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My youngest brother just died.

Buckle

Buckle

Member
Oct 27, 2017
41,049
Having issues with his heart, from decades of drug abuse.

My mother is in the other room, shaking like a leaf, hugging her does nothing. These past few years, our family has been dropping like flies to...you guessed it: complications from drug addiction.

I can't take this anymore. I hated him for torturing me my whole life, he was never once a real brother to me but the toll it takes on her psychologically and emotionally, I worry about losing her more than anything to all this neverending barrage of goddamn death lingering over our family..

My ten year old niece, she lives with us and she can hear her grandmother losing control. My god, his fucking daughter.

What do I even say? I thought we pulled our family back together after the last few deaths but its all ripped open all over again.

He was a monster and he was only given a few months to live, we all knew it was coming but I don't know. I never loved him but I'm just so goddamn angry. The Grim Reaper follows my clan around like ominous cloud, every few months I lay awake at night waiting for something horrible to happen becuase thats what normal feels like.

I'll be fine, its them I worry about and how it haunts its happening all over again and I'm useless at helping them process grief for the last four years.
 
ExoExplorer

ExoExplorer

Member
Jan 3, 2019
1,245
New York City
My condolences OP. Drug abuse takes a lot from families. Breaks people apart even before claiming them. I've seen it happen in my own extended family. Hoping for better times for you and your loved ones.
 
The Climaxan

The Climaxan

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,971
NC-USA
My condolences for your loss, but also for the emotional weight you're having to carry. The best advice I can give is to focus your attention on your niece. She is the one who needs a rock to lean on more than anything. It sounds like you're already being an amazing Uncle to her by taking her in to being with. Peace and love to you and your family.
 
kmfdmpig

kmfdmpig

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
19,354
I'm very sorry to hear that.

Your niece is lucky to have you in her life as you can tell from your post that you are prioritizing her wellbeing, as a great uncle.
 
mreddie

mreddie

Member
Oct 26, 2017
44,023
My condolences OP. Treat your niece with love and attention, fill the hole as much as you can.

Also give your mother as much love as you can.
 
Ocean Bones

Ocean Bones

Avenger
Oct 29, 2017
4,725
Your brother doesn't sound so different from my own younger brother.

Be strong, as hard as that can be after so much stress pressed onto you over the years. Be strong for your mom and niece and be there and take care of what you can. But take care of yourself too, get some closure and peace one way or another.

Keep your head up.
 
orlock

orlock

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,286
I feel you, OP, in more ways than one. the relationship you briefly describe reminds me of mine with my sibling. the beginning of this month was the anniversary of both my father's and younger brother's death by overdose. bro didnt even make 18.

be there for your people the best you can, but remember to take time for yourself, too. its easy to throw yourself into taking care of everyone else. its what i tried to do. its been 12 years and it still hurts and i never really got a chance to grieve and now if feels like its just... scarred over.
 
Ghost Rider

Ghost Rider

Member
Oct 27, 2017
856
Incredibly sorry for your loss.

For your niece? Just listen. And be there. She will need to know she has people who care.

For you? Make sure you do what you need to for yourself as well. As much as you may want to try help everyone or be strong, do not forget that you are a human and that you have also experienced this too. Sometimes when things like this happen we tend to try to help everyone and never deal with helping or sorting out our own feelings.
 
Ouroboros

Ouroboros

Member
Oct 27, 2017
12,978
United States
It is hard but be there for your niece. She will need to know she has people there for her that love her.
I'm so sorry OP. We are all here to support you.
 

Unrivaled

Banned
Oct 13, 2020
1,351
I'm very sorry for your loss. Drug addiction is no joke and I've known good people who could never get sober either despite trying many times.

Really sorry you have to go through this.
 
III-V

III-V

Member
Oct 25, 2017
18,827
Really sorry to hear that, OP. This must be very difficult for you and your family.
 
Bentendo24

Bentendo24

Member
Feb 20, 2020
5,344
Agh geez, this is horrible. Please do what you can for your family. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Unimaginable
 
Handicapped Duck

Handicapped Duck

â–˛ Legend â–˛
Avenger
May 20, 2018
13,661
Ponds
Best you can do OP is be there to lend in ear and listen. Family is going to be distraught, obviously, but don't feel the requirement that you yourself has to fix everyone's problems, because that will only make the burden on you that much more difficult.
 
shinobi602

shinobi602

Verified
Oct 24, 2017
8,331
So sorry OP. I lost my older brother to alcoholism just a few years ago. He was only 34, and it tore our family apart. Similarly we tried to help for so long, I tried to as much as I could. When I got the call from my other brother, I almost fainted, and like your mom, mine was a wreck for days on end, I had to practically carry her from place to place because she couldn't muster the will to walk.

I can't say anything to change it, but you and your family will get through it...because there's nothing else you can do :(

Keep your head up and just be there for your family.
 
Wakawun

Wakawun

Member
Oct 27, 2017
323
That's awful OP. I'm sorry for your loss. From your post it sounds to me like you have the strength and insight to take a leading role in supporting your mother and your family, to listen and help them in their grief. It's good thing they have you in the house with them.
 
Feign

Feign

Member
Aug 11, 2020
2,501
<-- Coast
Buckle, I don't think we've ever actually interacted, but you're one of the names that have stuck out to me before I had an account and enjoyed reading your posts.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I am surprised my Uncles are still alive. One has pulled through and gotten better, whereas the other constantly falls back on drugs and causes nothing but trauma for my grandma. She's learned to be more numb, but it's frustrating watching from the outside and not being able to change anything.

I'm sorry for everyone who is grieving, but I imagine there will be relief in the future, too. I hope this doesn't sound cruel, but generally someone who goes out this way isn't happy and my hope is they find true peace not having to participate in this world. I hope when everyone is done grieving at the idea of who he could have been, they take some solace for a mind that can finally be still.

I mostly hope your niece will be okay and finds stable support. Seeing my cousins, both who are in their early to mid-teens, grapple with the failures of their fathers has been heartbreaking. However, they've also become incredibly independent and strong-willed people choosing to use their fathers as examples of what to avoid. That can be a boon if mental illness played a role since it's often genetic and gives you a head chance to be better. If anything comes of this, I hope it's that.
 
Charred Knight

Charred Knight

Member
Oct 8, 2019
9,129
No one should die young, and I am so sorry for all you have gone through, if you need to be comfort you know where to go.
 
gagewood

gagewood

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,206
I am very sorry. Substance addiction is a truly awful thing. :(

Just remember that if you take care of yourself you will be better able to take care of others. Do not feel like you have to take everything on yourself - reach out to friends and other family if possible.
 
OP
OP
Buckle

Buckle

Member
Oct 27, 2017
41,049
Thanks for all the kind words, guys. We're doing abit better now. As fucked up as it sounds, seems like we bounce back faster each time it happens.

We got the niece a pet rabbit to help her out abit since shes been asking forever, it seems to love cuddling with her.
 
NameUser

NameUser

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,982
Damn. I can't even begin to imagine how this feels like. Hopefully, things get better for your Mom and his daughter.
 
amoy

amoy

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,230
Buckle said:
Thanks for all the kind words, guys. We're doing abit better now. As fucked up as it sounds, seems like we bounce back faster each time it happens.

We got the niece a pet rabbit to help her out abit since shes been asking forever, it seems to love cuddling with her.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

That's great to hear! Hang in there man.
 
RichardHawk

RichardHawk

Member
Feb 7, 2018
1,605
Los Angeles, CA
Hey OP, my brother died of an opiate overdose in September of last year. I know it's very easy to be angry at them for everything they put your family through but don't forget that addiction causes people to not be themselves. It's only been a few months since it happened and it's getting slightly easier for both myself and my parents. I wish you the best and I'm here if you need someone to talk to.
 

FantaSoda

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,992
Lost a lot of my family to drugs, including my mother. It is a very hard thing to deal with and I wish you all the best. Just try to be there for each other as best you can.
 
mangopositive

mangopositive

The Fallen
Oct 28, 2017
2,432
I'm so sorry. I had issues with my dad and growing up was tough, but I at least got out of it with stable and loving siblings. May you and your family find peace.
 
tapedeck

tapedeck

Member
Oct 28, 2017
7,977
I'm very sorry to hear this, my friends brother actually died from Heroin at 21 after a long and ugly battle with addiction..he went through what sounds like a very similar situation to what you just described. All you can do is be there for your mother and family and try to have strength as a unit.

I wish you well, keep your head up Buckle.
 
SapientWolf

SapientWolf

Member
Nov 6, 2017
6,565
Sorry to hear about your situation. It's our nation's silent tragedy and you have every right to be angry. Not to put any pressure on you but I hope your family can break the cycle.
 
Kuga

Kuga

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,265
My condolences. I lost my younger brother back when I was a teenager and it was a difficult time, particularly for my mother. I know this is cliche as hell to say, but 'time heals all wounds'. It will get better. Even if it seems entirely fruitless, the best thing you can do right now is be there for your mother and your niece. Please also consider making an appointment with a therapist, because you have a ton of things weighing you down right now and it sounds like not too many people to talk to about all of it. For your niece too, maybe.
 
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