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Damn, Sai! You DO go to a lot of shows! ha
Here's mine if anyone is interested. I post mostly video game stuff--playing and creating, life stuff, selfies, comic stuff--things like that.
Hey people, anyone been to Sao Paulo?
I'm travelling there next week so any advice or info would be really appreciated!
I'm travelling there next week so any advice or info would be really appreciated!
I've talked to a few guys over Insta but in general I'm just bored with it all. No offense to any of you here, obviously, but I'm just so sick of dudes haha. Thank god I'm already married.
I'm just so sick of guys wanting to hook up immediately or sending unsolicited dick pics etc. We're definitely open but I can't just find a dude and sleep with them. I'm not programmed that way. I've been more than clear about it but it's just like PLEASE STOP. And then apparently I'm being a "tease" by not putting out immediately. idk - it blows. And not in a good way.
I know, I know - that's just how dating apps work. But I'm about to just wash my hands of all of it and retire back to being a monogamous husband.
I'm just so sick of guys wanting to hook up immediately or sending unsolicited dick pics etc. We're definitely open but I can't just find a dude and sleep with them. I'm not programmed that way. I've been more than clear about it but it's just like PLEASE STOP. And then apparently I'm being a "tease" by not putting out immediately. idk - it blows. And not in a good way.
I know, I know - that's just how dating apps work. But I'm about to just wash my hands of all of it and retire back to being a monogamous husband.
User Banned (1 Month): Homophobia. History of severe infractions.
So what is the general feeling you folks have about the nature of (male) gay dating culture?
I'm not gay, so the only interactions I've had with it have been from the outside and fairly fleeting, but it's always struck me as being extremely aggressive and off-putting. Is that an inaccurate perception?
The common "gay men in conflict" stereotype is one of passive aggression, but given the level of testosterone involved, I'd assume that a lot of interactions can be violently as well as sexually charged in what might be considered more "traditionally" masculine way as well, and I'm wondering if that holds true at all.
I'm not gay, so the only interactions I've had with it have been from the outside and fairly fleeting, but it's always struck me as being extremely aggressive and off-putting. Is that an inaccurate perception?
The common "gay men in conflict" stereotype is one of passive aggression, but given the level of testosterone involved, I'd assume that a lot of interactions can be violently as well as sexually charged in what might be considered more "traditionally" masculine way as well, and I'm wondering if that holds true at all.
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Most of the guys I've "met" on dating apps have a giant, unearned ego and are general dicks. There's a few who are nice but I think the anonymity of it all is the same as online gaming - there's no repercussions for bad behavior.
As for in person, I find that guys are weird about coming up and speaking to other guys. I'm pretty shy irl so I get that to some extent but I've also seen bullshit like "if you come up to the bar with one of your girl friends then I'm not coming up to talk to you since you need a chaperone." Why don't you just get fucked then, asshole? idk - I don't think I'm cut out for this stuff the more I think about it.
Also, when guys find out I'm nearly 34 they get weird about my age. Sorry I look like I'm mid-20s. I could lie to you if you'd like.
As for in person, I find that guys are weird about coming up and speaking to other guys. I'm pretty shy irl so I get that to some extent but I've also seen bullshit like "if you come up to the bar with one of your girl friends then I'm not coming up to talk to you since you need a chaperone." Why don't you just get fucked then, asshole? idk - I don't think I'm cut out for this stuff the more I think about it.
Also, when guys find out I'm nearly 34 they get weird about my age. Sorry I look like I'm mid-20s. I could lie to you if you'd like.
Your outside context makes you feel you are seeing something different or unusual when really it's a lot of the same shit hetero couples face. A lot of people you meet at a club or on a dating app are kind of assholes just looking for a selfish indulgence. Sometimes that's all you want too so the feeling is mutual. But hook-up culture isn't really that different between gay or straight couples.
Gay dating isn't any fundamentally different than straight dating. It accommodates all kinds of different styles, personalities, and expectations. Gay men have fleeting hook ups. Gay men have personal and intimate first dates. Gay men do all the things regular cishet people do when they're dating and there is nothing consistently aggressive or violent about gay male courtship. Hook-up culture has a language that might be faster-paced than some people prefer but this is true whether the parties are gay men or not. Male sexuality is not naturally "violent" or "aggressive". It's pretty harmful to operate under the assumption it is.
What makes gay dating different than straight dating is honestly just availability. Gay people from small towns with smaller populations of eligible partners may go much of their young lives unable to connect with somebody sexually. Then maybe they move to the city or go to college and suddenly all these gay people have options and it's almost overwhelming. This shared impulse to finally just indulge freely with another sexual partner can make gay coupling seem rapid. But straight people go to college and have tons of sex too. So it's not really that different, is it?
But outside of these environments it can be harder to meet someone. Sometimes you can tell somebody is gay just by looking at them, but not always, so you can't just assume everyone you meet is a possible romantic partner. This is why some people rely so heavily on gay clubs, gay bars, and gay dating apps. At least you know everybody in there is gay. You can be more forward with each other. When you waste so much time in the real world just trying to figure out if someone is gay or not it's refreshing to just be honest about what you want and what you're looking for. This might be why gay people see more forward to you. By the time two gay people are finally talking to each other they may want to just get to the point.
Gay people are also just as vulnerable and susceptible to gender roles as straight people too. So the hot guy at the club looking for a piece of meat might act the same regardless of their sexuality. You are probably used to seeing these guys approaching women. The difference is that now these two hot guys looking for a quick lay are talking to each other instead. The energy may seem different to you even though it isn't. There's just twice as much of it.
But in general, no, I wouldn't generalize gay men or gay dating as aggressive or violent. This kind of characterization makes gay men seem predatory or perverse, which are some lousy stereotypes to have to contend with. What I think you're seeing are the ordinary hook-up archetypes just in situations you are less familiar with which makes them seem more alien than they really are.
If the general thought here is that gay dating and straight dating is the same, then wouldn't a reasonable extension of that thought be that it would face the same issues of "toxic" masculinity, but perhaps even moreso?
Only in the sense that toxic men have the potential to date other toxic men, sure. But not all men are toxic. What you are describing is an extreme kind of man potentially hooking up with another extreme kind of man. This extreme example is just that: a dramatic outlier that does not represent normal gay relationships or even normal men.
Toxic masculinity is also not typically accommodating to homosexuality so most gay men do not exhibit these traits. You're basically imagining the worse pairing possible and asking "is this normal?"
So I don't understand what your goal is here. What are you actually asking? What are you hoping to gain insight to?
I'm very new to Era but I decided to introduce myself here sooner than later because I know I would do it eventually either way.
I'm 18, male and gay, though I have struggled with accepting my sexuality for years and still do. I lurked these threads back on NeoGaf and I would say they helped me a lot back then.
English isn't my native language, I'm sorry if my writing isn't up to par. I don't know how active I will be in the long run, but it's nice being able to talk with you all after so much time.
I'm 18, male and gay, though I have struggled with accepting my sexuality for years and still do. I lurked these threads back on NeoGaf and I would say they helped me a lot back then.
English isn't my native language, I'm sorry if my writing isn't up to par. I don't know how active I will be in the long run, but it's nice being able to talk with you all after so much time.
The bolded parts are correct. I'm in a relationship but I like to flirt from time to time. But that doesn't mean I want to go to bed with you.
There were many instances on those apps when guys thought I was fake because I didn't want to date them. Just because I'm talking to you, doesn't mean I'm interested in you.
"Straight" guys with a girlfriend or a wife are the worst. They really think all gays just want to have sex. Bye.
So I recently started going out again and putting myself out there. I want to make friends to expand my social life after being sort of antisocial for personal reasons. I've attended various private get togethers, going out to bars, night clubs, along with sober things like volunteering.
I've met new people this way and im starting to build my social circle again. Problem is, sometimes I would go out by myself and start hanging out with the new friends I met when I see them out. But a couple would show interest in hooking up but I'm not really interested. They aren't really forcing themselves on me or anything but it's clear that they are interested. Like say they would buy me drinks, try to dance with me one on one, subtly touch me (which I'm fine with but nothing too handsy).
I would subtly refuse thier advances and make it clear I'm not really interested by either not reciprocating, or telling them that we should go back to the group, etc. I would also subtly turn away when they try to touch me again. At the same time I don't want to come off as a stuck up deuce and don't want to burn that platonic bridge. I want to keep hanging out. Is there anything else I should be doing?
Btw reason I'm asking is that before I started working out, I didn't really get this kind of attention all the time so not sure how to handle it. I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and ruin this new social circle I'm building.
I've met new people this way and im starting to build my social circle again. Problem is, sometimes I would go out by myself and start hanging out with the new friends I met when I see them out. But a couple would show interest in hooking up but I'm not really interested. They aren't really forcing themselves on me or anything but it's clear that they are interested. Like say they would buy me drinks, try to dance with me one on one, subtly touch me (which I'm fine with but nothing too handsy).
I would subtly refuse thier advances and make it clear I'm not really interested by either not reciprocating, or telling them that we should go back to the group, etc. I would also subtly turn away when they try to touch me again. At the same time I don't want to come off as a stuck up deuce and don't want to burn that platonic bridge. I want to keep hanging out. Is there anything else I should be doing?
Btw reason I'm asking is that before I started working out, I didn't really get this kind of attention all the time so not sure how to handle it. I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and ruin this new social circle I'm building.
It's good you're subtly turning them away. Keep on doing that. If they're sane, they'll understand. If they keep on doing it, acting like sexual predators, then it's time to cut them off and find new friends.
There was a period in my life where I was too nice. Some people did misunderstand that and tried to take advantage of it.
Now I'd rather be seen as a stuck up deuce than someone who's ok with everything.
There was a period in my life where I was too nice. Some people did misunderstand that and tried to take advantage of it.
Now I'd rather be seen as a stuck up deuce than someone who's ok with everything.
Pretty new to ERA (more or less). Making time for my anticipatory anxiety of going to the gym byyy answering the OP questions, yay
- Your gender? Your sexual identity? Ciswoman, she/her (they/them too, I don't mind)
- Your sexual orientation? Lesbian
- Where Are You From? Spain
- Favorite Type of Music? K-Pop, Post-rock,
- Profession or Career interest? Branding (graphic design)
- Favorite video game(s)? Final Fantasy X, or Bioware games.. Celeste is up there too
- What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? Learning languages, soccer, Marvel movies..
I speak four: spanish, catalan, english and korean. I have been having a hard time with the last one because I get too embarrassed to talk, but I know the grammar pretty well... ^^" I learnt a bit of french in high school, but now I just remember the basics, although I can understand it more or less okay. I'd like to brush up on it but I'm not the best at organizing my time. I remember when I practiced speaking my throat would get coarse 30min. in because of the phonetics (mostly the french r).. that was painful lol
What about you? Anything besides French?
Anyone else work in a hyper masculine work environment? Recently a topic of discussion came up that makes me uncomfortable but I know I shouldn't say anything because then they'll treat me differently and I don't know its worth it because I won't change their minds.
I would love to learn Spanish as well :D
I can speak Dutch, Albanian, German and English.
My mother has Iranian roots, so I understand a little bit of Farsi as well. She always speaks it with my aunts. But I can't speak it myself. My father is Albanian. I live in the Netherlands.
The perk of working for the cosmetic industry: I'm surrounded by female beauticians, female product specialists, female nailstylists and one female dermatologist. I love working with females.
I'm the only guy here, besided my boss.
I worked in the automobile industry. We all wore suits and drank at work everyday; like the last bastion of a boys club. I just kept my head down and didn't talk about my personal life much. It sucks, but you're correct, you'd be "other'd" instantly.
Welcome, welcome. Always good to see another Bioware fan around.
What type of work environment and what was the topic, exactly?
I work around trains. The people I work around the most come from Asia originally and older than me by quite a bit, so you can probably guess their views on LGBTQ+ people. Guy from the Philippines has been telling the guy from Vietnam that "his newborn isn't a boy, its a gay. I'm serious send me pictures of his hair and eyebrows I can tell you if he's gay." It just makes me a little uncomfortable but I don't feel like its worth doing anything.
Yeah. That's ehat I feel like would happen.
Sorta - I worked in a republican led courthouse for about three months last year. While not overtly masculine the views were very "traditional" southern views and it was extremely uncomfortable. I legit worried about being found out and being fired so I found a new job ASAP. Plus that job sucked as well.
I think the most "masculine" place I worked was at Gamestop for 8 years but I never once ran into any homophobia there from any employees. Every was extremely cool and accepting. Actually, both myself and my husband worked in the same district the whole time and we were both extremely lucky that everyone was so cool.
Hmm, I see. That does suck, having to endure comments like that, but I do think that there's a time and a place for everything. We all have limits on how much of this sort of stuff we'll take, but not every molehill is worth making a mountain out of, you know? Especially when it involves your livelihood. Sometimes we've just got to grin and bear it, as unfortunate as it is.
She grabbed me and initiated the kiss. Every thought in my head melted into incoherence and my balance gave out. We avoided crashing through the wall at the last second lol.
I was seeing the guy for about a month, and we had slept in the same bed a couple times. One night he asked me for a goodnight kiss, and I said sure. Das it. lol
My friend lived in a castle tower - no joke. She had a boy she wanted me to meet and we climbed to the third story of the tower and he kissed me. Wasn't special, wasn't great, wasn't romantic but it's interesting I guess.
I was 20 and I had come out recently. One of my best friends always asked me about my love life and knew I had no experience at all. Also he knew I had a big crush on my then best friend. So, one day we were in my car, only the two of us, at night, because we were going to another friend's apartment. He asked me if I wanted to kiss him. I said yes. He regretted it at first and said it was a joke, but I insisted a bit more, so we kissed, for a very brief moment. It was definitely the worst kiss of my life, plus he was smoking moments before and I hate that smell.
With a man? When I was 21. Quite late, but I was in hiding because of my religious background. But the ironic part is that my first gay kiss was with the local imam.
He always visited my parents to fix their tv and computer. I was alone with him this one time. I tried to help him with the tv screen. Our faces got very close together and he suddenly kissed me.
I kissed him back because I always thought he looked very hot. We had a "thing" going on for like two months. But he was married and had three kids at that time, so it was best to end it.
With a girl? When I was 9 or so. She wanted to kiss me and I let her. Didn't feel anything special.
I was girls exclusive until my 21st year. Until Allah sent me the Imam. :D
He always visited my parents to fix their tv and computer. I was alone with him this one time. I tried to help him with the tv screen. Our faces got very close together and he suddenly kissed me.
I kissed him back because I always thought he looked very hot. We had a "thing" going on for like two months. But he was married and had three kids at that time, so it was best to end it.
With a girl? When I was 9 or so. She wanted to kiss me and I let her. Didn't feel anything special.
I was girls exclusive until my 21st year. Until Allah sent me the Imam. :D
Were you on a date?
So, you were dating and even shared a bed yet you didn't kiss for a month. That's patience! :O
WHOA! A castle. It does make it interesting :P
I think I remember this from the old forum. He wasn't/isn't gay?
I'm pretty sure there are some movies that start exactly this way :P
That was very risky for both of you. How did he know?
in case anyone is curious: http://fairhopecastle.com
This happened in 2003 so people actually lived there at the time. They've since made it an AirBNB space since her grandmother died but it's a really cool sight.
I was very conservative during my early dating times, lol. That guy and I actually still have a bit of a fire going, even though we are seeing other people casually, but still haven't done anything past making out. It's sad, actually.
Hi! found this while browsing. I'm really new on this site but I like it so far.
- Your gender? Your sexual identity? (Preferred pronouns?) Nonbinary, they/them/theirs
- Your sexual orientation? Pan
- Where Are You From? Iowa
- Where Do You Live? Iowa
- How Old Are you? 21
- Favorite Type of Music? I'm listening to a lot of Lofi recently, but I can listen to anything
- Profession or Career interest? Game audio or film. Currently a film student at my University
- Favorite video game(s)? Currently Paratopic, but in the past it's been Minecraft, Pikmin 2, and Dota 2.
- What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? Music, card games, movies
Nope, first time visiting (we had already resolved to date).