Thanks, this is good, common sense advice. It's tough not to be down on myself when it happens, and I've got to work on accepting that PE is probably gonna happen regardless, so why not try to enjoy doing something else in the, uh, downtime.
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Thanks, this is good, common sense advice. It's tough not to be down on myself when it happens, and I've got to work on accepting that PE is probably gonna happen regardless, so why not try to enjoy doing something else in the, uh, downtime.
There are people who are ok with the making out, cuddle and just laying down with someone else without having to worry about the sex part. Its a bit complicated but you shouldn't beat yourself for something you can't control. Also communication is key and letting people know you have PE can lead to them trying to find ways to work around it and make the experience as satisfying as possible for you and them. Just try making the best out of it even if its not as you would like things to be.
Mmhm. I love making out and can feel very gratified by some simple skin-to-skin contact with the right person, but I'm not gonna pretend that the absence of penetrative sex would be fine with me. Such a complicated process finding someone that
- I'm attracted to
- Is attracted to me
- Is willing to deal with all my sexual and mental issues
There is people but you gotta be patient. You are attractive and you are a pretty nice guy so you are bound to get someone ;)
Yeah just comes down to being honest with yourself and others. For me even with my partner if I feel certain expectations are there like penetrative sex my mind seems to laser focus on the wrong things. At that point I usually just try and breathe and let them know we should slow down a moment so that we can ramp back up. Being able to talk about it lifts so much of the pressure.
My performance anxiety tends to come in waves, and lately seems to crop up if I havent seen my guy in a while (we live two hours away, he's an emergency vet so schedules sometimes don't match up). Last week I was fine, but the day I was supposed to head done there all of a sudden my brain tried to go into self sabotage mode. My brain is literally my own worst enemy to the point where I find myself feeling like I don't even know what sex is.
I lost my erection during after I got there. I let myself relax for a bit and focused on him and was able to enjoy myself again. Afterwards I talked about it and was able to lift even more pressure off myself. Needless to say it was a very nice weekend.
My performance anxiety tends to come in waves, and lately seems to crop up if I havent seen my guy in a while (we live two hours away, he's an emergency vet so schedules sometimes don't match up). Last week I was fine, but the day I was supposed to head done there all of a sudden my brain tried to go into self sabotage mode. My brain is literally my own worst enemy to the point where I find myself feeling like I don't even know what sex is.
I lost my erection during after I got there. I let myself relax for a bit and focused on him and was able to enjoy myself again. Afterwards I talked about it and was able to lift even more pressure off myself. Needless to say it was a very nice weekend.
I've gained like 25 pounds over this COVID disaster time period. I won't be taking any pictures anytime soon lol
I have found my people. 🏳️🌈
Hi all - some info about moi
Hi all - some info about moi
- Your gender? Your sexual identity? (Preferred pronouns?) - Male, Gay, He/Him/They/Them
- Your sexual orientation? - Gay
- Where Are You From? - London, UK
- Where Do You Live? - London, UK (but different location from where I grew up)
- How Old Are you? - 30
- Favorite Type of Music? - Really tough question as my taste is quite varied but Spotify stats says pop is my favourite genre.
- Profession or Career interest? - I've been working in the construction industry for around 10 years now. Left my job at the end of last year to consult on business improvement and internal review.
- Favorite video game(s)? - Favourite ever is Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy (PC) but have had a long-standing association with The Sims franchise. This year I've been enjoying predominantly Spider-man (PS4), TS4 (PC), Pokemon Sword and a couple of others just for fun.
- What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? - I do a bit of photography and occasionally draw/paint but I am very rusty.
I'm so unphotogenic so it's a real struggle to get a decent shot. Also I don't have anyone to take a pic for me so it's trying to make it happen using my Mac web cam which is just the worst :(.
Welcome, fellow Londoner.
Oh I get it trust me! I'm sure you're fine though. I've been riding the "this is me and I look how I look" train for a little while now so I'm mostly fine with pictures I do take but as well COVID has destroyed my hair and I just look like a mess these days, lol.
First I shaved it all off (which is emotionally huge for me do to previous issues with pulling my hair out as a teen) and now it's growing back and reflecting my Southern US roots by returning as a mullet. I need a haircut. :( I don't want to shave it again.
Thank you!
I can relate to this somewhat.
I've found I've been a little more at ease with my body image in the last year but it has been an on-and-off battle for the last 15 years for me. A mixture of being concerned with becoming/remaining desirable and self-esteem issues just sort of remaining relatively dominant in my mind, despite being in a long-term relationship (now married).
Some days I wake up and look in the mirror and I'm totally here for the almost-Dad-bod, and others I just can't bear it. 😑
You literally just said exactly how I feel. I'm attracted to guys with my dad bod themed body but I don't like it on me. Years of anxiety and body dysmorphia just add up and take their toll...
I'm very unhappy that an Irish publication (I'm Irish) just published something on their website defending the LGB Alliance Ireland that was set up here in Ireland last month. Just because they try to come across as reasonable, I think they just hate us.
link to article
link to article
"we are just trying to protect ourselves" - I legitimately have no idea what people that side with the LGB alliance have a problem with.
What the heck is "radical gender identity ideology"? What rights and privileges as a CIS-gendered person are you losing? The right to having a penis and being okay with it? Nope.
I'm sorry that the media in Ireland are giving voice to this organisation. I can't believe we are having to stop people like this from closing the door to equal rights behind themselves when trans people have been a fundamental presence in the gay rights movement for decades.
Baffles me.
It's annoying when someone poisons the well, and you're kinda comparing everyone to some idea of that someone.
Why do I do this.
Must move forward and stop that.
Or maybe I'll just move back home. 🤷
Why do I do this.
Must move forward and stop that.
Or maybe I'll just move back home. 🤷
Not just deal, but can use some of that hot af CBT.
Hey y'all, just finished "What If It's Us", a YA LGBTQ novel, and it set off something in me I haven't felt in a long time. Coming out after all these years and now realizing what I missed, I'm just really emotional and nostalgic. I want more of this, does anyone here have any other suggestions for other such books? I'm going to be listening to them on audio book at work. Thanks.
This sounds cute! I've added it to my list.
A bit of a different angle but I am a big Becky Chambers fan. Her world-building and characters are just insanely good and the stories are filled with queer characters and the sci-fi element has a real texture due to her genuine roots in science and space exploration.
If you do get a chance to read/listen to them I would 1000% recommend those. Her Fourth Wayfarer's series book is out early next year and there are some smaller novellas too.
Hi LGBTQ+ era! Hope you are all doing well!
I've been feeling so down lately, like i'd love to date someone but i feel like those apps would just make me more depressed than anything, and i'm terrified of actually finding a friend or someone i know...
I'm tired of feeling like the love my family gives me is fake, and the moment they know i'm not straight they will just stop caring about me or make my life more miserable.
I'm tired of this tbh, but i'm also tired of being alone in my 27's... Sorry to vent here but i have no other place to share...
I've been feeling so down lately, like i'd love to date someone but i feel like those apps would just make me more depressed than anything, and i'm terrified of actually finding a friend or someone i know...
I'm tired of feeling like the love my family gives me is fake, and the moment they know i'm not straight they will just stop caring about me or make my life more miserable.
I'm tired of this tbh, but i'm also tired of being alone in my 27's... Sorry to vent here but i have no other place to share...
I'll give those a check out... also...
You won't know if those apps will make you more depressed if you don't try them. They, along with being in a relationship, won't make you feel better. Have a trusted friend help you make a dating profile then start work on loving yourself first. I've been there and it sucks, things do get better.
Hey! So yeah, the possibility of bumping into someone you know in those apps, is certainly there. Keep that in mind if you're not out. Is there anything keeping you from coming out to your friends/peers at the moment?
Is your family conservative or more progressive? Have you ever, as a family, discussed topics like homosexuality or other sexual orientations?
And don't worry about venting. It sure is the place. You're already aware of this, probably, but it feels like our youth was stolen from us because lots of LGBTQ+ have had to shut themselves in out of fear of discrimination or rejection. So, don't worry. You absolutely should vent if you want to.
You are right. Like i can't seem to sincerely like myself, because everything goes down to a deep ingrained fear of being rejected and alone for something i didn't chose.
That's how i feel. I've never dated, i've fell in love a couple of times (to hetero friends btw, lmao. They never knew), never had someone to share the joy and sadness or life itself... I've already wasted my 20's...
I don't really trust people a lot. My best friend is Bi actually, and we share a lot of stuff but even then i don't trust him enough to share this. I don't have a lot of friends to be honest, but i'm usually liked a lot by the people around. I'm just a quiet dude, that works hard, is passionate about lots of topics, kinda worries too much about things but only tries to do his best...
My family is mostly my brother and my mother. My grandfather loves me but he hates LGBT people, the whole "it's not normal" stuff. My grandmother has Alzheimers... but i know she'd have supported me, she was really always there for me... My brother and my Mother are left leaning, but my mother i feel has learned a lot from both of us being open minded and accepting of people. We used to criticize her a lot for some shit she used to say about lgbt people, but she has also realized how much suffering they get for free, and she has a lot of empathy for that. I don't know, it would probably break her heart forever, and she's a very difficult and dramatic person so i know exactly how she'll react to the news: basically the world ends. My brother i have no idea how he would react. Maybe he suspects something? seeing as i've been alone all this time... we have a good relationship but we are not that close, he lives in his own world, he has a girlfriend since like 8 years ago and moved out of our house this january...
I'm just tired to be honest, like a lot of times i just want to rest from this, rest my mind from this trouble...
Queer people all have that deep deep fear. My homophobia was so engrained from when I grew up it took me years to work through it and come out as gay (first bi).
I've also realized that I'd have come out like 3 years sooner if it weren't for my internalized transphobia. It's taken alot of time for me to deconstruct it and convince myself that I also matter, and beating myself up doesn't make me any better. Even after coming out, it took an epiphany for me to realize that voice in my head doesn't care about myself and I'm not being realistic, I'm being an asshole to myself. And I still have a hard time listening to my own words, wondering if that voice is really right after all.
Where do you live? You're still young at 27. Don't feel too down.
Thank you!
I'm from southamerica. There's still a lot of bigots in my country trying to impose their religious bullshit and making shit miserable for lgbt youth... though there's been a change in recent years...
I just found out I can never give blood because I'm a bisexual male. And neither can my gf because she's sleeping with me. She wanted to help with covid antibody research by donating but was refused because of me. I want to understand the risk analysis here, but it still feels fucking bad.
Welcome to being a queer man.
You can always just lie. As long as you've had an HIV test recently, who gives a fuck.
The "rule" is very bigoted and reactionary based on "AIDS = gays!" bullshit in the 1980s.
We need to get that shit changed during the next four years. Donated blood is already inspected for HIV and other disseases.
It really is the most like ridiculous rule/law? lol, like.... I like cock, fuck off 🤷♂️
I did some research and apparently it is about to change here. In 2012 there was a government motion voted on to allow us to donate, but the bloodbank just refused to listen. Now they say it's going to be possible "soon". So progress I guess.
So....single again. Just in time for the holidays XD
Things just haven't been swell the last few months. There was a huge disconnect when we were apart. Whether it was in person or over text he couldn't tell if I was upset or needed comfort. Even communicating directly would get me no where sometimes. While it isn't or ever will be my place to diagnose someone, after a year of trying to understand him I was getting strong vibes that he was on the spectrum or atleast possibly have Aspergers. It would explain most of the misunderstanding.
Friday Night after being ignored I expressed that I was annoyed and a little upset. He explained that he wasn't in a talkative mood but assured things were fine. So I gave him space and went about my weekend. I receive a call Saturday night when he woke up, saying that he couldn't make this work. He didn't have the urge to move in anytime soon with anyone but at the same time due to our distance and schedules he didn't know what to do (at the same time, he never really was up for video call date nights or impromptu visits when he was off).
I was hurt but also somewhat relieved when he confirmed he did not see a future involving us.
Its been a bit to process. I'm allowing myself to feel whatever I need to feel but I think my brain and heart understands this is how it was meant to be.
While I'm not trying to go on the hunt or renew my ho card just yet the validation i'm getting on the apps is nice. There's even a missed opportunity from my past that wants to make up for lost time. We'll see what happens next!
Things just haven't been swell the last few months. There was a huge disconnect when we were apart. Whether it was in person or over text he couldn't tell if I was upset or needed comfort. Even communicating directly would get me no where sometimes. While it isn't or ever will be my place to diagnose someone, after a year of trying to understand him I was getting strong vibes that he was on the spectrum or atleast possibly have Aspergers. It would explain most of the misunderstanding.
Friday Night after being ignored I expressed that I was annoyed and a little upset. He explained that he wasn't in a talkative mood but assured things were fine. So I gave him space and went about my weekend. I receive a call Saturday night when he woke up, saying that he couldn't make this work. He didn't have the urge to move in anytime soon with anyone but at the same time due to our distance and schedules he didn't know what to do (at the same time, he never really was up for video call date nights or impromptu visits when he was off).
I was hurt but also somewhat relieved when he confirmed he did not see a future involving us.
Its been a bit to process. I'm allowing myself to feel whatever I need to feel but I think my brain and heart understands this is how it was meant to be.
While I'm not trying to go on the hunt or renew my ho card just yet the validation i'm getting on the apps is nice. There's even a missed opportunity from my past that wants to make up for lost time. We'll see what happens next!
We were together a year, although due to scheduling we were physically around each other roughly 3 months of it.
I know I rarely post here, but can I vent a little about my (lack of) sex life? this is the place I'm most comfortable to do so.
So I've been diagnosed with a cyst in my prostate last July and my life has been hell ever since. Putting aside the weeks when I was panicking about having prostate cancer (I don't, thankfully), i have been living with pain everyday, difficulty to pee and i absolutely can't engage in any sexual activity or I get an awful flare up in my symptoms that always result in hours and hours of terrible pain and a visit to the ER.
Apparently my condition is super rare, so the doctors aren't sure how to approach my problem, I spent the last few months hopping from one doctor to another and tried everything you can imagine, every kind of painkiller (even opioids aren't effective), physical therapy, antibiotics, and now my depression which had been controlled for 2 years is back and I'm back on meds that make me feel like shit. And the pain isn't completely gone either, and I still can't have sex, masturbate, or even think about sex, if I even get a hard on i can start to feel the pain. If I ejaculate, I'm doomed.
I finally found a doctor who was willing to send me to surgery, I'm gonna take that motherfucker out of my body and hopefully everything will return to normal and I will be able to have sex again. It's been two months with zero activity and I'm going crazy. The doctor says there's a very good chance that the symptoms will disappear after the surgery, so Im very hopeful. I wanna be able to feel like a sexual person again, no one should be deprived of their sexuality, it makes you feel like shit. Please root for me!
So I've been diagnosed with a cyst in my prostate last July and my life has been hell ever since. Putting aside the weeks when I was panicking about having prostate cancer (I don't, thankfully), i have been living with pain everyday, difficulty to pee and i absolutely can't engage in any sexual activity or I get an awful flare up in my symptoms that always result in hours and hours of terrible pain and a visit to the ER.
Apparently my condition is super rare, so the doctors aren't sure how to approach my problem, I spent the last few months hopping from one doctor to another and tried everything you can imagine, every kind of painkiller (even opioids aren't effective), physical therapy, antibiotics, and now my depression which had been controlled for 2 years is back and I'm back on meds that make me feel like shit. And the pain isn't completely gone either, and I still can't have sex, masturbate, or even think about sex, if I even get a hard on i can start to feel the pain. If I ejaculate, I'm doomed.
I finally found a doctor who was willing to send me to surgery, I'm gonna take that motherfucker out of my body and hopefully everything will return to normal and I will be able to have sex again. It's been two months with zero activity and I'm going crazy. The doctor says there's a very good chance that the symptoms will disappear after the surgery, so Im very hopeful. I wanna be able to feel like a sexual person again, no one should be deprived of their sexuality, it makes you feel like shit. Please root for me!
Hello, not a regular poster here but their has been something that's been bothering me and I needed some advice. Recently in both game and movie circles I've found that some fans will use a character in fictions sexuality or gender as a tool to fan war between fans of other works or "haters", like if you don't like or support X game that has this then you're transphobic or biphobic etc or don't care about x issue or in some of the most extreme cases I've seen, declaring you can't be bi.
Lately it's been getting to me when I've seen cis and straight people using gay and trans character is fiction in such a fashion, especially recently with all the fan warring on the web with the game awards and as a trans woman (realized around 2015, still haven't came out to my family) I don't seeing that and it feels so disrespectful sometimes, like they only care about trans reps when it means they can weaponize us for their petty fan bickering. I remember years ago this was used against me by fans of the DC TV shows because I didn't like Legends of Tomorrow because one of the leads was a bi woman (if my avatar didn't give it away, I'm a bi woman) and stuff like that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
By question is, how do I deal with situations like this, I usually don't engage anymore, but it's so hard not to sometimes because seeing it bothers and frustrates me.
Lately it's been getting to me when I've seen cis and straight people using gay and trans character is fiction in such a fashion, especially recently with all the fan warring on the web with the game awards and as a trans woman (realized around 2015, still haven't came out to my family) I don't seeing that and it feels so disrespectful sometimes, like they only care about trans reps when it means they can weaponize us for their petty fan bickering. I remember years ago this was used against me by fans of the DC TV shows because I didn't like Legends of Tomorrow because one of the leads was a bi woman (if my avatar didn't give it away, I'm a bi woman) and stuff like that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
By question is, how do I deal with situations like this, I usually don't engage anymore, but it's so hard not to sometimes because seeing it bothers and frustrates me.
Thank you! I'm waiting for my insurance to authorize my surgery, shouldn't take much longer now. Hopefully I'll start 2021 good as new!
So you don't have nocternal emissions or something?
*Roots for you*
I'm not sure I understand.
So fans will acuse non-fans of being homo/bi/trans/etc-phobic, because a prominent character is LGBT+, even though the issue is that they simply don't like the show?
I honestly haven't seen this, but I also don't really follow a lot of TV or game stuff anymore.
I think you just have to speak your truth and say, that they shouldn't be using an "LGBT" Straw Man, because that argument is a fallacy.
No, I never had those. I read the semen just gets reabsorbed by your body.
Thank you :)
Well, it doesn't sound like you're too beat up over it. I'm sure you will just need some time to reflect and then cautiously date again.
Well, I only had them as a young person. However, once in a while . . . never mind.
I'm grieving, but I'll admit i'm no where near as torn up as I have been in past relationships. Its something that will be a topic for my next therapy session.
I think you're doing great, your story is a bit similar to my first boyfriend, he had a graveyard shift at work and also studied during the day, so our schedules never matched.
6 months later he broke up with me because he couldn't seeing us working.
It sucks but it gets better with time, I hope you can meet someone special.
Yeah, the scheduling really sucked. For the first half of the year I tried to have a lot of understanding and patience. Eventually it got to a point where I felt my needs were not met and communication just wasnt really work.
But its okay. It'll get better. While i'm not jumping into anything right now because I really want to dissect my feelings I am talking with a boy from a few years back. There's definitely a connection so we'll see
