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Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,935
If thats not victim blaming I dont know wtf it is.
Spineless? No reason to just walk out? Yeah... Im sure all mistreated women would be also delited to hear your wisdom of how to get out of abusive relationships.



And you know?
The only thing we can say right now if that if THIS is true, the guy needs help, even psycholgy help (becuase he cant handle abusive relatioships), and need to get out of that relationship. Oh the guy cheated? Maybe he cheated becuase he needed love and still was scared shitless of her current girlfriend becuase of what she usually does? Shit like this sometimes happens, geto off you high horse (and i say this hating cheating, and in this same thread i have said i was really angry at a friend for doing it with her ex).

If we discover this is just the imagination of the OPs friend, then you can say whatever you want of the guy.
You can see I didnt call the girlfriend names or anything, becuase I still dont know if its true, so dont want to condemn her completely. Im just saying on my 3 posts in this thread, that if its true the guy needs help, thats it.
If you're having some difficulty visualizing this as abuse because it's a dude, try looking at it this way: girlfriend tries to break up with boyfriend. He refuses to let her leave him and locked the door from the inside and hid the keys, then kept her there until she agreed to stay and they had sex. Sounds pretty bad, yeah? That's straying into 'the implication' territory
No i understand that sounds weird.
Now we wait i guess.

From the information i have now he could have ended this sooner. He just was okay with how things went. MAybe i missed other info.

AND stop putting those whiny fucking words in my mouth. I know men can be abused.
 
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RoninZ

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,752
Did this girl go near yandere on him? Your friend must be bullshiting to just make his life seem interesting or I don't know It could all be true i guess. Either way that friend of yours is a idiot for cheating in the first place.
 

Techno

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
6,412
The place I'm staying at now has a key on both sides.



She probably locked the windows if she was planning to trap him inside. I would.

...if I was crazy I mean.

Damn, didn't think about that. This is becoming an episode of Fort Boyard now. I hope his friend finds the key, otherwise his girlfriend will probably toss it into the sea.
 

Siggy-P

Avenger
Mar 18, 2018
11,865
Did she treaten to kill him or something? She just can't take "no" for an answer. She'll have to live and cope with that.

To be clear, i understand men can be terrified of women and abused by women just as women can be terrified of men.
But in this case he could just end it i think.

It does all sound a bit like that movie.. what's the name?... With Kathy Bates. Edit: Misery.
But it's not that bad yet. He just needs to stand up for himself and end it.

Women don't usually use phsycial force or threatening violence to intimidate men in these situations. My brother's ex-fiance kept on threatening to kill herself until he finally broke it off with her.

Not saying that's what this woman doing but just an example. And remember this ain't just some person OP's friend had known a month, it's someone whose seemingly been pulling this sort of behaviour for years. That he got back with her like how was described is textbook.
 

NESpowerhouse

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,679
Virginia
I'll sum up all the updates before this one, my friend told the other woman everything and she dumped him, he went home with the intention of confronting the gf.

He gets home and finds her there, she has prepared a nice dinner, the romantic kind. She was apparently dressed nice even wearing lipstick (She hates wearing lipstick). My friend tries to speak but she keeps interrupting and telling him to sit down. He sits down and she brings food from the kitchen to the table and sits down and he tries to tell her we need to talk and she asked him about what. My friend said he had a speech prepared but after a few moments of silence he forgot the speech and blarted out that the wanted to break up. At this point the gf made a smile or a chuckle of some sort and said NO, she immediately followed it up with how was your day. My friend was left speechless and tried to bring up the breakup again but she wasn't interested and he kept persisting until she slammed the forks and table knife into the table tells him no again. He decides to get up and leave but when he gets to the door he finds it locked and his keys aren't at the counter where he normally leaves them.

He asked for his keys back but she refused and keeps telling him to sit down, he brings up the breakup and she became angry. She brought up the cheating said how much it hurt her, how he should have been begging for her forgiveness instead he's trying to cause her more pain. My friend says now her eyes became watery, he tries to apologise and she said she forgave him and was willing to make their relationship work and then she brought up the times he hurt and began begging and told him how she was hurting imside and mt friend says he started to overwhelmingly bad and she moved from her chair to his and begged him more, told him she won't live without him and kissed him and my friend folded and gave in and apologized for trying to breakup with her, saying he'll give it another shot. They had sex and when to bed (Am ashamed of my boy), she slept soundly but he didn't, he was think about what to do. She told him where she put the keys in the morning.

My friend still wants to breakup with her but doesn't know how to do it, she clearly won't accept it this time.

This update was hard to write trying to remember all of those little things be said, while writing this I realized I need to get a life.
 

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,935
Women don't usually use phsycial force or threatening violence to intimidate men in these situations. My brother's ex-fiance kept on threatening to kill herself until he finally broke it off with her.

Not saying that's what this woman doing but just an example. And remember this ain't just some person OP's friend had known a month, it's someone whose seemingly been pulling this sort of behaviour for years. That he got back with her like how was described is textbook.
Sure that happens and it's terrible. Bit in this case the story is a bit off imo. They both ended the relationship multiple times so it could have ened long ago. Of course i do not know for sure but we'll have to wait and see.
 

fepeinado

Circumventing a ban with an alt account
Banned
Feb 5, 2019
536
I'll sum up all the updates before this one, my friend told the other woman everything and she dumped him, he went home with the intention of confronting the gf.

He gets home and finds her there, she has prepared a nice dinner, the romantic kind. She was apparently dressed nice even wearing lipstick (She hates wearing lipstick). My friend tries to speak but she keeps interrupting and telling him to sit down. He sits down and she brings food from the kitchen to the table and sits down and he tries to tell her we need to talk and she asked him about what. My friend said he had a speech prepared but after a few moments of silence he forgot the speech and blarted out that the wanted to break up. At this point the gf made a smile or a chuckle of some sort and said NO, she immediately followed it up with how was your day. My friend was left speechless and tried to bring up the breakup again but she wasn't interested and he kept persisting until she slammed the forks and table knife into the table tells him no again. He decides to get up and leave but when he gets to the door he finds it locked and his keys aren't at the counter where he normally leaves them.

He asked for his keys back but she refused and keeps telling him to sit down, he brings up the breakup and she became angry. She brought up the cheating said how much it hurt her, how he should have been begging for her forgiveness instead he's trying to cause her more pain. My friend says now her eyes became watery, he tries to apologise and she said she forgave him and was willing to make their relationship work and then she brought up the times he hurt and began begging and told him how she was hurting imside and mt friend says he started to overwhelmingly bad and she moved from her chair to his and begged him more, told him she won't live without him and kissed him and my friend folded and gave in and apologized for trying to breakup with her, saying he'll give it another shot. They had sex and when to bed (Am ashamed of my boy), she slept soundly but he didn't, he was think about what to do. She told him where she put the keys in the morning.

My friend still wants to breakup with her but doesn't know how to do it, she clearly won't accept it this time.

This update was hard to write trying to remember all of those little things be said, while writing this I realized I need to get a life.
so that's you and you don't know how to dump her? Leave the apartment yourself
 

Atreides

Member
Oct 25, 2017
94
Spain
No i understand that but he shouldn't have cheated and he should have ended it. He's a spineless guy.
That she is fucking crazy is another matter. That's also true. There seems no reason for him to just walk out and end this.
Let's not make this into something more than it is.
You are acusing an abuse victim of being mentally weak (spineless). Yes, that's what mental abuse does to people, it weakens them mentally. Calling emotionally abused victims weak is victim blaming.
We don't even know if this story is true.
That's not really relevant. If this story was clearly fiction, for example a movie, it would still be wrong to victim blame. Victim blaming is also about perpetuating stereotypes that blame victims. That can also be done with fiction
 

Atreides

Member
Oct 25, 2017
94
Spain
If you're having some difficulty visualizing this as abuse because it's a dude, try looking at it this way: girlfriend tries to break up with boyfriend. He refuses to let her leave him and locked the door from the inside and hid the keys, then kept her there until she agreed to stay and they had sex. Sounds pretty bad, yeah? That's straying into 'the implication' territory
Sincerely, I'm tempted to say that, as told, it is rape.
 

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,935
You are acusing an abuse victim of being mentally weak (spineless). Yes, that's what mental abuse does to people, it weakens them mentally. Calling emotionally abused victims weak is victim blaming.

That's not really relevant. If this story was clearly fiction, for example a movie, it would still be wrong to victim blame. Victim blaming is also about perpetuating stereotypes that blame victims. That can also be done with fiction
I agree that's not relevant. Something seems off and there were many other opportunities to end the relationship for good by both people. Maybe the guy is scared and then it's an abusive relationship. Maybe he's a spinless shit and totally okay with her not breaking up having sex with him.
We'll have to wait of this story ever gets an ending.

Don't worry though. The only reason i react to this story this way is because things seem off to me. I don't think men should be ashamed for admitting they are in an abusive relationship.

To me right now it seems more like a silly relationship of two people that don't know things can be different and normal in a relationship. It's a guess. I know.
 
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Trup1aya

Literally a train safety expert
Member
Oct 25, 2017
21,362

Man that's incredibly stupid and should be illegal.

How are people getting hung up on the door lock, doost of you not have a system where it's keyed on both sides?

Locks are supposed to keep unwelcome out... Someone who is inside should be welcome to leave at anytime.

Why should a for every require keys to exit. lock/unlock from the inside should be as simple a twist of a knob.
 

riotous

Member
Oct 25, 2017
11,340
Seattle
I'm pretty sure keyed locks are against code where I live because I'm old as fuck and have literally never seen a deadbolt that required a key from the inside.
 
Nov 17, 2017
12,864
Whether the story is true or not, I can't help but notice how from certain posters in this thread this has been strictly a men vs women narrative.

Like at first, OP's friend was the real villain for cheating which of course was wrong and manipulative but there were some people easily willing to overlook the manipulative and crazy things the girlfriend was doing and had done, giving her the benefit of the doubt and even praising her for it.

Now that the girlfriend is showing exactly why OP said she was manipulative and crazy, we have similar posts downplaying the abuse and manipulation and I can only guess it's because it's a man being abused by a woman. I don't know why it has to be that the guy is an asshole and it's all his fault. I think they both have serious issues and are in a toxic, abusive relationship that they need to get out of both for their own good. They honestly need to work on themselves away from each other. There doesn't have to be one "villain."

Sure that happens and it's terrible. Bit in this case the story is a bit off imo. They both ended the relationship multiple times so it could have ened long ago. Of course i do not know for sure but we'll have to wait and see.
Don't victims of abuse often return to their abusers? If a person is good at manipulating someone and has a certain hold over them, they can probably easily pull them back in if they're still vulnerable even after a relationship has ended. "Why don't you just leave?" is easy to say from the outside looking in. Even then, you've never heard of toxic on-and-off-again relationships?

Also you keep saying you know men can be abused but from your posts it seems like you are still struggling with the concept because OP's friend is male. You still seem to think he could've/should've just got out and I'm not sure you'd be that way if the genders were reversed.


Not sure what to think of ppl still believing this
Honestly, the last update made me have doubts. It seemed too... theatric. At this point though, it doesn't really matter to me if it's real or fake. The "hypothetical" situation is still interesting to me just due to the thoughts people have on it, who they think is in the wrong, the double standard when it comes to victim blaming and thoughts on abuse or manipulative behavior in toxic relationships. That discussion is the only reason I'm still engaging with the thread.


Page 1: How dare you call her a psycho

Page 14: Well that was proven true but what about them locks
hahahaha

My apartment also requires a key to leave so I guess I could also lock someone inside my apartment if I wanted to.
 

riotous

Member
Oct 25, 2017
11,340
Seattle
I'm pretty sure keyed locks are against code where I live because I'm old as fuck and have literally never seen a deadbolt that required a key from the inside.

Yup, against building code in all of Washington State.. explains why I've never seen this. I'm sure they exist, but you'd have to remove them if you wanted to sell or rent your place:


4. Doors from individual dwelling or sleeping units of Group R occupancies having an occupant load of 10 or less are permitted to be equipped with a night latch, dead bolt, or security chain, provided such devices are openable from the inside without the use of a key or a tool.

This thread is now about why the fuck this is allowed anywhere else lol
 

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,935
Don't victims of abuse often return to their abusers? If a person is good at manipulating someone and has a certain hold over them, they can probably easily pull them back in if they're still vulnerable even after a relationship has ended. "Why don't you just leave?" is easy to say from the outside looking in. Even then, you've never heard of toxic on-and-off-again relationships?
Yep. that happens a lot.

Also you keep saying you know men can be abused but from your posts it seems like you are still struggling with the concept because OP's friend is male. You still seem to think he could've/should've just got out and I'm not sure you'd be that way if the genders were reversed.
I'm not. But keep trying.

Hypothetically, this could be a case of abuse, yes.
And nobody should be okay with that or think lightely of it.

I have a feeling this is different. That's all.
 

Quinton

Specialist at TheGamer / Reviewer at RPG Site
Verified
Oct 25, 2017
17,283
Midgar, With Love
New update...

So my friend was crawling on all fours with his Gameboy Micro in his mouth (not sure why) when my gf surprised him with pictures of his gf holding photos of his former side chick. All three women were dressed in garb befitting the Antebellum period even though the former side chick warned my gf it might be confusing for my friend. My friend's gf jumped on my friend while he was still on all fours with his Gameboy Micro in his mouth and they both collapsed and had sex (am ashamed of my boy).

At this point my gf tells my friend's former side chick about the nuclear vessels. Apparently the empty spot on his wall where the photo of the former side chick used to be is a hollowed out bit of plaster that leads to a secret entrance into a frigid bay where several nuclear submarines are kept in secret. Each of them is fully armed and painted in the likeness of one of my friend's ex gfs. I told my friend when he told me about the nukes not to go down there with them because it wasn't safe and when my gf tried to pretend there weren't any nukes things got nuclear between us and she had sex with my psychiatrist (even though I asked her not to but she told me I'm crazy and she wants to be with someone more stable even though I pointed out to her that stable people don't supply people with secret nuclear arsenals with physical embraces unless there's emotional connectivity which there wasn't to which my gf said I lost the game and I asked what game and then I realized what she meant and after she left I ate a $30 Italian meal).

It turns out that the nuclear subs are property of a former KGB group who are now mercenaries and my friend's gf is their de facto leader. But at this point I have to admit she's a chess master among chess masters because she hid the keys to the subs inside my friend's considerable scalp so when her former KGB underlings arrived at my friend's apartment she told them they aren't allowed to break up with her (I guess they were planning on giving up the criminal lifestyle in favor of a desk job) and when they got angry and said it was their decision she started crying and everyone had sex all at once including my brother (who I should add is 62 years old and happily married). Everyone slept soundly except him and when he woke up and discovered the nuclear keys inside my friend's considerable scalp he drove all the subs to the Better Business Bureau and turned them in and my friend and my gf and my friend's gf and my friend's former side chick and my friend's gf's former KGB underlings all got arrested and are awaiting trial.
 
Nov 17, 2017
12,864
Yep. that happens a lot.


I'm not. But keep trying.
The only thing I'm trying to do is understand what you're trying to say here.

I'm sorry if I'm misinterpreting what you're saying but you say stuff like "I know men can be abused" then say stuff like "they ended the relationship before so he could've gotten out of this but he hasn't so he's ok with it." Then when I questioned that you say "yeah, I know people can return to abusive relationships." Ok so... why doubt this because it's a relationship that ended then started up again?
 

Trup1aya

Literally a train safety expert
Member
Oct 25, 2017
21,362
The only thing I'm trying to do is understand what you're trying to say here.

I'm sorry if I'm misinterpreting what you're saying but you say stuff like "I know men can be abused" then say stuff like "they ended the relationship before so he could've gotten out of this but he hasn't so he's ok with it." Then when I questioned that you say "yeah, I know people can return to abusive relationships." Ok so... why doubt this because it's a relationship that ended then started up again?

It reads like he understands that men can be abused, and that victims of abuse often have trouble getting and staying out of abusive relationships.

What he doesn't understand is that this particular guy was in an abusive relationship, and is having trouble getting and staying out of it.

He also doesn't understand that suggesting the victim should 'just grow a spine and leave' is a classic example of victim blaming.
 

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,935
It reads like he understands that men can be abused, and that victims of abuse often have trouble getting and staying out of abusive relationships.

What he doesn't understand is that this particular guy was in an abusive relationship, and is having trouble getting and staying out of it.

He also doesn't understand that suggesting the victim should 'just grow a spine and leave' is a classic example of victim blaming.
No i do understand. I just don't think this is the case here. Like i already said.

There i NOTHING you and the other person are saying that i don't understand (or even disagree with).
Aside from the conclusion of this story.
 

TheIlliterati

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
4,782
New update...

So my friend was crawling on all fours with his Gameboy Micro in his mouth (not sure why) when my gf surprised him with pictures of his gf holding photos of his former side chick. All three women were dressed in garb befitting the Antebellum period even though the former side chick warned my gf it might be confusing for my friend. My friend's gf jumped on my friend while he was still on all fours with his Gameboy Micro in his mouth and they both collapsed and had sex (am ashamed of my boy).

At this point my gf tells my friend's former side chick about the nuclear vessels. Apparently the empty spot on his wall where the photo of the former side chick used to be is a hollowed out bit of plaster that leads to a secret entrance into a frigid bay where several nuclear submarines are kept in secret. Each of them is fully armed and painted in the likeness of one of my friend's ex gfs. I told my friend when he told me about the nukes not to go down there with them because it wasn't safe and when my gf tried to pretend there weren't any nukes things got nuclear between us and she had sex with my psychiatrist (even though I asked her not to but she told me I'm crazy and she wants to be with someone more stable even though I pointed out to her that stable people don't supply people with secret nuclear arsenals with physical embraces unless there's emotional connectivity which there wasn't to which my gf said I lost the game and I asked what game and then I realized what she meant and after she left I ate a $30 Italian meal).

It turns out that the nuclear subs are property of a former KGB group who are now mercenaries and my friend's gf is their de facto leader. But at this point I have to admit she's a chess master among chess masters because she hid the keys to the subs inside my friend's considerable scalp so when her former KGB underlings arrived at my friend's apartment she told them they aren't allowed to break up with her (I guess they were planning on giving up the criminal lifestyle in favor of a desk job) and when they got angry and said it was their decision she started crying and everyone had sex all at once including my brother (who I should add is 62 years old and happily married). Everyone slept soundly except him and when he woke up and discovered the nuclear keys inside my friend's considerable scalp he drove all the subs to the Better Business Bureau and turned them in and my friend and my gf and my friend's gf and my friend's former side chick and my friend's gf's former KGB underlings all got arrested and are awaiting trial.
I enjoyed this. I think if the OP posted it some people would still believe it even though nothing about this thread is believable.
 
Nov 17, 2017
12,864
Based on the info. Just like you. We just reach different conclusions. Now i have to work though.
Have fun pointing all kind of fingers and patting yourself on the back all the time.
I'm trying to understand you because what you say you believe about abuse and what you say about the situation seem contradictory to me. Don't know why you're choosing to be antagonistic with me. Probably is a good idea for you to take a break.


I don't really "believe" anything on the internet; it's all possible or possibly lies.
30a.jpeg
 

Force_XXI

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,188
The friend is like horror movie dumb. Ahh you locked the door andwhere are my keys you hid them without me noticing even tho I just got here. Ok lets have sex. lmao.
 

Trup1aya

Literally a train safety expert
Member
Oct 25, 2017
21,362
No i do understand. I just don't think this is the case here. Like i already said.

There i NOTHING you and the other person are saying that i don't understand (or even disagree with).
Aside from the conclusion of this story.

If you don't think it's the case here, then you don't understand.

Entrapping people in a relationship, emotionally and physically, is abuse. It's not a matter of difference of opinion. It's a matter of fact.

Once you can accept that the person in this story has been abused, then to suggest he should have "just grown a spine and left" is victim blaming, period.
 

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,935
If you don't think it's the case here, then you don't understand.

Entrapping people in a relationship, emotionally and physically is abuse. It's not a matter of difference of opinion. It's a matter of fact.

Once you can accept that the person in t this story has been abused, then to suggest he should have just left is victim blaming, period.
No that's obviously an abusive act. Terrible. The whole thing is how the guy himself perceives this. We don't know that yet. Or do we?
 

FFNB

Associate Game Designer
Verified
Oct 25, 2017
6,120
Los Angeles, CA
That's a really toxic and unhealthy relationship.

Your friend is an asshole for cheating, and his girlfriend sounds like she has some serious insecurity issues to work through.

They don't need to be together. It's unhealthy for both of them.

If he's afraid to leave while she's there, then he needs to pack up his shit and move while she's at work. That's what my mom and sisters did when they left their abusive spouses. It's not easy, to uproot like that, but it's not impossible, and it's necessary. She refuses to break up with him? That's not how it works. She doesn't own him, and can't control him, and vice versa.
 

Rvaan

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,734
This reads like a trashy thriller that I would love to see. I don't care if this is true or not, it's entertaining as hell.
 
OP
OP
CassCade

CassCade

Banned
Nov 2, 2017
2,037
My friend got some of his clothes and other essentials out of the apartment, he's staying with one of our friends. He sent her text basically telling her it's over, the text was sent over 2 hrs ago, he's worried she hasn't replied or called.
 

mrmoose

Member
Nov 13, 2017
21,190
My friend got some of his clothes and other essentials out of the apartment, he's staying with one of our friends. He sent her text basically telling her it's over, the text was sent over 2 hrs ago, he's worried she hasn't replied or called.

Tell him to check the door of the friend's place and see if there's a big NO written in a substance that looks like blood on it.

Wait, no, it would be glow in the dark paint on the ceiling so he sees it when he turns off the light to go to sleep. Also make sure the other woman isn't "missing."

In all seriousness, I hope she gets the help she seems to need.
 

Komo

Info Analyst
Verified
Jan 3, 2019
7,110
What the fuck? Dude your friend needs to get the fuck out of there.
 

TheMan

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,264
My friend got some of his clothes and other essentials out of the apartment, he's staying with one of our friends. He sent her text basically telling her it's over, the text was sent over 2 hrs ago, he's worried she hasn't replied or called.

May the good lord bless you for the updates you have bestown upon us
 

Siggy-P

Avenger
Mar 18, 2018
11,865
My friend got some of his clothes and other essentials out of the apartment, he's staying with one of our friends. He sent her text basically telling her it's over, the text was sent over 2 hrs ago, he's worried she hasn't replied or called.

He needs to cut her out completely. Block her number. It'll hurt but as with everyone who goes through this, he'll gain clarity and sound of mind eventually.
 

John Dope

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
113
I think the bigger question is why are you friends with this person
You know, I don't like to post much or drive by but when I see posts like these I get triggered and then feel sadness for people like you because it is clear that you have no friends irl or just simply think everyone behaves according to your way of life. Seriously, do you think it's ok to ask someone why they're friends with another person simply because they do dumb shit? Do you think every relationship is some magical shit where nothing goes wrong and everyone is perfect? I'm not calling you out personally but I am curious as to why you and some others think this way