NYPD on Twitter: "We regret to inform that Desmond Amofah aka Etika has been found deceased." (See guidelines before posting)

[DjDeathCool]

So I literally beg of anyone to never hand-wave people that are coming out as being suicidal. Berid yourself of any personal bar of "seriousness" that a person has to hit before you take suggestions of suicide seriously, and make sure that every single one of your friends knows that you're there for them. Not in an unspoken way, say that shit to them. Tell them that if they ever feel down that you're there to talk to, regardless of how small or large it might be.

Suicide is still such a hush-subject that people – myself included – still can't openly talk about it even when we're not considering it, because of the baggage it brings. I can't tell anyone in my life chunks of the above currently. It would scare them, because they don't understand mental illness and have thankfully never suffered from it. Today I have to tone down the depression I experienced for the comfort of others, as were I to tell anyone close to me the knowledge that I once very much considered ending my life would apply a veneer instabilty that is neither accurate nor warranted.

This is not healthy. We must become much, much more accepting of suicide as a topic of conversation and as something people deal with. Otherwise we're all awkward on it until another person dies, and that's a horrific way to keep a conversation active. People need to start challenging their own preconceptions about it, need to start realising that suicidal people are people and that in each case you have an opportunity to help and an opportunity to harm.

It doesn't matter if it's a mocking comment on a forum that another depressed user might read or otherwise, it has an impact. It affects the way we, as a whole, treat suicide and it affects the avenues of help people have to survive using. If you find yourself willing to gamble over the life and death of people in misery, purely to throw a meme or a joke in, then you seriously need to reflect on that for a bit.

Click to shrink...

Thank you, so much, for sharing this... I'm sending as much positive energy, good feelings and merry vibes as possible your way. I know that doesn't really mean much but just know you have a stranger rooting for your happiness!

 

[PixelatedDonut]

I hope this isn't referring to people calling out racism, sexism and homophobia. The people these things affect deserve to have people on their side say "no we aren't going to tolerate this shit." Since that's often why I see someone dragged around here.

Click to shrink...

Yes a gay black man is angry at people calling out racism and homophobia.

 

[HK-47]

i admitted to a US physician that i attempted suicide around 5 years ago and my experience wasn't all that bad. they sent me to be evaluated and they asked me there if i wanted to stay or not. i did and the people i got put with for the most part weren't bad at all. if anything i was friendly with a few of them and remember a lot of us gathered around the tv laughing because one guy kept farting lol. if it wasn't for health issues making me miserable there i really wouldn't have much to complain about. i later requested to leave and i didnt know i could do that and left after 7 days. i guess it's luck and location, i was in nyc and thats where etika was so im not sure what went wrong there and its very unfortunate what the outcome was

Click to shrink...

I mean the difference was you wanted help and to stay. Etika didn't for whatever reason.

 

[HK-47]

Yes a gay black man is angry at people calling out racism and homophobia.

Click to shrink...

Sorry I didn't know that.

 

[PixelatedDonut]

Sorry I didn't know that.

Click to shrink...

It's all good.

 

[Deleted member 31140]

Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.

-----

I had hoped to make this post sooner but was unable to. This rips through me, feels incredibly close to home and heartbreaking. I'm not sure how much I'll share but some of this stuff is only known by singular people in my personal life, but it could be important for members here right now. It might be rambling in parts but hopefully some might relate to elements of it.

I'll start by echoing a post of mine in an Etika thread before this:

Which sounds harsh, but hopefully everyone can now understand the severity with which we're talking. There should be no tolerance for it, it's disgusting and it costs lives.

I have been both the person suffering, and have tried to help others who suffer.

If you're any age and can relate to Etika's last video, general desperation or find yourself apart from the world drifting – it gets better. It can, it will, it does.

I wish I could show you how far down the well I was, so you understood the tears with which this ink is mixed. I've been to the top of multi-story car parks and stood on the edge, I've sat under trees in the forest crying wondering which I might hang from soon. Every week I drive over a bridge well-known for suicides and every time I do there's still a glint within me that asks if the world would be better if I did. I don't think it ever leaves you, but now I have a list of things that pop up when I think that, reasons to stay alive. Some days that list is shorter than others, but it's always there now and a number of those items are strong enough to where I don't have to worry any more. Which is why it is so important to me that you understand that it can get better, because there were many times where I didn't have that list in the road until now.

During my time at secondary school (ages 11-16) I was both sexually abused at the start, and I was bullied on a near-daily basis for close to four of the years. My offense was that I was born with ginger hair and needed glasses. Mix that with being pretty shy and coming off the back of everything sexual abuse brings, and I was a prime vector of attack. We're talking being spat on, kicked between the legs, pushed down flights of metal stairs, poled on the bus, punched, kicked, whatever. Every day of school, for years. Several occasions I was threatened with knives. Nothing happened to the bullies because "boys will be boys" and because it wasn't racially motivated.

So I grew up with an irreconcilable level of self-hatred, shame, guilt and a strong perception that the issue was me. After all, I was being broken on a daily basis purely for features of my body I was unable to change. It wasn't immediate, it wasn't overnight but with time that settled and it settled deep. I became an incredible liar and – as with many people suffering from depression – managed to perfect the wearing of masks. Every day I went home and smiled at my parents, said all was fine before going upstairs and breaking down into the pillows. Occasionally I couldn't make it to the bedroom before that, and my parents would see a crack of what was happening. I'd summarily dismiss it as being solely whatever had managed to escape at the time, before going upstairs and wondering how I could get a gun in the UK to put to my head.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

Which is another thing: suicide isn't taken seriously until it's committed to.

Unsuccessful suicide attempts are well known as being disregarded as attention seeking (for which I'll let the irony escape for now) but there's a further subset to where if you've only considered it but taken no action toward it then you really aren't being serious. Which needs to be challenged. Thinking of ending your own life isn't a simple one. People might want to die but few want to die in agony. This is about not living, not dying itself. If you jump from a bridge you risk tearing your body apart but surviving and living life crippled with zero ability. Pills are simple but seem horrific in their action except when coupled with alcohol, but again – you read too many stories about people surviving and coming too in the hospital having fucked their organs. A jump off of a tall building seems like the best way to go but the duration of the fall means you could regret it and be unable to reverse the decision, the same is true of hanging and bleeding out. A gun seems like the easy solution but then how do you find out how to do it well, because if you botch that then you're back with the above. Trains are the immediate solution but then you're impacting another, random, person with your already-waste-of-space life. I have spent a lot of time considering these things in the past.

This is what suicidal thoughts entertain, and it turns out that the human body is quite resilient. That dying is scary even when suicidal and that it's not a case of walking into the local supermarket and picking up the cheapest "erase me" kit. If you're not taking suicidal thoughts seriously before they become actions, then you need to change your mentality. There is no bar that people have to hit before they're "actually suicidal", and any of those barriers could crumble if a signfiicant additional blow is dealt to them in life.

Depression is your mind working against you

Why didn't they seek help? Why did they refuse help? Why did they just push people away that were trying to help? All of these show a massive ignorance towards what depression is like, and that's ok. We need to educate people, and mental illness is a conversation that has long been taboo. So ignorance is expected, but you have to be able to put aside your affront and recognise it's nothing compared to the inner turmoil the person is going through. Depression isn't logical and trying to approach it like it is won't help. When someone can't conceive their own self worth it's near impossible to believe that others can. Depression is your mind telling you that you deserve to feel this way. Depression is your mind telling you that help can only ever be temporary because you're the problem. Depression is your mind telling you to jump, because it's the only way to ensure nothing continues. It is your mind doubting every solution and labouring every negative, it is you telling you to kill yourself. It is the insidious trickery that forces you to live under that weight.

Thankfully I learned to break from it, and you can too. Councilling helps. Talking to people complete disconnected from your life helps.

When I was 16 I placed a bet with my friend at the time for £10 that I wouldn't live until 30. I couldn't see it. I was scraping by day by day purely for others and I couldn't conceive of a happy life so far into the future. It wasn't even dramatic, it was just a certainty to me.

Now I'm two months into being 30, and it's not been an easy road but I have that list and I love it. I have reasons to live outside of dependencies, I have things I love about life. I want to see, I want to travel, I want to experience. I'm in a good job, with a loving partner, in our own home. I live in a beautiful part of the country. We're getting a dog this year, and plan to get married and have children.

However none of that is what turned it around. I am not alive because of my SO (though she has been intrumental in her support of things I've shared). I am not alive because of my job. I am not alive because I have a nice house and money. These are all reasons I enjoy life, but they aren't what saved me. I am what saved me, and you are what will save you. Every day is a win. Every breath is a win. Every time you push those thoughts down enough to continue, it's a win. Every time you crack a little off the shell to let people know how you feel, is a win.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

Perspective is what allows you to win, and it's what depression robs you of.

Talk to people who know nothing about you. Tell them. Be kind to yourself. Death is final and not going anywhere, so pushing through another day to see what it brings is an overwhelming success. Keep doing that and you will climb out of that well. Even if it seems like there's no footholds, they will come. You'll never lose the memory of being in it, but it's that that will give you the strength to resist it whenever it whispers to you. You just need to keep winning long enough to realise that you and that voice inside your head are not the same, and that you are the greater of the two.

Not everyone gets to that stage though.

Every time I think about this I cry. Every time I talk about it my voice cracks. Every time I feel an immense hole in my heart. It's been 13 years and I can still feel the warmth of the blood on my hands. This is about an incredible woman I once knew, who we'll call Amy here. Amy had been my friend for years and had supported me throughout. Though I could never appreciate it at the time, and only later gained the perspective to do so fully, she was intstrumental in my own survival. She was gentle and warm person but prone to the 'bad lads'. She was also extremely attractive which meant the bad lads went for her, and it meant a ridiculous amount in her acknowledgement of me at the time. She came from an abusive home and was truly a diamond in the rough, so she empathised with a lot of the hurt I was going through and never shied away from spending time with me when her peers would reject me.

Over the years she grew less confident and more timid. She was raped by a boyfriend, abused by another and constantly found herself only in relationships where she was little more than a plaque to her partner. I helped where I could but she withdrew signficantly over time. She started to self-harm, drink excessively and other things that numbed her pain. It killed me to see, but it was impossible to break when I lived miles away and she kept going home to an environment that wasn't safe and detrimental to her health.

One day at 9:37pm I received a text message. I'll never forget the words:

I'm scared. I'm alone. I've messed up. I don't know what to do :( help.

She didn't reply to the next one and I knew this wasn't a joke. I threw myself down the stairs and into the car and drove as fast as I could to where she was staying. No answer on the front door, so I hopped the fence and ran to the back which was open. I called out her name, nothing. I ran upstairs and I saw it. Red drips on the landing, red smears on the walls. I went into the bathroom and crumpled on there she was. Unnaturally white, blood everywhere and crumpled on the floor. I took off my shirt and jumper and did what I could to wrap her arms and stem the flow but I knew fucking zero about first aid. I held her, I screamed out into the street, I softly brushed her hair as she faded slumped against me, waiting for the ambulance. I couldn't save her.

I adored her. I still do. She would have been 30 like me this year, and she would have been the most amazing woman. She would have been the most loving mother, and she could have done so much good for the world.

She can't though, and it tears through me. I know that many people she reached out to for help didn't take it seriously, and I had to stand next to many at the funeral. She was mocked for it, she was called weak and an attention seeker. She was none of them.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

So I literally beg of anyone to never hand-wave people that are coming out as being suicidal. Berid yourself of any personal bar of "seriousness" that a person has to hit before you take suggestions of suicide seriously, and make sure that every single one of your friends knows that you're there for them. Not in an unspoken way, say that shit to them. Tell them that if they ever feel down that you're there to talk to, regardless of how small or large it might be.

Suicide is still such a hush-subject that people – myself included – still can't openly talk about it even when we're not considering it, because of the baggage it brings. I can't tell anyone in my life chunks of the above currently. It would scare them, because they don't understand mental illness and have thankfully never suffered from it. Today I have to tone down the depression I experienced for the comfort of others, as were I to tell anyone close to me the knowledge that I once very much considered ending my life would apply a veneer instabilty that is neither accurate nor warranted.

This is not healthy. We must become much, much more accepting of suicide as a topic of conversation and as something people deal with. Otherwise we're all awkward on it until another person dies, and that's a horrific way to keep a conversation active. People need to start challenging their own preconceptions about it, need to start realising that suicidal people are people and that in each case you have an opportunity to help and an opportunity to harm.

It doesn't matter if it's a mocking comment on a forum that another depressed user might read or otherwise, it has an impact. It affects the way we, as a whole, treat suicide and it affects the avenues of help people have to survive using. If you find yourself willing to gamble over the life and death of people in misery, purely to throw a meme or a joke in, then you seriously need to reflect on that for a bit.

Click to shrink...

Thank you for sharing this 🙏

 

[Cordy]

Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.

-----

I had hoped to make this post sooner but was unable to. This rips through me, feels incredibly close to home and heartbreaking. I'm not sure how much I'll share but some of this stuff is only known by singular people in my personal life, but it could be important for members here right now. It might be rambling in parts but hopefully some might relate to elements of it.

I'll start by echoing a post of mine in an Etika thread before this:

Which sounds harsh, but hopefully everyone can now understand the severity with which we're talking. There should be no tolerance for it, it's disgusting and it costs lives.

I have been both the person suffering, and have tried to help others who suffer.

If you're any age and can relate to Etika's last video, general desperation or find yourself apart from the world drifting – it gets better. It can, it will, it does.

I wish I could show you how far down the well I was, so you understood the tears with which this ink is mixed. I've been to the top of multi-story car parks and stood on the edge, I've sat under trees in the forest crying wondering which I might hang from soon. Every week I drive over a bridge well-known for suicides and every time I do there's still a glint within me that asks if the world would be better if I did. I don't think it ever leaves you, but now I have a list of things that pop up when I think that, reasons to stay alive. Some days that list is shorter than others, but it's always there now and a number of those items are strong enough to where I don't have to worry any more. Which is why it is so important to me that you understand that it can get better, because there were many times where I didn't have that list in the road until now.

During my time at secondary school (ages 11-16) I was both sexually abused at the start, and I was bullied on a near-daily basis for close to four of the years. My offense was that I was born with ginger hair and needed glasses. Mix that with being pretty shy and coming off the back of everything sexual abuse brings, and I was a prime vector of attack. We're talking being spat on, kicked between the legs, pushed down flights of metal stairs, poled on the bus, punched, kicked, whatever. Every day of school, for years. Several occasions I was threatened with knives. Nothing happened to the bullies because "boys will be boys" and because it wasn't racially motivated.

So I grew up with an irreconcilable level of self-hatred, shame, guilt and a strong perception that the issue was me. After all, I was being broken on a daily basis purely for features of my body I was unable to change. It wasn't immediate, it wasn't overnight but with time that settled and it settled deep. I became an incredible liar and – as with many people suffering from depression – managed to perfect the wearing of masks. Every day I went home and smiled at my parents, said all was fine before going upstairs and breaking down into the pillows. Occasionally I couldn't make it to the bedroom before that, and my parents would see a crack of what was happening. I'd summarily dismiss it as being solely whatever had managed to escape at the time, before going upstairs and wondering how I could get a gun in the UK to put to my head.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

Which is another thing: suicide isn't taken seriously until it's committed to.

Unsuccessful suicide attempts are well known as being disregarded as attention seeking (for which I'll let the irony escape for now) but there's a further subset to where if you've only considered it but taken no action toward it then you really aren't being serious. Which needs to be challenged. Thinking of ending your own life isn't a simple one. People might want to die but few want to die in agony. This is about not living, not dying itself. If you jump from a bridge you risk tearing your body apart but surviving and living life crippled with zero ability. Pills are simple but seem horrific in their action except when coupled with alcohol, but again – you read too many stories about people surviving and coming too in the hospital having fucked their organs. A jump off of a tall building seems like the best way to go but the duration of the fall means you could regret it and be unable to reverse the decision, the same is true of hanging and bleeding out. A gun seems like the easy solution but then how do you find out how to do it well, because if you botch that then you're back with the above. Trains are the immediate solution but then you're impacting another, random, person with your already-waste-of-space life. I have spent a lot of time considering these things in the past.

This is what suicidal thoughts entertain, and it turns out that the human body is quite resilient. That dying is scary even when suicidal and that it's not a case of walking into the local supermarket and picking up the cheapest "erase me" kit. If you're not taking suicidal thoughts seriously before they become actions, then you need to change your mentality. There is no bar that people have to hit before they're "actually suicidal", and any of those barriers could crumble if a signfiicant additional blow is dealt to them in life.

Depression is your mind working against you

Why didn't they seek help? Why did they refuse help? Why did they just push people away that were trying to help? All of these show a massive ignorance towards what depression is like, and that's ok. We need to educate people, and mental illness is a conversation that has long been taboo. So ignorance is expected, but you have to be able to put aside your affront and recognise it's nothing compared to the inner turmoil the person is going through. Depression isn't logical and trying to approach it like it is won't help. When someone can't conceive their own self worth it's near impossible to believe that others can. Depression is your mind telling you that you deserve to feel this way. Depression is your mind telling you that help can only ever be temporary because you're the problem. Depression is your mind telling you to jump, because it's the only way to ensure nothing continues. It is your mind doubting every solution and labouring every negative, it is you telling you to kill yourself. It is the insidious trickery that forces you to live under that weight.

Thankfully I learned to break from it, and you can too. Councilling helps. Talking to people complete disconnected from your life helps.

When I was 16 I placed a bet with my friend at the time for £10 that I wouldn't live until 30. I couldn't see it. I was scraping by day by day purely for others and I couldn't conceive of a happy life so far into the future. It wasn't even dramatic, it was just a certainty to me.

Now I'm two months into being 30, and it's not been an easy road but I have that list and I love it. I have reasons to live outside of dependencies, I have things I love about life. I want to see, I want to travel, I want to experience. I'm in a good job, with a loving partner, in our own home. I live in a beautiful part of the country. We're getting a dog this year, and plan to get married and have children.

However none of that is what turned it around. I am not alive because of my SO (though she has been intrumental in her support of things I've shared). I am not alive because of my job. I am not alive because I have a nice house and money. These are all reasons I enjoy life, but they aren't what saved me. I am what saved me, and you are what will save you. Every day is a win. Every breath is a win. Every time you push those thoughts down enough to continue, it's a win. Every time you crack a little off the shell to let people know how you feel, is a win.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

Perspective is what allows you to win, and it's what depression robs you of.

Talk to people who know nothing about you. Tell them. Be kind to yourself. Death is final and not going anywhere, so pushing through another day to see what it brings is an overwhelming success. Keep doing that and you will climb out of that well. Even if it seems like there's no footholds, they will come. You'll never lose the memory of being in it, but it's that that will give you the strength to resist it whenever it whispers to you. You just need to keep winning long enough to realise that you and that voice inside your head are not the same, and that you are the greater of the two.

Not everyone gets to that stage though.

Every time I think about this I cry. Every time I talk about it my voice cracks. Every time I feel an immense hole in my heart. It's been 13 years and I can still feel the warmth of the blood on my hands. This is about an incredible woman I once knew, who we'll call Amy here. Amy had been my friend for years and had supported me throughout. Though I could never appreciate it at the time, and only later gained the perspective to do so fully, she was intstrumental in my own survival. She was gentle and warm person but prone to the 'bad lads'. She was also extremely attractive which meant the bad lads went for her, and it meant a ridiculous amount in her acknowledgement of me at the time. She came from an abusive home and was truly a diamond in the rough, so she empathised with a lot of the hurt I was going through and never shied away from spending time with me when her peers would reject me.

Over the years she grew less confident and more timid. She was raped by a boyfriend, abused by another and constantly found herself only in relationships where she was little more than a plaque to her partner. I helped where I could but she withdrew signficantly over time. She started to self-harm, drink excessively and other things that numbed her pain. It killed me to see, but it was impossible to break when I lived miles away and she kept going home to an environment that wasn't safe and detrimental to her health.

One day at 9:37pm I received a text message. I'll never forget the words:

I'm scared. I'm alone. I've messed up. I don't know what to do :( help.

She didn't reply to the next one and I knew this wasn't a joke. I threw myself down the stairs and into the car and drove as fast as I could to where she was staying. No answer on the front door, so I hopped the fence and ran to the back which was open. I called out her name, nothing. I ran upstairs and I saw it. Red drips on the landing, red smears on the walls. I went into the bathroom and crumpled on there she was. Unnaturally white, blood everywhere and crumpled on the floor. I took off my shirt and jumper and did what I could to wrap her arms and stem the flow but I knew fucking zero about first aid. I held her, I screamed out into the street, I softly brushed her hair as she faded slumped against me, waiting for the ambulance. I couldn't save her.

I adored her. I still do. She would have been 30 like me this year, and she would have been the most amazing woman. She would have been the most loving mother, and she could have done so much good for the world.

She can't though, and it tears through me. I know that many people she reached out to for help didn't take it seriously, and I had to stand next to many at the funeral. She was mocked for it, she was called weak and an attention seeker. She was none of them.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

So I literally beg of anyone to never hand-wave people that are coming out as being suicidal. Berid yourself of any personal bar of "seriousness" that a person has to hit before you take suggestions of suicide seriously, and make sure that every single one of your friends knows that you're there for them. Not in an unspoken way, say that shit to them. Tell them that if they ever feel down that you're there to talk to, regardless of how small or large it might be.

Suicide is still such a hush-subject that people – myself included – still can't openly talk about it even when we're not considering it, because of the baggage it brings. I can't tell anyone in my life chunks of the above currently. It would scare them, because they don't understand mental illness and have thankfully never suffered from it. Today I have to tone down the depression I experienced for the comfort of others, as were I to tell anyone close to me the knowledge that I once very much considered ending my life would apply a veneer instabilty that is neither accurate nor warranted.

This is not healthy. We must become much, much more accepting of suicide as a topic of conversation and as something people deal with. Otherwise we're all awkward on it until another person dies, and that's a horrific way to keep a conversation active. People need to start challenging their own preconceptions about it, need to start realising that suicidal people are people and that in each case you have an opportunity to help and an opportunity to harm.

It doesn't matter if it's a mocking comment on a forum that another depressed user might read or otherwise, it has an impact. It affects the way we, as a whole, treat suicide and it affects the avenues of help people have to survive using. If you find yourself willing to gamble over the life and death of people in misery, purely to throw a meme or a joke in, then you seriously need to reflect on that for a bit.

Click to shrink...

Amazing post, wow. Needs to be read by everyone. We're here for you if you ever need it as well. I know it wasn't easy to let us know these things. Thank you for letting us know.

 

[Oldhand]

Mental health issues are really a thing. RIP to him. If you know of someone or you yourself are suffering PLEASE SEEK HELP. Life is precious and we only get one shot at it.

Click to shrink...

This. So much this. RIP.

 

[Aztorian]

Yeah that's probably true, I kinda grew up with this community so I always held us to a higher standard. But over the last year and a half it's been extremely disappointing. The demographic of this site is too old for how some act here.

Click to shrink...

I believe a lot of topics going around lately are those with really mixed perceptions and opinions. That's fine. People need to adapt. Change doesn't happen in a year, it's an ongoing process and it will keep going. The internet isn't helping much on this side either since people are not experiencing subjects first-hand. Assumption is the asshole here.

 

[TyrantGuardian]

I get what you mean. I think it was more the way he said it than what he actually said. It wasn't especially important but I just had that feeling of anger/being fed up and how he responded resonated with me. Sorry if it came across like it was anything more than that.

Click to shrink...

Aye, I understand. Everyone deals with anger and frustration in different ways so that's fine. Sorry if my posts came across as needlessly brash as well, I'm just frustrated myself at the level of discourse around mental health since it's a very important topic for me.

 

[Kyuuji]

Thank you, so much, for sharing this... I'm sending as much positive energy, good feelings and merry vibes as possible your way. I know that doesn't really mean much but just know you have a stranger rooting for your happiness!

Click to shrink...

Thank you for sharing this 🙏

Click to shrink...

Amazing post, wow. Needs to be read by everyone. We're here for you if you ever need it as well. I know it wasn't easy to let us know these things. Thank you for letting us know.

Click to shrink...

I'm fortunate I'm in a place where I can understand, believe and trust this. Thank you, genuinely.

 

[Datrael]

I'm fortunate I'm in a place where I can understand, believe and trust this. Thank you, genuinely.

Click to shrink...

You know what I'd love to do right now? Buy you a beer and just talk about life with you. Share experiences, and raise our drinks for the good times that have already passed and the ones yet to come.

Cheers. Wish you the best.

 

[Spinluck]

This is great advice. Say you eventually get better, then what? You're 30 with nothing to put on your CV. You need to work hard every day while living with uncertainty, hoping to one day aquire a skill that leads to a job that's mentally stimulating and non-repetitive, one where you're able to express yourself and one that doesn't lead to misery. If you get that job at some point, you know that you are getting it in the place of someone else who applied and got rejected. Also, Trump is still president. Climate change is still ongoing. The professors at uni still hate teaching and show zero investment in their students. The problems don't just go away, you just learn how to live with them and gain perspective.

I can link to countless talks on youtube of people from various fields who all come to the conclusion that capitalism is the root of all the problems. But is there a better system? One that doesn't favor assholes who sit on wealth instead of doing something productive with it?

Click to shrink...

That tweet is basically saying "love yourself."

Capitalism doesn't thrive on us being content with anything, really. So yeah, sure, we can call it a root problem but it keeps the wheels turning and we all participate anyway, knowing of its dark side.

I guess all we can really do is take care of ourselves and do everything in service to our mental health without putting down or hurting others. It sounds like a cotton candy solution to a very complicated plight but looking at it from Etika's standpoint the internet seemingly built him up on an act that wasn't really who he was only to tear him down because they were bored one day and their circus clown couldn't perform for them. I vaguely remember how this all started but I think he was tired of being what he showed on camera..He repeatedly cried for help and the internet responded, "lol shuddup, go back to being crazy loud black flat top guy."

If he were alive at this moment. I'd encourage him to build himself up, seek professional help, allow himself to cry, be vulnerable or as he'd say "a bitch nigga." I'd then tell him to confide in those that love him and want the best for him, take a break from social media for however long he needed, travel and see things he's never seen, fill up his cup so he could have mental and emotional capital, try things that are different and uncomfortable to you like new foods or hobbies, look at the things you love about yourself and write them down and do the same for the things you love about others, and most of all never be afraid to say "no." I wish he had said no to those who enabled his act for so long to the point where he lost his identity. His friends and other YouTubers have been saying it for so long and it's a damn shame what it drove him to. I believe all that did love him did what they could when the news got to them, but the problem with losing someone to suicide is you think you could've always done more.

 

[Deleted member 4247]

Damn.

 

[lazygecko]

A lot has been focused on the the way random people acted on the internet but I feel a more important discussion, the behavior and expectations of one's own fanbase, is getting glossed over. Etika wasn't depressed because some of some random assholes on a message board. He was depressed because of the pressure's of meeting his fan's expectations and the criticisms he got from them. There was a period where people were harassing Etika because he wasn't streaming enough. They made Youtube videos about how he just gets drunk on stream, collects donations, and leaves after an hour. That's when he first started showing signs of depression. Then when he started showing erratic behavior, many encouraged it for their own personal entertainment.

I hope this is a lesson for some of you whether you're interacting with your favorite streamer or game developer.

Click to shrink...

I think all this ties into a broader topic of parasocial relationships in social media. You're right in that it feels glossed over in this discussion, and it's a phenomenon we aren't even close to having a firm understanding of.

When we talk about parasocial relationships it's usually from the perspective of the recipient of the media. Like classic celebrity worship. But what's gradually becoming more evident in today's media climate is that given the nature of how platforms like YouTube and Twitch function, parasocial relationships can now very much work both ways. The mouch more immediate and often interactive relationship between the content producer and their nebulous audience also runs a risk of the producer projecting their own image of their audience. Couple this together with a financial dependence on your audience if you make a living from this (and the myriad of other psychological dangers that are also connected with this), factor in potential mental health issues into that dynamic, and you have the recipe for something very unhealthy.

Unfortunately as more people make this new frontier of social media their livelihood (just look at how common it is for the newer generation of children who want to make this their career), I think scenarios like these are a statistical inevitability until we learn more about what it's actually doing to us and how to best mitgate the risks.

 

[Dreams-Visions]

I'm fortunate I'm in a place where I can understand, believe and trust this. Thank you, genuinely.

Click to shrink...

you da best fam. <3

 

[Lentic]

I just remembered that he was recently making plans to go the the 2020 olympics...
It's so sad.

I think he ultimately fell victim to toxic masculinity. He felt ashamed of his illness. Even going back in his streams you hear some toxic language. He was a product of growing up in the hood in Brooklyn.

When he can back after his breakdown in October he said he was going to be himself more and not be afraid of what others think. At one point he even said, "fuck it, I'm gay". he later clarified that he wasn't, but I think that was his way of trying to overcome the toxic attitudes that had been ingrained in his head.

 

[GeNoMe]

I think the best way Resetera to move forward is to learn to CHILL THE FUCK OUT if you disagree with someone or something.

I had a fucking terrible childhood with my druggy broke parents in Atlanta, where they would steal from me to pay for drugs, and invite strsngers over all the time

Spoiler

Two of which who sexually assaulted me

That caused me to act out a lot as a teenager.
I really only enjoyed school and videogames and was miserable in most other regards.

I was able to escape all that to live with my Grandparents who voted for Trump, and were transphobic.
I continue to heavily disagree with both of those views.

At first we didn't get along at all for many reasons and we got in a huge fight - but we humbled ourselves and both apologized.

Several years after that, they ended up being two of the most important
people in the world to me and likewise for me to them.
They even ended up accepting my cousin for revealing themselves as trans.

Love and respect were able to develop between us who disagreed on many views, because we genuinely wanted to coexist, and weren't just seeking an outlet for anger or someone to blame.
And I believe I might not even be today if it weren't for my grandparents.

My biggest issue with this site is the goddamn outrage culture.

Just because someone is acting out in offense doesn't mean they can't change or aren't even human, especially if their misbehavior is limited to words on the internet.

I didn't like Etika, but I still felt really bad for him and the aforementioned previous thread makes me want to puke, but attempts to amend the situation are being made.

We won't get anywhere if we can't calmly reflect on past mistakes in leu of allowing our anger to continually manifest into new forms.

R.I.P. Etika.
Thank you moderation team.

Click to shrink...

Underrated post. My sentiments exactly! Except for the not liking Etika part. I'm struggling with his passing, I have been gutted since I found out about it. I have been so worried since his last video. This has been the absolute worst outcome for this whole situation. For the people cracking jokes and making fun of the situation.....man all I have to say to you is that you should be ashamed of yourself! God forbid something like this happens to you or someone close to you.

Rest in peace Desmond.....

 

[Naked Snake]

This is so sad. RIP JOYCON BOY

 

[Bunga]

Ah shit, I heard this on the radio this morning and couldn't believe it. RIP Etika. Thoughts are with his family.

 

[KLoWn]

The character designer of Xenoblade Chronicles 2.

Click to shrink...

This is awesome.

 

[blonded]

Incredibly heartbreaking news.

RIP

Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.

-----

I had hoped to make this post sooner but was unable to. This rips through me, feels incredibly close to home and heartbreaking. I'm not sure how much I'll share but some of this stuff is only known by singular people in my personal life, but it could be important for members here right now. It might be rambling in parts but hopefully some might relate to elements of it.

I'll start by echoing a post of mine in an Etika thread before this:

Which sounds harsh, but hopefully everyone can now understand the severity with which we're talking. There should be no tolerance for it, it's disgusting and it costs lives.

I have been both the person suffering, and have tried to help others who suffer.

If you're any age and can relate to Etika's last video, general desperation or find yourself apart from the world drifting – it gets better. It can, it will, it does.

I wish I could show you how far down the well I was, so you understood the tears with which this ink is mixed. I've been to the top of multi-story car parks and stood on the edge, I've sat under trees in the forest crying wondering which I might hang from soon. Every week I drive over a bridge well-known for suicides and every time I do there's still a glint within me that asks if the world would be better if I did. I don't think it ever leaves you, but now I have a list of things that pop up when I think that, reasons to stay alive. Some days that list is shorter than others, but it's always there now and a number of those items are strong enough to where I don't have to worry any more. Which is why it is so important to me that you understand that it can get better, because there were many times where I didn't have that list in the road until now.

During my time at secondary school (ages 11-16) I was both sexually abused at the start, and I was bullied on a near-daily basis for close to four of the years. My offense was that I was born with ginger hair and needed glasses. Mix that with being pretty shy and coming off the back of everything sexual abuse brings, and I was a prime vector of attack. We're talking being spat on, kicked between the legs, pushed down flights of metal stairs, poled on the bus, punched, kicked, whatever. Every day of school, for years. Several occasions I was threatened with knives. Nothing happened to the bullies because "boys will be boys" and because it wasn't racially motivated.

So I grew up with an irreconcilable level of self-hatred, shame, guilt and a strong perception that the issue was me. After all, I was being broken on a daily basis purely for features of my body I was unable to change. It wasn't immediate, it wasn't overnight but with time that settled and it settled deep. I became an incredible liar and – as with many people suffering from depression – managed to perfect the wearing of masks. Every day I went home and smiled at my parents, said all was fine before going upstairs and breaking down into the pillows. Occasionally I couldn't make it to the bedroom before that, and my parents would see a crack of what was happening. I'd summarily dismiss it as being solely whatever had managed to escape at the time, before going upstairs and wondering how I could get a gun in the UK to put to my head.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

Which is another thing: suicide isn't taken seriously until it's committed to.

Unsuccessful suicide attempts are well known as being disregarded as attention seeking (for which I'll let the irony escape for now) but there's a further subset to where if you've only considered it but taken no action toward it then you really aren't being serious. Which needs to be challenged. Thinking of ending your own life isn't a simple one. People might want to die but few want to die in agony. This is about not living, not dying itself. If you jump from a bridge you risk tearing your body apart but surviving and living life crippled with zero ability. Pills are simple but seem horrific in their action except when coupled with alcohol, but again – you read too many stories about people surviving and coming too in the hospital having fucked their organs. A jump off of a tall building seems like the best way to go but the duration of the fall means you could regret it and be unable to reverse the decision, the same is true of hanging and bleeding out. A gun seems like the easy solution but then how do you find out how to do it well, because if you botch that then you're back with the above. Trains are the immediate solution but then you're impacting another, random, person with your already-waste-of-space life. I have spent a lot of time considering these things in the past.

This is what suicidal thoughts entertain, and it turns out that the human body is quite resilient. That dying is scary even when suicidal and that it's not a case of walking into the local supermarket and picking up the cheapest "erase me" kit. If you're not taking suicidal thoughts seriously before they become actions, then you need to change your mentality. There is no bar that people have to hit before they're "actually suicidal", and any of those barriers could crumble if a signfiicant additional blow is dealt to them in life.

Depression is your mind working against you

Why didn't they seek help? Why did they refuse help? Why did they just push people away that were trying to help? All of these show a massive ignorance towards what depression is like, and that's ok. We need to educate people, and mental illness is a conversation that has long been taboo. So ignorance is expected, but you have to be able to put aside your affront and recognise it's nothing compared to the inner turmoil the person is going through. Depression isn't logical and trying to approach it like it is won't help. When someone can't conceive their own self worth it's near impossible to believe that others can. Depression is your mind telling you that you deserve to feel this way. Depression is your mind telling you that help can only ever be temporary because you're the problem. Depression is your mind telling you to jump, because it's the only way to ensure nothing continues. It is your mind doubting every solution and labouring every negative, it is you telling you to kill yourself. It is the insidious trickery that forces you to live under that weight.

Thankfully I learned to break from it, and you can too. Councilling helps. Talking to people complete disconnected from your life helps.

When I was 16 I placed a bet with my friend at the time for £10 that I wouldn't live until 30. I couldn't see it. I was scraping by day by day purely for others and I couldn't conceive of a happy life so far into the future. It wasn't even dramatic, it was just a certainty to me.

Now I'm two months into being 30, and it's not been an easy road but I have that list and I love it. I have reasons to live outside of dependencies, I have things I love about life. I want to see, I want to travel, I want to experience. I'm in a good job, with a loving partner, in our own home. I live in a beautiful part of the country. We're getting a dog this year, and plan to get married and have children.

However none of that is what turned it around. I am not alive because of my SO (though she has been intrumental in her support of things I've shared). I am not alive because of my job. I am not alive because I have a nice house and money. These are all reasons I enjoy life, but they aren't what saved me. I am what saved me, and you are what will save you. Every day is a win. Every breath is a win. Every time you push those thoughts down enough to continue, it's a win. Every time you crack a little off the shell to let people know how you feel, is a win.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

Perspective is what allows you to win, and it's what depression robs you of.

Talk to people who know nothing about you. Tell them. Be kind to yourself. Death is final and not going anywhere, so pushing through another day to see what it brings is an overwhelming success. Keep doing that and you will climb out of that well. Even if it seems like there's no footholds, they will come. You'll never lose the memory of being in it, but it's that that will give you the strength to resist it whenever it whispers to you. You just need to keep winning long enough to realise that you and that voice inside your head are not the same, and that you are the greater of the two.

Not everyone gets to that stage though.

Every time I think about this I cry. Every time I talk about it my voice cracks. Every time I feel an immense hole in my heart. It's been 13 years and I can still feel the warmth of the blood on my hands. This is about an incredible woman I once knew, who we'll call Amy here. Amy had been my friend for years and had supported me throughout. Though I could never appreciate it at the time, and only later gained the perspective to do so fully, she was intstrumental in my own survival. She was gentle and warm person but prone to the 'bad lads'. She was also extremely attractive which meant the bad lads went for her, and it meant a ridiculous amount in her acknowledgement of me at the time. She came from an abusive home and was truly a diamond in the rough, so she empathised with a lot of the hurt I was going through and never shied away from spending time with me when her peers would reject me.

Over the years she grew less confident and more timid. She was raped by a boyfriend, abused by another and constantly found herself only in relationships where she was little more than a plaque to her partner. I helped where I could but she withdrew signficantly over time. She started to self-harm, drink excessively and other things that numbed her pain. It killed me to see, but it was impossible to break when I lived miles away and she kept going home to an environment that wasn't safe and detrimental to her health.

One day at 9:37pm I received a text message. I'll never forget the words:

I'm scared. I'm alone. I've messed up. I don't know what to do :( help.

She didn't reply to the next one and I knew this wasn't a joke. I threw myself down the stairs and into the car and drove as fast as I could to where she was staying. No answer on the front door, so I hopped the fence and ran to the back which was open. I called out her name, nothing. I ran upstairs and I saw it. Red drips on the landing, red smears on the walls. I went into the bathroom and crumpled on there she was. Unnaturally white, blood everywhere and crumpled on the floor. I took off my shirt and jumper and did what I could to wrap her arms and stem the flow but I knew fucking zero about first aid. I held her, I screamed out into the street, I softly brushed her hair as she faded slumped against me, waiting for the ambulance. I couldn't save her.

I adored her. I still do. She would have been 30 like me this year, and she would have been the most amazing woman. She would have been the most loving mother, and she could have done so much good for the world.

She can't though, and it tears through me. I know that many people she reached out to for help didn't take it seriously, and I had to stand next to many at the funeral. She was mocked for it, she was called weak and an attention seeker. She was none of them.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

So I literally beg of anyone to never hand-wave people that are coming out as being suicidal. Berid yourself of any personal bar of "seriousness" that a person has to hit before you take suggestions of suicide seriously, and make sure that every single one of your friends knows that you're there for them. Not in an unspoken way, say that shit to them. Tell them that if they ever feel down that you're there to talk to, regardless of how small or large it might be.

Suicide is still such a hush-subject that people – myself included – still can't openly talk about it even when we're not considering it, because of the baggage it brings. I can't tell anyone in my life chunks of the above currently. It would scare them, because they don't understand mental illness and have thankfully never suffered from it. Today I have to tone down the depression I experienced for the comfort of others, as were I to tell anyone close to me the knowledge that I once very much considered ending my life would apply a veneer instabilty that is neither accurate nor warranted.

This is not healthy. We must become much, much more accepting of suicide as a topic of conversation and as something people deal with. Otherwise we're all awkward on it until another person dies, and that's a horrific way to keep a conversation active. People need to start challenging their own preconceptions about it, need to start realising that suicidal people are people and that in each case you have an opportunity to help and an opportunity to harm.

It doesn't matter if it's a mocking comment on a forum that another depressed user might read or otherwise, it has an impact. It affects the way we, as a whole, treat suicide and it affects the avenues of help people have to survive using. If you find yourself willing to gamble over the life and death of people in misery, purely to throw a meme or a joke in, then you seriously need to reflect on that for a bit.

Click to shrink...

Shit a lot of this hits home. Especially the part about finding a gun in the UK. A big factor for me was not wanting to subject my family to a police investigation after I'm gone trying to find out how I would've obtained one.

 

[Mgs2master2]

The character designer of Xenoblade Chronicles 2.

Click to shrink...

He loved the game. This hurts to see. It is awesome though that someone on the team told him rest in peace.

 

[Jktpnymonorel]

I knew this before I went to bed last night....
now after went back from work I still can't process this fully

RIP Etika, Ill miss you

 

[Lucifonz]

Oh man what terrible news to wake up to. Never followed his stuff outside of seeing the occasional hype memes, only really heard about him from here and his previous incidents.

This is an eye opening moment for mental health in the gaming community, it's just deeply sad that it came to this. You never know what someone else is going through in their head - something that's always worth remembering. It's often difficult to comprehend from folks that don't have similar thoughts. It just doesn't compute. "It's a media stunt". "The boy who cried wolf". I've been in those shoes, and it's absolutely okay for someone not to understand that mentality or to think differently about things. Life's events shape our understanding of the world, including mental health.

What I'm trying to say is hopefully this helps others spot the signs of someone struggling who's possibly close to them. What might seem crazy and stupid to one person could be another person struggling to deal with their thoughts, expressing themselves in the only way they know how.

It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to have bad days and tough times. Everyone deals with issues at some point in their life no matter how 'famous' or 'normal' they might seem, we're all human. Reach out and try talking to folks, whether it's someone you know or someone you don't. Things will always get better eventually.

 

[Deleted member 50374]

This is great advice. Say you eventually get better, then what? You're 30 with nothing to put on your CV. You need to work hard every day while living with uncertainty, hoping to one day aquire a skill that leads to a job that's mentally stimulating and non-repetitive, one where you're able to express yourself and one that doesn't lead to misery. If you get that job at some point, you know that you are getting it in the place of someone else who applied and got rejected. Also, Trump is still president. Climate change is still ongoing. The professors at uni still hate teaching and show zero investment in their students. The problems don't just go away, you just learn how to live with them and gain perspective.

I can link to countless talks on youtube of people from various fields who all come to the conclusion that capitalism is the root of all the problems. But is there a better system? One that doesn't favor assholes who sit on wealth instead of doing something productive with it?

Click to shrink...

Go volunteering. There's a lot of good to be done in this world, and accessing a probably big network of volunters definitely helps in finding a job at some point. Many jobs don't really require much more formation than high school. If you've been working in a kitchen for people in need, I don't see how harder it could get in a restaurant kitchen. And outside of the implications for a job, it's also a good time for the mind.

Perhaps sometimes even a party nearby is looking for volunters, if you're willing to climb that ladder.

 

[Elephant]

I don't know who he was, but this is very sad.

I've been through the UK system after trying to take my own life a few years ago. From hospital I was transferred to a psychiatric hospital for my "recovery", which was a nightmare within itself, sharing a ward with people of varying mental illnesses. Awful food, sleep deprived because people are screaming and shouting throughout the night and doctors who didn't completely understand what I was going through. I think I left that hospital in a worse mental state than when I entered. I hope it's got better since my experience.

Today I'm not healed of my sadness, but I've experienced happiness and a side of life I didn't think imaginable back then. You can come out on the other side of this.

"The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues." - Terry Pratchett

 

[JustJavi]

I think the best way Resetera to move forward is to learn to CHILL THE FUCK OUT if you disagree with someone or something.

I had a fucking terrible childhood with my druggy broke parents in Atlanta, where they would steal from me to pay for drugs, and invite strsngers over all the time

Spoiler

Two of which who sexually assaulted me

That caused me to act out a lot as a teenager.
I really only enjoyed school and videogames and was miserable in most other regards.

I was able to escape all that to live with my Grandparents who voted for Trump, and were transphobic.
I continue to heavily disagree with both of those views.

At first we didn't get along at all for many reasons and we got in a huge fight - but we humbled ourselves and both apologized.

Several years after that, they ended up being two of the most important
people in the world to me and likewise for me to them.
They even ended up accepting my cousin for revealing themselves as trans.

Love and respect were able to develop between us who disagreed on many views, because we genuinely wanted to coexist, and weren't just seeking an outlet for anger or someone to blame.
And I believe I might not even be today if it weren't for my grandparents.

My biggest issue with this site is the goddamn outrage culture.

Just because someone is acting out in offense doesn't mean they can't change or aren't even human, especially if their misbehavior is limited to words on the internet.

I didn't like Etika, but I still felt really bad for him and the aforementioned previous thread makes me want to puke, but attempts to amend the situation are being made.

We won't get anywhere if we can't calmly reflect on past mistakes in leu of allowing our anger to continually manifest into new forms.

R.I.P. Etika.
Thank you moderation team.

Click to shrink...

This post should be pinned to the top of every board here.

 

[Umbrella Carp]

I think the best way Resetera to move forward is to learn to CHILL THE FUCK OUT if you disagree with someone or something.

I had a fucking terrible childhood with my druggy broke parents in Atlanta, where they would steal from me to pay for drugs, and invite strsngers over all the time

Spoiler

Two of which who sexually assaulted me

That caused me to act out a lot as a teenager.
I really only enjoyed school and videogames and was miserable in most other regards.

I was able to escape all that to live with my Grandparents who voted for Trump, and were transphobic.
I continue to heavily disagree with both of those views.

At first we didn't get along at all for many reasons and we got in a huge fight - but we humbled ourselves and both apologized.

Several years after that, they ended up being two of the most important
people in the world to me and likewise for me to them.
They even ended up accepting my cousin for revealing themselves as trans.

Love and respect were able to develop between us who disagreed on many views, because we genuinely wanted to coexist, and weren't just seeking an outlet for anger or someone to blame.
And I believe I might not even be today if it weren't for my grandparents.

My biggest issue with this site is the goddamn outrage culture.

Just because someone is acting out in offense doesn't mean they can't change or aren't even human, especially if their misbehavior is limited to words on the internet.

I didn't like Etika, but I still felt really bad for him and the aforementioned previous thread makes me want to puke, but attempts to amend the situation are being made.

We won't get anywhere if we can't calmly reflect on past mistakes in leu of allowing our anger to continually manifest into new forms.

R.I.P. Etika.
Thank you moderation team.

Click to shrink...

As someone who is a sufferer of mental illness, I say bravo.

 

[Denryu]

Rest in peace my good man, you were gone too soon... :(

 

[Laughing Banana]

I wonder if someone did cut him off from his YouTube/Twitch access, if that would have helped him.

They seemed to be a huge part of why he did what he did, but I don't know.... there's no easy answer, huh.

 

[Tzarscream]

This post should be pinned to the top of every board here.

Click to shrink...

And this one:

It's both tragic and poetic that such an ugly, harrowing situation has turned into the mirror by which Era finally gazes for some self-reflection.

The dreary state of world affairs has taken a large mental toll on decent folks who pay attention to the news (which is Era's primary demographic). There's so much cultural rage and fear, and over time it can turn otherwise well-intentioned people into twisted caricatures of the causes they've tried to champion all along.

In a desperate attempt to make sense of the daily horrors we subject ourselves to reading about day after day and year after year, a laser-focus is put on every individual transgression. The troubling issues in society are so unfathomably complex, so impossibly interconnected by a million different variables, that the macro-reasons underlying things like widespread corruption, bigoted views, and ruthless violence are too big to tackle. But by honing in on the unending supply of individual scapegoats to pin these problems on instead, we can at least bask in the comforting delusion that there's an underlying system of logical, black and white morality at play. If we can just uproot every weed one-by-one, eventually the world will stop being the hateful hellscape that has caused communities like ours to lose all sense of nuance in the first place.

I don't know what the answer is. More compassion towards all is surely part of it, but the fiery justice side of me automatically bristles at the thought of giving people a pass for contributing to the type of woes that keep me up at night. If I really look deep though, I know ultimately that righteous indignation is just a smokescreen many people (myself included) use to justify trotting out their own personal demons. Sure, I made a snap-judgment about the totality of a fellow human being based solely on a single terrible thing they said, but dammit, they spewed hatred first! Can't you see that my venom is now justified?

But people who truly do cling to ignorant, harmful, or otherwise ugly views certainly shouldn't be allowed to let their idea of a perfect society seep into the real world. Trump is prime example number one of what happens when groups like that are allowed to influence society. I have a sneaking suspicion that killing them with kindness just won't work.

In the end, I think the hardest pill to swallow is this: We won't solve society's woes. Ever. Moral and social progress will ebb and flow like the tide, and will continue to do so long after our lives end. The only real way to go to the grave with a life well-lived is by doing what we can to alleviate the suffering in others and ourselves while we're still here. And if that means letting go of your own internal anger so you can have a more serene existence, even as injustices lurk around every turn, so be it. You can still stand up for what's right without building a cave of demons in your head to mentally (or publicly) denigrate every single human soul you've ever witnessed saying or doing something foul.

It's sad that it's taken something as irreversible as suicide to spur these types of discussions, but I hope many of us can take a step back now and examine the internal machinations of our minds. Let's finally turn off the autopilot setting for our collective judgement and vitriol, no matter how justified we think it may be.

Click to shrink...

 

[Stop It]

It's both tragic and poetic that such an ugly, harrowing situation has turned into the mirror by which Era finally gazes for some self-reflection.

The dreary state of world affairs has taken a large mental toll on decent folks who pay attention to the news (which is Era's primary demographic). There's so much cultural rage and fear, and over time it can turn otherwise well-intentioned people into twisted caricatures of the causes they've tried to champion all along.

In a desperate attempt to make sense of the daily horrors we subject ourselves to reading about day after day and year after year, a laser-focus is put on every individual transgression. The troubling issues in society are so unfathomably complex, so impossibly interconnected by a million different variables, that the macro-reasons underlying things like widespread corruption, bigoted views, and ruthless violence are too big to tackle. But by honing in on the unending supply of individual scapegoats to pin these problems on instead, we can at least bask in the comforting delusion that there's an underlying system of logical, black and white morality at play. If we can just uproot every weed one-by-one, eventually the world will stop being the hateful hellscape that has caused communities like ours to lose all sense of nuance in the first place.

I don't know what the answer is. More compassion towards all is surely part of it, but the fiery justice side of me automatically bristles at the thought of giving people a pass for contributing to the type of woes that keep me up at night. If I really look deep though, I know ultimately that righteous indignation is just a smokescreen many people (myself included) use to justify trotting out their own personal demons. Sure, I made a snap-judgment about the totality of a fellow human being based solely on a single terrible thing they said, but dammit, they spewed hatred first! Can't you see that my venom is now justified?

But people who truly do cling to ignorant, harmful, or otherwise ugly views certainly shouldn't be allowed to let their idea of a perfect society seep into the real world. Trump is prime example number one of what happens when groups like that are allowed to influence society. I have a sneaking suspicion that killing them with kindness just won't work.

In the end, I think the hardest pill to swallow is this: We won't solve society's woes. Ever. Moral and social progress will ebb and flow like the tide, and will continue to do so long after our lives end. The only real way to go to the grave with a life well-lived is by doing what we can to alleviate the suffering in others and ourselves while we're still here. And if that means letting go of your own internal anger so you can have a more serene existence, even as injustices lurk around every turn, so be it. You can still stand up for what's right without building a cave of demons in your head to mentally (or publicly) denigrate every single human soul you've ever witnessed saying or doing something foul.

It's sad that it's taken something as irreversible as suicide to spur these types of discussions, but I hope many of us can take a step back now and examine the internal machinations of our minds. Let's finally turn off the autopilot setting for our collective judgement and vitriol, no matter how justified we think it may be.

Click to shrink...

Justified anger is still anger. Justified hate is still hate.

The extreme right think both of their anger and hate is justified too.

We won't solve anything with anger and hate. As hard as it is, we must never allow ourselves to let hate control how we act towards others, otherwise we create more hate.

We have lost someone partially because it's too easy to fight hate with hate, and dismiss anything they do because of that judgement. We can condemn somones actions while reaching out to help them. I implore that we all do so more often, and help those who it is all to easy to wash out hands of.

If we can't do better, we can't expect anyone else to. We can't lose people to righteous anger.

This is a tragic situation and a lesson we need to heed. I can only extend my sympathies to the family at this time and hope anyone suffering like gets the help they need, whether others judge them worthy of help or not.

 

[TΛPIVVΛ]

rest in peace Desmond.

 

[mindatlarge]

My sister took this yesterday from Park Slope Brooklyn NY. Fitting that the sky was fire. :(

 

[ElBoxy]

Be careful who you decide to extend your empathy towards. There are those that have done way worse than Etika and will try to claim mental illness to make a situation less severe. Someone like Max Landis, who probably is mentally ill, doesn't deserve the same level of empathy that Etika is getting.

 

[Melkezadek]

Be careful who you decide to extend your empathy towards. There are those that have done way worse than Etika and will try to claim mental illness to make a situation less severe. Someone like Max Landis, who probably is mentally ill, doesn't deserve the same level of empathy that Etika is getting.

Click to shrink...

Stop.

We don't get to decide who is and who isn't worthy of empathy. This is how we got here in the first place.

 

[Deleted member 40102]

My sister took this yesterday from Park Slope Brooklyn NY. Fitting that the sky was fire. :(

Click to shrink...

Reports said he passed on the 20th though. 5 days before they found him.

 

[ElBoxy]

Stop.

We don't get to decide who and who doesn't deserve empathy. This is how we got here in the first place.

Click to shrink...

So then how do we talk about situations like Max Landis?

 

[Deleted member 40102]

"You don't have to prove your own worthiness" is something that should be hammered into everyone. Being alive is enough as it is.

Click to shrink...

This is so true. Not giving a fuck about what people think about you is freedom, though that doesn't mean you can be an asshole just be you without giving a fuck about those who think less about you.

 

[Wombat_Lover]

I think the best way Resetera to move forward is to learn to CHILL THE FUCK OUT if you disagree with someone or something.

I had a fucking terrible childhood with my druggy broke parents in Atlanta, where they would steal from me to pay for drugs, and invite strsngers over all the time

Spoiler

Two of which who sexually assaulted me

That caused me to act out a lot as a teenager.
I really only enjoyed school and videogames and was miserable in most other regards.

I was able to escape all that to live with my Grandparents who voted for Trump, and were transphobic.
I continue to heavily disagree with both of those views.

At first we didn't get along at all for many reasons and we got in a huge fight - but we humbled ourselves and both apologized.

Several years after that, they ended up being two of the most important
people in the world to me and likewise for me to them.
They even ended up accepting my cousin for revealing themselves as trans.

Love and respect were able to develop between us who disagreed on many views, because we genuinely wanted to coexist, and weren't just seeking an outlet for anger or someone to blame.
And I believe I might not even be today if it weren't for my grandparents.

My biggest issue with this site is the goddamn outrage culture.

Just because someone is acting out in offense doesn't mean they can't change or aren't even human, especially if their misbehavior is limited to words on the internet.

I didn't like Etika, but I still felt really bad for him and the aforementioned previous thread makes me want to puke, but attempts to amend the situation are being made.

We won't get anywhere if we can't calmly reflect on past mistakes in leu of allowing our anger to continually manifest into new forms.

R.I.P. Etika.
Thank you moderation team.

Click to shrink...

The American Admins and mods will ignore this. They will still ban people for having a different opinion that goes against the hive mentality.

 

[Nos]

So then how do we talk about situations like Max Landis?

Click to shrink...

Max Landis has been accused of emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
How is this related to mental illness?

 

[Deleted member 2809]

What a fucking gross move to bring out the "outrage culture" dogwhistles

The American Admins and mods will ignore this. They will still ban people for having a different opinion that goes against the hive mentality.

Click to shrink...

Do tell us how you really feel

 

[ElBoxy]

Max Landis has been accused of emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
How is this related to mental illness?

Click to shrink...

I've heard he has severe bipolar.

 

[CortexVortex]

I think the best way Resetera to move forward is to learn to CHILL THE FUCK OUT if you disagree with someone or something.

I had a fucking terrible childhood with my druggy broke parents in Atlanta, where they would steal from me to pay for drugs, and invite strsngers over all the time

Spoiler

Two of which who sexually assaulted me

That caused me to act out a lot as a teenager.
I really only enjoyed school and videogames and was miserable in most other regards.

I was able to escape all that to live with my Grandparents who voted for Trump, and were transphobic.
I continue to heavily disagree with both of those views.

At first we didn't get along at all for many reasons and we got in a huge fight - but we humbled ourselves and both apologized.

Several years after that, they ended up being two of the most important
people in the world to me and likewise for me to them.
They even ended up accepting my cousin for revealing themselves as trans.

Love and respect were able to develop between us who disagreed on many views, because we genuinely wanted to coexist, and weren't just seeking an outlet for anger or someone to blame.
And I believe I might not even be today if it weren't for my grandparents.

My biggest issue with this site is the goddamn outrage culture.

Just because someone is acting out in offense doesn't mean they can't change or aren't even human, especially if their misbehavior is limited to words on the internet.

I didn't like Etika, but I still felt really bad for him and the aforementioned previous thread makes me want to puke, but attempts to amend the situation are being made.

We won't get anywhere if we can't calmly reflect on past mistakes in leu of allowing our anger to continually manifest into new forms.

R.I.P. Etika.
Thank you moderation team.

Click to shrink...

That's a fantastic post. Should even be a threadmark or something.

 

[Nos]

I've heard he has severe bipolar.

Click to shrink...

I'm starting to think that all of us are mentally ill to some degree.
The consequences of modern lifestyle, I guess.

 

[The BLJ]

I've heard he has severe bipolar.

Click to shrink...

Are you serious with this shit? You can severely criticize someone's behavior, especially if it destroys the lives of others, and feel bad for them being ill and try to get them help if possible, whether their shit behavior is a consequence of their illness or not.
People don't have one-dimensional life stories or personalities. And we don't need to have a one-dimensional response to them either. Being mentally ill doesn't excuse being a shitty person. But likewise, being a shitty person doesn't mean their mental illness can be swept under the rug. And oftentimes, with bipolar people, getting them proper treatment actually does stabilize their behavior.

 

[Filibuster]

Preach it

Click to shrink...

No no no what is wrong with this site how can a former administrator this ignorant? People are caling these people out mostly because this shit CAN be avoided. Why can't any of you whiners see this? I know some people like this and all of them acknowledge that they some times just want the right attention like being told to stop their behavior and the fact that Etika mostly received dismissal and mocking is a shame. The conversation about his death cannot be just about his life achivement because it just washes away the disgusting action of those people when they are the contributors to the problem. Folks like you should be brave and let people who deserve it deserve it, don't give them excusse to dismiss their behavior.

 

[teacup]

Max Landis has been accused of emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
How is this related to mental illness?

Click to shrink...

I mean hang Etika been accused of homophobia and racism, things which help justify killing and harming untold amounts of people everyday?

I'm not saying etika is deserving of scorn on this, or that max landis isn't.

In my opinion people oncheering a suicide threat, whether it's a controversial YouTuber, a poster, or Donald trump himself- need to be banned. That's awful.

But don't shut down any discussion at all in every thread. Mental illness or no, racism and homophobia are not allowed. It may be mental illness which causes a homeless man to lash out in the street and hurt everyone. We can be sympathetic to the system that got him there while also not forgetting the fact that what he did was wrong.

In any case no matter the vile things this kid has said in the past no one deserves this. I feel for him and his family. I hope this doesn't encourage any other kids to do the same :( I lost my best friend around his same age to suicide and it hurts.

 

[Dusk Golem]

The American Admins and mods will ignore this. They will still ban people for having a different opinion that goes against the hive mentality.

Click to shrink...

I can only speak for myself, but I most definitely am not ignoring that post. I have a deep interest in people, I am a victim of sexual assault myself, I grew up with a neighborhood childhood friend who had a terrible drug dealing mother which lead to her daughter eventually running away. I was very close to the daughter, I had known her since before I was in school, and my exposure even at a young age to how she was treated, the situation of the mother almost losing custody a couple times, her mother drugging men in bars to take them home and just how toxic of a household that was, was very eye opening as just a child.

I think sharing one's plights can be informative if they choose to do so (you shouldn't force anyone to talk about their past if they're not open or ready to, though often opening up and being vulnerable is one of the surest ways to show trust and form better understanding with those you do trust). The mods like anyone are not a hive mind, I don't personally agree with every moderation choice that's made, sometimes there's a lot more to certain moderation choices than are immediately easily seen as several factors often are weighed before making them.

It's okay to be upset by certain decisions of course, and in the right time and place like now it's even good to discuss them I'd say. However, I think anyone trying to remove the human aspect from another person and spread further apathy is honestly more part of the problem than anything on a personal note. If you disagree with someone and their actions are by what you purely judge from your own personal morals, then while that is your decision to make it's often note-worthy people are complex multi-layered creatures with everyone capable of doing good and bad, and can grow if they choose to. I think so many in this day and age are afraid to give people a chance due to being burned a lot growing up or online before, though others actively are just full of spite and want to spread hate or do smear campaigns for those they disagree with on some level. It's important to read intuitively sometimes what a person is trying to accomplish with their actions. There's power in sharing, making yourself potentially vulnerable, but delivering something that's very human, and then trying to weaponize that vulnerability in an act of spite.

So then how do we talk about situations like Max Landis?

Click to shrink...

The thing is, I think our society and the internet as a whole is moving too quickly towards, "guilty until proven innocent," which is absolutely the wrong way to take things, especially when it comes to mental illness. It's a very complicated thing I don't think there's any straight-forward answer to go by right now. Things should be taken on a person-by-person basis, but there's so much you often can't see about a person. Sometimes those who die to suicide it wasn't outwardly obvious they were suicidal, some they have past attempts, contemplation, etc., that may only be known by those who are extremely close to them. I think like I just answered above, the surest way is to try and realize you sometimes don't have all the information, and have some intuition. If you suspect something is funny, if you aren't personally affected by their day-to-day life maybe it's not your business to chip in.

In the case of Etika, it became increasingly clear as this went on that he was having a mental breakdown. Many noticed it and could tell this is what was going on a few months ago, but others lack that deeper intuition/understanding of mental illness, and still want to share their piece on it, even if it's an ignorant position and one that dismisses them. This isn't just speaking with retrospective, it's something many said at the time, and many others chose to ignore this because they felt they knew better. People who are decided about something can become stubborn and ignorant, it's a self-preservation method, but I hope this maybe helps a few people consider that they shouldn't be so quick to judge.

Some people will abuse trust, and weaponize certain things, but the solution is not to deny giving trust and lacking empathy to certain people's plights. Because the occasional person may do this doesn't mean we shouldn't do this, I think the stance of "innocent until proven guilty" is the way to handle this, especially with something as delicate and grossly misunderstood as mental health, which is very, very complicated.