So in my last thread I asked people how they would feel about a random stranger getting off to their social media pics. There were all kinds of responses, with a fairly strong divide along gender lines.
Link to that thread.
But beyond that, there was something curious I started noticing as the thread progressed. A LOT of responses from male members were along the lines of self-deprecatory humor. Putting themselves down, calling themselves ugly, questioning the judgment of the person hypothetically getting off to them and so on.
I have posted these self-deprecating responses below. Most of them are from male members, one is from a non-binary member, and a few haven't given their gender on their profile. (Hope you peeps don't mind me quoting you here)
Now I do understand that many of them were perhaps just trying to be funny, but I feel there's more to it than that. I'm male, and I realized that if I wasn't the OP, I probably would've posted a similar self-deprecatory response.
I believe most people who grow up male have really low-self esteem when it comes to their appearance. And I feel this is primarily because no one in their life compliments them on their appearance.
Male friends rarely compliment each other on looks, as homophobia is rampant in the world, and a boy complimenting another boy on appearance feels 'gay' to a lot of men. Women seem to have no such issues with other women.
Fathers rarely compliment their sons on their looks, while girls get called pretty and beautiful and gorgeous all the time by both parents. Same goes for male relatives.
Women rarely compliment men on their looks, as there's a very good chance that the man might take the compliment as flirting and start coming on to you, creating an awkward (and sometimes threatening) situation.
Not only that, but men are trained by society to compliment the appearance of their romantic partners all the time, while women aren't expected or encouraged to do that at all.
All of this brings us to a situation where men have really low confidence in their appearance, and often think of themselves as unattractive or ugly. I feel that this is really damaging to male psychology, reinforces toxic masculinity, and contributes to a host of serious problems (like the inability to love yourself).
Of course, the other side of the coin is that women get showered with either compliments from a young age or negative comments about their looks, and learn to associate their value as a human being primarily with their appearance. That's a HUGE problem as well, but as a male, I don't have the lived experience to talk about that. Feel free to go off about it in the comments.
There's also the whole discussion about our beauty-obsessed society, but I feel that's better discussed another day.
So apart from the discussion, I've made this thread to say ONE THING to all the people I quoted (male, non-binary and undefined) and all the men on Era -
You fuckers are beautiful.
You're gorgeous and lovely, and you should love the way you look. If the society hasn't evolved enough today to tell you that, you tell it to yourself.
And I'll say this to all the Era members of all genders - compliment the men in your life. Compliment your father, your son, your boyfriend, your friend, your brother... Tell them when they look good. Help them learn to love themselves.
Peace out, you beautiful nerdy fucks.
