This past week, I was made aware of some accusations levied against me by an ex of mine. She's not going to the police or anything of the sort, but she went to our shared mutual friends with them, and they brought these accusations to me, and now I need some advice. She claims that, in the five and a half years we dated, we never had sex and instead claims that each sexual encounter in that over half a decade was rape. She's also saying that I was both emotionally and physically abusive towards her. My friends asked for my side of things, and I told them that it's not true, and that in fact she was the one who was abusive in the relationship, and I cited numerous instances they were physically there for to support myself. They seem to have sided with me, but the entire accusation and situation has left me feeling sick to my stomach and unaware of what, if anything, I should do.
For context:
- We broke up around 2011 or 2012, so this is quite some time ago.
- She broke up with me over the phone, after taking my pet cats and a bunch of our stuff from my apartment. When I tried to retrieve my cats back then, she called the cops and refused to speak with me, so I had to give up my cats as a result.
- Over the years, we would see each other a couple of times and be cordial to one another, but that status quo shifted about two to three years. At a mutual friend's wedding, she apparently broke down after seeing me and had to leave.
- We share mutual friends through me. She became friends with my friends during the course of our relationship. She's tried to convince them to stop being friends with me over the past few years, from what I was told.
- She became friends with two people who, to be frank, hate me outright after the breakup. My friends theorize that it's possible and likely that, after years of them talking shit about me to her, that she may be believing what they've said about me. I can't say for certain, as I'd have no idea about any of that.
I'm open to talk about it more, if anyone has any questions. I've offered to speak with her to sort the matter out, or write a letter to her to apologize for what she feels transpired, but my friends advised me against it, since she's simply not interested.
I'm not sure how to move forward now, and it's been troubling me ever since I found out on Monday. I haven't told my current girlfriend about any of this, because I'm not sure how she'll handle it or if she'd even want to know, so I've been trying to process it alone, and I just really need some sort of advice. I'd appreciate any and all help.
For context:
- We broke up around 2011 or 2012, so this is quite some time ago.
- She broke up with me over the phone, after taking my pet cats and a bunch of our stuff from my apartment. When I tried to retrieve my cats back then, she called the cops and refused to speak with me, so I had to give up my cats as a result.
- Over the years, we would see each other a couple of times and be cordial to one another, but that status quo shifted about two to three years. At a mutual friend's wedding, she apparently broke down after seeing me and had to leave.
- We share mutual friends through me. She became friends with my friends during the course of our relationship. She's tried to convince them to stop being friends with me over the past few years, from what I was told.
- She became friends with two people who, to be frank, hate me outright after the breakup. My friends theorize that it's possible and likely that, after years of them talking shit about me to her, that she may be believing what they've said about me. I can't say for certain, as I'd have no idea about any of that.
I'm open to talk about it more, if anyone has any questions. I've offered to speak with her to sort the matter out, or write a letter to her to apologize for what she feels transpired, but my friends advised me against it, since she's simply not interested.
I'm not sure how to move forward now, and it's been troubling me ever since I found out on Monday. I haven't told my current girlfriend about any of this, because I'm not sure how she'll handle it or if she'd even want to know, so I've been trying to process it alone, and I just really need some sort of advice. I'd appreciate any and all help.
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