Long-term relationship/Married Era: How happy are you in your relationship?

[Deleted member 48897]

Hahaha of course the weirdo misogynist was sending weirdo creepy DMs. Fucks sake


I went 4/5 not for any other reason than I wish we had more opportunities to do the fun stuff we like to do, but it's more the growing pains of lots of life changes all taken in at once and probably the biggest issue we have is taking care of a teenager (my stepson) which is never an easy process but significantly harder with, again, all the life changes going on right at that time. We're making the best of it but it means there's lots of family stuff that we can't afford to leave on autopilot.

 

[Chopchop]

Since random_polymath got permed would now be a good time to mention he once sent me a weird-ass rambling PM where I'm pretty sure he was hitting on me lol

Oh so it wasn't just me lol

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Wait what the fuck? That's messed up.

I don't know him outside this thread. He was definitely being a dick and shitting on everyone from a great height, but part of me also sort of felt bad for him because it sounded like he was unhappy with his life.

But creeping on people here? That puts things in a new light. Damn.

 

[Masterspeed]

Been with my partner almost 7 years. We moved in together in the first year (Due to unforeseen circumstances) and she's been living with me ever since. We also worked together for 3 years while we were also living with each other. No arguments, no problems. We've had one major argument and that was in year 1. We've been happy ever since.

It's weird because I spent most my life alone until I found someone at 22. Life is weird that way.

P.S: We're totally getting married sometime, we've both agreed that we'll do it when we're comfortable with money and have a place we can call our home. Until then It's just saving and being partners.

 

[Gaf Zombie]

Did Polymath get permed in this thead?

I had no idea he was a sleazeball. Not sure how these things keep surprising me.

 

[Rivenblade]

I really don't understand why there is such a huge stigma about being single/leaving the relationship for better things. Like do people really think it's worthwhile to waste their time on something that might be done for anyway?

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Depends on the person. Personally, I crave physical affection, so despite the fact that I think I'd be okay being single because I have a ton of interests to keep my mind engaged and satisfied, I'd still long for the warmth that being with someone can bring.

But yeah, if you're in a shitty situation and have no ties like kids, a house, shared friends, etc., much better and easier to cut and run and be okay on your own.

 

[Wackamole]

24 years together. Not married. One son.
Very happy. Few arguments. And when we do have one, we resolve it the same day. Lots of laughter and lots of talks in the evening. Love her to death and i hope we grow really old together. I even get along perfectly fine with her parents and siblings.

Wouldn't go as far as calling it perfect. I mean, we're two individuals trying to make it work together. There are certain episodes. But nothing too bad.

I do see a LOT of unhappy people in relationships. It's really sad to see. It seems some people think they HAVE to be in a relationship or something. Or step into one for the wrong reasons. I dunno. But better think pretty good about it before devoting a big chunck of your life to living with someone. Years of fighting and hating is not really what i would call a happy life.

 

[Dad_and_Videogames]

I'm always evaluating the cost/reward ratio of my relationship and literally have a yearly review with my girlfriend.

 

[Prax]

Since random_polymath got permed would now be a good time to mention he once sent me a weird-ass rambling PM where I'm pretty sure he was hitting on me lol



Oh so it wasn't just me lol

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It's the autism. lol
Among other things. But a lot of that is just autistic inappropriateness. For the record, I didn't mind that much, but I know this would have been red flags for a lot of people.

I don't think he was really being misogynistic, or at least I did not read it that way. He's probably just around a lot of really bad or dysfunctional people, and venting/projecting a bit lol.

 

[Pilgrimzero]

Made my bed.

 

[Draconestra]

Since random_polymath got permed would now be a good time to mention he once sent me a weird-ass rambling PM where I'm pretty sure he was hitting on me lol

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Disgusting. I knew this dude was projecting hard when I read his post. Confirmed when he posted about his unhappy marriage with his wife, and now this?

If you're reading this polymath, I hope you and your wife find something to help you two out in your struggling marriage. I may not be in a long term relationship as some of you, or even older or wiser, but I know for a fact that you should never get so busy that you two end up forgetting the reason you were together in the first place. Set aside a day, hell, even an hour if you're so busy to spend quality time with each other.

Also, I'm sure even those people out there that voted 5/5 could admit that, maybe there's something out there that could improve their relationship. Doesn't mean they're unhappy about it.

 

[Metalgus]

Been together 10 years, one kid. We're both anxious, so most often than not one of us is freaking out about something and it gets on the other's nerve. But we work it out. I think the fact that we're aware of our anxiety helps too, since it guides us a bit in our life choices. Like, we're not having another kid because it's been too much stress for us. It's not on him, it's on us. We're not strong enough and I wouldn't risk the relationship just to have another kid (and I've seen lots of couples with 2+ kids breaking up lately).Also, we're moving into our first home next week and we think leaving the city and having more space to do stuff will help us.

I'm a pretty down to earth guy, so I can't say she's my ''soulmate'', but I wouldn't see myself be with someone else. She's not perfect, but neither am I.

 

[The BLJ]

Sometimes we annoy each other, but when I look at her all my worries fly away. I couldn't be happier that we get to suffer together and not alone.

 

[Rivenblade]

Gonna say 5/5. not "perfect" but no squabbles or arguments really??

16th year anniversary a few days ago! (6 years married)
We were started dating end of highschool and were each other's firsts. Haven't had a serious argument yet either during the whole thing, and things generally work out well. I think we're just both very chill, understanding of each other's foibles, and compatible in general (astrologically? :P ).

Having kids may change that though. TBD

Also fun info:
A year or so ago, I had a dream where i was "in between reincarnations" and I was basically asked to choose what this present life's "perk" would be (like rolling a DnD character lol). I decided that "this time i'd like to be able to meet my soulmate". Then I woke up and realized husband was sleeping beside me. So there you go. That's why it be the way it be. Maybe next lifetime I'll get to be ultrarich or famous instead!

Also lol random_polymath . How could you get yourself banned over this; now how will I respond to your inappropriate DMs!

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Since random_polymath got permed would now be a good time to mention he once sent me a weird-ass rambling PM where I'm pretty sure he was hitting on me lol



Oh so it wasn't just me lol

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Well this just got more interesting.

 

[Karish]

Anyone saying 5/5 can't be serious. I would say we approach 4.5/5 very often, but life is tough and people are weird. Sometimes I'm just in a shit mood and it's not my wife's fault, but she's around.

 

[Rivenblade]

Did Polymath get permed in this thead?

I had no idea he was a sleazeball. Not sure how these things keep surprising me.

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As a GAF Zombie, you should be able to pick up on these things!

 

[Deleted member 48897]

I wonder now if ol random polymath's wife even knew she was in an open relationship

 

[Rivenblade]

I'm always evaluating the cost/reward ratio of my relationship and literally have a yearly review with my girlfriend.

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We need to see the paperwork!

 

[Jazzman]

Did any of you happy fellas marry someone that wasn't "your type" I feel like I don't give anyone a chance because of it.

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I am very much attracted to tall women (>6'), redhead/brunettes and would prioritize someone with an education in a white collar job. Married a 5'4 Blonde girl from a farm who works a blue collar job. I fell hard for her and find myself falling for her more and more each day over the last 5 years.

Nothing wrong with having a "type", but never let your preferences cloud/get in the way of meeting people who seem awesome. Obviously physical attraction matters, but if you click you click.

 

[dDASTARDLY]

Anyone saying 5/5 can't be serious. I would say we approach 4.5/5 very often, but life is tough and people are weird. Sometimes I'm just in a shit mood and it's not my wife's fault, but she's around.

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In a lot of 5/5's eyes, including mine, this has nothing to do with how I feel about my wife though. Yes, there's an unlimited amount of stress but that stress doesn't come from her, it's from all the extra stuff.

We deal with it together as best we can, but at the end of the day she didn't cause any of it she actually makes it bearable. That's why it's 5/5 lol

 

[impingu1984]

Married for 8 years.. been together for nearly 13 years... 5/5 we very very rarely argue and work things out very well

I love my wife and our 2 children.

 

[Deleted member 7148]

EDIT: Decided it's probably best to remove this for personal reasons.

 

[Fleet of Foot]

Tomorrow is our 17 year wedding anniversary. I guess the way I know we're at 5/5 is because I am off work early on a Friday and she's still at work...and I can't wait for her to get home.

 

[iareharSon]

Going on three years in the relationship, and miserable would be an understatement. I would say the verbiage for 0/5 or 1/5 fit me pretty well.

 

[Deleted member 41178]

Easily 5/5.

We've been together for roughly 10 years, married for coming up to 4 years. 2 kids with another on the way and I couldn't be happier.

She is my best friend and makes me want to be a better person. Yes we have the odd argument but they always get resolved and forgotten.

I realise I'm very lucky to have found her and every now and again I have to remind myself to let her know that and how I feel.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

Also lol random_polymath . How could you get yourself banned over this; now how will I respond to your inappropriate DMs!

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Okay maybe some private stuff might tip the balance. On the basis of what I've seen only in this thread and with no conscious knowledge of how they normally behave in public, though, they seemed to be expressing appropriate reservations, if perhaps a little more vehemently than would be comfortable for all.

 

[SinkFla]

2 is the loneliest number.

Spoiler

:|

 

[Tawpgun]

Was probably a 5/5 for a couple years but for the last 2 its been a 4/5.

I still think its a great relationship, and I think money and other life stresses have tested it. I think I used to be a lot more accommodating of her but in the last year or so I find myself sorta "fighting back" and pointing out things I don't like that she does. Whenever we do fight it gets resolved pretty quickly. There's definitely some stuff that is annoying to me now that didn't really bother me earlier though. But I know I annoy her with some of my habits. I think that is fairly normal, no one is perfect.

I think once our quality of life improves the relationship will as well. Last 2 years or so have been kinda rough.

 

[marcinaldo]

Half the time my wife annoys the fuck out of me, the other half I'm glad she's my best friend.

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LOL, I feel like this is so true for me sometimes :) but overall I am happy

 

[Gaf Zombie]

For those in '2' and below relationships with no children, I'd be interested to hear what's keeping you in it. No judgement, just curious.

Is it finances? Inertia? Fear of being alone? Again, not judging as we all have our insecurities (lord knows I have mine) but I genuinely wonder as I see this all the time.

 

[aliengmr]

So few issues that I would say it's more in the 4.5 range.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

It's the autism. lol

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Please don't do this. Somebody can find it difficult to express themselves appropriately because of autism or other cognitive issues. They'll fuck up and get banned. The ban may well be appropriate, autism tends to bring it the arsehole in the most saintly of sufferers.

But it's never good to celebrate the ban of an autistic person. They're isolated in a way you could not begin to imagine. When they fuck up and get banned (as happens again and again to one of my adult kids) it's a painful experience for them and (if they're lucky enough) those who love them and spend months trying to build up their confidence again.

If they went everywhere in a wheelchair, perhaps the severity of their disability might be recognised.

 

[iareharSon]

Once I'm out of this miserable relationship, I'm moving full speed ahead on the bachelor life.

 

[Deleted member 4367]

Once I'm out of this miserable relationship, I'm moving full speed ahead on the bachelor life.

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Just a few more quips and somebody might bite.

 

[Prax]

Please don't do this. Somebody can find it difficult to express themselves appropriately because of autism or other cognitive issues. They'll fuck up and get banned. The ban may well be appropriate, autism tends to bring it the arsehole in the most saintly of sufferers.

But it's never good to celebrate the ban of an autistic person. They're isolated in a way you could not begin to imagine. When they fuck up and get banned (as happens again and again to one of my adult kids) it's a painful experience for them and (if they're lucky enough) those who love them and spend months trying to build up their confidence again.

If they went everywhere in a wheelchair, perhaps the severity of their disability might be recognised.

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Just thought I'd point it out for anyone wondering why he is such a possible"weirdo". I'm autistic too, and I was discussing it a bit with him in the DMs. I think he won't mind that much! I know some people are more sensitive than others when it comes to things like bans/social ostracization, but I trust he will be good-humoured about this. We were/are friends/friendly.

To anyone else though, sorry if you are offended. That was more an in-joke (to him if he was reading) than anything!

For those in '2' and below relationships with no children, I'd be interested to hear what's keeping you in it. No judgement, just curious.

Is it finances? Inertia? Fear of being alone? Again, not judging as we all have our insecurities (lord knows I have mine) but I genuinely wonder as I see this all the time.

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I think some people may be in genuinely abusive relationships or trapped financially so cannot easily leave without financial or even physical harm to themselves or their children (not to mention the emotional harm they are already experiencing).

randomath for example from his threads is kind of in one of those, and due to his personality and coginitive functions, has normalized a really dysfunctional or codependent relationship for the sake of keeping ideals around "unconditional love" to his spouse while also being desperate for attention from other sources.

 

[Deleted member 36708]

4/5. We work together really well. We have communication issues from time to time but all in all we both love each other and take care of each other.

 

[SinkFla]

For those in '2' and below relationships with no children, I'd be interested to hear what's keeping you in it. No judgement, just curious.

Is it finances? Inertia? Fear of being alone? Again, not judging as we all have our insecurities (lord knows I have mine) but I genuinely wonder as I see this all the time.

Click to shrink...

I imagine it's all of the above. There's also that element or possibility of actually loving someone and genuinely caring about them, but not feeling that "spark" anymore or feeling unloved yourself... and for some reason the former overpowers the latter. Not saying I would know!

...
:(.

I've never made a thread or post on Era about my personal life (at least in regards to this) but goddamn if I did, I would probably make unhappy people feel better about their own lives. There's two sides to every story and it's hard to be unbiased when speaking from your own though and that's something I've worked on for myself over the years.

Spoiler

there's a possibility of her even seeing this and me deleting this post. :/

 

[iareharSon]

Just a few more quips and somebody might bite.

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Nothing juicy, it's a lease that's holding us together. It's a fairly expensive 1BR apartment (San Jose) that's too much for either of us to solely take on, and given that it's a 1BR apartment - it's not exactly a space that can be rented out.

 

[finalflame]

Nothing juicy, it's a lease that's holding us together. It's a fairly expensive 1BR apartment (San Jose) that's too much for either of us to solely take on, and given that it's a 1BR apartment - it's not exactly a space that can be rented out.

Click to shrink...

 

[LL_Decitrig]

I imagine it's all of the above. There's also that element or possibility of actually loving someone and genuinely caring about them, but not feeling that "spark" anymore or feeling unloved yourself... and for some reason the former overpowers the latter. Not saying I would know!

...
:(.

I've never made a thread or post on Era about my personal life (at least in regards to this) but goddamn if I did, I would probably make unhappy people feel better about their own lives. There's two sides to every story and it's hard to be unbiased when speaking from your own though and that's something I've worked on for myself over the years.

Spoiler

there's a possibility of her even seeing this and me deleting this post. :/

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That sounds awfully sad, like Cyrano de Bergerac sad.

Nothing juicy, it's a lease that's holding us together. It's a fairly expensive 1BR apartment (San Jose) that's too much for either of us to solely take on, and given that it's a 1BR apartment - it's not exactly a space that can be rented out.

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This is awful. You both need to work together or you'll be stuck. San José is okay if you're on the career path, though.

 

[Drain You]

My wife is great. We started out as opposites but I've noticed over the years bits and pieces of each us bleed into the other. Can't imagine being with anyone else, couldn't be happier.

 

[Venatio]

Been married for 2.5 years, and in that time span, we had a kid, lost my sister, sold our condo, and went through a 3 month hell of an escrow buying a new place. Life has just been very difficult and stressful and sometimes sad, but I love her to death, and we're stronger now together than ever before. We're in it for the long haul, guaranteed.

 

[Pau]

Please remember that if you ever receive a private message that is unwelcome or makes you uncomfortable, PMs can be reported just like any other post. These are situations moderation would be eager to address.

 

[chirt]

How about a 4.5 option? I want that one.

 

[DarthSpider]

4/5 for me. 9 years married. My wife had a shitty upbringing that caused her to have major self-esteem issues, and she never learned how to properly express her feelings when she's angry or frustrated, so she has a tendency to explode at trivial things. I also have a tendency to be very careless with my wording and I'm not the best at articulating how I feel, which also sometimes worsens our arguments. She's Japanese and I'm American, and although she speaks English and I speak Japanese, there are still times where wires get crossed. She doesn't get sarcasm, which is in all fairness not something I should be using in the heat of an argument. The good news is that we've seen a marked improvement in our own effort not to escalate situations. I'm proud of both of us for that.

But she's awesome, fun, goofy, and smoking hot. We have a blast together and there's nobody else I'd rather spend time with.

 

[Baked Pigeon]

Less than a year in and I'm happy. We have our moments though, just like any other couple.

I'm kinda surprised at all the people who have perfect relationships......surely they have their struggles.

 

[Roy]

Common law people, do you call your partner husband or wife?

 

[LL_Decitrig]

Less than a year in and I'm happy. We have our moments though, just like any other couple.

I'm kinda surprised at all the people who have perfect relationships......surely they have their struggles.

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Struggles, yes. I just want to say that after she moved in, a week passed by and I was surprised at how well it was going. I thought "this is amazing, unprecedented. We really work well together." Then we made babies, grew old together, and so on. I've just never had such a beautiful relationship with anybody. Maybe my low initial expectations fed into this, but my marriage has been a great asset.

 

[Pet]

My husband would probably 4/5, but for me it's 5/5. He doesn't believe anything can be perfect and there's always room for improvement, but I've loved him for 10 years and I'm still madly in love and he's perfect to me so... ♥

I mean having disagreements is totally normal, and humans are flawed so there's no way anyone can be totally perfect.... but as far as relationships and people go my husband is absolutely amazing and mindblowing and in my eyes he's leagues above the rest.

 

[JaseMath]

I sincerely doubt anyone with a trying relationship is going to post here. I think a more apt topic would be HOW all of these happy couples have managed to keep it that way.

 

[Metalgus]

Common law people, do you call your partner husband or wife?

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I usually refer to my s.o. as my partner. Well, I'm from Québec and speak French so I say she's my conjointe. I'm not a huge fan of girlfriend (blonde) or wife (femme). I think partner sounds more serious than girlfriend, so I use that. And in any case, I usually refer to her by name after a while, even with people who have never met her (like coworkers).