Showing the OP that shit could always be much worse, to not blame his dad, and to cherish what you did have with his father? I mean there isn't anything else we can do, we can't turn back time for him.
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My Dad was a good provider and he was there but he didn't give me 1 single sklll to how to deal with the world
- Thread starter Threekola Miroswish
- Start date
Showing the OP that shit could always be much worse, to not blame his dad, and to cherish what you did have with his father? I mean there isn't anything else we can do, we can't turn back time for him.
"Could be worse" is irrelevant to the point the OP wants to discuss.
Op is asking if he should be annoyed. So yes it fits as he shouldn't be annoyed because, put in perspective, many many people have it much worse.
So because people have it worse, the parent just being there makes them a perfect, infallible parent? The OP or anyone whose parent wasn't a deadbeat isn't allowed to discuss the effectiveness of different types of parenting at all?
OP has nothing to do about the effectiveness of different parenting etc. He just asks if he should be annoyed, that's it. Anyone who has had a real shitty parent, or lost theirs early can easily say with confidence, no you should not be annoyed. His father was a normal adult, just fumbling around life like everyone else but still manages to be a good father.
People keep asking for details, but it's lost in an early post, but OP stated that he never learned how to deal with conflict and now he drinks to cope and his parents don't seem to like it.
You can be upset if you want, but at this point it won't solve it. If you don't like how you're dealing seek out some professional help, there is no shame in it.
You can be upset if you want, but at this point it won't solve it. If you don't like how you're dealing seek out some professional help, there is no shame in it.
Your parents dont give you skills. You learn skills. Life is not like a video game where you talk to an NPC and all the sudden you know how to cast fire. If he provided you with a life where you are able to eat and go to school and learn on your own, then that's more than a lot of dads ever do. Be thankful for it.
Did you end up able to live your life? Can you learn on your own? Can you support yourself? Can you interact with others?
Compared to large percentages of this planet you're privileged to have had a good family/father throughout your years. I understand you have some perspective and don't take for granted your opportunities that you have the ability to create and take advantage of now, given your comments in the OP about not wanting to be ungrateful.
The best "skill" my father ever taught me was to think for myself, you're father has enabled you to live, choose what you want in life and given rise to self sustainability. Teach yourself, work on yourself. You've been given far more skills and opportunities than realise.
At the very least your father taught you the skill of providing for your family/yourself, that is a paramount skill in life. There are other skills within that too; loyalty, determination, perseverance, humility etc.
You'll also need to realise parents aren't able to teach everything. I'm shit with power tools, never had a teacher and nor do I have the drive to want to learn. I've self taught simple things like fixing door jams, handles, change a car headlight etc. Just learn what you want at this point mate, it's not hard to. My son and daughter don't have a handyman father but I teach then to code instead. Horses for courses.
Compared to large percentages of this planet you're privileged to have had a good family/father throughout your years. I understand you have some perspective and don't take for granted your opportunities that you have the ability to create and take advantage of now, given your comments in the OP about not wanting to be ungrateful.
The best "skill" my father ever taught me was to think for myself, you're father has enabled you to live, choose what you want in life and given rise to self sustainability. Teach yourself, work on yourself. You've been given far more skills and opportunities than realise.
At the very least your father taught you the skill of providing for your family/yourself, that is a paramount skill in life. There are other skills within that too; loyalty, determination, perseverance, humility etc.
Parents teach you everything, speech, writing, how to shit, how to eat, how to walk, how to sit up straight, homework, social interactions...blah blah. You can learn anything on your own these days, you have more opportunities today than ever and far more than many third world countries (assuming here). I suggest you take advantage of the skills you have been given.
You'll also need to realise parents aren't able to teach everything. I'm shit with power tools, never had a teacher and nor do I have the drive to want to learn. I've self taught simple things like fixing door jams, handles, change a car headlight etc. Just learn what you want at this point mate, it's not hard to. My son and daughter don't have a handyman father but I teach then to code instead. Horses for courses.
No he shouldn't thank his parents for doing what they're supposed when they decided to have him.
And no I don't mean to literally never thank you parents for these things but they don't deserve a medal for doing the bare minimum.
This is what happened with me. I was just an idiot and assumed my dad didn't help me with life skills, but like, he was there, provided, and loved. He also tried to go through shit with me but I acted like a brat, so that's on me. We are 100% cool and my life is fairly dope, so their love was enough. (I'm including my mom since she's pretty cool too) /shrug
The people complaining that their parents didn't like... teach them how to change oil or something while still making sure they were educated and treated well... uh...
Yeah.
As someone who's dad passed away a week ago, I sympathize but.. did you ever take into account that your dad wasnt good at handling conflict? It's possible he didnt teach you because he didnt know how. All my dad done was buy stuff for us and work his fingers to the bone untill he lost his leg. I blamed him for my shitty social skills but he didnt have good skills either. Love your dad and accept he failed in certain departments and move on before it's to late.
I don't think you should be mad at them for not specifically teaching you things that you didn't ask for, no. You said he provided for you and was there for you, which is already quite good.
Could he have done more? Sure. But no parent is perfect. I don't think you should resent him for not doing more than he did when it sounds like he tried, or for not reading your mind about what you want from him.
A lot of what parents teach is by example. From being around them, you got a good idea of how to carry yourself, how to treat other people, the foundations of your value system, and so on. All of these things are life skills. Even being there for you is setting a good example.
Could he have done more? Sure. But no parent is perfect. I don't think you should resent him for not doing more than he did when it sounds like he tried, or for not reading your mind about what you want from him.
A lot of what parents teach is by example. From being around them, you got a good idea of how to carry yourself, how to treat other people, the foundations of your value system, and so on. All of these things are life skills. Even being there for you is setting a good example.
This is also incredibly true, and I didn't really understand this until I became a parent myself. The thing with being a parent is that you're often well-intentioned, but a) you're only human and you do fuck up (and oh god are some of those fuckups huge) and b) sometimes your attempts to teach something are misguided or misinterpreted, and you never find out that what you wanted to teach never came across.
This is a problem I see all the time on this forum and in real life.
"The world don't owe you nothing, got to do it yourself."
*Proceeds to forget all the times people helped him/her become who they are/get them to where they are in life.*
Nah, good support networks are a huge help in becoming a successful and "normal" human being. Not one person on this earth has done it all by themselves, so we should probably cut the "do it all yourself" bullshit.
Sure but also there not calling on how much you can do by yourself
50/50
I'm saying there is so much a parent has to do, it seems like OP being hard on theme
Your dad was there and provided? He shoulda at least taught you how not to throw him under the bus. Like, what are you missing that he didn't imbue you with? Is he very successful? Did he leave you in your room all day? Or is he just a person like you, all caught up in life? What skills are you missing that he has?
My dad gave me three pieces of advice:
1. Always wear a condom.
2. Make sure the woman you marry is hot.
3. Never play russian roulette.
I have yet to break one of these rules and I'm doing pretty good.
Also he told me one time that the secret to his successful marriage with my mother was the fact that they keep their golf games separate. When I raised this point with my mom she said "Your dad is an asshole when he golfs."
1. Always wear a condom.
2. Make sure the woman you marry is hot.
3. Never play russian roulette.
I have yet to break one of these rules and I'm doing pretty good.
Also he told me one time that the secret to his successful marriage with my mother was the fact that they keep their golf games separate. When I raised this point with my mom she said "Your dad is an asshole when he golfs."
My uncle told me the only thing men need are toilet paper, beer, and garfield comics.
My father hasn't had the opportunity to teach me anything in my 30 years, as he's been too busy running from the police.
Those garfield comics, though. Now that's some stuff I can work with
My father hasn't had the opportunity to teach me anything in my 30 years, as he's been too busy running from the police.
Those garfield comics, though. Now that's some stuff I can work with
Cooking is overrated. Get an air frier.
(I say overrated as in good cooking won't get your any more nutritious meal than bad cooking)
Mine told me I only had a single chance to start the engine on a manual transmission. If I failed, he wouldn't let me drive his car, ever, or even trying to teach me again. Imagine how that went down.
I really think I despise driving because of him.
My dad tried to teach me a lot of things, but I would rather play video games and watch anime.
So now I have to call him whenever stuff breaks in my apartment or whenever I have to use the toolbox for something. Better learn things late than never, I suppose.
So now I have to call him whenever stuff breaks in my apartment or whenever I have to use the toolbox for something. Better learn things late than never, I suppose.
I mean, there's a difference between knowing how to cook broccoli in a way that keeps the nutrients
You're going to get a lot of shitty replies, but I know how it feels to have parents who didn't teach you life skills, and I sympathize. Pretty sweet way to derail your kid's life.
Just be happy if you weren't abused, I guess. It can always be worse. I tell myself that at least my parents weren't violent drunks. I'm still paying for the complete lack of empathetic nurturing and guidance though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Life's fun.
Just be happy if you weren't abused, I guess. It can always be worse. I tell myself that at least my parents weren't violent drunks. I'm still paying for the complete lack of empathetic nurturing and guidance though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Life's fun.
My therapist puts it best: they may not have had those skills either.
Once you consider that their parents (your grandparents) possibly didn't give him those skills, it becomes easier to forgive a perceived slight. So go read some books or go to therapy, join a group and try and work hard.
But I've been there. It's like waking up and realizing how much you needed, as a kid.
What are the ethics of letting any random grown-up person breed? Some parents are grossly unqualified.
My birth dad didn't teach me anything. He wasn't around. My mom and step dad taught me tons of stuff, some good and some not so good. Therapy taught me to sort out the good from the bad stuff I learned and how to grow the good. And I'm still learning. I'm a woman who can change a tire and patch drywall, but I shut down and withdraw when I'm emotionally stressed. I'm working on it.
You have to figure out a way to work on your blindspots Op.
You have to figure out a way to work on your blindspots Op.
Depends on the family. I'm an only child, and my father taught me a lot. He traveled a lot for work, but when he was home, he spent a lot of time with me, teaching me about all the things he believed were important. I still look to things he taught me (a lot of which his father taught him) when living my life and going through tough times.
I have a Master's Degree in Conflict Resolution and have developed and delivered multiple trainings and workshops on the subject. Maybe I can give you some free pointers or at least point you to some books. What kinds of conflicts are bugging you?
It's amazing how slighted a lot of posters are in this thread. I guess OP should shut his fucking yap since his father did the bare minimum of showing up, why should any child lament that their parents didn't do more? Afterall, parents are perfect and don't you know how lucky you are you even have parents?
Give me a break.
Give me a break.
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