Hey all, I've aired some bad times going on at my home here and you've been helpful before, so I thought I'd take another crack at it.
So to be brief: My stepdad has an adult daughter, and there is an almost certainty that she has stolen a lot of money from their shared business to fund a drug habit.
We noticed that $1000 had gone missing from our house, and several months prior $3800 had gone missing as well. In the latter case we assumed my mother had misplaced it somewhere, but the reason we suspect that it was my stepdad's daughter now and possibly those months ago is due to the following:
- The money was last seen on a Sunday, and was noticed as gone a few days later. On that Munday my stepdad's daughter had, according to my grandmother who stays with us, come to the house, ran upstairs, and left shortly afterwards. I learned today that she had actually asked if anyone would be home that Monday since she wanted to check on our dog who had recently gone through surgery and would be alone while the three of us were at work (my grandma is 92 and can't care for the dog on her own).
- When asked if she had come on Monday she denied it. In a previous instance she had come to our house and ruffled through some of the paperwork for their shared business, and I was home so I told my mom and stepdad it had happened. When asked she denied it and only came clean after she was told I could vouch she had been there.
- She lived with us previously during a separation with her husband and had a house key that she says she has since lost.
- It came out last year that she had an addiction to Percocet and was why she stayed with us. According to my mother when staying with other people she had stolen pills from them. When I brought this up to my sister (who previously also had an addiction to Percocet) she put two and two together and said that if she was stealing money from us (the money is in envelopes in a nightstand in their bedroom, and while one envelope was stolen the rest were untouched) rather than asking for an advance or borrowing it from her husband, it's probably because she can't tell anyone what she needs it for.
Now, the reason we can't conclusively state she had done it is that my grandmother is kind of senile. She forgets things she's said halfway through saying them. However, on the Monday where my stepdad's daughter had shown up, my grandmother told my mother that she had come to the house, barely spoke, ran upstairs to "use the bathroom", and then left very quickly without saying much of anything. While my grandmother is absolutely senile and a handful to deal with, that seems far too specific to make up. She mentioned my stepdad's daughter by family relationship ("his daughter stopped by"), even.
The other problem is that my stepdad is deeply apprehensive about confronting her. Since he doesn't have absolute proof he is terrified of destroying their relationship or, if it is true, pushing her deeper into addiction. So he's not doing anything about it while my mother has taken money from the shared business account to make up for what's been lost. The business was started by my stepdad and my mother contributed to opening a new location, and since he wanted to help his daughter he made her co-owner and she gets half the money made while stepdad and mom get the other half for themselves, while she hasn't put any of her own money into the business. I think it's normal to want to do that for your kid but it sure drove my mother crazy since she forked up a lot of her own money to build the place.
When my sister brought up the drug issue (I had believed she had gotten off of them since it never came back up) I privately confronted my stepfather and told him that it's a lot more serious than petty theft, and apart from the fact that he has to always look at his daughter and know she robbed him, she could actually die if this continues. She's the only one who could have done it but he's desperate to believe she wouldn't do that to him. Another problem is that my mother is too emotional and cuts him and his daughter up when she's angry, so it makes him dig his heels even deeper. I'm trying to explain to her that, apart from the fact that it's super douchey to do that to your partner, she's not helping the situation at all, but I also understand that his inaction is making the situation worse.
If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it. It's tearing my family apart.
So to be brief: My stepdad has an adult daughter, and there is an almost certainty that she has stolen a lot of money from their shared business to fund a drug habit.
We noticed that $1000 had gone missing from our house, and several months prior $3800 had gone missing as well. In the latter case we assumed my mother had misplaced it somewhere, but the reason we suspect that it was my stepdad's daughter now and possibly those months ago is due to the following:
- The money was last seen on a Sunday, and was noticed as gone a few days later. On that Munday my stepdad's daughter had, according to my grandmother who stays with us, come to the house, ran upstairs, and left shortly afterwards. I learned today that she had actually asked if anyone would be home that Monday since she wanted to check on our dog who had recently gone through surgery and would be alone while the three of us were at work (my grandma is 92 and can't care for the dog on her own).
- When asked if she had come on Monday she denied it. In a previous instance she had come to our house and ruffled through some of the paperwork for their shared business, and I was home so I told my mom and stepdad it had happened. When asked she denied it and only came clean after she was told I could vouch she had been there.
- She lived with us previously during a separation with her husband and had a house key that she says she has since lost.
- It came out last year that she had an addiction to Percocet and was why she stayed with us. According to my mother when staying with other people she had stolen pills from them. When I brought this up to my sister (who previously also had an addiction to Percocet) she put two and two together and said that if she was stealing money from us (the money is in envelopes in a nightstand in their bedroom, and while one envelope was stolen the rest were untouched) rather than asking for an advance or borrowing it from her husband, it's probably because she can't tell anyone what she needs it for.
Now, the reason we can't conclusively state she had done it is that my grandmother is kind of senile. She forgets things she's said halfway through saying them. However, on the Monday where my stepdad's daughter had shown up, my grandmother told my mother that she had come to the house, barely spoke, ran upstairs to "use the bathroom", and then left very quickly without saying much of anything. While my grandmother is absolutely senile and a handful to deal with, that seems far too specific to make up. She mentioned my stepdad's daughter by family relationship ("his daughter stopped by"), even.
The other problem is that my stepdad is deeply apprehensive about confronting her. Since he doesn't have absolute proof he is terrified of destroying their relationship or, if it is true, pushing her deeper into addiction. So he's not doing anything about it while my mother has taken money from the shared business account to make up for what's been lost. The business was started by my stepdad and my mother contributed to opening a new location, and since he wanted to help his daughter he made her co-owner and she gets half the money made while stepdad and mom get the other half for themselves, while she hasn't put any of her own money into the business. I think it's normal to want to do that for your kid but it sure drove my mother crazy since she forked up a lot of her own money to build the place.
When my sister brought up the drug issue (I had believed she had gotten off of them since it never came back up) I privately confronted my stepfather and told him that it's a lot more serious than petty theft, and apart from the fact that he has to always look at his daughter and know she robbed him, she could actually die if this continues. She's the only one who could have done it but he's desperate to believe she wouldn't do that to him. Another problem is that my mother is too emotional and cuts him and his daughter up when she's angry, so it makes him dig his heels even deeper. I'm trying to explain to her that, apart from the fact that it's super douchey to do that to your partner, she's not helping the situation at all, but I also understand that his inaction is making the situation worse.
If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it. It's tearing my family apart.
