My child was born in february this year.
I was anxious at the idea that I might not be able to take care of him, but I am. I was nervous that I might not love him, but I do. I feared that I would miss the time before he was here, but I don't. I'm as happy as a father can be.
However, there's something I didn't expect, and that's the fear that something might happen to him. It terrifies me - to be honest, I knew it was normal for parents to fear that something might happen to their kids, but now that I'm feeling it... it's something else entierly. I don't think about it 24/7, but when I do, it's hard to ignore, and it certainly takes a toll on my mood.
The other thing is about the media I've been consuming up to this point. I think these tastes are common for people around here but I've watched many movies, played many games, read many stories where death was, like, everywhere. Post-apocalyptic universes, zombies, horror, dystopias, you name it, and now I realize I can't enjoy that the way I did anymore. I still do, because these are my tastes and I won't change them like that, but it's... different. Right now I'm playing the evil within 2, a story about (putting it under spoilers but that's the very beginning of the game) a dude who thought his little girl died years ago, and learns that she isn't actually dead but in deep trouble and needs to be rescued, and how could I say that... there's this heaviness that is here, and that wasn't here before. It's distracting, even, to think the child is lost in a world with zombies, killers and banshees, and you're just stopping in a safe room, talking about the coffee you're drinking to restore your health.
But it's not just that, it's all the things I've seen during all these years that are kind of catching up, and each time make me think "but what if that happened to my boy", and it's not traumatizing, but often upsetting. The worst might be *that* scene from Crossed (not detailing it, but those who know the comic probably know the one - it involves salt). I even see much lighter stories, like finding Nemo, under a new light. (also works with some chapters of history I've read, like the rape of Nanking. Jesus christ.)
So parents of ERA, do you feel the same ? How do you cope with that fear, and did it change the way you percieve media like it did for me ?
I was anxious at the idea that I might not be able to take care of him, but I am. I was nervous that I might not love him, but I do. I feared that I would miss the time before he was here, but I don't. I'm as happy as a father can be.
However, there's something I didn't expect, and that's the fear that something might happen to him. It terrifies me - to be honest, I knew it was normal for parents to fear that something might happen to their kids, but now that I'm feeling it... it's something else entierly. I don't think about it 24/7, but when I do, it's hard to ignore, and it certainly takes a toll on my mood.
The other thing is about the media I've been consuming up to this point. I think these tastes are common for people around here but I've watched many movies, played many games, read many stories where death was, like, everywhere. Post-apocalyptic universes, zombies, horror, dystopias, you name it, and now I realize I can't enjoy that the way I did anymore. I still do, because these are my tastes and I won't change them like that, but it's... different. Right now I'm playing the evil within 2, a story about (putting it under spoilers but that's the very beginning of the game) a dude who thought his little girl died years ago, and learns that she isn't actually dead but in deep trouble and needs to be rescued, and how could I say that... there's this heaviness that is here, and that wasn't here before. It's distracting, even, to think the child is lost in a world with zombies, killers and banshees, and you're just stopping in a safe room, talking about the coffee you're drinking to restore your health.
But it's not just that, it's all the things I've seen during all these years that are kind of catching up, and each time make me think "but what if that happened to my boy", and it's not traumatizing, but often upsetting. The worst might be *that* scene from Crossed (not detailing it, but those who know the comic probably know the one - it involves salt). I even see much lighter stories, like finding Nemo, under a new light. (also works with some chapters of history I've read, like the rape of Nanking. Jesus christ.)
So parents of ERA, do you feel the same ? How do you cope with that fear, and did it change the way you percieve media like it did for me ?
