Dark Souls does give you options, it just does so within the game. That's a core part of the game design Miyazaki and From Software are aiming for.
People are saying they're unhappy it's not the options that they want, but they still cannot imply these games do not offer the potential for making things easier or more straight forward.
Sekiro is probably the most restrictive in that sense, but it's loot/mechanics have been streamlined and the game appears to be more of a linear experience (no real stressing about builds). Which can sometimes reduce the difficulty, in a way. I'm not sure either how vertical movement opens the game up for finding ways to exploit enemies.
I'm referring to options in the most upfront and rudimentary sense, namely being able to decide at the very beginning of the game if you want to play with the difficulty level neutered or, at the very least, toned down.
You're correct that the Souls games do give you a way to farm/grind your way to making encounters much easier, though let's admit that such an option requires an insane amount of repetition that no doubt grates on people looking to progress through the game world in a more expeditious manner. I personally have no problem with it because I understand the design philosophy and find the gameplay compelling enough to soldier onward but I can understand how such an experience could turn many off pretty rapidly.
The thing is, I would opt to play the game as intended but my point is that as long as those easier modes don't bleed into the default experience and corrupt the core integrity of the game, I really don't see the harm.
As to Sekiro, I love the game at its core but I've already mentioned I think the fusion of Souls with more action-centric games is flawed and – at least for me – the game has been a much more frustrating experience than any Souls game I've ever played. The inability to increase combat stats outside of defeating bosses and sub-bosses doesn't work for me and I also think the upgrades for moves and latent abilities progresses at a glacial pace when compared to action games like DMC.
The verticality certainly opens up new opportunities but the bosses in this game are so incredibly powerful and relentless that it really comes down to trial-and-error and memorizing patterns instead of grinding stats to overwhelm adversaries to give yourself an edge. I've put some serious time into Sekiro and I still don't feel particularly powerful the way I do by the time I've reached a certain level in something like Bloodborne or Dark Souls.
I dunno. Maybe that's the point.