Man Marries Daughter's Bridesmaid and Childhood Friend, Daughter Demands House, This Leads to the Worst Advice Column I've Ever Read

[PAFenix]

How well does one usually know their kids' friends? I understand Musk marrying his stepdaughter who he literally raised being weird, but if a parent knows of a friend but just knows their name and has little to no interaction with them and 20 years later happen to meet again and hook up, is that weird?

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Is the wife a young adult? If not and it's been a while since the wife and husband were in contact then this doesn't seem like a grooming situation

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Just me, personally. But if hypothetically 2 decades from now I start to enter the dating scene again because my wife has passed and I meet someone for lunch after getting a 'match' on some dating app or something........

Date: Oh hey, your name is familiar.....Are you xxx's father?
Me: Yeah?
Date: Oh we went to school together at City Elementary!

You'd bet your ass I'd laugh at this situation happening to not make her feel bad, but then hurrying out as fast as I fucking can.

 

[PaperSparrow]

One of those threads that makes it obvious who puts themselves in whose shoes. Why anyone would defend the dad's relationship to her friend is so far beyond my understanding.

 

[excelsiorlef]

I don't think so- if they found love together then that's love. If he groomed her then that's fucked up and might change things, but I think it's more likely they just met each other later in life. Maybe they were more amenable due to having previously met when she was his daughter's childhood friend, but I don't think that in itself is an issue

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Love is not a carte blanche to enter into any old relationship damn the context.

Neither should be involved with each other

 

[The Albatross]

I honestly find the moral outrage a little baffling.
Is it kinda creepy? Maybe. Is it something I would do? No. Is it complicated? Absolutely. Is this going to destroy all relationships involved? Very likely.
But beyond that I find especially the columnist advice relatively even headed…
🤷🏻‍♀️
He could also be marrying a 45 year old and still get kids, age really doesn't seem to factor in imho. He might even adopt children without marrying…

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Yeah this is how I feel. Messy, weird, awkward, shitty situation to put your daughter in, but not morally or ethically outrageous just socially weird and likely a bad idea. Also from the description in the op, there's no evidence of grooming or enabling rape, at least from the description we have. When i was 22 I hooked up with one of my sisters friends at her wedding who was 28. She absolutely knew me when I was 12 and she was 18. She didn't groom me, she didn't lust after me as a weird pre pubescent 5'4" 12 year old, but at some point I became a grown man, we did have sex at my sisters wedding 10 years after I moved in my sister to college and met her dumbass friends. It's still weird from the dad/daughters friend perspective, odd, awkward, shitty thing to do to your daughter, but from the description in the op there's no evidence of grooming anymore than me as a 22 year old sleeping with my sisters friend who was 28. Was I a child once when she knew me? Yes, but when we hooked up I was an adult. Maybe she listed after me as an awkward 12 year old but I doubt it, at least there's no evidence of that.

Also guy has been single for a while, and a young woman Is interested in him… loneliness causes you to make decisions you might not make otherwise. Still think it's odd, shitty situation to put your daughter in. But I think the demand for like… you must give me your house or disavow your grandkids is at least as odd. I get being mad, but that's not like being mad at the awkwardness of your dads stupid relationship, it's putting a value on your anger and the value is a house, which is a pretty dumb position. Like, omg I'm so mad at you I'll never let you see your grandkids, well, unless you give me your house.

 

[Pikachu Statue]

Or is it that the men of ResetEra empathize with old dudes fucking young brides more than they do with daughters

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The young bride is also someone's daughter. And if we want to make the situation as striking as possible, we should assume that the young bride would look at this thread and get mad that so many people think she isn't capable of making her own decisions. Any theory of grooming has to be able to cope with the victim saying things like that.

 

[caffe misto]

So his 20 year plan all along was to groom the friend and then strike at his daughters wedding, where the woman may or not actually happen to be at?

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And also wait out his wife somehow dying?

 

[brawndolicious]

My daughter loved growing up in that house but so did my wife so hard to decide

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After thinking about it, I honestly think it's more logical for the house and any assets to go to the new wife over the kids but at the same time, I think it's gross that he married his daughter's friend. Basically, I hate grooming/old-dude-young-wife matches and I hate generational wealth.

The father is a fucking creep and the daughter is an asshole because she's willing to accept the marriage but is willing to cut off contact because of the house. Seems like she has her priorities backward due to greed.

I have no sympathy for either party here.

 

[Disco Infernal]

One of those threads that makes it obvious who puts themselves in whose shoes. Why anyone would defend the dad's relationship to her friend is so far beyond my understanding.

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It's almost like people are capable of having different opinions.

 

[Jarmel]

To be very clear when people talk about rape culture, this thread is part of that too. Child grooming and pedophilia are part of this. Every single person posting in this thread who is so willing to ignore the creepy fucking grooming situation is contributing to rape culture.

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There is little reason for anybody to assume grooming or pedophilia is a part of this. Is it possible because of the age gap? Sure. Do we have only one side? Yes. However it seems the father and new wife had not kept in touch for however many years and the new wife is likely 25+ and old enough to make her own decisions. People aren't so much as ignoring it but rather feel there's not enough to assume that.

 

[The Albatross]

He's lucky he even has a chance to see his grandson at all. Fuck him.

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Well it's more like, fuck him, unless he gives you a house, then he's cool, from the daughters perspective. Very transactional.

"This is so fucked I could never allow you around my children you disgusting asshole. Well, unless you give me your house."

 

[excelsiorlef]

I don't think so- if they found love together then that's love. If he groomed her then that's fucked up and might change things, but I think it's more likely they just met each other later in life. Maybe they were more amenable due to having previously met when she was his daughter's childhood friend, but I don't think that in itself is an issue

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God your edit made this way worse

 

[Disco Infernal]

And also wait out his wife somehow dying?

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He's a monster!

 

[Darknight]

Probably not, speaking as someone whose dad has a house that will likely go to his girlfriend rather than to me and my brothers. I'm not at all upset at this, because a) my dad's girlfriend was his own age and already had her own family (and grandkids), and b) my dad bought the house himself back in the day. If my dad had inherited the house from my deceased mom's parents and had then married my middle school classmate and the house would go to this classmate and her kids, I'd be disgusted and probably livid, yes. This surely cannot be that hard to grasp?

Or is it that the men of ResetEra empathize with old dudes fucking young brides more than they do with daughters... 🤔

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No it's not hard to grasp, but then it really seems less about the house then than it does about being unhappy with her friend marrying her dad which is totally understandable. Because if it was solely about the house being her childhood house, she'd have this problem no matter who her father married. I'm not saying her actions are unjustified or she isn't in the right to be unhappy, upset, or even angry at the situation either. I'm just saying this feels more about the situation and the players involved rather than the house itself. That's not to say the house isn't important by any means, just that there are other motivating factors in play here and we shouldn't try to make it sound like by any means this is simply about her childhood house.

 

[Leafshield]

I don't think so- if they found love together then that's love. If he groomed her then that's fucked up and might change things, but I think it's more likely they just met each other later in life. Maybe they were more amenable due to having previously met when she was his daughter's childhood friend, but I don't think that in itself is an issue

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I was responding to your point about the deceased first wife equally objecting to any new spouse, childhood friend of the daughter or not. I don't think your argument here would reasonably convince anyone about their spouse's choice of future partner should they die.

 

[excelsiorlef]

After thinking about it, I honestly think it's more logical for the house and any assets to go to the new wife over the kids but at the same time, I think it's gross that he married his daughter's friend. Basically, I hate grooming/old-dude-young-wife matches and I hate generational wealth.

The father is a fucking creep and the daughter is an asshole because she's willing to accept the marriage but is willing to cut off contact because of the house. Seems like she has her priorities backward due to greed.

I have no sympathy for either party here.

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We probably shouldn't assume she's ok with the marriage remember this is all from the creepy dad's side

And if you make yourself out to be an outright creep in your own version the truth is probably worse

 

[Disco Infernal]

There is little reason for anybody to assume grooming or pedophilia is a part of this. Is it possible because of the age gap? Sure. Do we have only one side? Yes. However it seems the father and new wife had not kept in touch for however many years and the new wife is likely 25+ and old enough to make her own decisions. People aren't so much as ignoring it but rather feel there's not enough to assume that.

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There is literally zero info provided to assume it.

 

[RecLib]

There is little reason for anybody to assume grooming or pedophilia is a part of this. Is it possible because of the age gap? Sure. Do we have only one side? Yes. However it seems the father and new wife had not kept in touch for however many years and the new wife is likely 25+ and old enough to make her own decisions. People aren't so much as ignoring it but rather feel there's not enough to assume that.

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Its the opposite. There is extremely little reason to assume grooming wasn't part of the situation. The girl was around the house REGULARLY. He saw her REGULARLY as a child. Any situation where grooming was a possibility is extremely suspect and giving full benefit of the doubt to the potential groomer enables grooming, enables pedophilia. A decent person would recognize the situation as fucked up and not engage in the relationship.

 

[orochi91]

To be very clear when people talk about rape culture, this thread is part of that too. Child grooming and pedophilia are part of this. Every single person posting in this thread who is so willing to ignore the creepy fucking grooming situation is contributing to rape culture.

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You're taking issue with something that isn't even a point of importance to the story that's presented.

Nowhere is grooming/pedophilia mentioned or inferred as a source of the issue at hand, yet you and a handful of folks have concocted an entire fictional background and narrative, and are now projecting this on to the daughter's motives.

It is outlined that her issue is inheritance and sentimental ties to her mother's/childhood property. She accepted the marriage, only to turn around and withhold the grandkids due to property rights. She is entirely in the wrong here for the manipulation and blackmailing.

 

[Pikachu Statue]

There is literally zero info provided to assume it.

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Well we shouldn't assume this is a real story in the first place. So its only value is to cast light on people's beliefs.

 

[PaperSparrow]

It's almost like people are capable of having different opinions.

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What did I say that makes it seem I'm not aware of that? Also the use of "different opinions", like we are talking about people's favorite movies or something, lol.

 

[Rosebud]

Let's change things for people who don't see any issues

You die, your wife gets a new husband, friend of your kid, and the house that you personally bought/got from your parents are now theirs and your kid doesn't has any share. Amazing!

If you still don't see issues then we'll never agree

 

[RecLib]

I'm going to bounce on this thread because genuinely, I'm not sure I've been madder before on this forum reading people's disgusting rape culture ass posts. You all should be fucking ashamed.

This letter probably is fake, but the situation is real. Groomers exist and are everywhere and its disgusting to see how okay many era posters would be with letting that shit slide on benefit of the doubt.

 

[brawndolicious]

We probably shouldn't assume she's ok with the marriage remember this is all from the creepy dad's side

And if you make yourself out to be an outright creep in your own version the truth is probably worse

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It's not that farfetched but yeah, this could be a completely fake letter written by somebody who wanted to troll the columnist.

 

[AuthenticM]

I don't think so- if they found love together then that's love. If he groomed her then that's fucked up and might change things, but I think it's more likely they just met each other later in life. Maybe they were more amenable due to having previously met when she was his daughter's childhood friend, but I don't think that in itself is an issue

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Bro. If an old man like this gets on with a woman whom he had met when she was a child, that is an automatic gross. There is almost a presumption of grooming in such a scenario. "Maybe they were more amenable" is a hell of a euphemism for grooming too lmfao. Bro.

 

[RowdyReverb]

I hate this story. Key detail is that Isabella married a lawyer, which I assume is the source of the inheritance question.

Inheritance drama is the worst, my family went through that even with a very meager estate and there are still rifts years later. Taught me the value of a living will

 

[Iolo]

ok, I thought we collectively decided generational wealth is evil, but it sounds like there will be an exception when grooming is involved. is this a one time exception like Bush v. Gore, or do I need to file this away?

 

[S-Wind]

I'm just sitting here wondering what a 2 million dollar house would look like, or what it would feel like to live in it.

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LOL!

I live in Vancouver.

The equivalent of 2 million US dollars is the average price of a single family detached house here, and some of them are in fairly shitty condition...

 

[CapNBritain]

Probably not, speaking as someone whose dad has a house that will likely go to his girlfriend rather than to me and my brothers. I'm not at all upset at this, because a) my dad's girlfriend was his own age and already had her own family (and grandkids), and b) my dad bought the house himself back in the day. If my dad had inherited the house from my deceased mom's parents and had then married my middle school classmate and the house would go to this classmate and her kids, I'd be disgusted and probably livid, yes. This surely cannot be that hard to grasp?

Or is it that the men of ResetEra empathize with old dudes fucking young brides more than they do with daughters... 🤔

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This post and others like it are gross. You don't know the details of the story and jump to conclusions that are likely, but not in any way fact, and then proceed to judge those involved and fellow posters on some imagined moral high horse. No one is excusing anything we are discussing what is known. The situation is weird and if he's a pedophile then he should go straight to jail. Children still aren't entitled to their parents' property in my opinion.

 

[Drowner]

I was responding to your point about the deceased first wife equally objecting to any new spouse, childhood friend of the daughter or not. I don't think your argument here would reasonably convince anyone about their spouse's choice of future partner should they die.

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I just don't see anything wrong with marrying someone who you met when they were a kid? Assuming the woman has been an adult for a few years and had plenty of opportunities to meet people, and then happened to hit it off with an older man who she had met when she was a child? I don't see anything wrong with that. Of course if it was a situation where she had only been with him since she was a kid, or that they had been in close contact since she was a kid, and he was affecting her interest in other people and leading him towards her I would see that as grooming and problematic

 

[excelsiorlef]

It's not that farfetched but yeah, this could be a completely fake letter written by somebody who wanted to troll the columnist.

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I mean yeah possibly

If so shameful that he didn't go for broke and add a side story about how upset he is his daughter won't call her childhood friend mom.

 

[Rosebud]

Edit: misread lol

 

[Morrigan]

The young bride is also someone's daughter.

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Oh please

And if we want to make the situation as striking as possible, we should assume that the young bride would look at this thread and get mad that so many people think she isn't capable of making her own decisions. Any theory of grooming has to be able to cope with the victim saying things like that.

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If she has that much agency and wasn't groomed, then she's an opportunistic slimebag and a shitty friend at best so I really don't give a fuck if she gets mad

just that there are other motivating factors in play here

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Ya think?

If you still don't see issues then we'll never agree

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Watch them say "I won't care since I'm dead" or some shit like that.

 

[Jarmel]

Its the opposite. There is extremely little reason to assume grooming wasn't part of the situation. The girl was around the house REGULARLY. He saw her REGULARLY as a child. Any situation where grooming was a possibility is extremely suspect and giving full benefit of the doubt to the potential groomer enables grooming, enables pedophilia. A decent person would recognize the situation as fucked up and not engage in the relationship.

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Having interactions with someone regularly, much younger than you, isn't grooming. As presented in this side of the story there isn't anything tangible to just straight out confidentially say grooming occurred here. Could it have happened? Again yes. However the daughter's issue is over the house. This is acting like a 25 year old woman can't determine of her own accord that she is in love with a man in his late 40s/early 50s.

 

[Afrikan]

First world problems.

They all should be glad they have a house like that to live in (even if shared) in this day and age.

 

[excelsiorlef]

The young bride is also someone's daughter. And if we want to make the situation as striking as possible, we should assume that the young bride would look at this thread and get mad that so many people think she isn't capable of making her own decisions. Any theory of grooming has to be able to cope with the victim saying things like that.

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You probably shouldn't marry your childhood friend's father after hooking up with him at her wedding and then trying to claim sentimental attachment to your childhood friend's childhood home that her mother's family gave them, because you want it.

 

[The Albatross]

Strongly advise you all read slates relationship advice column every week. This one is downright traditional compared to the bonkers shit. I suspect 20% are fake.

 

[Leafshield]

I just don't see anything wrong with marrying someone who you met when they were a kid? Assuming the woman has been an adult for a few years and had plenty of opportunities to meet people, and then happened to hit it off with an older man who she had met when she was a child? I don't see anything wrong with that. Of course if it was a situation where she had only been with him since she was a kid, or that they had been in close contact since she was a kid, and he was affecting her interest in other people and leading him towards her I would see that as grooming and problematic

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*You* don't see a problem with it. Again, I was replying to your point about what the deceased first wife would hypothetically think about her husband going on to marry their daughter's schoolfriend vs any other woman. I guarantee you that 'I hope you find love again if I should pass away' doesn't usually include 'amongst our kid's former classmates'.

 

[FliX]

Fucking hell, is this for real? He knew her since she was in middle school

The dude's a creep and very likely a groomer 🤮 And you say this? This is a disgustingly dismissive post and I'm frankly disappointed.

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If there was grooming involved that is obviously sick and not remotely defensible.
With the very limited given information I'm not going to jump to that conclusion though.
For all we know the dad barely saw her when she was young and there is no indication whatsoever that the dad had any feelings to her prior to remeeting her at the wedding.

 

[Ashes of Dreams]

This thread is being a little too judgemental and unfair in my opinion.

To the advice column, I mean.
Can you imagine having to respond to this shit while staying professional? "Try to imagine how the women feel and seek financial advice where everyone is happy" is pretty tame. It's not like they can start insulting the people who write in, can they? I kept waiting for the advice to be wild but if you had to actually give that person advice for the situation they wrote in for, it's not that bad.

Anyway the dad is a fucking creep and the daughter sounds spoiled.

 

[excelsiorlef]

If there was grooming involved that is obviously sick and not remotely defensible.
With the very limited given information I'm not going to jump to that conclusion though.
For all we know the dad barely saw her when she was young and there is no indication whatsoever that the dad had any feelings to her prior to remeeting her at the wedding.

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Don't fuck your daughter's friends

 

[Skyscourge]

Strongly advise you all read slates relationship advice column every week. This one is downright traditional compared to the bonkers shit. I suspect 20% are fake.

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All I have to say is that people here would absolutely lose their minds if they read posts in r/aita, relationshipadvice, etc.

 

[Dodongo]

One of those threads that makes it obvious who puts themselves in whose shoes. Why anyone would defend the dad's relationship to her friend is so far beyond my understanding.

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Yeah, I'm not comfortable with how quickly the probable grooming aspect of this is set aside by some here.

I'm not saying the daughter is automatically entitled to that house, but I can easily see how she would not want any association with her dad. Will an inheritance fix that? Probably not, but her demands are less troubling than the rest of the story.

 

[Darknight]

Ya think?

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Some people are making it sound like it's more about the house though because it was her childhood home and it was gifted from her grandparents. I'm suggesting it's less about that and more about the situation and probably because the house is valued at $2 million because if it was more about the house, she would have this problem even without the childhood friend being involved.

 

[Drowner]

Bro. If an old man like this gets on with a woman whom he had met when she was a child, that is an automatic gross. There is almost a presumption of grooming in such a scenario. "Maybe they were more amenable" is a hell of a euphemism for grooming too lmfao. Bro.

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I don't get the assumption of grooming. People encounter people years later who they last met when the other was a kid all the time. And on amenable: man if some of my childhood friend's parents hit me up right now trying to hook up, I would be about it. And moreso b/c I was sweet on them when I was young- I have fond conceptions of them so I'm more interested than if they were an unknown person of that age. Only now I am a "consenting adult".

 

[excelsiorlef]

This thread is being a little too judgemental and unfair in my opinion.

To the advice column, I mean.
Can you imagine having to respond to this shit while staying professional? "Try to imagine how the women feel and seek financial advice where everyone is happy" is pretty tame. It's not like they can start insulting the people who write in, can they? I kept waiting for the advice to be wild but if you had to actually give that person advice for the situation they called in for, it's not that bad.

Anyway the dad is a fucking creep and the daughter sounds spoiled.

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They don't have to publish letters that normalize creepy ass behavior

 

[thewienke]

Strongly advise you all read slates relationship advice column every week. This one is downright traditional compared to the bonkers shit. I suspect 20% are fake.

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We should make this a weekly tradition haha

 

[napkins]

The daughter comes off like an asshole.

Holding the grandkids hostage just so that she can relive some nostalgia through this childhood home.

Dude is better off standing his ground and passing it off to his current wife and future kids.

I'm honestly hoping this was a fake troll story or something.

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"hostage"
no parent is entitled to grandchildren. any relationship is at the parents' discretion. the circumstances show plenty of reason to withhold that.

 

[FliX]

Don't fuck your daughter's friends

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Don't worry I won't.

 

[Morrigan]

This post and others like it are gross. You don't know the details of the story and jump to conclusions that are likely, but not in any way fact, and then proceed to judge those involved and fellow posters on some imagined moral high horse. No one is excusing anything we are discussing what is known. The situation is weird and if he's a pedophile then he should go straight to jail. Children still aren't entitled to their parents' property in my opinion.

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You call me "gross", then admit that my conclusions are based on something that's likely. Okay dude. 🙄 Hopefully you also have this level of vitriol aimed at those in the thread who are shrugging off fucking/marrying your daughter's childhood friend as "amenable".

For all we know the dad barely saw her when she was young and there is no indication whatsoever that the dad had any feelings to her prior to remeeting her at the wedding.

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a) He says his new wife "has loved the house since she was in middle school", so "barely saw her" seems unlikely, no?
b) Just so you're aware, this is literally Woody Allen's defense for marrying his step daughter. "I barely saw her" etc.

I don't get the assumption of grooming. People encounter people years later who they last met when the other was a kid all the time. And on amenable: man if some of my childhood friend's parents hit me up right now trying to hook up, I would be about it. And moreso b/c I was sweet on them when I was young- I have fond conceptions of them so I'm more interested than if they were an unknown person of that age. Only now I am a "consenting adult".

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[excelsiorlef]

Don't worry I won't.

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That obviously wasn't specifically advice to you