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Kids phone - advice

Goodlifr

Goodlifr

Member
Nov 6, 2017
1,886
God I'm getting old.. I remember these kind of conversations with my parents... but any parents here got a view on phones for kids.

My eldest is 9... We've held the "no phone until you start high school" (12) line... But have just been told she's only 1 of 3 in her class (of 30 odd) who don't have a phone.

Think it's mental, but don't want her to be that kid....

Any views?
 
SilentPanda

SilentPanda

Member
Nov 6, 2017
13,745
Earth
A smartphone or a phone to call only?

Smartphone you would probabely have to decide and set up parental and other feature.
But that is a decision you have to make with how you feel and how your children will use it with specific rule.
And if you think is not good, then it is fine to not have.

But a call only phone with phone number of family member and friend should be fine.
 

Deleted member 9241

Oct 26, 2017
10,416
The sooner they get them, the less fascinated they are by them. If you wait and treat it like some kind of prize or right of passage, the child will treat it as such. Treat it like nothing special, then so will your kids. It's only as big a deal as you make it out to be.
 
vanmardigan

vanmardigan

Member
Oct 27, 2017
710
I think my daughter got her phone at 11 or 12. But the times are changing quickly. My son will probably have a phone when he enters 4th grade. It will be for safety reasons, since he will be the oldest sibling attending the k8 school next year. Both Android and iOS have decent tools that let you set restrictions on content so it's not the wild West.
 

Deleted member 24149

Oct 29, 2017
2,150
My daughter has had a phone but its a hand me down and there's no plan for it she only uses it for Wifi. We're still pretty iffy about her having a phone and we've been kind of thinking about either a dumb phone or just active her current phone. There's apps to curtail screen time if that's your concern though.
 
RoadDogg

RoadDogg

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,062
No school should let kids that age (or any age really) have a phone in class anyway. If they really need an emergency phone they can keep it in their locker I guess, but even then it is just going to get stolen.

My oldest is 8 and I don't think I have seen any kids at his grade school (even the 5th) graders with phones. I am sure some have them but they never have them at school or at sports things it seems.

My son asks about them maybe twice a year but he really only wants one because he thinks it is the only way to have a data connection outside the house for something like YouTube. He thinks the "phone with 3 cameras" is cool because it's absurd to him to have 3 cameras too.
 
digitalrelic

digitalrelic

Weight Loss Champion 2018: Biggest Change
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
13,124
SillyEskimo said:
The sooner they get them, the less fascinated they are by them. If you wait and treat it like some kind of prize or right of passage, the child will treat it as such. Treat it like nothing special, then so will your kids. It's only as big a deal as you make it out to be.
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That's not remotely true. Phone addiction in young people is becoming a legit epidemic.
 
dark_prinny

dark_prinny

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
5,374
Nuevo-juguete-electr-nico-tel-fono-Musical-Mini-lindo-ni-os-juguete-educaci-n-temprana-tel.jpg_640x640q70.jpg
 
Housecat

Housecat

Member
Oct 25, 2017
674
I can understand the peer pressure if everyone else has it, it's no fun being the one kid without it. I just wish parents would teach their kids about how to behave online and make sure they know how their kids use their phones. As a teacher we've had a few cases past years where some kids have been really nasty towards each other through messages and apps and the parents had no idea. In some cases the kids knows the apps and phones better than their parents and they just trick their parents all the time. And then there are the kids who doesn't care about phones and social media at all. Some are obsessed though. I teach 4th grade and they talk a lot about tik tok these days for example.

If it's for safety thing, smart watches for kids have really become huge here this christmas, but I'm not sure it's 100% needed to always know where your kid is and that you are always able to reach them. They have to learn responsibility somehow and learn to take care of themselves, with small steps of course. Learning to tell time was a fun thing for some of the kids in my currents class. Some of them had never needed to because their parents just called/messaged them whenever it was time to come home or whatever. I don't think there is a right answer here, you just gotta do what you think is right I guess.
 
Golden

Golden

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Dec 9, 2018
928
Don't 9 is way to young.

I'm a teacher. I would suggest putting it off as long as possible. Phones are damaging kids. They spend their time watching inane videos and your very lots of unpleasant peer bullshit on social media.
Lots of adults use their phone to much, don't do this to your kids.
 
THEVOID

THEVOID

Prophet of Regret
Member
Oct 27, 2017
22,871
My daughter was 8 and Son was 10 when my ex got them phones. I was upset and kept saying it's way too young. Two years later, and I'll be honest, I like them having phones so we can text and FaceTime. Dunno?
 
linkboy

linkboy

Member
Oct 26, 2017
13,707
Reno
My son is 9 and all he has is a tablet. He has a messaging program that my ex setup for him that lets him chat with people she approves (pretty much just family).

For a kid, I'd recommend something like a Gizmo smartwatch. I prefer it over a phone.

9 just seems way to young to have a phone. Lord knows that if I gave my kid a smartphone, he'd probably forget it somewhere and lose it (like he almost did with his 3DS and Fire tablet this past summer when he left them on the plane).
 

Deleted member 6215

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,087
Goodlifr said:
God I'm getting old.. I remember these kind of conversations with my parents... but any parents here got a view on phones for kids.

My eldest is 9... We've held the "no phone until you start high school" (12) line... But have just been told she's only 1 of 3 in her class (of 30 odd) who don't have a phone.

Think it's mental, but don't want her to be that kid....

Any views?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Yes, many kids are getting phones at very young ages but you're making the right call. We waited until my oldest was 13 before getting her a phone and even then she made some bad decisions with it and we needed to supervise it more for a while.

Ignore what other parents are doing and stick with your plan.
 

Deleted member 5334

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,815
I mean, we had similar discussions about having a computer and laptop back in the day, so really the modern dilemma is the phone/tablet aspect. Only real difference is portability, honestly.

I'm not a parent, so definitely take what I said with a grain of salt, but I think 8-9 sounds about the right age they should be allowed to get one? One, reduces the illusive nature to having one. Two, society is pushing it more and more and some countries had already pushed for this sooner than others. Three, and if I can be frank, I don't think it would hurt to start teaching and showing them how to use it early on and set boundaries of what's okay and what isn't.

You're saying until High School, but I feel like it'll get more difficult and I can't help but wonder if they'll get into serious issues without having been able to handle one a lot sooner, as well as understanding boundaries and stuff. Even at the end of my High School time back in 2007-08, there were plenty of incidents both on early smart phones and flip phones, about nudes and crap being spread around. I think this might be more important to kinda teach against this stuff than to have them end up dealing with it before it's too late, especially as the law hasn't caught up with this aspect of technology.

This is just my personal thoughts on the matter. Again, I'm not a parent, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
 

Deleted member 49482

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 8, 2018
3,302
fester said:
Yes, many kids are getting phones at very young ages but you're making the right call. We waited until my oldest was 13 before getting her a phone and even then she made some bad decisions with it and we needed to supervise it more for a while.
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Mendinso said:
Three, and if I can be frank, I don't think it would hurt to start teaching and showing them how to use it early on and set boundaries of what's okay and what isn't.
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I definitely lean toward the '9 is too young for a phone' camp, but it's really hard to compare experiences from when I was young since the same technology didn't exist (parents gave me a Nokia brick phone in high school; didn't have a texting plan until I was in college).

But I think fester and Mendinso touch on a point that you'll have to really think about: your kid is going to make mistake with the phone regardless of the age you give her one, and you'll need to supervise use and set boundaries (technological restrictions, or otherwise). The phone is going to be as much a practical tool and entertainment device for your kid as it will be huge opportunity to teach responsibility, build trust, create healthy boundaries for use, etc. Doing this earlier can have its merits and can be easier, but I'd personally set really hard and specific guidelines and restrict phone-based screen time at home and on the weekends.
Goodlifr said:
We've held the "no phone until you start high school" (12) line...
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Random question out of curiosity: but where are you that 12 is high school age? I was young for my grades and I started high school at 14.
 

ahoyle

Member
Feb 16, 2018
542
I got my son his first phone at age 9, it was an older junk phone I had. He stayed home alone a little bit and needed one. He was responsible and got a newer one when he turned 10.

Each situation and circumstance is different.
 
Fiction

Fiction

Fanthropologist
Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,777
Elf Tower, New Mexico
We got our kids phones around 7-9 (three different ages) because we lived in th middle of nowhere and wanted them to be able to contact someone if the bus broke down (we were literally 15 miles from civilization)

Of course a few years after that we lived to Austin and it wouldn't have been fair to take them away.

Honestly, it depends on the maturity of your kid. Would they be able to handle having the greatest distraction ever invented while at school? Would they look up porn on the phone? (One of mine did and then shower a younger sibling) Would u u trust them not to lose it?

If you do decide to do it, after the uh...porn thing, we got an app called MMguardian to help control what they could and couldn't do on their phones.

Good luck!
 
astro

astro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
56,979
Buy her a phone.

They are integral to the social lives of kids these days for better or worse. Kids without them will feel excluded.

You can buy very cheap smart phones that allow the use of the apps they will use. You can control their usage via locking out certain things. You can also enforce rules surrounding when it can be used (not at the table, not before homework, not at family gatherings, etc...) if you wish, like anything else.

You might not get it because you didn't need a phone, but times have changed.
 
Marshall

Marshall

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,983
Goodlifr said:
God I'm getting old.. I remember these kind of conversations with my parents... but any parents here got a view on phones for kids.

My eldest is 9... We've held the "no phone until you start high school" (12) line... But have just been told she's only 1 of 3 in her class (of 30 odd) who don't have a phone.

Think it's mental, but don't want her to be that kid....

Any views?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
My youngest was probably 9 or 10 when we got him a phone. Sure, it's young, but it's essentially just a mobile computer that we can communicate with each other if need be.
 
OrangeNova

OrangeNova

Member
Oct 30, 2017
12,669
Canada
Get them a phone, or give them your old shittier phone and put it on a limited text/call plan.

Your outcasting your kid because they don't have one, sure it might not happen, but I remember people in my school who didn't have a computer or an MSN/AIM account and couldn't talk on that... and they just kinda fell out of it all.
 
Dr. Monkey

Dr. Monkey

Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,029
Elder child is 11 and won't get one until next fall. Has an iPad and we added texting to that but no social media outside of an Instagram I curate for his diorama creations. We are the only parents in his social group who pay attention to online behaviors, from restricting some games/when he can chat/with whom to restricting several apps, and I think it's appalling. I study media and I know plenty of things have actual material benefits but also kids need some parental guidance in navigating the choppy waters of online interactions and I'm just shocked so many parents don't seem to give a fuck.

Do what's best for your kid.
 
CarpeDeezNutz

CarpeDeezNutz

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
2,732
8-9 seems to be the age kids get phones at the school I work at. My 8 year old keeps asking for one but I think I am going to wait a few more years.
 

Deleted member 3183

User-requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
1,517
OrangeNova said:
Get them a phone, or give them your old shittier phone and put it on a limited text/call plan.

Your outcasting your kid because they don't have one, sure it might not happen, but I remember people in my school who didn't have a computer or an MSN/AIM account and couldn't talk on that... and they just kinda fell out of it all.
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I remember this. I was one of the few kids without internet access at home (parents wouldn't get it until I was high school aged) and it was pretty shitty being left out.
 
Kieli

Kieli

Self-requested ban
Banned
Oct 28, 2017
3,736
SillyEskimo said:
I have 2 kids, ages 11&12 that could give a shit less about their phones. Parenting is key.
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You are basically saying (and I'm taking liberties with this), "It works for my kids, so it should work for your kids. By the way, I have no idea how your kids are like, but trust me, it'll work for them."

You see how ridiculous that sounds?
 
Sunster

Sunster

The Fallen
Oct 5, 2018
10,021
astro said:
Buy her a phone.

They are integral to the social lives of kids these days for better or worse. Kids without them will feel excluded.

You can buy very cheap smart phones that allow the use of the apps they will use. You can control their usage via locking out certain things. You can also enforce rules surrounding when it can be used (not at the table, not before homework, not at family gatherings, etc...) if you wish, like anything else.

You might not get it because you didn't need a phone, but times have changed.
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/thread
 
BringBackSonics

BringBackSonics

Member
Oct 27, 2017
45,262
Seattle
Goodlifr said:
God I'm getting old.. I remember these kind of conversations with my parents... but any parents here got a view on phones for kids.

My eldest is 9... We've held the "no phone until you start high school" (12) line... But have just been told she's only 1 of 3 in her class (of 30 odd) who don't have a phone.

Think it's mental, but don't want her to be that kid....

Any views?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Let her have the phone, But absolutely monitor that (iOS gives you a ton of tools/filters) with parental controls

It will get more important as your child gets older. Useful for phone calls to come pick them up at school, at the mall, at their friends house after schools.

If you have AT&T you can get a free IPhone 8 if you add a new line.
 

Deleted member 34788

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 29, 2017
3,545
If you must, get them a cheap iphone, the se, 6s or 7 fit the bill.

Then lock it down with all of the parental controls ios gives you. It gives you a lot.

If you have to go android, go Samsung, you can get them a very good phone for a very cheap price, and then do the same.

There are plenty of controls and tracking apps nowadays in order to maintain control of the device a child uses.
 
MrKlaw

MrKlaw

Member
Oct 25, 2017
33,066
Cheap iPhone se, strong case and screen protector, use screen time to restrict apps available. Can use location sharing to keep an eye on them and also notify when they arrive at school.
 

LOLDSFAN

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,037
Goodlifr said:
We've held the "no phone until you start high school" (12) line...
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Oh wow. I would feel so bad for your kid if you waited that long.

astro said:
Buy her a phone.

They are integral to the social lives of kids these days for better or worse. Kids without them will feel excluded.

You can buy very cheap smart phones that allow the use of the apps they will use. You can control their usage via locking out certain things. You can also enforce rules surrounding when it can be used (not at the table, not before homework, not at family gatherings, etc...) if you wish, like anything else.

You might not get it because you didn't need a phone, but times have changed.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

^^^
 
Yasuke

Yasuke

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
19,817
My baby momma bought our 8 year old one a few months back, and it's been a serious point of contention. Ion let him use it, personally.

I don't think there's a hard and fast rule to this. I just think that's too young for a phone. He's never even in a situation where he'd need it (he's never home alone and he gets dropped off and picked up at school). And besides all of that, he's got enough distractions from his schooling as is (he's pretty behind in some areas, and I'm working extremely hard to get him caught up).
 
Dr. Monkey

Dr. Monkey

Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,029
Some of the pro-phone reasons here are iffy to me. They might be left out? I think it's better for my kid, at 11, to not be plugged into socializing all the time. Kids at that age are going through a lot. They need some time to do that on their own, just as they also need peer group time. Smartphones, even with limits, make it easier for kids to not spend time with themselves, inside their own heads. I think that's a skill we need to learn.

Older kids (and this varies BY kid) sometimes have an easier time with restrictions. If I'd let my kid get wrapped up in anything around 8-9, it would have been difficult to get him away from it. Instead we spent that time developing structure - music lessons, activities, etc., set homework times (homework is dumb for kids at this age but I'm not making the rules), things like that. Now we're slowly integrating some of these other social things, since he's almost 12. Other kids may be okay at 8-9. Mine wouldn't have been. And sometimes he's bitter because his friends have some more freedom but you know what? He'll get over it. I'd rather he be mad sometimes than dealing with some of the mess we see online, and we talk very clearly and openly about the reasons why I won't let him have access to certain social media platforms.

Also, sensible chuckle at the thread both promoting limiting phones while also saying kids will find aways around the tech limits.
 
Darknight

Darknight

"I'd buy that for a dollar!"
Member
Oct 25, 2017
22,845
I'm surprised 9 being common for people from experiences being listed here. As far as we know, that's not common here as none of the kids we know have one.

However, I've been told by numerous parents that middle school is not only common bit even expected not just by other kids but by teachers as well as they will reference them as a point of contact for homework and group work. We had thought for now that would be the point where we let it happen even though our oldest has been asking for one lately.
 
Calamari41

Calamari41

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,099
The iPhone is only 12.5 years old. And they were more primitive at the time, not many people were just handing them to their kids. The oldest cohort of kids who grew up with a smart phone from a young age is probably still only in middle school or early high school. Even the earliest kids given smart phones at older ages (like 10 or 12) likely aren't out of college yet.

We have no clue how these kids are going to turn out. I'm not optimistic, given what smart phone use has done to people who got them as adults with fully developed brains... and I'm also not going to throw my own kids into that particular social experiment.
 
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