I just got off work, and as much as I'd love to share my thoughts as someone who has the exact same disorder Etika had someone actually messaged me via discord and requested I share what I posted in another thread that was locked as it was post about what it actually means to have bipolar disorder and how it affects you. After reading some of the posts on here, I actually agree and it's something that still needs to be said as Bipolar disorder, especially type 1, is something that is outright impossible to empathize with unless you've had an episode yourself or have like a PhD in the subject
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This is a long post but the past like… I think three or four threads about Etika have been locked as they turn into a massive argument over is he bigoted or is he just suffering from mental issues. Part of the problem with these arguments is that I sincerely think a lot of you don't really get it, and I don't say that to be mean spirited: I say this is somewhat out of concern and willing to help explain some stuff. Now I don't say this with pride although ever since Etika's been having problems I've been talking a lot more about it than ever, but I actually have been diagnosed with, if what I was told about him is to be true, the exact same mental disorder that Etika has and in 2014 I actually had a few episodes where I ran away from home with the intent of suicide. Unfortunately mental health is something you really only understand if you're a true expert and I'm talking PhD level expert, or if you've had an episode yourself; for everyone else it's almost impossible to empathize with because it's almost like people like Etika or anyone else who has something like this are from another planet entirely.
I could actually try and explain what really went through my mind at the time if anyone would like, but as I was typing it up for this post I read it and like… it was just a garbled mess going through my mind, which is how it goes with this disorder. To sum up what ended up happening, around late September of 2014 I quit a college program I was in and wrote a bizarre cryptic suicide message that I left for my family, pawned one of my most treasured posessions for a measly 20 dollars, and took a bus up to NYC to jump off the brooklyn bridge and make an example of myself. I ended up not doing that and instead went straight into the brooklyn library and started writing really crappy Kindle ebooks under the guise I was a genius rebel under the sacred holy trinity of god and that my new day job was being a writer and my night job was going to Times Square and panhandling by holding a sign up that said I needed a pretty obscene object I'm not gonna describe so please donate. It was pretty dumb, and when I finally came to, I ended up apologizing to my parents and moved back but just one month later had a similar episode happen yet again.
It was absolutely stupid and to be honest a lot of times deep down I knew it was stupid, but it just kept on happening anyway. It was like there's a billion things going on though my mind at once and I can't even focus and hold anything down and then a lot of times you're either so depressed you can't even get yourself up out of bed or you're out there trying to change the world in some shape or form. It's like you're fine sometimes, and then all of a sudden you either do something really cool and great as having something like bipolar does catapult you to doing awesome things sometimes; for instance, there's been several studies that have shown that close to like 90% of entrepreneurs have some type of bipolar. At the same time, though, it also can catapult you to doing some truly awful things under ridiculous circumstances that make no sense whatsoever like the thing I described or in Etika's case: all the crap that have been starting flame wars on here like nothing else.
The hardest thing is that seeking help is something you need to do, but there's only so much "help" can do. Ever wonder how Etika's gotten out of these psych wards so fast? The same reason I got out so fast in a lot of my own stupid incidents: it can cycle with the snap of a hand at some points meaning Etika probably was 100% sane when he gets taken out of these hospitals. It's because of this that a lot of times doctors actually can be a bit wary of prescribing any medication at all because becoming dependent on them can cause bigger issues, and maybe god forbid being on something like xanax when you're not going through a depressive phase. It takes a LOT of therapy and alternating medications to truly treat something like this, and on top of that it also takes super strong will to even understand when you're about to or already going through a hypomanic or manic episode and calm yourself down as no matter what you're on that can happen easily with the snap of your fingers. It sucks.
The good news is though that it is treatable and I think everyone shouting for Etika to get offline for good just don't get it at all: I'm willing to bet one of your favorite performers, activists, writers, or even youtubers has something similar going on. The problem isn't exactly social media overload even though it seems that way, once again this is where the disconnect happens: the problem is that Etika himself needs to learn to properly manage himself which I'd imagine taking a break from social media would help in that but making the grand standpoint that he's permanently ill is missing the point, and I'd actually argue is sort of inhumane. Etika's a human like anyone else, and yeah when people have issues you need to get those in check, but the idea of taking away a man's passion and dreams and career just because you personally don't think he's capable is just not right… at all. I'm willing to bet there's at least one of your favorite performers, artists, politicians, musicians, designers etc who suffer through the exact same things who would never have created the thing you enjoy if they had listened to that mentality. Look at it this way: people with a disability are going to struggle a lot in life, and there's gonna be a lot of pain and struggles to go along with it, but that doesn't mean they don't have the right to try.
And then for everyone who shouts that Etika's a bigoted asshole who is faking things for attention… he ain't faking anything for attention, all of these incidents are like weird cries to try and make sense of all the nonsense going on in his mind at once: take it from a guy who's actually had it happen to him. Does that excuse him for saying a lot of hurtful nonsense? No, much like how I'm sure I'm gonna regret a lot of the stuff I've personally done during my episodes the rest of my life… in fact I've actually been suicidal over some of the things I've done because I knew they were wrong and had ZERO excuse for them, and no this wasn't a manic episode kicking in, this was legitimately me feeling remorse and regret and wanting to punish myself in a way that I believed and in 2016 I actually was going towards some train tracks to put my head under them and let myself be crushed as an atonement of sorts. I told a few people that I knew I loved them, and one actually convinced me to call the suicide hotline which I did… and I guess long story short I'm now typing this up.
People who have issues like bipolar aren't fucking monsters, i want to make that clear. I've seen this idea that Etika and really anyone who've done something awful during an episode are these hard hearted monsters who are only out there to hurt everyone else and get away with it by crying mental illness… Harassing someone over shit like that, when it's clear that's not who they are and clear they regret it, doesn't somehow lower their nonexistent power levels like a boss' HP: it makes them feel actual emotional pain as they already regret what they've done but now here comes some people kicking them while they're usually already down. I know it's hard to understand that people doing something doesn't mean they truly meant it, but that's just how this disorder rolls a lot of times. Now it's great that we regret what we did, but does that excuse our actions? Once again, no… but we also never were asking for an excuse, guilt actually overtakes a lof of people who have this and I've heard that's possibly one of the reasons why suicide is so insanely high for people who've had manic episodes… and as someone who's been in a similar situation like Etika's: he ain't faking it. Even if he ends up being found alive, this is a cry for him trying to atone for some of this shit as he even states himself in his video. I was lucky in my case that my screw ups were never the laughing stock of the world, I gotta say though that I'd imagine Etika's heart is being torn to shreds over this whole thing.
Apologies about any typos, by the way; I typed this entirely on an iPhone keyboard and wanna post it before anymore flame wars over this happen because I think it needs to be said, it's also 2:30 AM and I'm about to pass out"
