doesn't rewrite the value of a kiss.
So what do you propose should happen in this case? Should she be charged with sexual assault? What would resolve this in your mind and bring justice to the victim?
He was accepting of a kiss to the cheek, not of a kiss to the lips.
He didn't change his mind afterwards on that aspect. Katy Perry's trickery is going against consent, it's problematic.
He bragged about it to his family afterwards.
An apology would be fine for me. I'm not concerned about "justice" so much as society coming around to the idea that consent is important whether you're male, female, non-binary etc, or whether the person ultimately liked it or not. It's not ok to kiss someone without permission.
For an analogy: Some people like getting slapped in the face during sex. Some people you could slap them without permission and they'd love it. Others would be shocked, hurt, taken aback, etc. When it comes to any sort of intimacy, consent first is important instead of banking on the person ultimately liking something.
Is it possible that we take a step back on this and not escalate everything into a gender/power/#metoo issue? The young man didn't want this to be his first kiss which I get. However, not every unwanted touch or uncomfortable moment needs to be escalated into an issue like this. I've been hit on before by girls and guys which I didn't like as I am sure many of you have. Sometimes you need to shrug things off and soldier on and not make mountains out of mole hills.
That's a tangent. What's your opinion on her kissing him on the lips instead of the cheek, as agreed upon?
Seemed benign to me. Its a show, and it played like a show, complete with him falling over.
That said, I can see the way its described step-by-step it being an issue. Idunno
Kind of feel this way for whatever its worth. An attractive girl pecks his mouth for the first tine, he falls over. But I can see there's a double standard feeling this way too. It just didnt feel like there was ill intent, seemed steeped in more funny than cruel or self serving.
That said, I can see the way its described step-by-step it being an issue. Idunno
Kind of feel this way for whatever its worth. An attractive girl pecks his mouth for the first tine, he falls over. But I can see there's a double standard feeling this way too. It just didnt feel like there was ill intent, seemed steeped in more funny than cruel or self serving.
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Yeah, that's not cool. Katy should've known better. Being a young, attractive women doesn't give you a free pass. I can sympathize with him. I used to have a boss who'd rub on my chest and biceps while talking to me. She was an attractive 30-something and I was in my early 20s, but it still made me uncomfortable.
A boss giving an "innocent" kiss to a young intern after prying into her sexual experiences, would be fired if wind of that ever spread throughout the company and the intern was publicly complaining. And yes, it follows that Katy Perry should also be fired. This event will change the course of this person's life and his emotions. It's not going to be a small deal for him. A person in authority who thinks they have the freedom to do this shouldn't be in that position.
She apologizes in the video, or do you mean something more formal an official?
It's not a tangent. It shows us exactly how he felt about it at the time, before he sat back later and reflected upon it.
I obviously can't know for sure but I suspect his agreement to kissing her on the cheek was because he thought that's all she would offer, not because he was at the time opposed to more than that. Many things about his response suggest this to me.
Do I think it was wrong of her to do? No. I think when both parties consent to engage in physical interaction there is limited license to attempt to escalate the interaction as long the escalating party immediately stops on removal of consent.
How do you know it will change his life???
Are you him or his psychologist??
To those saying, "He liked it," or, "He's okay with it," realize that he's being put in an incredibly awkward situation right now. Look at how he has processed the situation in the months since it happened:
Perry took that first kiss away from him, and it really doesn't sound like he's entirely gotten over it.
She had/has no right to do that. Hate it for the kid.
Having said that, dude, please don't just stick to the first "one special person" for your kiss, or sex......or marriage. It's a horrible idea...work all the fish in the sea (or your pond/area) till you figure out which one is actually best for you!
Having said that, dude, please don't just stick to the first "one special person" for your kiss, or sex......or marriage. It's a horrible idea...work all the fish in the sea (or your pond/area) till you figure out which one is actually best for you!
I do, but this is getting off-course from what I was trying to discuss. Either way, I've said my piece on the situation.
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