LGBTQ ERA, how did your family and friends react when you came out?

[Lightning Count]

I'm bisexual/pan sexual I've been reflecting on my experience either this when I came out, as first to trusted friends in high school, then later to my family. The first person I ever came out to was a close friend when I was about 14 or 15, thankfully they were ok with it, but I still had to be careful who I told, because being known as gay or bisexual could easily lead to bullying and being beaten up. This was in the 90's early 2000's, so homophobic comments were also extremely common.

After that the only people I ever really told were romantic partners, I dated guys at first, and then started dating women later. Thankfully my first ever girlfriend who I met in college was also bi herself, so she did not judge when I told her I had slept with guys in the past before hooking up with her. My other partners were strictly straight women, including one who looking back held some pretty bigoted views, I dumped her and never looked back..

So the family, my older brother is an awkward one, I've never outright told him, but I suspect he basically knows anyway, he also has a tendency to make homophobic jokes or off hand comments directed towards me hinting at this, which is supremely awkward whenever he visits.

I haven't spoken to my father in years since he got thrown out by my mother for cheating on her, he did ask me if I was gay or I thought I was, he basically said he though my mother would take it badly. I'm never quite sure how he would have taken it as he is extremely manipulative and a compulsive liar. At this rate, I'll probably never see him again to tell him, he remarried and moved far away a few years ago.

When I finally told my mother her reaction was "So you're a gay boy, I've known for long enough." While I'm glad she didn't disapprove, I do wish she hadn't used a known insult for gay men in the process. Then on top of that, when I explained I am bi/pan her reaction was "Well when you get a boyfriend or girlfriend, then you'll know if you are gay or straight." I explained to her that that is not how it works at all, I can't just stop being attracted to all genders whether I'm dating a man or a woman, but she didn't change her position. I still see her regularly but we just don't talk about it, unfortunately she's only gotten more right wing the last few years and I dread to think how she might react to me actually getting a boyfriend. I've brought women to meet her plenty of times, but never a man, one of these days it will happen, I won't hide who I am for the sake of a quiet life.

Over to you now, ERA, this thread is to be your safe space, if you haven't came out to family or friends you can come out here if you want, there will be no judgement from me. Solidarity always helps, hell, I dare say me getting involved with the gay community might have saved my life. Having friends who know the struggle helps me a lot in dealing with my depression and anxiety.

 

[Finale Fireworker]

I'm not out to my mother and father because we don't speak. Sometimes I imagine, if we did speak, I would drop it in the middle of an argument like some sort of destabilizing conversation bomb. I relish the thought. But it's probably better we don't talk at this point. I don't gain anything from them knowing - or knowing them.

I had one friend, one of my best friends actually, who didn't believe me. That was upsetting. I had to just leave it alone for a few days and come back to it and by then it was fine. But it was still lousy for one of your best friends to just... not believe you. We are cool now though. All my other friends treated it like a momentary surprise and then it was never a conversation topic again because nobody really cared. My experience was that people felt bad they didn't already know. Nobody I told ever had a problem with the news, but there was always this tension as if I'd been lying to them up until that point and they only just found out. But it passes quickly and everyone just updated their mental fact sheet and it ceased to be a point of contention in any way.

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

The closet is such a nice place to be though...It's cozy and the status quo never changes.

I don't see any real reason to make a big hullabaloo about being ace. Yeah I'll continue not dating people :P And if I'm staying quiet about that, I'll stay quiet about any of the other shit going on. At least until I figure it out.

 

[Interframe]

I actually came out recently as gay to my parents (I'm 26), everyone else in my life including cousins, siblings friends etc. already knew about me for several years prior. My parents are immigrants who were born in the 1960s who came from a very (socially but not religious) conservative background so I didn't expect it to go smoothly and at first they were shocked and had a hard time accepting it but they did reassure me that they still love and support me as difficult as it was (and probably still will be for a while) to accept but i was far from getting disowned or being unsupported/hated.

Only advice I can give someone is to come out when you're ready and feel secure and stable enough in life to not have to totally rely on your parents, or at least have other people to fall back on. When I came out, I came out with so much full-blown confidence that my parents were surprised, as they've never seen me this confident in something, so in a way, that helped them have confidence in me being gay. I couldn't ever imagine coming out before I was ready or being forcefully outed, but that is the sad reality for many queer people. Everyone's individual circumstance and situation is different, and it is very important to be realistic to yourself and also keep yourself safe

 

[Gradon]

I'm really sorry about the bi/panphobia from your mother OP, you don't deserve that invalidation. Thanks for sharing your story.

My story is full of being outed as gay tbh, my brothers found out due to my search history when I was 11, threatened to tell my parents if I didn't stop. I didn't trust anyone with that info after that for a while as I was extremely insecure about it. I came out to the world (Except my parents.) after I left high school at 15 by changing my Facebook to interested in men lol.

I entered my first relationship with a guy when I was 16 (we're still together 10 years on :)) and my brothers found out via my Facebook. My brother told me that he had told my parents I was gay and had a bf, to "warm them up" for when I came out myself to them. I wasn't really happy. He kept feeding me info that my mum was severely upset by it and my dad wouldn't react at all about it and refused to acknowledge it. My parents were kind of openly homophobic, including my dad exclaiming he hopes "gay people get shot" whenever they appeared on tv. My parents relationship didn't change with me really around this time, my boyfriend would always visit and they were nice to him. Though my dad asked my other brother why I kept hanging around with a gay lad...

I came out to my mum and dad when I was in uni, 4 years after my brother had told my parents. It was honestly the scariest thing I ever did. It was a double whammy, as I also had to tell them my "best friend" was my boyfriend. I knew they knew but there was that denial, when I did tell them though my mum was just unbelievably supportive and kept saying please stop crying, it's okay, we know, I love you, etc. My dad said nothing to me.

I was only visiting home when I told them, since I was at uni I was able to run away for a while, so I went back to my uni house the day after I told them. My mum would keep messaging me whilst I was away but my dad said nothing to me for about ... a month, or two. He just didn't acknowledge me. Ignored me.

Years later and my parents are warmed up to it now, and ask me all of the time how my partner is doing whenever they text or call. My dad included. It's nice to know they're accepting now but I'm not really close to them at all. It took a gay child for them to stop being homophobic but it's still been an upsetting journey for me regardless right? I'm luckier than others, I know that, and I appreciate that I came out of it okay in the end.

That was a bit of waffle but that's the gist of it, again, not everyone is as lucky as me, but it's my lived experience that it's possible for someone to wish death on gay people to turn their head around when it's their own child and stop. Thanks for the thread OP.

 

[OhMoveOver]

So I was unfortunately pressured into coming out to my mother by an ex who said I was "worrying about nothing" as their own experience was negative free. So aged 18, and at 5 oclock in the morning I packed all my bags and belongings at the end of my bed , and sent a text message to my mum , after failing multiple times to work the courage up to tell her to her face. I then lay awake for the longest thirty minutes of my life waiting for her to wake up and read her message , then saw the three dots bouncing around . I got a good response I feel , just telling me she'd love me no matter what , which lulled me into some false security where I started telling her a few days later about my then boyfriend. Turns out she wasn't that ok with it , instead telling me to stop talking about it as she didn't want one of "those" types of gays as a son. She went as far as denying me being gay to my grandparents who suspected and wanted to wish me happines and let me know they still love me. I now live on the other side of the country and enjoy a relatively civil, long distance relationship with my parents and family , however it is pretty much on the assumption I'm not out out with being gay. I'm sad that I can't have that close relationship with my family, but I do get to enjoy my own small family with my partner and our dog. I would love one day to be able to be closer to my family but I'm not about to tone myself down to fit into a bigoted little box .

 

[OhMoveOver]

Also if I could say anything to my younger self , it would be to refuse the idea that you have to allow your parents the room to understand what you are telling them. If your family are shocked at you being gay they really can't be paying much attention to you and are in my mind failing at being a parent.

 

[Deleted member 20850]

When I came out to my mom as trans her reaction was pretty much 'Awesome, I have another daughter! So what's your name?'. That was pretty uplifting. My sister reacted well, my dad and brother came around eventually.

I met some extended family for the first time in years. Me being myself now is so normalized that we all kind of forgot to tell them before the meeting. So that went from 'Oh, who is this woman?' to us clearing it up and then it was 'Hey deadname how is being a man going over there?' for an evening.

 

[Bee.Cups]

My parents pushed me back in the closet and then when I refused to lie to myself and came out they threw me out on the street, destroyed years worth of my portfolio, and banned me from ever talking to my sister again. I lost my home, my schooling, my art, and my family all in one go. And I have no regrets other than wishing I'd come out beforehand. It revealed who was toxic in my life, I was able to reconnect with my sister, and I was able to live life as me instead of a fake shell.

My parents still claim kicking me out was an act of love to "show me gods way." It taught me to be self sufficient, and to be kinder than them in every regard. I know what its like to lose everything, so now I can empathize better. Honestly I'm glad it happened the way it did or I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Also if I could say anything to my younger self , it would be to refuse the idea that you have to allow your parents the room to understand what you are telling them. If your family are shocked at you being gay they really can't be paying much attention to you and are in my mind failing at being a parent.

Click to shrink...

I agree completely. My parents apparently always talk about how they never saw it coming and where did I go wrong, and I'm just thinking, maybe if you had honestly asked or paid attention you would have known.

When I came out to my mom as trans her reaction was pretty much 'Awesome, I have another daughter! So what's your name?'. That was pretty uplifting. My sister reacted well, my dad and brother came around eventually.

I met some extended family for the first time in years. Me being myself now is so normalized that we all kind of forgot to tell them before the meeting. So that went from 'Oh, who is this woman?' to us clearing it up and then it was 'Hey deadname how is being a man going over there?' for an evening.

Click to shrink...

That first part is amazing and I'm glad for you. That second part sucks.

 

[Bing-Bong]

My parents just didn't react. I think i came out as homo like... 3 times, already? And they always act as i still don't know what i like. They'll believe me the day i let them meet my girlfriend, i guess, but i'm still preparing myself to explain how she being trans does not deny the fact that i'm homo. I must admit: i'm scared by that situation.

My friends are mostly LGTBQ too, so i didn't had to go through any kind of explanation. Quite cool.

 

[Aurongel]

The world has too much biphobia in it for me to ever be completely out. Both my gay male friends and straight female friends treat it as either emasculating or duplicitous. I can count on one hand the number of people I was interested in who DIDN'T change their demeanor towards me after telling them. I stand to lose more socially from being public about it than I do just keeping it to myself and curtailing how I act around certain straight/gay people.

It's not great and I recognize that I'm probably implicitly allowing these biases to perpetuate by not addressing them more directly with people.

 

[MIMIC]

I came out last week on Facebook (on National Coming Out Day). Everyone was really supportive and loving. A few reached out to me privately as well (even some of my coworkers). It went pretty much how I expected. It was a little awkward when I had to see some of those friends in person. I intentionally brought it up because it felt like the elephant in the room and we had a nice conversation so it went well with my friends.

I considered the idea of coming out to some individually, but I figured those individuals would tell other people, so I decided to just say fuck it and tell everyone on FB.

My family? Well, that was a completely different story. It was ugly at first (and I mean really ugly), but my parents have since come around and don't care anymore. I told them earlier this year.

I'm 34, BTW.

(my mom did tell me that she told one of my older cousins that I'm gay, and my cousin was like, "WHHAAATTT?? Let's pray." I thought that was hilarious. My family on my mom's side is incredibly devout)

 

[Shiloh]

Mom - Kicked me out of the house, tried to connect years later. She tried but I've been more like "nah"

Dad - "I'll support you, but I ain't going to no pride parades"
Stepmom - "Why didn't you tell me sooner?!" also later as a joke "I get two boys, then when one turns out to be gay I don't even get one that likes to do girl stuff?"

 

[MIMIC]

When I came out to my mom as trans her reaction was pretty much 'Awesome, I have another daughter! So what's your name?'. That was pretty uplifting. My sister reacted well, my dad and brother came around eventually.

Click to shrink...

Aw, that was sweet

 

[Davilmar]

Haven't done so, and don't think I ever will with my parents or family. My sex life is dead and dysfunctional as is, so I don't expect any resolution for the foreseeable future.

 

[grunkleFungus]

my entire paternal family disowned me, good riddance lmao

 

[Zom]

Has optimal has it can be:

me: mom this is my boyfriend
mom: oh hi !! nice to meet you...

*aunt outs me on family gathering*

Aunt: you should bring your boyfriend
Me: yeah next time I will bring him
Everyone: *keeps on eating*

And that's about it lmao

 

[foxdvd]

Not my story coming out, but my daughters story.

I was born in 1974, near San Francisco. My father and basically my entire family was very religious and ultra conservative. It was bad. It is hard to explain to my kids now how it was to be raised like that. My father would scream at the tv or to his friends of all the "F-word" taking over the world. Just to add another layer to the kind of person he was, he was also a cop. I was a bit of a late bloomer in life. I was always short and had a very high pitched voice until High School where I hit some strange massive growth burst and shot up to 6'3, but as a result I think my father was afraid I was going to be gay or something. So if I did anything he thought was "girl" like he would beat on me. I remember one time my mom thought it would a good idea to dress me up in a dress and makeup and my dad came home early, caught me, and started beating on me while my mother screamed it was her fault.

It is hard for me to explain why he is not out of my life. Partly I am sure it is some sort of trauma, but I really don't want to be judged why I did not completely shut him out. It is complicated. As I got older I started shutting him out of my life, and not spending time with him.

I knew from an early age that I did not hate or think less of anyone for their differences. When my dad screamed at someone he thought was gay, I would go to my room and cry because it felt so wrong. We moved while I was in High School to Oklahoma, which was even more conservative than what I was use to. My dad always continued his anti-gay bullshit, and I continued to resent him more and more.

Then I got married and had kids. My father, while still always being a piece of shit morally, was a sweetheart with my kids. My oldest was his princess. So when my daughter came out to her mother and me, one of the big questions was if we tell her grandparents. My ex-wife was probably worst than my father, because she started in about religion and even sent books on how to pray the gay away, and my daughter sort of shut her out of her life (she is still not a part of her life)

It was different with my dad. My daughter loved her grandpa. She was terrified of him cutting her out of his life. It was so hard for me not to explode on him and tell him he was out of our lives, because my daughter begged me no to. I think I failed as a father letting him be so sweet to her, knowing he was what he was. It was hard on her because he he was so sweet with her. So with my daughters wishes we kept it quiet.

The problem was when we got together he would start his anti-gay nasty talk. It was brutal on my daughter, but she continued to ask me to keep it to myself, so eventually we just stopped going over there.

Again, looking back I don't think I handled this right.

So about a year ago we go over there for the 4th of July. My daughter has a gay pride tattoo on her arm and he saw it and started to freak out. We left, and I ask Cat what she wanted me to do. Crying she finally told me to do what I felt I needed, so after I dropped her off at her apartment, I called him and let into him.

I spent about 5 minutes laying into him for what he had done to my daughter. I told him that he was no longer my father and that as far as I was concerned he was dead to me. I told him how his hate for the last 40 plus years had broke his entire family.

So a week later, my father shows up at my daughters apartment, falls to his knees bawling like a baby and apologized to her. He told her he loved her. He tried to justify his behavior by how he was raised, but he did say he now understood that hate, and was going to do everything he could to be a better person.

I still don't have a great relationship with my Dad, but when I do talk to him (mostly about my mom who is in a nursing home) there is no more hate talk in his voice. I would not call this a complete salvation of my father, but it something I guess.

In the end all three of my kids turned out great, besides the environment. None of them have hate. All of them care about others. It is a miracle they turned out so good.

 

[Nilson]

Has optimal has it can be:

me: mom this is my boyfriend
mom: oh hi !! nice to meet you...

*aunt outs me on family gathering*

Aunt: you should bring your boyfriend
Me: yeah next time I will bring him
Everyone: *keeps on eating*

And that's about it lmao

Click to shrink...

Love this

 

[Greyline108]

My mom outright asked me "Are you gay?" By that point I'd been in the closet for six, seven years, and I couldn't bring myself to lie again. So I admitted it, and she was not happy. She always tried to make it clear that she'd always love me, but she brought up how upset she was about it, called homosexuality an abomination and all of that. In the time since, things have improved vastly, though. We still have very unpleasant conversations every so often, like when I told her I'm engaged, but she's always been kind and accepting to my fiance and treated him like she would my other siblings' partners.

I do wish she hadn't been the first to find out sometimes, though , because it made me scared to tell everyone else in my circle, all of whom handled it way better. My friend was just like "oh, cool," my brother immediately apologized for insensitive stuff that he realized he'd said and has been cool ever since, and my dad and sister, both of whom found out years after everybody else, were perfectly accepting but sad that I didn't feel comfortable telling them earlier. I wish I'd handled things differently in hindsight, but I feel like I lucked out in the coming out department.

 

[Rosebud]

Also if I could say anything to my younger self , it would be to refuse the idea that you have to allow your parents the room to understand what you are telling them. If your family are shocked at you being gay they really can't be paying much attention to you and are in my mind failing at being a parent.

Click to shrink...

That's true. I never came out as a non-binary because it was obvious since I was a kid using all clothes and pronouns.

But they probably thought it would end at some point lol.

 

[Apollo]

The friends I've come out to as trans have been very supportive. My mom is complicated. It leans towards the positive side I think, but it's just complicated

 

[Deleted member 16516]

My best friend of twenty years was very supportive and we're still as close as brothers. Even gave me the privilege of been his daughter's godfather.

Parents, even with their South Asian/Arab/Muslim backgrounds, were also fine with it, which isn't too surprising. They've always been very liberal.

Other friends haven't really batted an eyelid either. Been brought up in one the UK's more LGBTQ+ friendly cities surely helped in that regard.

Anyone else who has a problem with it, can fuck right off.

 

[Feign]

When I was 16, my therapist said she thought it would probably be 10 years before I told my mom, but that was completely normal. That struck a nerve in how right she was, so I decided to rip the bandaid off as she drove me home. She was not happy at first. A lot of crying. then after a couple days she came out all rainbow flags and lashing out at anyone who wasn't supportive of gay rights.

I asked my mom not to tell my stepdad about this. However, while browsing the computer he found in the history a forum where I talked about it. It was a drug forum that I used only to talk about lucid dreaming and gay shit, since they had sections on it, but he didn't know which one of us was posting and was worried until he saw more history. I admitted to it, and he cried because my mom apparently had been stressing out about respecting my wish not to tell him. He was accepting moment one.

My dad and stepmom found out at a Chili's lmao. My dad is very religious and I was annoyed so I said something vague, but he actually picked up on it. For an hour, we talked in what amounted to subtext while my stepmom sat their real fucking confused. Then it clicked and she had some choice quotes including, "If you say you're going to run in front of a moving truck, of course we're going to run in to save you." Fucking lol. The poor waiter and basically every table around us didn't know what to do since it got incredibly tense. I ended up storming out and hiding in the Border's next door until my mom could pick me up. He eventually came to "accept" it, but any time I've made real progress my stepmom says shit while I'm not around to set him back. It's frustrating and we basically don't talk about it anymore because there's no point.

Overall, a lot better than the scenarios played out in my head.

 

[Izzard]

I didn't come out. I don't see why I should. Not to mention the shame, self loathing, and isolation putting me off even mentioning it.
Parents, if you have any suspicions that your child is LGBT, at the very least please instil into them that it's absolutely fine for people to be whatever they are. Heck, even if you don't have suspicions do it. The damage it can do to a child who feels like they don't belong to society is devastating.

 

[egg]

My friends didn't care, if anything it made us closer because we started talking about guys more lol.
My mom, I went through it twice with her because she thought it was a phase or something.

The first time, she was going through my stuff in my room while I was at school and found some notes I had written. When I came home she started crying and was like what is wrong with you? The notes just prerry much talked about a crush I had on this one guy. Anyways she calls the pastor of the church we went too and immediately we have to leave and go to the chruch.
When I get there It was me, my mom, the pastor, my mentor and then an elder from the church. It was mostly just them telling me that I need to change or im going to hell, that im not a woman and I wasn't born to be like a woman or feel like a woman (i'm not fem btw, just because I'm gay they assume I want to be a woman?) that it's an abomination, etc. I WAS PISSED, never trusted my mom again after that and rightfully so. After that whole situation a few years passed, we never talked about me being gay from that point on and it was as if she forgot.

Second time, at the time I was dating a guy named Kevin. He had just joined the Navy and was in basic, I was waiting for his initial letter that way I could start sending him mail just to show support and keep him motivated. Let him know I was proud and that he was loved, etc. So I let everyone know I was expecting some mail and if they see it to let me know. (a lot of times mail would just sit in a pile unread for a few days). The letter came and my mom found it, she opened it, read it, and then rippped it up. She waited for about a week and then sent me a text while I was at work asking me if I was gay. Then she went on and told me that she knew about my relationship with Kevin, that she had the letter the whole time and rippped it up. I don't think I had ever hated her as much as I did that day (at the time LOL) but she came and dropped off the letters. It was a ziploc bag filled with ripped shreds and I spent the rest of my work day taping everything back together. I don't think she ever really accepted me as being gay but she managed to tolerate it enough after that point.

The rest of my family has been very supportive. They're all religious to some degree but they have never spoken ill of me for being gay. Always telling me that god loves me for me and who I am and there's nothing wrong with being gay. I don't think I really got to come to anyone in my family aside from my aunt. My mom talked about me to everyone constantly. Always trying to compare me to my friends. And with me being the oldest and explaining all of this to you, you would never think that we had an incredibly close relationship for almost most of my life.
Ever since she first gay situation, everything has declined, so much so that I ended up homeless last year because of her. I don't think it was because I was gay but, our relationship has never been the same ever since. I don't trust her and I don't think I ever will be able too again.

 

[Cipher Peon]

I'm pretty much going on a don't ask, don't tell kinda deal. I'm not hiding it but I'm not advertising it either.
My parents wouldn't understand and that's okay, it's not really that big of a deal if they do or don't.

My brother is the only one who I've considered coming out too, but he's... younger and less understanding of the whole gender thing. He respects me a lot though and I care about him a ton and feel comfortable talking to him, which is why I've considered it. But yeah, it's not really a high priority to let them know on my end.

My friends respected my wishes and made absolutely no big deal about it, which is exactly what I wanted.

 

[Wallace Wells]

My coming out didn't happen the way I had planned to. I was sort of forced into it announcing it to my mum and it didn't go well at all. There was a lot of tears from her (probably Catholic guilt and the fact her son was a homo), my stepdad made continuous jokes about me taking it up the bum (thankfully he's out of the picture now) and my dad actually took it well. The other half of my family have never acknowledged the fact that I'm gay and it's been nearly a decade since I came out, one of my cousin's has made a few sly homophobic comments to me but eh fuck them. I'm hoping that I'm in a relationship next year so I can take my boyfriend to my cousin's wedding and make them all uncomfortable

I still can't tell if my mum is fine with it part of me thinks she isn't because none of my siblings know I'm gay and yet they're an old enough age to understand it. However she will ask occasionally if I'm seeing someone but that's it.

 

[pokeystaples]

It was Texas in the mid-90's. I was 12 when I came out (I randomly blurted it out...was REALLY awkward) so my mom most definitely thought it was a phase. I had to come out again when I was 14 and had a serious girlfriend and again when I was 17 for the same reason. I never went back in the closet after that. Coming out to my mom was the hardest part. Everyone else either "had a feeling" or didn't care very much either way.

 

[GraphicViolets]

I've only come out to a few people who i've specifically made sure would be cool beforehand but they've all been awesome.
Pretty much the same thing happens every time
-"I have something to tell you"
-*struggles to get it out for like 5 minutes*
- "I'm trans"
-*i cry*
-the other person says something like "thank you for telling me"
-then i try to tell them as much stuff as possible to get them caught up lol


I'm avoiding coming out to my parents, one sister, and most of my extended family due to them being very right wing and the fact that I'm living with my parents right now. It should be within a year that I will move out so i will probably do it then.
Also I have a few friends who I'm certain wouldn't honor my wishes to treat me differently and they would continue hanging out with me without acknowledging who i am. I need new friends...

 

[PickledCucumber]

Friends were more concerned about who was told first before them and why I didn't tell THEM first.

A little bit of homophobia from a couple of them, but overall they didn't care and were okay with it.

Parents were... Not exactly accretions at first. My Mom cried and wouldn't talk to me for a week.

Years later, after dealing with heartbreak because of a guy, my Mom finally told me they didn't have an issue with me being gay and that they loved me for who I am.

 

[Deleted member 24079]

See if you come out, make sure you have an out to leave the house. Be able to survive on your own means. Then if your immediate family is fine with it, then you have the moms side and the dads side. I'm still not out to my dads side. They'd disown me but they also live many states away. When they visit, they aren't allowed to see my house or hear about my full life with my partner. My parents said I can't ever tell them so our occasional visits are usually warding off their accusations of me being bad with women or not social. They are not good people.

 

[Canucked]

My mom cried for half a second, but she was very cool about it. She said the tears were just about feeling guilty for me waiting so long to tell her.
My dad just shrugged, and has never really made a big deal about it. He really likes my partner.
My sisters (three, all older) were like "finally."

Oddly enough I had the opposite reaction from my male friends who all cut me out of their life.

 

[Matsukaze]

I'm bi.

My sisters were the first two people I told; not only were they both supportive, but one of my sisters used that opportunity to come out as bi to me, so it was definitely a bonding moment!

After that, I told my mom (devout Catholic). She was silent for a minute as she absorbed it, but she was fully supportive after processing what I had just told her. I didn't think to ask, but in hindsight, I figure she was mentally calculating how, if at all, that news affected her chances of getting grandkids one day lol.

I waited to tell my dad (also a devout Catholic). He had been pretty vocally anti-Queer when I was a little kid but he mellowed out over a decade ago. It was actually a spur of the moment kinda thing when I told him. He said it had occurred to him that I might be bi. He was also cool with it. Out of everyone in my family, he was ironically the one who most enthusiastically encouraged me to get involved with LGBTQIA groups and events.

I'm eternally grateful that things went so smoothly.

 

[CharMomone]

I tried to come out to my father in 2013, he took it as I was trying to punish him, then told me I was on my own in pursuing it, which due to my reliance on him proved futile and pushed me further into a depression so I just went back into the closet, then early 2019 I came out to him again, he cried in disbelief, said he should've just died from his life-threatening illness he had, and that he was considering finishing the job because he couldn't take it.

I had to reaffirm that I was transgender by coming out two additional times, both of which he cried again, and said I was endangering his survival because his job relies on the local community. I was lucky in that only after year of giving him my chosen name he started to actually try saying it, though he still holds onto the belief that I'll somehow change my mind and detransition.

 

[Kittenz]

I came out last week on Facebook (on National Coming Out Day). Everyone was really supportive and loving. A few reached out to me privately as well (even some of my coworkers). It went pretty much how I expected. It was a little awkward when I had to see some of those friends in person. I intentionally brought it up because it felt like the elephant in the room and we had a nice conversation so it went well with my friends.

Click to shrink...

CONGRATS! : )

 

[The Emperor]

Family (south asian background and Im an only child) - awfully. Came out 8 years ago but mum still threatens to commit suicide unless I 'adapt' to a straight lifestyle every 4-5 months...parents then threaten to disown me every year or so...then after not talking for a few months always resume contact. Awful cycle. The university years when I came out were tough...not knowing if id be disowned one year or the next. One year thanks to the universities help my student loan category got changed so I got the maximum amount as they'd disowned me for a few months. Then mums suicide threats. Don't know how this will end up...may have to eventually burn bridges and cut contact from my end if it gets too toxic for me

-> Came out to one cousin too...she was supportive. But no one else knows

Friends - Amazing. Couldn't have made it without them and all the love/support.

 

[Poltergust]

My mom basically got me to admit I was gay (she was inquiring about my love life during my first year in college and I'm terrible at flat-out lying), but it was otherwise pretty smooth sailing for me. Everyone in my immediate family accepted me, even my conservative dad (who I told last, several years after my mom knew). Soon after that, I came out to my friends and got only support.

I recognize I'm very fortunate in this regard, but I was still terrified of it all.

 

[Kittenz]

Came out in 1995/96 at 23. I was well delayed due to being a DI athlete in college, so was after I graduated.

I had told 1 or 2 close friends, and they were various forms of "Woah...but yah that makes sense...cool."

But I decided 23rd birthday, at dinner, with all my closest friends (with the couple that knew as support). Went great. A couple thought I was f-ing with them, but clued-in friends were there to be , like, "No, he's serious." All good! So drinking goes on, and the last two friends show later in the evening.

I has stood up in their recent wedding - a wedding that occurred first in our group - and quickly - because they were "waiting until marriage" (well, SHE was, anyway) and they were done waiting. So pretty religious. I took them aside and told them, and they were like hugs and cool and whatever. I went to bed feeling pretty great - though in fairness, I don't remember going to bed, and I woke up on the ouch, and they'd put me to bed in a different room and I had somehow lost my pants somewhere in the house. So very college fun. The VERY NEXT DAY I got a letter in the mail - think about THAT amid postal service cuts! - from the wife (the husband was my primary friend all through college, but close to both) basically telling me I was going to hell, and that they would not be hanging around any more. I literally never saw them again. They had to have gone home immediately and written it and mailed it. Actually they probably did it IN THE CAR and mailed it while still downtown at the big primary post office for me to get it that quick.

My parents - my mom cried and got mad and told me it would be better if I were a heroin addict, when drugs were the worst thing I could do growing up. Or so I thought. She denies this now, because of course it wasn't a scarring moment for HER. I can hear it any time I feel like calling it up, with the exact tone and emphasis, what she was wearing, the time of day, etc. My dad cried, but he was ok. He was more afraid I'd never come home again. We all get along fine now, and both my parents got better over time; it took a good 7-8 years though. But it took until LAST year, after 20 years of invites, for them to walk around the park at Pride with me.

Despite 98% of people being cool, those 2 really messed me up. I already had depressive tendencies that got worse when I was older, and a lot of it was because I grew up being told I was dirty and disgusting and diseased, and I didn't do anything because I "couldn't" come out then. I didn't even know what that was.

I think if it all happened now, it would be a lot different. I work with teens and their experiences are *almost* universally better and easier - though it obviously still feels very hard at the time. The only exceptions have been when really strong religion has come in to play. Even the bullying at school here has disappeared, nearly overnight when marriage was legalized in our state in 2004. Literally the next day.

I am not a "look back and wonder what might have been" guy in any aspect of my life. What's done is done. Move ahead. Except one. I wish I'd quit my sport early and come out at the start of college. I'm fairly certain my therapy bills and handfuls of meds each morning would be lessened. Not gone - biology there too - but less so.

I know it happens, but I've never personally met anyone in my 25-ish years of "out-ness" who has ever said they wish they'd been in the closet longer. Can't encourage enough doing it sooner rather than later - especially if you are out of the house, 18+. Kids too, but I get that's a sticky wicket.

 

[meowdi gras]

Mine damned me to eternal hell and essentially ended the relationship. Words were last exchanged in June 2014. A few months ago, I found out my mom died back in February. She went to her grave having never seen me again since condemning me to the flames of perdition. Her loss.

 

[Kangi]

Literally waiting for some family members to just... die before I can come fully out if that tells ya anything

Friends all know. At least I'm pretty sure they do? If any don't, I'm gay, guys. Very gay. None of 'em would be my friends if I had even an inkling that they'd have any problems with it, so naturally each only really shrugged in response. Granted most of them are also queer

 

[Kittenz]

It was a ziploc bag filled with ripped shreds and I spent the rest of my work day taping everything back together. I don't think she ever really accepted me as being gay but she managed to tolerate it enough after that point.

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OMG I would never get over that. People these days don't get how magical letters were. Some of my most prized things are letters/little notes from people. UGH.

 

[Kitsunebaby]

So my mom's pretty conservative (and a bit bigoted), so I didn't really have a "coming out" moment. I'd just comment on actresses on tv, and say they were hot. She'd ask, "are you gay?" And I'd just say, "maybe..." and leave the room. I'd also just start referring to myself in masculine terms, randomly. She gets it now.

 

[Deleted member 8166]

they don't know

 

[Bradford]

I told my mother over text message in my senior year of college and she didn't care. She asked why I broke up with my girlfriend of multiple years and I said "Because I like dudes" and she said "gotcha" and has never questioned it, nor has it ever been an issue.

Came out to my dad via him noticing that I had my now-husband as my boyfriend on Facebook while living overseas. He asked me who he was, and I said "my boyfriend" and he said "cool, long term?" and I said "Yeah" and then it has never been an issue.


I only talk to one friend from highschool, everyone else who I am close with has known me as openly gay our whole relationship, so it's not really been much of a transition. No one has cared and it has never mattered.

 

[King Alamat]

"Already know, more surprised to hear you're also into women."

 

[Deleted member 46429]

Friends took it well; didn't really remember much changing there probably because my lack of interest in girls was apparent to the point it was more about hedging bets on "gay or ace" ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Family was different though, but honestly tame compared to a lot of people. Siblings took it well, because same generation and all. My Mom was off-put initiatlly and ended up getting a sexuality counselor to make sure I was actually gay and my Dad didn't talk to me for like a week. To explain the counselor thing, it's important to understand I'm autistic, so my parents felt "unqualified" for lack of a better word for asking about my sexuality and felt having someone with expertise on both autism and sexuality would be beneficial--it's a silly mindset but it made it easier for them so went along with it even if it was just two one hour sessions (one for me, one for my parents). But my experience otherwise was pretty rote: parents asking if it was a phase, hoping that it was a case of just not finding the right girl or something, realizing nope I'm gay about a year later, and just not much discussion nowadays but mostly because I'm not one to bring up my love life (but they know I'm living with my partner and are cool with it, so, yeah).

 

[Dache]

Told my parents I was bi when I got into my ongoing relationship with my male partner, which was about 6 years ago. They knew about me dating at least couple of women in the past, none of which stuck, and I don't think they'd ever really considered the possibility I'd swing both ways until that conversation. But it was fine, they were just "oh, okay" and asked about him as they would've if he was a woman.

No brothers or sisters, and I never officially 'came out' to any other family like aunts, uncles, cousins etc, they heard about it through hearing I had a boyfriend and probably gossip from my parents. I don't know what they've assumed or know exactly, it's never come up and I don't see them anyway.

My friends were absolutely fine, although I told most of them at least a year earlier. Most of those friends weren't straight themselves, so it was more of a "oh finally, why didn't you just tell us" kind of thing when I eventually decided to be open about it.

Other friend groups are straight guys, so it was only when the boyfriend was in the picture before I felt any need to say anything. One straight friend was super surprised and I sprung it on him out of nowhere - he'd come to visit my city to watch The Raid 2 in a cinema, and in a cafe before the film I casually mentioned, "oh yeah, we'll meet up with my boyfriend after for some food" and he did a double take and said "hold on... boyfriend?" with an amused, confused look on his face. And he was cool, we met up and it was all good, and these days I'm just open about it because I mention my bf a lot in conversations about what I've been up to, etc.

 

[vhoanox]

Nothing.
I have a feeling they already knew it for a long time. I remember in 2nd grade I "accidently" wore girl shoes for 2 months.

 

[Canucked]

Nothing.
I have a feeling they already knew it for a long time. I remember in 2nd grade I "accidently" wore girl shoes for 2 months.

Click to shrink...

I think my parents got an idea when I became obsessed with Jem and the Holograms.

To be fair, Jem is just like any other Hero I liked, just more Pink and she sang.