Not sure how to feel about my 20s.

[Gunny T Highway]

I am 32 and there are still times where I do not know what I am doing. You got to wing it sometimes. Just go with the flow and try to not stress out over little things. Try to set meaningful goals that you can achieve and strive to live your life to the fullest regardless of outside pressures.

 

[Another]

You'll have to elaborate. Do you have children or Dependants to care for?

Did you set yourself up for a good career path?

Click to shrink...

I don't have children or dependants. I have set myself up for a good career path and money is no concern but that is precisely my point. I don't want a career, I have no interest in one at all, it's something I do because I must in order to survive. Having to follow one very specific path in order to prosper isn't freedom or independence.

Yeah when someone tells you that they're feeling depressed, the best thing to do is to tell them that it only gets worse. ffs

Click to shrink...

Existential ennui isn't depression. Like, at all. Don't go putting words into the OP's mouth.

 

[The Albatross]

Existential ennui isn't depression. Like, at all. Don't go putting words into the OP's mouth.

Click to shrink...

Post literally begins with " For some reason I'm feeling really down right now because of my age."

"I'm feeling really down right now."

[someone replies with something semi optimistic]

"Hey man it only gets worse take it from me!"

 

[ExhaustedWalrus]

Post literally begins with " For some reason I'm feeling really down right now because of my age."

"I'm feeling really down right now."

[someone replies with something semi optimistic]

"Hey man it only gets worse take it from me!"

Click to shrink...

It most definitely is a depression.

 

[Mauricio_Magus]

I am in my 30s and all that happens is that you get better at acting like you know what you are doing.

 

[ThisThingIsUseful]

OP, don't worry about it. Sometimes early on, you don't know what you're doing. People in a midlife crisis don't know. Late in life, some are happy and some are bitter depending on how life went. We're all trying!

For me, I'm enjoying me 30s more overall because I have a clearer sense of myself, I'm more experienced, and I weigh less than I did in my late 20s. That one's kind of a big deal for me because all people did in their 30s was say, "Oh, if you're gaining weight now, wait until you get into your 30s!" But it was and wasn't true. Yes, it gradually becomes more difficult to lose weight, but some people gain in their 20s, and I feel they think they can't do it since it just "gets harder," so the common saying about weight gain becomes reality. But you are in control of a lot of things.

Want to help the world? Find a way to do it in your community. Want to try something new? Go for it! Want to just relax for the day? Nothing wrong with that! I didn't survive my 20s; I loved them, especially the college part of it. You'll make mistakes; it's not a big deal.

 

[Gunslinger]

I dont even remember much of my 20s its all hazy. TC enjoy your young years because you will miss them later believe me.

 

[Camwi]

I was pretty fucked-up for most of my 20s, and just trying to enjoy life however I could. Closer to my 30s, I eventually met a woman who I cared enough about that I decided to change the direction I was heading and went back to college. Life has been difficult but good ever since.

 

[fallingedge]

That quarter life crisis.

30s are better than your 20s. Hopefully the 40s are better than the 30s lol.

 

[Tochtli79]

I'm 29 for a little longer, I can tell you to not waste a moment of your 20s and just do what you want. You have the freedom still to explore, to screw up, to find what drives you. Try to save some money, but don't limit yourself too much. If you can go travelling abroad, do it, as much as you can. Especially your early 20s. By the time you hit 25 or so is a good time to start shifting focus onto your career, but imo it should never limit your ability to enjoy life. Always make time for yourself. Inevitably, as you get older you'll have other priorities, so focus on yourself while in your 20s.

I spent like 2 years of my 20s stressing about what to do after graduation, responsibilities, being scared of messing up, etc. It honestly made me depressed, and I ended up wasting those years. I can see now that if I had just come out of my shell sooner and put myself out there, I could have achieved and done so much more.

I am dreading turning 30. :(

 

[ThisThingIsUseful]

Post literally begins with " For some reason I'm feeling really down right now because of my age."

"I'm feeling really down right now."

[someone replies with something semi optimistic]

"Hey man it only gets worse take it from me!"

Click to shrink...

I'm gonna second this.

OP, don't listen to anyone who says, "It goes downhill from here." Everyone is different. For some it gets worse. For some it gets better. If I had a nickel for every time someone had said, "It gets from there," to any middle schooler, high schooler, or 20-something that had a question about where they are in life, I could pay off the student debt of everyone in America, and I'd be making money in a very weird way (points for people who get that reference).

Everyone has different socio-economic backgrounds, so no one knows if it gets better or worse for you. However, there's a certain amount of control you do have (and even then, everyone is different), so the best thing is to maximize that control and always have something to look forward to. Work on what you can control.

I spent like 2 years of my 20s stressing about what to do after graduation, responsibilities, being scared of messing up, etc. It honestly made me depressed, and I ended up wasting those years. I can see now that if I had just come out of my shell sooner and put myself out there, I could have achieved and done so much more.

I am dreading turning 30. :(

Click to shrink...

Don't dread it; 30s can be bitchin'. For my mother, every decade has been better than the last because many things you just can't experience until you're older. It seems like the stress of the uncertainty of your 20s worked against you; it's best not to repeat that for your 30s. Because honestly, the first day of 30 and the last day of 29 aren't really that much different health-wise. It's a number; just do your thing, and as I told the other post, work on what you can control. =)

 

[Officer Big Mac]

OP is not a girl, not yet a woman.

 

[Another]

Post literally begins with " For some reason I'm feeling really down right now because of my age."

"I'm feeling really down right now."

[someone replies with something semi optimistic]

"Hey man it only gets worse take it from me!"

Click to shrink...

We're just going to have to agree to disagree on this one... Feeling down is absolutely the appropriate response to have once you start being a part of the grown up world. As I see it, there's nothing unnatural or unhealthy about it in the slightest, quite the contrary... I'd say being happy and content with how things are once you start to understand them is what's truly worrying in the long run.

Yet again, ennui has nothing to do with depression. As someone who struggled with depression for over 7 years I feel I can safely say that without any doubt. The forced positivity about a desolate situation imposed upon me by others was one of the driving factors for me to end up depressed, actually (not insinuating that's what's going on here, don't worry, just pointing something out regarding my case in particular).
Embracing the inevitability of emptiness and aimlessness throughout life as an unavoidable constant you have to juggle with the good stuff is a great part of the proccess that allowed me to overcome it. But being lied to even if by omission certainly doesn't help and I'm simply relaying my truth as I see it. I don't intend to cause the OP harm, far from it!

 

[Metalix]

I'm in my 30s, shits exactly the same don't sweat it.

Click to shrink...

Basically, I'm still as big an imbecile in my 30s as I was in my 20s only with a bigger budget.

 

[Acorn]

Nobody knows what they're doing tbh.

 

[FaceHugger]

I hated my early 20's because I didn't have much money. I look back now though, with a girlfriend I loved and lots of close friends and time to actually spend with them, and that tiny duplex I lived in and shitty old car were great. I'd do it all over again if I could.

Just enjoy your twenties. You get to act like a kid still and no one will give you shit for it. Just don't forget to spend time working on a career. Balance.

 

[Deleted member 56580]

For some reason I'm feeling really down right now because of my age. I'm 23 and feel like I'm caught between two worlds. Been young, but still being an "adult". This feeling is weird. But, I suppose that feeling this way in your early twenties is common. Your 20s are weird any way you slice it, it seems, with most people not having a direction or knowing what life even means. I get a lot of existential thoughts, but I know those don't stop even when you have kids/a wife. I feel like I'm alone in that among my coworkers.

Is everyone pretending? Why doesn't anyone talk openly about being scared? Of the future of our planet, our rights, human decency? Am I supposed to be dating the person I'm dating?

Those of you who have survived your 20s, how did you do it without going insane? Do you also have these thoughts? This could be a general 20-something thread, too.

Click to shrink...

My 20s were godawful. Early 20s you still are not fully formed on a pure brain aspect, so a lot of your decision making is very impulsive and you're constantly torn about the notion of boundaries, since you know, you're like threw in the world. Tried a lot of things, loving people differently and whatnot while looking at my closest friends all going away, it was rough

Since my 30s its much better on all ends, period

 

[Deleted member 1478]

I completely wasted my 20s and it's a massive regret for me. I was unemployed for a lot of it so just didn't really do anything. I'm nowhere near where I should be in life.

 

[Boiled Goose]

I don't have children or dependants. I have set myself up for a good career path and money is no concern but that is precisely my point. I don't want a career, I have no interest in one at all, it's something I do because I must in order to survive. Having to follow one very specific path in order to prosper isn't freedom or independence.




Existential ennui isn't depression. Like, at all. Don't go putting words into the OP's mouth.

Click to shrink...

You don't need a career to survive. That's a choice. If you don't have dependants, there's a lot of options of stuff you can do and survive just fine.

 

[laoni]

I'm not sure how to feel about my 20s too, but for a really different reason.

I was living alone, had a partner, was getting my university degree in a field I loved, and getting my driving licence. And then at 21 I was diagnosed with cancer. I'm 25 now, and I'm still dealing with it. Each time it goes away it comes back.

Now at 25, I can't study yet because of the cancer. I needed to move back in with my parents because of the cancer. I lost my ex because of the cancer. Still haven't got that drivers licence yet either, and you can guess why. So far, my 20s has been dominated and defined by my diagnosis. I've had to go through the grieving process of losing physical function as well as mental acuity through treatment. The latter was hard, I'd always been defined by my intelligence throughout my childhood. I'm rearing to get back into the world, I'm bored doing nothing, but also terrified to step outside the hospital bubble, it's all adult me has ever known. Every time so far I've tried to step forward back on track, returned to my studies, got a new boyfriend, I get kicked back down.

I'm not afraid of this killing me, but I am afraid I'll just stagnate for so long, out of no fault of my own, that I'll finally tumble out the other side and just be too stunted to function.

Apologies OP, it's late and I went on a bit of a vent 😅

 

[Deleted member 21411]

Im 28 and i just now got some type of direction. Most people dont get that, and i think a lot are great at faking it. Some only get it in certain places like professionally but I don't think most of us really have it full together

 

[dark_prinny]

Nobody knows what they're doing tbh.

Click to shrink...

So fucking true.

 

[Squarehard]

Not sure I remember my 20s, they were so long ago...

 

[Auros01]

I think people get better at hiding their confusion as they get older but I've rarely met people beyond their 20's that have any sense of what they are doing. We all struggle and are lost, at times.

All you have to do is a dig a little beneath the surface and you see how much people are hiding.

 

[Deleted member 41520]

20s are about being selfish

30s onwards are about being selfless

I read that a while back, and while of course it's bad to be selfish to the detriment of others, I think there's something to it

Just know your body and brain is at its peak up until 27, and make the most of that.

 

[Deleted member 41638]

My main thing was being stuck at a dead end job for most of my twenties. When I was 28 I finally started to push to get into the corporate side of my company because I knew being in the field was not going to lead to any sort of stability or satisfaction.

I think a stable work schedule and income is one of the most important things in life, it isn't exciting to think about but having a solid job gives you a platform to do what you enjoy or explore areas you are interested in.

 

[Another]

You don't need a career to survive. That's a choice. If you don't have dependants, there's a lot of options of stuff you can do and survive just fine.

Click to shrink...

I absolutely do. Once I save up enough so I can afford my property tax until I'm a very old lady I'm quitting but until that very moment I will remain a slave to a system I despise. Without my career providing me with income I will eventually get kicked off my own property. Just to illustrate, I grow my own vegetables and have a very decent chicken coop all of which provide me with more than enough food to never have to spend a dime on it going forward if I so chose, the lodge we built is sturdy and our grid is solar powered... we're not radical vegans or extreme survivalists but I'd say we're much more frugal than most with our expenses and we try to live as independently as possible. No such thing as true independence or freedom under capitalism, though.

Also, your choice of words with "survive" kind of says it all, doesn't it? The absolute truth of the matter is, unless you follow the one "approved" path, you are destined to a life of misery and hardship in the long haul. Having to devote about 35% of my entire life to doing something I'd most certainly preffer not to do just so I can live with the bare minimum of comfort (as in, not in squalor) is not what I would call freedom or independence. The industrial revolution allowed us to prosper and reach higher highs than ever before but it also condemned us to a life of servitude theretofore unheard of among free men. I am very much a fan and staunch supporter of some modern institutions like the creation of social support networks through taxation (something I am proud to contribute towards and the one single upside of having a career in my eyes) or the socialization of medicine that is prevalent throughout Europe (where I reside) but my dream life of bucolic idling among a sea of culture, despite being quite spartan in it's ambitions, would still be absolutely impossible without allowing myself to be assimilated into our modern workforce culture which I so very much despise.

 

[Deleted member 9932]

Have fun. Take risks. You will never be 20's again.

 

[Strangelove_77]

I dealt with my 20s like an adult - drugs, alcohol, live music, a shitty job and trying to get laid(I succeeded sometimes which was nice.)
Honestly, I felt like nothing I did in those years mattered. Some of it has definitely come to bite me in the ass, but it just feels like kid shit compared to my life now(33).

And yeah, my future is still a concern. I'm absolutely lost.

 

[PassiveObserver]

I'm 32 and still not on a career path. My salary is right on the poverty line for my city. No investments, no pathway to buying a house. Trying to be more adult for me has been to exercise regularly and focus on my mental health. Otherwise, I feel as feckless as I was 10 years ago.

 

[Deleted member 31199]

My early 20s were pretty empty though my late 20s were a bit better. My 30s are seemingly the same.

 

[Muu]

I played FF11 through most of my 20s. Don't be me!

 

[Ruruja]

I completely wasted my 20s and it's a massive regret for me.

Click to shrink...

I feel the same way.

 

[Perfect Chaos]

Is everyone pretending?

Click to shrink...

Yes.

 

[DirtyLarry]

44 here. Yes, everyone pretends. Adults probably even more so than younger people as they have no idea how they got to where they are.

 

[Advc]

Wish I could have 23 again to get shit done. I'm 29 now and I'm depressed af knowing I'm about to reach the third floor and still haven't achieved anything worthy in my life so far and that I wasted my youth by being isolated and feeling sorry for myself, missing opportunities and whatnot. And because of that I'm pretty much suffering the consequences now by being stuck in a futureless crap office job with no signs of improvement, with zero friends and much less a significant other. Fun times.

 

[J_Viper]

I'm 25 and lost. Have a job I can't stand, living in a state I hate, but can't leave either because I have to support my family (parents).

I've felt dead inside for almost two years now.

 

[Perfect Chaos]

Also, OP, as you get into your later 20s and 30s, you'll start having fun moments where your friends and colleagues are having children, and you're just like "oh my god I could legally just have a child???? They would let me do that??"

 

[Ryaaan14]

Your twenties are the school equivalent of recess

Just cut loose and enjoy it while your body still works properly

 

[Pat]

This is weird, I just got 32 and I'm in this mental state right now.

Most of my 20s were fine, studying, partying, travelling, experiencing, getting laid, girlfriends and what not... But it's been 2 years I finished my University degree and even If I have a pretty good salary and the job itself is fine, I just cannot handle the "real" life. It feels like I'm working all week and not doing much with family or friends during the weekends... Others might say that I need to fill the gaps with activities and change my routine, but I just can't find anything that interests me enough (and I would like to be able to blossom into something I care about). Everything just seem like a chore and I'm beginning to feel dead inside. I even dropped my girlfriend some months ago because I thought our relationship was going no-where and I didn't have much interest in her in the last months, but now I kind of regret it since nothing improved since.

Is this what we call "depression"? I've never been someone incredibly joyful, more like the cynical and rational type, but man I don't remember ever feeling like this before. Even gaming, which always was a highlight for me, is less and less interesting as time goes by.

 

[Kevers]

I didn't become fully depressed with life until after I hit my 30s. Enjoy your 20s, there's always time for an existential crisis.

 

[Boiled Goose]

I absolutely do. Once I save up enough so I can afford my property tax until I'm a very old lady I'm quitting but until that very moment I will remain a slave to a system I despise. Without my career providing me with income I will eventually get kicked off my own property. Just to illustrate, I grow my own vegetables and have a very decent chicken coop all of which provide me with more than enough food to never have to spend a dime on it going forward if I so chose, the lodge we built is sturdy and our grid is solar powered... we're not radical vegans or extreme survivalists but I'd say we're much more frugal than most with our expenses and we try to live as independently as possible. No such thing as true independence or freedom under capitalism, though.

Also, your choice of words with "survive" kind of says it all, doesn't it? The absolute truth of the matter is, unless you follow the one "approved" path, you are destined to a life of misery and hardship in the long haul. Having to devote about 35% of my entire life to doing something I'd most certainly preffer not to do just so I can live with the bare minimum of comfort (as in, not in squalor) is not what I would call freedom or independence. The industrial revolution allowed us to prosper and reach higher highs than ever before but it also condemned us to a life of servitude theretofore unheard of among free men. I am very much a fan and staunch supporter of some modern institutions like the creation of social support networks through taxation (something I am proud to contribute towards and the one single upside of having a career in my eyes) or the socialization of medicine that is prevalent throughout Europe (where I reside) but my dream life of bucolic idling among a sea of culture, despite being quite spartan in it's ambitions, would still be absolutely impossible without allowing myself to be assimilated into our modern workforce culture which I so very much despise.

Click to shrink...

Sounds like you're choosing to live in an area with high cost of living

 

[Another]

Sounds like you're choosing to live in an area with high cost of living

Click to shrink...

I pay 140€ monthly rent in my city house. Quite the opposite.

 

[Boiled Goose]

I pay 140€ monthly rent in my city house. Quite the opposite.

Click to shrink...

Then I'm baffled as to how you feel trapped. With such low expenses you can do almost anything for a living.

 

[Deleted member 46493]

I'm 25 and I am in a privileged job/career so I never had the quarter life crisis - I sort of accepted and decided on working in my field 9-5 for the rest of my working life and enjoying my hobbies after 5pm and before 9am. So I "know what I am doing".

I sometimes wonder how long this comfortable position will last though - life is long!

 

[blitzblake]

Wish I fucked around more in my 20's. You only get them once.

 

[Sumio Mondo]

Once I reached 30 I started mellowing out. Finally.

And yes, everyone is winging it. I do it for every job contract I get. Nobody knows everything, anybody that says they do, are lying (and also winging it). Welcome to adult life. Enjoy your stay!

 

[djplaeskool]

I played FF11 through most of my 20s. Don't be me!

Click to shrink...

lmao
Too late...

 

[Deleted member 13188]

My advice is to enjoy now because the 6 years till your 30 will pass very quickly and then you have the whole "oh I'm 30 now... I done fucked up" phase AND THEN the ten years till you're 40 goes even quicker. That ten years is insanely quick, I don't remember any of it cause basically, nothing happened!

Yeah this probably didn't help. OP enjoy being young.

 

[AliceAmber]

I was pretty terrified of my own future in my 20s. But even acknowledging the fact that you are scared is good, I didn't know how to slow down to process any of my feelings. Just do what you can, and know that its okay to not feel okay.