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Just realized I'm too old to have kids
- Thread starter LexingtonKruger
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You'd feel the same no matter what age your dad was. Uncles and Dads are different like that.
Also get help
I suppose he could seek help for his depression, improve his mental health and get to the stage where he was able to raise kids successfully, learning from the mistakes that his parents made? Dunno, perhaps it feels like that could be a more constructive line to take with someone suffering from depression rather than just telling them that they are fucked and will inevitably pass on their issues to any kids they might have? Not quite as pithy a response, sure, but perhaps a bit kinder, more sensitive and less pessimistic approach.
29 huh? Might as well pack a suitcase and move right into a graveyard.
But for real, there's nothing wrong with being concerned about your financial situation as you ponder having kids. It is weird to think you've somehow gotten too old for kids when you're younger than the average female giving birth in Canada
But for real, there's nothing wrong with being concerned about your financial situation as you ponder having kids. It is weird to think you've somehow gotten too old for kids when you're younger than the average female giving birth in Canada
Lol I had my first daughter at 19. Been tired since then. My kids aren't suffering.
Similarly, my parents had me at 32. I had a great childhood.
Had my first kid at 27, second at 30, and third (most likely last) at 33. Am I tired after work some days? Sure. But, any time my kids want to hang out I am all for it. They are so much fun. My dad just wanted to be left alone when he came home. I swore I would not be that way with my kids, and I'm not. I really think it's not about age, but about mentality.
Dude I'm planning to have kids by the time I'm 34-35, I'm currently 28. My father had me when he was 52 and while yes, he wasn't the best father, it wasn't because of his age, but his personality and trying to get me interested in the things he was interested in.
The main "tragedy" of having kids late isn't that you will be too old and tired to play with them, but that you will be too old and tired to play with your grandkids. My dad was 42 when he had me, and we did fine as I was growing up. Obviously we could have done more if he were 21, but we still played sports together and all of that. The sad thing now is that he is 74 years old today, so it's very possible that he will not be around for my currently 2.5 year old son and next child on the way's high school graduations. This was part of my motivation to have kids much younger than when he did, and I wish looking back that I had started even earlier.
That being said, I've always enjoyed what someone once told me regarding this. Something like, that time in your 20s when you feel invincible, when you can run on nothing but ramen noodles and vodka and get 4 hours of sleep a night and feel and look fine, that isn't for partying, its a super power meant to aid in raising kids. I've found that to be absolutely true. I had my son when I was 30, and I didn't have much difficulty with the whole up-all-night thing, and I know that ten years earlier it wouldn't have phased me physically at all.
That being said, I've always enjoyed what someone once told me regarding this. Something like, that time in your 20s when you feel invincible, when you can run on nothing but ramen noodles and vodka and get 4 hours of sleep a night and feel and look fine, that isn't for partying, its a super power meant to aid in raising kids. I've found that to be absolutely true. I had my son when I was 30, and I didn't have much difficulty with the whole up-all-night thing, and I know that ten years earlier it wouldn't have phased me physically at all.
I'm sorry but being poor has nothing to do with going out (or not) with girls.
And if they turned you down because of money, you actually meet the wrong girls.
Great post.
OP, sorry to hear about your struggles. It's not too late! Please think about talking to a professional. It helps.
Agreed. IMO, we need to start banning people/locking and deleting topics when people have obvious issues and suicidal ideation so people do not pile on like this. Era is not a therapist and it shouldn't encourage people to treat it as such.
I only have a 2 year degree (Associates equiv) that isn't even recognized in the US. Neither is my HS diploma actually.
I worked hard (including a night shift) the first two years, and then kept jumping on opportunities when I wasn't happy.
It strikes me that the OP's problem is more related to his attitude, which might be related to depression.
As for kids? Wife and I tried everything for 5 years after we got settled, and finally had our first when I was 37, and our second when I was 39.
It's been great and I wouldn't do anything differently.
So imo, keep fighting, get a grant/ financing for a decent Community College ed, and possibly seek some form of counselling to help with the general outlook on life.
I worked hard (including a night shift) the first two years, and then kept jumping on opportunities when I wasn't happy.
It strikes me that the OP's problem is more related to his attitude, which might be related to depression.
As for kids? Wife and I tried everything for 5 years after we got settled, and finally had our first when I was 37, and our second when I was 39.
It's been great and I wouldn't do anything differently.
So imo, keep fighting, get a grant/ financing for a decent Community College ed, and possibly seek some form of counselling to help with the general outlook on life.
Wife and I are 11 days apart. We had our first at 29, last at 36 and then I shut down the studio. Like everybody else said, parents are just tired. We both worked full time for the first 5 years, then when we had our second my wife went SAHM/internet travel agent and that worked for a second until I got laid off. I worked two jobs for about 2.5 years to get us back where we needed to be and that sucked. Woke up at 7, worked til 5, commuted, worked from 6 to Midnight 4 nights a week. I was basically an absentee father those days and it sucked. When our third was born I quit the second job and now I work 5 minutes away from the house so I swing in during lunches to make sure I make the most of my time.
It works as well as you want it to work. Some people can swing it, some people can't. You can bet my tired ass is rolling around on the floor with our youngest when I get home, it might sound like some hallmark shit but hearing her laugh as hard as she does when I act stupid makes it all worth while.
It works as well as you want it to work. Some people can swing it, some people can't. You can bet my tired ass is rolling around on the floor with our youngest when I get home, it might sound like some hallmark shit but hearing her laugh as hard as she does when I act stupid makes it all worth while.
This. Impossible to respond to this thread without this crucial info.
Edit: Ok, 29. No, that's not too old, of course it's not! My dad got me and my brothers when he was 26, 30, and 38. No problem.
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I just had my first child after turning 30, OP. I've never particularly had much energy, I am by my nature a quite lethargic person, I don't exercise or diet well, drink too much soda, used to smoke. I work 60 hours a week to provide for my family as the sole income earner and while relative to my geographical region my salary is not terrible, it is extremely modest to the point that we do not afford any luxuries whatsoever, and I appreciate that my wife is happy with me given that she came from a family of means when compared to my own background. My job is physically and mentally demanding, I do not take breaks or lunches. I wake up at 3 in the morning and often do not get home until 4 in the afternoon.
When I get home and see my beautiful boy I am full of more energy and life than I ever was in my 20s. I want to play with him and teach him, I want to be engaged and a part of his upbringing. It's nothing to do with my age, or my income, or the fact that I went 9 years without being with a girl between relationships. It's because I'm a good father.
You need to evaluate the things in your life that are important, the things that matter. If you think I'm going to be too tired to play baseball with my child as he grows up you're wrong. My dad was much younger than me, but he didn't have time for me as a child because he was a bad parent. My step dad is only 17 years older than me, but he didn't have time for me because he is a bad parent, even though he was financially in a better situation.
Please seek help. We will all be here to support you and encourage you, to give you advice and lend a shoulder. But you have to start with yourself too. If your situation is defeating you, take a baby step. You can climb out of this and I believe in you. I say this as someone who spent the majority of my 20s wishing my 2 suicide attempts had been successful. You can be more than what the circumstances that have brought you here are.
When I get home and see my beautiful boy I am full of more energy and life than I ever was in my 20s. I want to play with him and teach him, I want to be engaged and a part of his upbringing. It's nothing to do with my age, or my income, or the fact that I went 9 years without being with a girl between relationships. It's because I'm a good father.
You need to evaluate the things in your life that are important, the things that matter. If you think I'm going to be too tired to play baseball with my child as he grows up you're wrong. My dad was much younger than me, but he didn't have time for me as a child because he was a bad parent. My step dad is only 17 years older than me, but he didn't have time for me because he is a bad parent, even though he was financially in a better situation.
Please seek help. We will all be here to support you and encourage you, to give you advice and lend a shoulder. But you have to start with yourself too. If your situation is defeating you, take a baby step. You can climb out of this and I believe in you. I say this as someone who spent the majority of my 20s wishing my 2 suicide attempts had been successful. You can be more than what the circumstances that have brought you here are.
agree wholeheartedly. aside from providing links to mental health services and professionals I don't think much can be accomplished in a thread like this. at this point people are jumping into the thread, zipping to the end, and just responding "no you aren't"
Dammit, I'm 34... I don't NEED kids, but you know, maybe? I wanna keep my options open in case I happen to meet someone I really love in the next few years. So I'm gonna give myself until 40.
36 here and have the same cut off. Might stretch to 41 depending but currently not seeing anyone worthy of kids so who knows.
Ok just keep wallowing in self-pity instead of doing something about it. Life isn't fair, it never will be, we can try to make it more fair, but it will never be completely fair.
Also 29 isn't even close to being "too old" you have a good 10 years left.
Oh my, you can't find anyone worthy enough to have your kids, huh?
Just joshing
How Old Are you?
I had my first kid at 36. Had my second at 42. I just came back from a weekend scout camp with my 8 year old son. Not sure how the 'too old to play with' plays into this?
Edit: 29? Jesus man, you can't play with kids after 30? Maybe I'm missing more details, Maybe your parents just didn't want to interact at some sort of level? I play with my daughter all the time (We play make up, Doc McStuffins and Little Pet shops AND Tea Party) and I'm 45 now. I play legos, dungeon and dragons and go shoot bow and arrows with my eight year old.
More Background, My 50 year old brother is trying to concieve with my SiL who is 40. My Other Brother is 43 and is dating a 29 year old, so they still have some time there. Point being is, Its never too late man.
I had my first kid at 36. Had my second at 42. I just came back from a weekend scout camp with my 8 year old son. Not sure how the 'too old to play with' plays into this?
Edit: 29? Jesus man, you can't play with kids after 30? Maybe I'm missing more details, Maybe your parents just didn't want to interact at some sort of level? I play with my daughter all the time (We play make up, Doc McStuffins and Little Pet shops AND Tea Party) and I'm 45 now. I play legos, dungeon and dragons and go shoot bow and arrows with my eight year old.
More Background, My 50 year old brother is trying to concieve with my SiL who is 40. My Other Brother is 43 and is dating a 29 year old, so they still have some time there. Point being is, Its never too late man.
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