Listening to my neighbors domestic violence is the scariest thing I've ever experienced.

[Valkerion]

Of course I immidiately ccalled the fucking cops first! (Japan not USA if it matters)

About 45 minutes ago I was just playing games and all of a sudden I hear a loud thud in the apartment next to me followed by my female neighbor screaming sorry while her boyfriend/husband w/e is yelling at her with what sounds like repeated hits. Both of our windows were open so it was clear as fucking day. While waiting for the cops I was sure to record sound too before they arrived a few mins later.

They were noisy as hell before, thin walls + a couple means you can hear every conversation and more. But I only heard one argument before and the man walked out calmly while the woman had a tantrum so I thought he was chill and reasonable. 3 weeks later this happens. Geeze I'm going from scared out my fucking wits for this girl to angry as I've ever been in my life.

The cops are talking to multiple apartments now but holy shit ERA, how do I come down from this nightmare. Waiting for the cops to update me on whats going on if they do, like I said I got audio of it and wondering WHY THE FUCK NO ONE ELSE SEEMED TO CALL THE FUCKING COPS!

 

[captainmal01]

ngl I was ready to come into the thread and expect you to just keep your head down. Good job for not staying quiet OP.

 

[Temp_User]

Just chill, stay relax and answer the police questions. You did the right thing.

 

[Deleted member 5086]

Thank you for doing the right thing.

 

[Valkerion]

yeah im trying to calm down, the adrenaline is going of course. I had a flustered moment on not knowing which to call (the Japanese number or the English support line) but I got them here asap. I don't hear much anymore but I definitely hear a bit of crying. If the cops don't take this guy in I'll loose what little faith I have in the cops here too. They were really calm and not being hasty about it which pissed me off though. I pointed out the apartment next to mine and said i was pretty sure its that one and they were waiting to hear anything before knocking. Thankfully they heard something and knocked right away before sending me inside.

I was streaming at the time but of course the one day I decide to focus on game audio and not my mic/camera something like this happens. Can't really hear it there sadly/thankfully as further proof.

 

[StraySheep]

I'm invested in this story now. Keep us updated Valkerion

(you did the right thing)

 

[shnurgleton]

Thank you for doing the right thing.

Click to shrink...

 

[Sera]

Of course I immidiately ccalled the fucking cops first! (Japan not USA if it matters)

About 45 minutes ago I was just playing games and all of a sudden I hear a loud thud in the apartment next to me followed by my female neighbor screaming sorry while her boyfriend/husband w/e is yelling at her with what sounds like repeated hits. Both of our windows were open so it was clear as fucking day. While waiting for the cops I was sure to record sound too before they arrived a few mins later.

They were noisy as hell before, thin walls + a couple means you can hear every conversation and more. But I only heard one argument before and the man walked out calmly while the woman had a tantrum so I thought he was chill and reasonable. 3 weeks later this happens. Geeze I'm going from scared out my fucking wits for this girl to angry as I've ever been in my life.

The cops are talking to multiple apartments now but holy shit ERA, how do I come down from this nightmare. Waiting for the cops to update me on whats going on if they do, like I said I got audio of it and wondering WHY THE FUCK NO ONE ELSE SEEMED TO CALL THE FUCKING COPS!

Click to shrink...

DA is a prevalent issue nearly everywhere
here in australia one woman dies a week from it
if you want to know more I'd suggest reading the book "See what you made me do"
especially about coercive control and how that ties into "he [seemed] chill and reasonable"

 

[Valkerion]

So the cops seem to be gone and all is quiet. I heard some noise from the apartment (walking around/picking stuff up?) and I guess one of them is still over there. Since I came downstairs pretty much ASAP after calling the cops to wait outside for them, I did not see anyone leaving. Not sure what's going on exactly if they just were allowed to leave or were taken away. Once again, Japan, and I got no idea what happens to people in terms of DV cases. They did not return to talk to me so maybe they found the person or just decided its calm now so it must be ok. No idea.

Still my heart is racing though and caused myself a massive stress headache. Had a listen to what I recorded and its fucking horrifying, I want to delete it and never think about it again but I know I shouldn't until I'm sure the cops don't want anymore info from me. And that I got 2mins 30sec of it while being on the phone with the cops dispatch center lady for like 2 mins during it, plus the one or so it took for me calm down once i realized what was happening and get dialing... fuck man...

Mind is all over the place if I should have done something different or more. Stuff like should I have banged on the wall to try and stop it, would that have made it worse? Try to go to the door and do the same, what would I do if I could not stop the guy. etc. Could barely speak Japanese all of a sudden when I called the cops I was so scared.

Seriously though, it was super loud, how did no one else come out or be concerned. It seems like the house across the street from our apartment turned their front lights off even. It's the middle of the quiet suburbs so its not some noisy Tokyo street near a train station either. I know people mind their own business here in Japan but that wasn't the time.

I know its all emotions right now and I need to chill but oof. This is not how I thought my Tuesday night would go. Don't think I'll sleep normally for a while thats for sure. Even now don't have any sound on aside from the PC hum trying to keep an ear out.

 

[Antrax]

Try to go to the door and do the same, what would I do if I could not stop the guy. etc

Click to shrink...

Eh, you don't have any authority there. You did the right thing.

Always call if someone's getting potentially murdered. Take it from me, cops are shit on DV, but I still wish my neighbors growing up had called them whenever my mom was getting hit. We didn't have cell phones for most of my childhood (I mean, nobody did, this was before those became super ubiquitous), and the landlines was a dangerous move when my dad was violent. Always just wanted a neighbor to make the call.

 

[Fray]

Feel for you. I grew up in a severely physically abusive household and there is nothing quite like having to experience witnessing that sort of rage. Christ I'm an adult, a husband, a father, well over 20 years removed from that environment and the feelings of those experiences are still with me. It'll take awhile but you'll move past this current feeling and hopefully grow aswell.
There is a silver lining to this happening though. Not only did you give them opportunity for both to get help - yep this includes the male - but you have also felt first hand the fear that this level of domestic violence causes. As callous as it sounds, having that experience can be a powerful learning tool for your life once the trauma of it passes.

 

[Valkerion]

As callous as it sounds, having that experience can be a powerful learning tool for your life once the trauma of it passes.

Click to shrink...

Definitely.

After talking with a few people I'm still pretty upset about it days later. I've gotten both sides of advice from random people. Some of my closer friends are saying I should at least reach out with a letter in her mailbox asking if shes ok simply as a basic reach out. Others are saying to just leave it alone since I've never met her/them in person... I've been mulling over the note at least by advice of my mom since she was telling me it can be really hard and lonely for people in that situation even if it seems like they have some support, a +1 even from a stranger can be helpful. Was hesitant before since I had no idea which one was staying in the apartment, but can confirm its the girl since I could hear her talking a bit on the phone about the incident (once again thin walls)

I don't want to get involved any more or anything but definitely hope to make it known to her that if shes in need I'll be willing to extend the hand also having evidence if she wants to take it further.

Definitely going out drinking this weekend though. Seriously having a hard time not having the sounds replaying in my brain multiple times a day. -ugh-

 

[Ultima_5]

I️ had to do this once. Heard it while I️ was leaving for a dog walk. Called on my walk once I️ was out of sight. you did the right thing

 

[Radd Redd]

You did good. This is one of the instances where you shouldn't MYOB.

 

[lokiduck]

Good job or making the call. I've had to make them myself a few times and you never really get used to it.

Might be a good idea to look up what Japan's DV laws are like since they can vary from country to country.

 

[mozbar]

Thank you for the making the call.

The harsh reality is that DV and any sexual violence is mishandled severely by the police. I've had my poor experiences with it here, and was engaged to someone who was a victim of it here in Japan. It's rough.

I'm hoping for a positive outcome. Keep us posted.

 

[APOEERA]

The last apartment complex I lived in had neighbors across the hall with frequent kids yelling and one child in there would cry uncontrollably. Supposedly, it was a mother in there with 2 kids and she seemingly didn't do anything while the child yelled and cried. It would happen while I would be trying to sleep.

One night on a Sunday at about 3 am, I heard a really loud argument. I couldn't tell the direction but I could hear someone getting shoved and then a male voice saying "You don't know how to control those damn kids" and the woman was pleading with her life and crying. Then I heard the loudest door slam I've ever heard in my life. I was asleep and it woke me up. I got up to check and came close to calling the police as well but didn't hear anything else.

I told the complex management about it the next day. They said they were aware of problems with those neighbors. Couple of weeks later, I left for another apartment that's a little bit quieter except at 5-6 am during the week due to people honking to wake someone up for a job.

I'm not sure what happened to those neighbors. I'm expecting the worst but hoping for the best (such as the woman leaving the man and taking her kids for hers and their sanity).

 

[Deleted member 11413]

I've had to do this once, though it was a woman being violent against her male partner. They were my next door neighbors, verbal altercations were like a nightly occurrence. One night she was really laying into him, and then I heard her breaking objects in the apartment and hitting him. I called 911, but while I was on the phone the guy managed to get out of the apartment and drove off for the night. She proceeded to turn off all the lights and pretend she wasn't home, so when the cops got there they knocked multiple times but she never answered the door, so they just took my statement and left.

A week later I saw him outside, started talking to him and he kind of invited himself into my apartment. Once inside he just broke down crying and apologizing to me for them being so loud and disruptive, that she just got like that sometimes and he had to just ride it out. One of the saddest and most disheartening things I've ever witnessed.

 

[Menx64]

I did use to work for a 911 line... Domestic violence all night long... I had to resign. It was getting stuck in my head and needed a break. You did the right thing OP. Try to sleep well and think that you probably just saved a live.

 

[GYODX]

Yeah, I had a similar experience a couple of months ago.

Really young couple (looked no older than 20) outside my apartment building, dude beating the ever living fuck out of his girlfriend while yelling "don't play like that." I called the cops immediately.

What got me was how young they were. That stayed with me for a while.

 

[denseWorm]

I wanna take this moment to express my love, concern and undying devotion to my wife, a recovering victim of "DV", also in Japan. And I'll never forgive your father, no matter how cheerful and stable he is now he's stopped drinking and gambling. Give me half a reason and I'll give him every single slap he ever laid on his wife and young daughters back with interest.

 

[hateradio]

Ideally, she should get out of that house and out of that relationship.

However, during COVID I don't know what avenues are available to spouses of violence in the home.

Maybe you can find some resources in Japan to find the best way to get her to leave. It's obviously her choice, but sometimes it doesn't feel like that when you're inside the storm :(

 

[Celestine]

You did well, OP.

 

[Antrax]

Definitely.

After talking with a few people I'm still pretty upset about it days later. I've gotten both sides of advice from random people. Some of my closer friends are saying I should at least reach out with a letter in her mailbox asking if shes ok simply as a basic reach out. Others are saying to just leave it alone since I've never met her/them in person... I've been mulling over the note at least by advice of my mom since she was telling me it can be really hard and lonely for people in that situation even if it seems like they have some support, a +1 even from a stranger can be helpful. Was hesitant before since I had no idea which one was staying in the apartment, but can confirm its the girl since I could hear her talking a bit on the phone about the incident (once again thin walls)

I don't want to get involved any more or anything but definitely hope to make it known to her that if shes in need I'll be willing to extend the hand also having evidence if she wants to take it further.

Definitely going out drinking this weekend though. Seriously having a hard time not having the sounds replaying in my brain multiple times a day. -ugh-

Click to shrink...

Be extra careful on the note thing. If he's controlling enough, he might be reading her mail.

 

[Valkerion]

Be extra careful on the note thing. If he's controlling enough, he might be reading her mail.

Click to shrink...

This is what I was worried about too. I don't know if he has access to the apartment still (its the inside the entrance, one way mail slot type) so I've been debating a note or just knocking and saying it directly if I can catch her at the right time. Not sure on their living situation either which is another worry. My assumption is that the place is in her name and not his since it seemed she was there for a few months before he showed up.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

This is what I was worried about too. I don't know if he has access to the apartment still (its the inside the entrance, one way mail slot type) so I've been debating a note or just knocking and saying it directly if I can catch her at the right time. Not sure on their living situation either which is another worry. My assumption is that the place is in her name and not his since it seemed she was there for a few months before he showed up.

Click to shrink...

I'd recommend approaching her in person, the risk of leaving a note, him seeing it, and then retaliating seems too high imo.

 

[Juice]

Seriously though, it was super loud, how did no one else come out or be concerned. It seems like the house across the street from our apartment turned their front lights off even. It's the middle of the quiet suburbs so its not some noisy Tokyo street near a train station either. I know people mind their own business here in Japan but that wasn't the time.

Click to shrink...

I can really relate to this. When I'm with my closest friends in a safe and low-key setting I can convey and understand almost anything that I need or want to in a variety of situations.

Put me in an urgent, high-pressure, or emergency situation and my brain is incapable of understanding or producing Japanese. Giving my first conference talk in Japanese was the same thing—normally I outperform my last rehearsal but instead I really struggled on stage because my meta-narrative of nervousness in my own head was 100% in English and I effectively had to constantly context switch between it and speaking Japanese.

All that to say, don't beat yourself up about your response or struggling to communicate in the moment. It's deeply embarrassing because those are often the moments that matter most and what I worry I'll be remembered for or judged by, but I guess it's important to realize that this is a common affect of cortisol and adrenaline shooting through you.

 

[Ashhong]

You did good OP. Leave it to the professionals now. This man sounds violent and it's best to keep yourself safe as well.

 

[Ary F.]

My bio mom had BP disorder and would really lay into me when she had a manic episode and had been drinking. My bio father would take the opportunity to leave while she was busy with me and I always wished that the neighbours had called the police.

Thank you for doing the right thing OP.

 

[Jedi2016]

I had to call the cops on my neighbors years ago when I was living in California. It feels shitty, but it's the right thing to do. I don't think they ever found out who called it in (they lived behind us, so they couldn't see the police car when they swung by our house afterwards to get a statement).

That house seemed to attract shitty neighbors. A different person that lived in the same house later actually came over to complain that the kids were making too much noise, playing in a little inflatable pool in the back yard, on a Saturday afternoon in the summer. I basically told her to fuck off and invited her to call the cops if the kids were being that unreasonable (they weren't). No one ever showed up.

 

[Valkerion]

Last (hopefully) update.

I went ahead and popped a quick note in her door the other day when I could hear it was just her and the girlfriends there, and got this in return a bit later when she and the girls got back.

So it seems like shes ok. Ended up meeting her on the way out Sunday though and she basically repeated the same in person. Did not see a black eye or anything severe like that but was happy to actually get an in person "im ok, but thanks again for calling the cops cause it got out of hand." I'm in the once is too much camp personally, but what the hell does my single ass know since he was over there last night.

Also my note was in Japanese, but since we can hear each other so dang clearly in this building, I guess she hears me speaking English usually hence an English note... but also I talk a lot of shit about her and how loud/annoying they were (non violent noise before this incident) so maybe she understood some of that lol.

Anyway, relieved that shes fine.
Pissed shes still lettin bruh man in the house.

 

[Ragnar]

That is so goddamned sad. Apologising for being assaulted. (And yes, I know that a key component of Japanese culture is respect towards others).

 

[Keldroc]

I know it's mainly because she's writing in a second language, but "I could not stop the opponent alone" is a chilling turn of phrase given the context.

 

[Encephalon]

Something vaguely similar happened to me, also in Japan, where someone's ex wouldn't leave and punched her door. She screamed "I'll call the police" and someone did.

Re: "opponent"

The closest equivalent to what she means is probably "other party."