OP
OP
I have the same issue with my brother with 3 kids. And I let them know in our chat as I said in the OP
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My whole family just got into a major argument like I've never seen before
- Thread starter DrScruffleton
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It's just these sort of choices to not look past the surface and make an attempt to consider feelings, emotions and motivations is something people pick up and adds to the tension. People can tell when others don't consider them valid.
OP
OP
Im sure my mom feels the same way, to the point now where she doesnt want to do anything anymore because shes just an inconvenience to them.
So again it all goes back to your brother and mom making this setup and telling your siblings with kids tough luck this is what we're doing on this date. It's becoming more clear why your sister is upset and it has nothing to do with t-ball games.
That's great. Now extend that to other members of your family, which you seem to want to continually demonstrate that you have no desire to do so.
Hint: If your answer is "stupid ass t-ball game" or something similar, you probably still have more thinking to do.
If you don't want to consider your sister, then OK. That's your choice. But make the choice and own it.
Can you not see the manipulative behavior in your own posts? This is astounding.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised at this point if she is using the kids as an excuse to not hang out with this toxicity. Throw in an anti-vaxxer brother and I'd nope the fuck out of there to.
OP
OP
Nope, guess not. Oh well. If they dont think our family is important, then maybe she shouldnt anymore.
Man, i'm sure happy my family is pretty chill, we just meet when we can, and we don't care about certain specifc dates
As for OP's story, I feel everyone here has a part in this drama
As for OP's story, I feel everyone here has a part in this drama
OP
OP
I love my sister, her childs easily skippable sports game is not important.
hm
I can see getting upset if sis dragged mom in front of everybody
on the other hand
If this were about anti-vax nonsense I wouldn't personally be interested in juggling my schedule around
I can see getting upset if sis dragged mom in front of everybody
on the other hand
If this were about anti-vax nonsense I wouldn't personally be interested in juggling my schedule around
In her mind, her kids are (understandably) the most important things in the world. Maybe doctor brother needs to be a bit more flexible himself if you expect your sister to drop her priorities for him. Let her pick the dates and activities, unless she's unwilling to do that.
"Hey we planned this event without you"
"Uh, that doesn't really work for me, why wouldn't you ask first"
"Ok, how about instead you take the kids to a bar/driving range with us"
"Not really ideal either"
"Guess you don't love us."
If how you speak of her on this forum is indicative of how you interact with in real life, then she probably doesn't think you do. You seem to have zero respect for her life, motivations and her emotions. She probably thinks the same.
Put forth a little effort to demonstrate it instead of demeaning her and her children's lives. Or don't, and own not considering your sister important.
OP
OP
if anything you just said you dont know what top golf is LMAO. Like how they have family parties and kids areas
Nobody's saying your mom can't pick how to celebrate her birthday. But if she picks an activity that isn't for kids (and from the website, Top Golf doesn't look like it's for kids at all), don't expect the parents of kids to attend. As a parent, the last thing I want to do is to try to entertain my kids & keep them quiet in a public place that actively doesn't want children there. Why can't she go do the fun stuff she wants for her birthday & then everyone gets together for dinner at a family friendly place? Or just have different branches of the family celebrate at different times if everybody's schedule is different.
This kind of guilt trip & the outburst in the opening post is a big red flag. This is major emotional manipulator behavior.
This kind of guilt trip & the outburst in the opening post is a big red flag. This is major emotional manipulator behavior.
OP
OP
You doctor brother is obviously your mothers favorite child. Your sister is expect to drop everything for him because he is the one with the more successful life and career. She is just a mother with kids, that is not hard at all. Doctor brother even offered to pay the loser sister to get a baby sitter. What perfect child!
Does the sister have a job? A husband? Why is their time and input not important? They not only have to arrange their kids activities, but their own job time as well and babysitter. All for a gather they had no input on.
It about the constant disrespect your sister is getting from you, your brothers, and your mother.
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Yes, she is better off without her mother and her bothers toxic attitude toward her life.
The mom clearly lives on emotional abuse/manipulation and the OP has picked it up and has it in their own bag of tricks.
Can't even recognize it when pointed out is the scary part.
Nobody said she shouldn't decide what to do for her birthday, but she should consider that not everybody may be able to make it. Just because it's your birthday doesn't make you boss of everyone who loves you, or give you license to get what you want at the expense of others. A nice time is nice for everybody, or it's a lie.
I've never been to Top Golf, but the website screams "for adults". The only mention of children on the whole website is that they need to be accompanied by an adult 21+. Everything else is photos of adults swinging clubs or adults at the bar. I could absolutely understand not wanting to take your kids to a bar, or a bar atmosphere.
M: It's my birthday, I want to go to place and have fun.
D: We will be understandably miserable at place, for these reasons.
M: I see, let's reconsider, I want everybody to enjoy themselves when we are together on my birthday, naturally.
Vs
M: It's my birthday, I want to go to place and have fun.
D: We will be understandably miserable at place, for these reasons.
M: Too bad, it's MY birthday, deal with it.
OP
OP
Thanks for the replies everyone, I am requesting this to be closed. I need self reflection and to look into these deeper issues that have been brought up.
This is a good post.
This one really speaks to me. I made a point to tell my parents when my wife was pregnant with our first how things were going to work. Christmas and holidays at my house now. I'm not packing my (now 2) kids into a car and driving 3 hours away so my parents can have both my brother and me in the same house. WE weren't packed into a car and traveled to our grandparents on holidays, so why should they expect my wife and me to do so? For the most part (the first couple of years they tried to guilt me) they've finally accepted this. But there are still times they still give grief. And they don't always come on the holidays itself, I've had to accept two "christmas days" because they refuse to come day of. There are other factors that are part of this, but I don't feel like this is the thread to get into it.
Her child is a human being and also a member of the family.
Best of luck with it all. It doesn't seem like these are insurmountable problems.
I think with advanced planning they could make this work for your mom. Based on what you wrote OP, I don't think you are wrong for feeling how you do. I will say the one thing to try to keep in check is to not let your emotions get the best of you and say things that you don't mean. It will only make things worse. I think this is one of those situations where it went off the rails and emotions are high across the board. There may be other things playing into these feelings as well. Things that aren't as on the surface? Basically, I would try to find a compromise. As you said, your mom is 70 and who knows how many birthday's you all have left with her. I would work this angle more. Maybe the kids missing a thing to be with the grandma isn't such a bad thing, you know? Maybe the parents need to consider that when making some decisions?
This is the kind of shit my mom and grandma would say out loud for maximum manipulation and drama.
This too.
This is like, mad "If you don't like America, then get out" energy, which is especially interesting since all this urgency is to cater to your anti-vax brother who is actually dumb enough to incur the cost and hassle of moving and literally get out of your lives forever.
Seemingly.
Good luck OP, genuinely hope you reflect a little on the manipulation, it's possible you are getting pulled into your mom's web as well without realizing it. Have a conversation with your sister after everyone cools down. For all you know her unvaccinated child (4 years old) and your anti-vax brother could be the problem (it would be for me).
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