I am now about the same age my parents were when they had me.
Due to having me late, they were never able to play with me/ be there for me enough. I always thought then that you can't really have kids late.
So for me, I'm past the point where I'd ever consider having a child.
I was hoping to have a little girl.
My father was able to afford a house through working in a factory at my age, and my mother was finishing her degree.
I have always been so poor that I've never really even approached a girl. The few times I've asked a girl out, they eventually turned me down when they realized how poor I am.
So I've never been in a position to really even have a relationship. I don't want to blame myself. I want to blame the economy. I started working in 2008.
My parents told me I couldn't go to school unless I could afford it, and I couldn't, so I didn't start college until a decade later.
Now I am intensely tired from a decade of being abused at blue-collar jobs.
I have found that people will take out their pain on you, and delight in making others suffer.
I wonder today how much choice I had? I have been through so much pain that I can't forget yet at the same time there's nothing to gain from bringing it up.
I wish there were more sources and stories of people in the same boat due to the economy/starting poor.
I also have found that the successful people I meet in life would have me accept full responsibility for my predicament. Their insistence is that pain will motivate me to pull themselves up by the bootstraps as they did. I find that when I try to tell myself it was all my fault, that I had choices... It kills me. I never once felt like I had a choice. I had only life or death options. When the choice is life or death, what choice do you have?
I also found that most successful people will fight very hard to deny they received help, that they benefitted from being of a different generation, and that they were just lucky. They do this as it aggrandizes them, and then when they see you fail, they feel some sort of pleasure. They remove all uniqueness of experience so they can compare themselves to you 1:1, then when you fail, they feel that their success is further established by being better than someone. I have noticed this sadistic philosophy more than once among the successful people I've met. The problem is, they're the only optimistic people. Everyone that surrounds me in my blue-collar life has no hope.
