Just became a registered nurse, my wife doesnt want me to get a job

devenger · Apr 1, 2020

Thread title says it all really. My wife's job is great, my 11 yr old is schooling online, so I dont have to work and we need the support at home.

I graduated in Dec, passed my boards in Mar, and my wife said just wait through spring break to find a job, then just wait through extended spring break, and now...

"I dont want you in a hospital right now, we dont need the money, we need you at home, and I dont want you getting sick or bringing it home."

I dont want to be selfish or needlessly endanger my family. I am going stir crazy, spent years learning skills for this, and even feel a moral obligation to join the fight.

My classmates are texting daily tales of hospital life while I play Animal Crossing. All that work to sit at home, help with 5th grade math, make sandwiches, watch anime... but again, I know she has a point.

I honestly cannot decide what to do, looking for different perspectives. Thanks.

Compass · Apr 1, 2020

Some good money to have right now with 4-5k+ a week to work in NYC.

I'd work

Lumination · Apr 1, 2020

What's the split on moral obligation vs stir crazy vs just plain old fomo? This is something you will have to reconcile for yourself. Starting work now would absolutely be a selfish thing to do from the perspective of your family. BUT. Will you always look back on this moment and regret not going? You need to answer that first. If the answer is you will regret not going, then you need to sit down and talk to your wife about priorities.

kvetcha · Apr 1, 2020

I mean, it's not really our place to say, but...I assume you went to school to help people, and people need help right now.

Lumination said:
What's the split on moral obligation vs stir crazy vs just plain old fomo? This is something you will have to reconcile for yourself. Starting work now would absolutely be a selfish thing to do from the perspective of your family. BUT. Will you always look back on this moment and regret not going? You need to answer that first. If the answer is you will regret not going, then you need to sit down and talk to your wife about priorities.

This is really wise.

Deleted member 8861 · Apr 1, 2020

Are nurses in your area being supplied with adequate PPE?

Illusion · Apr 1, 2020

Coronavirus right now is an Avengers level threat. Just wait it out right now unless your committed to helping people.

NinjaGarden · Apr 1, 2020

If you were single and living alone I'd say go for it. Hospitals need all the help they can get. If you were in a tight spot with money then yeah go for it.

But you'll be at risk of contracting it and getting your family sick. I say stay home.

Edited to add that as this virus peaks there's going to be more and more sick nurses. There's going to be a massive need for young, healthy, trained RNs as society recovers. Staying home does not mean you can't be extremely valuable in the future.

Bulerias · Apr 1, 2020

Medical resident checking in, currently on internal medicine. Obviously this is a topic that will warrant further discussion with your wife, but I'd argue that with proper precautions, you're no more at risk in the hospitals than in the community. All talk of moral imperatives aside, there is also truth to the fact that you will slowly lose the skills you gained in school the longer you wait to jump into practice (or at the very least, you will be rusty). You can spare yourself the learning curve by going in now -- this isn't about finances, it's about gaining valuable experience in the healthcare field. I'd say you have a strong case for finding a job now rather than waiting.

devenger · Apr 1, 2020

Funyarinpa said:
Are nurses in your area being supplied with adequate PPE?

There's a manufacturer in the metroplex, so no shortages so far.

Money is not an issue.

Everyone is hiring right now, even taking nursing students who haven't certified to staff up.

bionic77 · Apr 1, 2020

I don't know how anyone could give you advice with this problem OP.

Bulerias said:
Medical resident checking in, currently on internal medicine. Obviously this is a topic that will warrant further discussion with your wife, but I'd argue that with proper precautions, you're no more at risk in the hospitals than in the community. All talk of moral imperatives aside, there is also truth to the fact that you will slowly lose the skills you gained in school the longer you wait to jump into practice (or at the very least, you will be rusty). You can spare yourself the learning curve by going in now -- this isn't about finances, it's about gaining valuable experience in the healthcare field. I'd say you have a strong case for finding a job now rather than waiting.

That didn't take long for someone to prove me wrong!

Deleted member 1120 · Apr 1, 2020

Listen to your wife.

Officer Big Mac · Apr 1, 2020

If you are super passionate about being a nurse then your wife needs to understand that. You're a nurse and this is what you do. You cant call out when its inconvenient.

Blue Skies · Apr 1, 2020

If they're hiring, get a job

might be a tough time to be a new hire tho, probably have to do a lot of quals and shadowing in this hectic shit

CDX · Apr 1, 2020

Funyarinpa said:
Are nurses in your area being supplied with adequate PPE?

Yeah.

Not a nurse so I can't really say how I'd react or exactly what I'd do, but I imagine If I didn't need the job for money to survive, before I took the job I'd want to know the PPE situation of any potential place of employment.

BearPawB · Apr 1, 2020

I think your wife is not wrong to be concerned. But, you are presumably young, and relatively low risk.

My wife is a RN and it is scary to know shes at a hospital where they are dealing with it and will likely get it, but we have isolated from others in our lives so....

But also, if you honestly "dont need the money" (which what does that mean? lol) Then I don't see the problem with being a stay at home dad for a bit either.

kai3345 · Apr 1, 2020

i might be off base on this one, and if I am please someone from medical professional-ERA interject, but would this really be the best time for someone just out of school to jump in? i feel like everyone needs to be all hands on deck right now. obviously you have school training and stuff but should the other hospital staff have their attention divided any more than it needs to be by training up some newbie fresh out of school?

again i may be wrong and it may be like some have said where they need everyone they can get

Bulerias · Apr 1, 2020

kai3345 said:
i might be off base on this one, and if I am please someone from medical professional-ERA interject, but would this really be the best time for someone just out of school to jump in? i feel like everyone needs to be all hands on deck right now. obviously you have school training and stuff but should the other hospital staff have their attention divided any more than it needs to be by training up some newbie fresh out of school?

again i may be wrong and it may be like some have said where they need everyone they can get

There is truth to this but also exactly because of the "all hands on deck" mentality, there are actually medical schools that are graduating students early so that they can jump into residency and help. We really do need all the help we can get.

As coronavirus patients surge, medical students rushed into practice to fight pandemic

Medical students nationwide, just months away from becoming resident doctors, are eager to alleviate the pressure on health care professionals.

abcnews.go.com

Armadilo · Apr 1, 2020

If you work right now, you probably have to sleep at work or in a tent outside your house to reduce any possibility of getting your family sick.

A nurse recently quit her job because she didn't want to risk getting sick

Tuppen · Apr 1, 2020

I'm a doctor with children and I know that I would be ashamed of myself if I didn't work right now.

Kunka Kid · Apr 1, 2020

I would just wait until things get a bit better. There will still be jobs, and you'll put your family at far less risk.

devenger · Apr 1, 2020

"Dont need the money" just means we're very comfortable with my wife's job. She's been supporting us for years while I was at school.

This was a mid life career change, I'm 46.

New nurses do a lot of shadowing anyway, it's how you become competent. No changes there.

I can deal with stir crazy, I'm having trouble dealing with 1) opportunities passing while I get rusty and 2) an Avenger level threat that I'm sitting out. This is why I became a nurse and I'm doing nothing.

It's trying to mitigate risk. Will things get better in a few months? No one knows.

Deleted member 4367 · Apr 1, 2020

Why did you want to be a nurse in the first place?

Volimar · Apr 1, 2020

Is anyone in your family in a particularly vulnerable group wrt coronavirus?

xxracerxx · Apr 1, 2020

Armadilo said:
If you work right now, you probably have to sleep at work or in a tent outside your house to reduce any possibility of getting your family sick.

A nurse recently quit her job because she didn't want to risk getting sick

Or you can just take precautions.

MrOblong · Apr 1, 2020

The world needs help and you are in a position to help it. In your future career you will rarely be able to do more good or preserve more life than you could do now.

If you didn't train for this then I'd wonder what you trained for, honestly.

It's a personal call, but I'd ask you to step up and join the ranks of the heroes. Good luck.

MrOblong · Apr 1, 2020

Tuppen said:
I'm a doctor with children and I know that I would be ashamed of myself if I didn't work right now.

Thank you. This is what I'd expect to read.

This is not the time to keep your hands in your pockets.

Huncho_Houdini · Apr 1, 2020

kai3345 said:
i might be off base on this one, and if I am please someone from medical professional-ERA interject, but would this really be the best time for someone just out of school to jump in? i feel like everyone needs to be all hands on deck right now. obviously you have school training and stuff but should the other hospital staff have their attention divided any more than it needs to be by training up some newbie fresh out of school?

again i may be wrong and it may be like some have said where they need everyone they can get

You're partly right, new graduates and hires will be less experienced. But they can still tangibly help. That's why some med schools are graduating their class a few months earlier if they've finished all major requirements. They need the help.

Armadilo · Apr 1, 2020

xxracerxx said:
Or you can just take precautions.

even then why risk your family ?

devenger · Apr 1, 2020

Yaboosh said:
Why did you want to be a nurse in the first place?

I worked a successful office job making rich people money and hated it. Decided I had the skills and drive and wanted to spend the rest of my life helping people. This is exactly why I went back to school in my 40s. It wasnt easy, I passed, and now I'm on the bench. I am ashamed but keep getting told it's too risky.

Deleted member 18502 · Apr 1, 2020

No better time to help people. That's what nurses are there to do. If you aren't willing to help people right now......

xxracerxx · Apr 1, 2020

devenger said:
I worked a successful office job making rich people money and hated it. Decided I had the skills and drive and wanted to spend the rest of my life helping people. This is exactly why I went back to school in my 40s. It wasnt easy, I passed, and now I'm on the bench. I am ashamed but keep getting told it's too risky.

You should talk to nurses and doctors, not your family, about the risk.

Chopchop · Apr 1, 2020

You both have valid points, so I think you really need to decide what you want more right now. Staying home and supporting the household is definitely the safest option for you and your family, but I also understand wanting to help when you know you can contribute.

Also keep in mind that it sounds like you're helping out a lot at home. If you go out and work, your wife will have to handle the house and your kid herself.

Is there a way you can work while also staying as safe as possible? Like staying somewhere else in the meantime instead of coming home? That would suck in terms of keeping in touch with your family though, and again also means your wife will have to handle the house herself.

zerocalories · Apr 1, 2020

I'm an RN in Southern California

I cam listens reasons why you should and shouldn't. But listen to your wife

MrOblong · Apr 1, 2020

devenger said:
I had the skills and drive and wanted to spend the rest of my life helping people.

Going into it, that's what you told yourself. Now you get to decide whether that was true.

I'm not saying it's easy, it's not. But the right thing to do isn't a mystery here.

Deleted member 8741 · Apr 1, 2020

devenger said:
Thread title says it all really. My wife's job is great, my 11 yr old is schooling online, so I dont have to work and we need the support at home.

I graduated in Dec, passed my boards in Mar, and my wife said just wait through spring break to find a job, then just wait through extended spring break, and now...

"I dont want you in a hospital right now, we dont need the money, we need you at home, and I dont want you getting sick or bringing it home."

I dont want to be selfish or needlessly endanger my family. I am going stir crazy, spent years learning skills for this, and even feel a moral obligation to join the fight.

My classmates are texting daily tales of hospital life while I play Animal Crossing. All that work to sit at home, help with 5th grade math, make sandwiches, watch anime... but again, I know she has a point.

I honestly cannot decide what to do, looking for different perspectives. Thanks.

This sounds like a discussion that you need to sit down and have with your wife. There is no universal correct answer.

I can understand your wife's position and I can understand yours.

GeminiX7 · Apr 1, 2020

I'd say work, but deadly serious about taking the needed precautions for cleaning yourself and sterilizing surfaces/enviroments before interacting with your family. Also make sure you are taking a job where you are being properly supplied(if possible) with PPE and aren't being overwhelmed by an influx of COVID patients. And talk to your wife. Trust me, this illness will pass but any resentment and animosity that might develop because the two of you didn't communicate and really figure out a plan together will not.

wandering · Apr 1, 2020

There's a small medical community in hangouts if you want to get some professional perspective:

Physician & Medical Era | OT |: A lounge for students, MDs, DOs, PharmDs, RNs, et. al.

good luck! Thanks, man! I’m more nervous today than I was during the interview. The wait for that phone call is the worst.

www.resetera.com

Loudninja · Apr 1, 2020

Dont try and shame someone into doing it as well people thats really not needed.

Alot of people most likely facing the same situation its a very difficult position.

carlsojo · Apr 1, 2020

It's a tough decision. I don't blame your wife for not wanting you to hit the floor. Just keep communicating with her. It has to be a family decision.

Hitting the floor as a new grad in the midst of a pandemic would be... an incredible challenge. I could barely handle it without the pandemic. I felt like I didn't know a damn thing as a newbie nurse and it took me a year before I felt comfortable at all with my nursing knowledge.

And then you gotta take that stress and exhaustion with you. Like you say they don't "need" you there at home, but you are definitely a hell of a support to your wife and kid right now. These are very scary times.

Anyone in this thread or elsewhere trying to shame you or your wife into doing this can go to their nearest hospital and volunteer their own damn selves.

shnurgleton · Apr 1, 2020

can you blame her?

rycisko · Apr 1, 2020

I mean, it really depends on how you look at your duty as a nurse. You signed up to help people, and right now is one of the most important times to do so.

My household is split down the middle right now as my fiance works at a hospital. We sleep in different rooms, there is sanitizer and soap and wipes everywhere. We are both scared shitless but she goes to work every day and I've never been more proud of her.

Either choice is a good one, but I would find work. Also I know many nurses that had hard times getting into a good job directly out of school. This could be a good way to get into some good hospitals (if this is a brightside to it at all)

devenger · Apr 1, 2020

zerocalories said:
I'm an RN in Southern California

I cam listens reasons why you should and shouldn't. But listen to your wife

You're doing the work, Id really like to hear more on why I shouldn't. I know why I should.

Dammit, I want to work.

The "mystery" is bringing it home and it being my fault. I feel like hospitals are trying to keep workers safe and I would of course take every precaution.

Yeah, I'm definitely helping at home. It would be an adjustment for sure. I absolutely see my wife's side, but I didnt go to nursing school to wait for an easier time to start.

Fart Master · Apr 1, 2020

Shes being selfish

Heynongman! · Apr 1, 2020

Placating fomo isn't worth infecting your family and needing to get childcare for your kid. Just stay home. There's plenty of time to start your career after the pandemic. I cannot believe this is even a conundrum right now.

RulkezX · Apr 1, 2020

Personally my wife and I are frontline workers with 2 young boys, we're just taking extra precautions when we get home to minimise risk.

She always says nursing is a calling, ultimately I understand it's a family decision, but if you feel you need to do it then at least articulate that to your wife.

devenger · Apr 1, 2020

Heynongman! said:
I cannot believe this is even a conundrum right now.

And yet all the responses are pretty 50/50, even among medical workers.

Had to look up FOMO, the only fear on the not working side is having trouble getting work after being out of practice so long, after everyplace has staffed up.

Lots of workers dealing with this situation without a choice, it feels really shitty to nope out.

zerocalories · Apr 1, 2020

devenger said:
You're doing the work, Id really like to hear more on why I shouldn't. I know why I should.

Dammit, I want to work.

The "mystery" is bringing it home and it being my fault. I feel like hospitals are trying to keep workers safe and I would of course take every precaution.

Yeah, I'm definitely helping at home. It would be an adjustment for sure. I absolutely see my wife's side, but I didnt go to nursing school to wait for an easier time to start.

Sure I'll type some stuff up when I'm home in a few hrs. But where did you want to start working ? What's your background, did you like your previous jobs, and where are you looking to apply

Scuffed · Apr 1, 2020

It depends on where you are and what medical staff is treated like there. I am reading all sorts of stuff about some places having no ppe at all or having benefits cut and all sorts of mistreatment. If you are in one of those places then wait it out until there is more ppe and better support. If you are in a place where medical staff is seemingly treated with respect and where the ppe situation is at least modest then join up. As much as you want to jump in and help if you are given terrible support you can't do that anyway.

shintoki · Apr 1, 2020

She has right to be concern

But some of those thousands a week jobs and me being young. I'd take it

Messofanego · Apr 1, 2020

It's tough, weighing up raising a child and being there during the critical stages of development versus going to work and practice your passion. If you're being paid while being at home, I would take that because a child will require the love of parents and if working meant spending little time at home (I don't know what your rota or working hours would be especially during this critical time), this can adversely affect them in the long term.

Just became a registered nurse, my wife doesnt want me to get a job

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