Jon Shafer (Lead Designer of Civ V): "How At the Gates took 7 years of my life – and nearly the rest"

[Parham]

After shipping Civ V and having a brief stint at Stardock, Shafer transitioned to indie game development and started work on At The Gates. This blog post chronicles some of his personal struggles during that time, including wrestling with ADHD. The entire blog post is worth reading.

With At the Gates now only two weeks away from release I've had a lot of time to look back at its development, as well as my own. It's not news to anyone that AtG took much, much longer than I planned, and promised. And while we often hear about stories of burnout, rarely are those made truly real for us. It's always something at a distance, something impersonal. In this article I hope to pull back the curtain and show how bitterly dark it can be behind the public veneer. There were many moments where I'd given up on everything, and saw no future for myself, none whatsoever. I'm thankful now that I didn't give up, because I came very close. This is the story of how At the Gates was made, and how it almost destroyed me.

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At this point it started to dawn on me that something was seriously wrong. I came up with plans for managing my time and medication, but nothing seemed to work. At one point I stopped taking the medication for a couple months, and with the help of my doctor tried other kinds designed to help with focus, but these ones were completely ineffective. And expensive. Money was starting to get tight, and the difference between a generic drug for $80 per month and one still under patent for $700 is very, very real. Furthermore, during this time my productivity across the board dropped to zero. I rarely left my bed.

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I was spinning in circles. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. I would walk to the 24-hour grocery store at 3 am in order to buy groceries and cook fancy pasta for myself. Time lost its meaning. The external world lost all meaning. I was spinning, and spinning.


My mind had melted.


And it finally sunk in. It was over. Everything was over. I had destroyed everything. There was nothing left. Of the game. Of my career. Of my life. Anything. It was all gone.

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[Brass Body Dave]

Honestly Slaughter of the Soul holds up so goddamned well

 

[deadfolk]

Wow.

I knew the game had taken a while, but had no idea he'd been through this kind of ideal. That sucks.

I hope the game works out for him. Looking forward to it myself.

 

[SeanBoocock]

Been following Jon Shafer for years, at first via his podcast appearances and Civ 5 involvement, and then through At the Gates. I'm saddened to hear a full accounting of what the last few years have been like for him but really glad that he's in a lot better place now. Regardless of how At the Gates turns out, I look forward to what he does next.

 

[StarCreator]

In case anyone else is looking for a direct link to the actual blog post, it's here: https://jonshaferondesign.com/2019/...-took-7-years-of-my-life-and-nearly-the-rest/

I'm seeing a lot of myself in this post, honestly.

 

[element]

I'm just shocked of someone going from Programming Intern to Lead Designer at 21 years old. For such a complex and large title, that is a lot for anyone to put on their shoulders, let alone someone who JUST started their career.

 

[Airhead]

Thanks for posting this

What he wrote about was very tough for him to even think about and write I imagine.

Never heard of this game but I feel compelled to look into it.

 

[Parham]

In case anyone else is looking for a direct link to the actual blog post, it's here: https://jonshaferondesign.com/2019/...-took-7-years-of-my-life-and-nearly-the-rest/

I'm seeing a lot of myself in this post, honestly.

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Thanks for catching that! Not sure how I forgot to link it in the first place, but I updated the OP.