So a bit of a background. I've lived in this place for 8 years, and about 1.5 years with my current flatmate. We're both foreign citizens living in UK, and this is our only home. However, it matters a lot more to me because my family is a lot further away and I see them a lot less...that that means anything.
I've always given her a lot of leeway in the fact that she has to pay less than the required rent (an agreement we made back when she moved in as I needed a flatmate quick), she never has to worry about bills as she pays a fixed amount even if it goes over which it often does due to her negligence and social life (friend is over a lot, using shit). But it's never bothered me. I've always have had a policy of do whatever you want, what's mine is yours, no need to ask me for permission etc...as long as the flat's clean with all my previous roommates. Since she moved in, I've had a pretty shit social life with my friends moving to different towns as we were fresh out of university, so I rarely ever got guests that she has had to deal with.
Anyways due to the current situation, my GF is at the lowest point in her life and has had to effectively move in with me for atleast 2 weeks. Admittedly, I didn't ask my flatemate for her permission if it's ok for my GF to be here, which is totally on me. But I did let her know several days in advance that she'd be coming to stay.
However, the night before, last my flatmate had some people over after their work shift ended and they were incredibly loud so I texted my flatmate to please keep it a bit down. It's the first time I've ever done something like that and apparently it ticked her off. Yesterday she went off about how it was disrespectful of me to do that because she works long hours and just wanted to relax with her workmates this one time before everyone is temporarily sent on unpaid leave (the govt will cover their salary for the time being). And she said it makes her uncomfortable that a "stranger is in the house, and I didn't ask her if she'd be ok with it. And she wants to feel comfortable in her house and not feel like her personal space is invaded". We don't make any noise, we don't use her food, my GF is barely ever out of my room when my flatemate's home, and I have my own ensuite bathroom that me and my GF use. For all intent and purpose my flatmate can potentially go by days even without bumping into my GF.
Still I get her point, but the thing is I've had to adjust my life to accommodate her over this time, and I feel she hasn't acknowledged that. We aren't friends because she works evening shifts meaning whenever she's in I'm about to go to be or I'm away, and whenever I'm in she's asleep or away. So we never get much chance to socialise, I tried to be her friend but I think my way of approaching a friendship just doesn't work in this sort of schedule and it instead comes across as self indulgent. When I said she didn't try to be my friend, she said it's because I'm a bit socially awkward which I found incredibly rude. I'm not really that even if I come across as that at first, it's just that she never really bothered with it because she always thought I just like to talk about my own life and not ask about hers (in my defense, it's how I'd start my conversations as I'd be the one going to her which means I'd have something to say, and she'd never really come to me to initiate a chat. But it doesn't mean I wouldn't ask about her life ever which she seems to think so, it's just that I wouldn't initiate with it).
Anyhow the thing is, she has had a friend over most of the days of the week for like the last whole year. They work together, then come home, cook and then her friend stays over. Some days she goes to her friend's place and some days her friend comes over. But they are always together. It's never bothered me, even if it meant I often had to leave the living room and adjust my own preferences so that they can be comfortable. She's never asked me if I had been ok with her friend staying even once as it just went without saying..which it did.
Now she's asking me to give her an exact date of when my GF leaves and the thing is, while I'm aiming 2 weeks this is an uncertain time and I don't want to promise anything. What I can make sure is that the common area is free whenever she wants to use it, and that my GF would leave as soon as it's possible. I've never asked my flatemate for anything in return and we've never had any issues or arguments. She's never had to worry about a thing living with me as I do basically all the household chores myself (she's never even once taken the rubbish out for instance).
I personally believe that I can't leave my GF to fend for herself when she's at her most vulnerable, in an uncertain climate like this. And when I told this to my flatmate she dismissed it as it being my choice and as such my problem to deal with. I just think she's being a bit unreasonable and I'd have expected a little more compassion. While I have an idea of how to talk to my flatemate about it and ask for s compromise. I feel like in difficult times like this there really may be no right or wrong view on it. But it's just an added stress.
I've always given her a lot of leeway in the fact that she has to pay less than the required rent (an agreement we made back when she moved in as I needed a flatmate quick), she never has to worry about bills as she pays a fixed amount even if it goes over which it often does due to her negligence and social life (friend is over a lot, using shit). But it's never bothered me. I've always have had a policy of do whatever you want, what's mine is yours, no need to ask me for permission etc...as long as the flat's clean with all my previous roommates. Since she moved in, I've had a pretty shit social life with my friends moving to different towns as we were fresh out of university, so I rarely ever got guests that she has had to deal with.
Anyways due to the current situation, my GF is at the lowest point in her life and has had to effectively move in with me for atleast 2 weeks. Admittedly, I didn't ask my flatemate for her permission if it's ok for my GF to be here, which is totally on me. But I did let her know several days in advance that she'd be coming to stay.
However, the night before, last my flatmate had some people over after their work shift ended and they were incredibly loud so I texted my flatmate to please keep it a bit down. It's the first time I've ever done something like that and apparently it ticked her off. Yesterday she went off about how it was disrespectful of me to do that because she works long hours and just wanted to relax with her workmates this one time before everyone is temporarily sent on unpaid leave (the govt will cover their salary for the time being). And she said it makes her uncomfortable that a "stranger is in the house, and I didn't ask her if she'd be ok with it. And she wants to feel comfortable in her house and not feel like her personal space is invaded". We don't make any noise, we don't use her food, my GF is barely ever out of my room when my flatemate's home, and I have my own ensuite bathroom that me and my GF use. For all intent and purpose my flatmate can potentially go by days even without bumping into my GF.
Still I get her point, but the thing is I've had to adjust my life to accommodate her over this time, and I feel she hasn't acknowledged that. We aren't friends because she works evening shifts meaning whenever she's in I'm about to go to be or I'm away, and whenever I'm in she's asleep or away. So we never get much chance to socialise, I tried to be her friend but I think my way of approaching a friendship just doesn't work in this sort of schedule and it instead comes across as self indulgent. When I said she didn't try to be my friend, she said it's because I'm a bit socially awkward which I found incredibly rude. I'm not really that even if I come across as that at first, it's just that she never really bothered with it because she always thought I just like to talk about my own life and not ask about hers (in my defense, it's how I'd start my conversations as I'd be the one going to her which means I'd have something to say, and she'd never really come to me to initiate a chat. But it doesn't mean I wouldn't ask about her life ever which she seems to think so, it's just that I wouldn't initiate with it).
Anyhow the thing is, she has had a friend over most of the days of the week for like the last whole year. They work together, then come home, cook and then her friend stays over. Some days she goes to her friend's place and some days her friend comes over. But they are always together. It's never bothered me, even if it meant I often had to leave the living room and adjust my own preferences so that they can be comfortable. She's never asked me if I had been ok with her friend staying even once as it just went without saying..which it did.
Now she's asking me to give her an exact date of when my GF leaves and the thing is, while I'm aiming 2 weeks this is an uncertain time and I don't want to promise anything. What I can make sure is that the common area is free whenever she wants to use it, and that my GF would leave as soon as it's possible. I've never asked my flatemate for anything in return and we've never had any issues or arguments. She's never had to worry about a thing living with me as I do basically all the household chores myself (she's never even once taken the rubbish out for instance).
I personally believe that I can't leave my GF to fend for herself when she's at her most vulnerable, in an uncertain climate like this. And when I told this to my flatmate she dismissed it as it being my choice and as such my problem to deal with. I just think she's being a bit unreasonable and I'd have expected a little more compassion. While I have an idea of how to talk to my flatemate about it and ask for s compromise. I feel like in difficult times like this there really may be no right or wrong view on it. But it's just an added stress.
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