True, taking the piss out of ourselves is our natural selves after all.
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My totally unscientific opinion about men based on the responses on my last thread.
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Haha, I'd given the same reply as the ones quoted in OP. Mainly because I'm a chubby couch potato who definitely doesn't do everything he could.
When my friends compliment my looks or my new clothes I always assume they're just sarcastic and laugh it off.
When my friends compliment my looks or my new clothes I always assume they're just sarcastic and laugh it off.
Yeah. As far as I am concerned being good looking is a means to end. It brings with it popularity and opportunities for sex, possibly some credibility. When I was a young man, late teens to early twenties, I was slim, slightly quirky looking but seemingly quite attractive because I was sleeping with and in relationships with good looking women. At the end of that period, I met the woman who has been my wife for twelve years. I'm now nearly forty, I've got a decent career, I have no interest in having sex with anyone but my wife, I'm happy, always happy. I really don't give a fuck if I'm handsome or not because being handsome won't get me anything that I need right now. Objectively I'm not handsome and need to lose some weight which, fortunately for me, isn't that difficult for me to do. And then I'll look better. But still no oil painting. So it's easy to be self-deprecating because it's the truth and it doesn't hurt me to say it.
The thread this thread was borne out of was asking 'would you be creeped out by someone wanking over your image online' or something similar. No-one is cracking one off to my selfies. I'm not that great in the flesh but I look even worse in pictures. That's just the fact of the matter. It does't upset me and there is no point pretending it isn't so.
The worst part is ..... It doesn't matter what anyone tells me. I've had exes say I'm good looking , girls ask friends I was with for my number and I still want to cry anytime I see a picture of myself ... I feel fat and utterly hideous when I see non - selfies
My girlfriend looking at me like I'm some sort of sexy person, feels pretty fucking good. I'm average now but I was an ugly teenager/young adult, like the spawn of Frank Ribery and Sly Stallone. I never had compliments from men or women, and then when I started to, I couldn't take them serious.
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Hate to say it but IT IS a gaming forum. Guaranteed the responses would be different if this was a body building forum.
This is true. Personality means a lot to a lot of people, me included.
I ask my girlfriend all the time what she sees in me physically. I've always been self conscious about my looks. She says I'm fine and loves me. I think she's fucking gorgeous though. I've always had self hate and self loathing issues for as long as I can remember.
Remember that being self-deprecating is bad and will only get you attention in the short term. Confident is the best way to be.
Yeah. It's just often, it can just be a way to mask your poor self esteem. Others can't hurt you if you joke about it first, etc. Which is why when I see loved ones who say they have poor self esteem, one of the things I tell them is 1) try to accept compliments, even if you don't believe them (that really doesn't make them wrong) and 2) to stop putting themselves down, even jokingly. For some people it may just be in good fun, though. But I'd still ask them to challenge why they do it.
I think there is a difference between almost pathetically doing yourself down in a way that makes you look like a total loser and just being cheerfully open about your flaws. People who are at peace with themselves don't have problems doing that because they have accepted who they are and know where their strengths and weaknesses lie. Being absurdly and unjustifiably overconfident is just as big a problem as having no self-esteem at all. It does tend to get better results though.
Yeah, arrogance is no good either. But I think there's a big difference between being kind to oneself and arrogance. Being at peace with your flaws and realising they don't define you as a person is a form of kindness as well.
When I was a teenager, I used to be really bad at accepting compliments. Part of this was due to me not liking the attention, positive or otherwise (social anxiety), but also because I didn't really believe them. I quickly realised that accepting the compliments got me less attention overall (as rejecting compliments sometimes gets you a poor reaction, e.g. people thinking you're trying to milk even more compliments), but it took me much longer to finally just start believing the positive comments I got, especially ones that were frequent. Eventually, it became easier to believe them, and my self image improved. This had a doubly positive impact in that it changed the way others perceived me for the better as well.
Sometimes we can be far more critical towards ourselves than we would literally anyone else, even to the point of being unfair. It's what I meant earlier when I said we aren't always our fairest critics. Sometimes all we see are the flaws, and we can exaggerate them. A more positive self image is also likely to help you improve yourself, too. As you feel like you're worth working on, and not a lost cause.
Now I can claim it's genetic, or my heritage from the old country.
I have no desire to see what I look like and advoid it like the plague. I have one small mirror for shaving and that's it. Thankfully I'm so hunched over that I can't see people laughing at me.
Why do I feel the need to remind everyone on this thread that gay men are a thing that exists and "dick haters" is definitely not a good way to describe us.
Part of value not being tied to looks is also the feeling that defining beauty like that isn't really useful. Beautiful means something else to the majority of people, and honestly, even many women internalize it as being desirable to the object of their affections - or sometimes the masses.
Which is about sexual value, in itself.
So I appreciate the sentiment - I ain't beautiful though, in that sense!
Which is about sexual value, in itself.
So I appreciate the sentiment - I ain't beautiful though, in that sense!
I think as a woman there's something you end up realizing probably much sooner and faster than our male peers, it's that: everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY has self-esteem and body issues. I've never met a girl who was 100% in love with her body, who didn't have stuff to obsess and worry about, stuff she'd hate about herself. Some manage to get at ease with those issues, and make peace with them as much as can be, but it's something I've realized is overwhelmingly true. Even the most beautiful of them, even those who it is the job to make money out of their beauty, they'll have a long list of things that make them self-conscious about their bodies, and long list of grievances about them.
As such, and in a capitalistic society that would love nothing more for us to feel constantly bad about ourselves so we keep buying stuff that would "help" fill that void but never do, it became apparent that we have to love ourselves and uplift each other as much as can be. Find things in ourselves that we like, and uplift those things instead of focusing on the bad, and do the same for our peers. This is maybe why women are also more inclined to compliment one another, it's because we know all of us have our load of insecurities to deal with, and how difficult it is to deal with them at times. And while I'll agree that physical beauty doesn't have to ever become the focal point of anybody ever, it's still a great thing to become at peace with our appearances, in a way that doesn't just focus on the bad parts, but also values the good ones and celebrate them, as it also helps building confidence, and overall attractiveness.
This is indeed very much the case. That's basically how I fell in love with my ex, who I wasn't initially attracted to upon befriending them. However, after weeks and months of interacting, their charisma, kindness, personality ended up feeding the physical and sexual chemistry, and their physical traits then also became attractive to me.
Similarly, people I found attractive while first meeting them became ugly to me in a matter of few interactions, solely because their personality was just downright ruining their physical appearance.
Sadly in a world of constant immediacy, in a world of swiping right or left in a matter of seconds on a picture you're just seeing for the first time, that sort of thing doesn't have time to develop and grow at all. People might be missing amazing love stories and life partners solely because the emphasis is put on physical appearance too much in dating apps. Which is why I've never used them, and don't intend in doing so.
As such, and in a capitalistic society that would love nothing more for us to feel constantly bad about ourselves so we keep buying stuff that would "help" fill that void but never do, it became apparent that we have to love ourselves and uplift each other as much as can be. Find things in ourselves that we like, and uplift those things instead of focusing on the bad, and do the same for our peers. This is maybe why women are also more inclined to compliment one another, it's because we know all of us have our load of insecurities to deal with, and how difficult it is to deal with them at times. And while I'll agree that physical beauty doesn't have to ever become the focal point of anybody ever, it's still a great thing to become at peace with our appearances, in a way that doesn't just focus on the bad parts, but also values the good ones and celebrate them, as it also helps building confidence, and overall attractiveness.
This is indeed very much the case. That's basically how I fell in love with my ex, who I wasn't initially attracted to upon befriending them. However, after weeks and months of interacting, their charisma, kindness, personality ended up feeding the physical and sexual chemistry, and their physical traits then also became attractive to me.
Similarly, people I found attractive while first meeting them became ugly to me in a matter of few interactions, solely because their personality was just downright ruining their physical appearance.
Sadly in a world of constant immediacy, in a world of swiping right or left in a matter of seconds on a picture you're just seeing for the first time, that sort of thing doesn't have time to develop and grow at all. People might be missing amazing love stories and life partners solely because the emphasis is put on physical appearance too much in dating apps. Which is why I've never used them, and don't intend in doing so.
The experience you had with your friend is totally valid. But when you expand it to be some universal thing, it stops meaning much.
as wholesome as the OP may be sorry my low self esteem outweighs that
but then theres this
but then theres this
/thinking emoji
Thank you OP, my male friends have said that I am decent looking. Unfortunately, folks of my ethnicity are not really popular with other ethnicities (iirc from Tinder dating pref data, which is kind of old now) and more importantly, I am smol. For all of us striving toward egalitarianism, most people can't digest seeing a couple where the guy is shorter than the gal. So I said fuck it, I am out. If someone online gets off by looking at my pic, it'll be because they aren't aware of my smol-ness.
Hence me prefacing that this is what my straight girlfriend thinks.
Everyone of course is different, I just found it interesting she finds womens bodies generally more aesthetically pleasing than mens. She even says she follows more hot women on insta and thinks its douchey when dudes pose shirtless lol
Lmao i guess it could work out but chances are we become a sort of invisible because we would be super average looking.
Serious response: Don't be too hard on yourself man, i'm pretty sure most in here look better than they think. Just eat healthy, work out, take care of yourself and put on some nice clothes but most important of all just be a chill dude.
I was in a rotten mood the other day, and kinda unloading on my ex girlfriend, who has since become a close friend. I was talking about how I felt crappy and ugly.
She responded "Nonsense. You are open hearted, caring, and you're cute!"
Her taking a moment to say that I was attractive meant a lot to me. She didn't have to do that. In fact, most people never will. But boy did it boost my confidence. She and I have no interest in dating each other (we dated long enough to know it just doesn't work), but to hear it from someone I think is one of the most awesome people I've ever met, it meant the world.
Tell your guys they're cute. They deserve to know.
She responded "Nonsense. You are open hearted, caring, and you're cute!"
Her taking a moment to say that I was attractive meant a lot to me. She didn't have to do that. In fact, most people never will. But boy did it boost my confidence. She and I have no interest in dating each other (we dated long enough to know it just doesn't work), but to hear it from someone I think is one of the most awesome people I've ever met, it meant the world.
Tell your guys they're cute. They deserve to know.
Nah. Speaking both as a black dude AND as someone with a ton of black friends, not at all.
OP
OP
Ah man, I really hope you do not believe it. Realize how small and myopic the world of YouTube comments really is. The real issue. And one we share as dudes who really are not ugly. Is past times, passions, career fields etc that make it very difficult to make connections that might foster romantic relationships.
You just have to find the avenues and put yourself out there in a more serious way because you're not ugly. I'm in the same place as you I think. My romantic life hasn't been the greatest but that's on me a well.
Not trying to project. I just hear the from you what my inner thoughts kind of sounded like not too long ago.
The problem is that what is considered "more beautiful" are white, european features.
Damn I thought this thread was gonna go in a completely different way when I read the title, but it ended wholesome and nice.
I have to say the OP is probably right, I dont have much selfsteem with my looks, even when im actually what people would call a normal nice looking person. But even then, maybe that normalcy is what makes me not stand out and have problems with my selfsteem.
Also thank you OP, this thread is as beautiful as you.
I have to say the OP is probably right, I dont have much selfsteem with my looks, even when im actually what people would call a normal nice looking person. But even then, maybe that normalcy is what makes me not stand out and have problems with my selfsteem.
Also thank you OP, this thread is as beautiful as you.