I just want to share that I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed with how sad and terrible life can feel when you're depressed and anxious. This year I was diagnosed with severe PTSD, severe anxiety and severe depression as a result of some traumas I experienced in the last year. However I have had generalized anxiety disorder for the last 10 years and mild to moderate depression for the last 18 years that have been chronic and difficult to manage over the years with on and off CBT therapy and trying some of the classic antidepressants (Lexapro and Zoloft). Things got unbearable in the last year with my updated diagnoses.
I could no longer recognize myself. I would cry and panic when hearing certain lines of dialogue in movies or games. I would zoom out and have a panic attack if I saw something triggering on the street. I was physically incapable of being optimistic. I was spiraling every day into dark despair. I couldn't bear to continue living life the way it was. It was a dark time in my life. It has been. Lots of change and trauma and grief. I didn't think I would make it this far.
I see lots of mental anguish and suicidal threads here and it almost always appears to be someone who hasn't figured out the right combination of medication and therapy for themselves. I also see bad advice here like discouraging people from seeing their doctors. So I want to encourage you to be brave and keep trying!
I'm happy to say that after 2 years of psychiatric medication trial and error I've finally found the right dosage and combination of meds for me. It took me so long. I wanted to give up, but what choice did I have? It was either be so miserable that life passes me by, or keep trying to find the right treatment for me ASAP. This included finding the right therapist and doctor for me, and unfortunately (but necessarily) sorting through many that were not the right ones for me.
I finally found a trauma therapist (after interviewing several therapists) and started EMDR therapy (I've done a few years of CBT already). I'm getting some freedom from my demons I have been waiting for and I'm learning a lot.
Most importantly though is I got the RIGHT BALANCE of medications after seeing different psychiatrists, trying different meds, and going through several different medication combinations. For those of you out there with depression or anxiety living in daily anguish, do not give up hope! Psychiatric medications affect everyone differently and you might need a blend of different ones! I take mirtazapine + buspar + abilify and for the first time in years I feel...happy. I feel calm. I feel stable. I feel capable of excelling at my job. I feel optimistic about the future.
You have no idea how badly depressed you are and how used to it you have gotten until you finally find the medication that switches your brain into a proper functioning state. Listen! Suicidal thoughts are not your fault and they are lies being told to you by a hurting brain! Do not repay your hurting brain with a permanent solution that will not help. Advocate for your own health and see a psychiatrist! Try a med! If it doesn't work, ask for a new one! Keep trying! If the psychiatrist runs out of ideas, find a new one! Get a new referral! It can take years but you owe it to yourself to wait for the chance to be happy. What other choice do you have? If you don't keep trying, you will never have the chance to be happy again!
Anyway, to recap. For the first time in a long time, my brain is able to feel happy again, and I feel like I can get back to living. Please give living a chance! See a therapist and psychiatrist ASAP if you have unresolved mental illness! Even if you don't believe medication can help you, what does it hurt to get a professional opinion/advice? This is their expertise. Give it a shot!
Disclaimer: this is a very privileged post and I recognize that mental healthcare access in the USA is terrible and costly. To those that can't afford a psychiatrist, I am so sorry. Please try to find community health options in your area that connect you with affordable psychiatry.
I could no longer recognize myself. I would cry and panic when hearing certain lines of dialogue in movies or games. I would zoom out and have a panic attack if I saw something triggering on the street. I was physically incapable of being optimistic. I was spiraling every day into dark despair. I couldn't bear to continue living life the way it was. It was a dark time in my life. It has been. Lots of change and trauma and grief. I didn't think I would make it this far.
I see lots of mental anguish and suicidal threads here and it almost always appears to be someone who hasn't figured out the right combination of medication and therapy for themselves. I also see bad advice here like discouraging people from seeing their doctors. So I want to encourage you to be brave and keep trying!
I'm happy to say that after 2 years of psychiatric medication trial and error I've finally found the right dosage and combination of meds for me. It took me so long. I wanted to give up, but what choice did I have? It was either be so miserable that life passes me by, or keep trying to find the right treatment for me ASAP. This included finding the right therapist and doctor for me, and unfortunately (but necessarily) sorting through many that were not the right ones for me.
I finally found a trauma therapist (after interviewing several therapists) and started EMDR therapy (I've done a few years of CBT already). I'm getting some freedom from my demons I have been waiting for and I'm learning a lot.
Most importantly though is I got the RIGHT BALANCE of medications after seeing different psychiatrists, trying different meds, and going through several different medication combinations. For those of you out there with depression or anxiety living in daily anguish, do not give up hope! Psychiatric medications affect everyone differently and you might need a blend of different ones! I take mirtazapine + buspar + abilify and for the first time in years I feel...happy. I feel calm. I feel stable. I feel capable of excelling at my job. I feel optimistic about the future.
You have no idea how badly depressed you are and how used to it you have gotten until you finally find the medication that switches your brain into a proper functioning state. Listen! Suicidal thoughts are not your fault and they are lies being told to you by a hurting brain! Do not repay your hurting brain with a permanent solution that will not help. Advocate for your own health and see a psychiatrist! Try a med! If it doesn't work, ask for a new one! Keep trying! If the psychiatrist runs out of ideas, find a new one! Get a new referral! It can take years but you owe it to yourself to wait for the chance to be happy. What other choice do you have? If you don't keep trying, you will never have the chance to be happy again!
Anyway, to recap. For the first time in a long time, my brain is able to feel happy again, and I feel like I can get back to living. Please give living a chance! See a therapist and psychiatrist ASAP if you have unresolved mental illness! Even if you don't believe medication can help you, what does it hurt to get a professional opinion/advice? This is their expertise. Give it a shot!
Disclaimer: this is a very privileged post and I recognize that mental healthcare access in the USA is terrible and costly. To those that can't afford a psychiatrist, I am so sorry. Please try to find community health options in your area that connect you with affordable psychiatry.
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