Drinking in some countries, finishing a university undergraduate degree, neurological brain development, work experience in a particular field etc.
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Is flirting with a 19 year old at 28 creepy?
- Thread starter Bee.Cups
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Drinking in some countries, finishing a university undergraduate degree, neurological brain development, work experience in a particular field etc.
Until you expand on this, yes she was also a creep.
Why y'all wanna smash your genitalia against someone barely out or in HS when you be 9 years older or more be creepy af.
I didn't say they weren't real and you just shifted the conversation from what I responded to because you know your post was bullshit AND you ended up proving my response right even more about who the group defending age gaps are. You thought you were doing something by trying to label everyone disagreeing with the age gap as straight and I'm telling you as someone who isn't your post is hilariously wrong.
Anyway to address what is in this quote because you can't seem to imagine the idea of exception to rules, you can have an inappropriate age gap and still have a healthy relationship. It doesn't stop these age gaps from being inappropriate.
Most studies concluded that fundamental brain maturity finishes at 24-25. That's presumably the reason why there's also been more of a distinction between young adults and adults lately.
The rule goes "half your age plus seven". As a 28 year old, you have substantially more life experience and power to exert over her. Be the responsible one and end things with her. She's 19 and should be seeing people her age, with her level of maturity. By the time she's of legal drinking age in the US, you'll be thirty.
You're fine.
There are people at that age that behave like children, but there people that are more mature, more than some 28 yo.
There are people at that age that behave like children, but there people that are more mature, more than some 28 yo.
Yeah, I think hookups are events that are less likely to be negatively impacted by the gulf of life experience resulting from the age difference.
I think going around seeking relationships with people much younger than you see is seen as problematic because there is so much that can be exploitative, but I think if you go into it earnestly while doing your best to be respectful of these differences, while also giving the other party room to grow on their own terms, I think it's ok. I think it's seen as creepy because a lot of times this isn't the case.
For the record, I was 26 and she was 35.
But I don't understand: is the problem the age gap, or is the problem teenagers dating/having sex?
Because if it's the age gap, it shouldn't matter how old anyone is when they get together, as long as they're legally adults.
If it's teenagers dating, then by that standard nobody should date at all until they're in their mid-twenties. Everyone should stay a virgin until they're able to rent a car.
The issue isn't the age gap. The issue is the gap between someone freshly out of high school dating someone who's almost 30
You're both consenting adults, you don't need the approval of a videogame forum. As long as you both want it go for it.
What if it was someone that got into a coma at 18 and woke up 20 years later at 38. Would he/she be fine dating a 20 year old?
Uhhh.
Phrasing it this way only highlights how potentially creepy it is.
There are 19 year olds who have been out working for 4 years, have homes, full time jobs, even children. life Experience isn't just Diplomas.
Like a lot of people mentioned to your previous post, context matters. In this case, you had enough life experience and your brain was developed enough to go through with an age gap relationship that didn't affect your development.
This relationship of yours would have been an entirely different story if you met her when she was 28 at the age of 19.
If that's the case then why do we even have age of consent laws?
Simply throwing out "it's legal so it's ok" or "they can be mature for their age" completely ignores and throws a lot of the general contextual stuff under the rug.
I mean to be honest OP will find more approval here than irl. Theres at least a couple of people here saying its fine.
I remember reading about how 5 65+ men walked free from having sex with a 15 year old girl here in Sweden. She was of legal age.
I ain't saying this the same but 19 and 28 still creepy.
For your situation? Nah that seems fine. At least you had time to actually become someone and not be groomed.
It ain't just about age but people grow and become someone different from when they was in HS. We see too many old ass people come in during this growth period and lead them down a path where they be subservient to them without actually realizing it. If you over 30 tho? Fuck I care. Your life choices really be in your own hands now. Go fuck it up or not.
"Anything above the legal limit" is creepy AF when that limit has been lower in the past and in other parts of the world today.
Also OP making one of the poll options cutesy only adds to the creepy.
Jesus Christ this thread… "yeah the product is ready and good to go take it"!!
What 19 year olds do you know that have that type of background and even then what makes you think someone in their high 20s should be flirting with them? Because they acting "grown?" Y'all can still groom them into who y'all want them to be and manipulate them. The shit is still weird.
Yall gonna yell until you're in blue in the face and the shit is still gonna be creepy.
I work with and have trained fellow crisis counsellors who are 19 years old. These are people who are helping save people from killing themselves, which is a massive responsibility.
Because you obviously have to draw the line somewhere, you can't go to court and ask for permission every time you want to date a person. If the only thing you're taking into account is the age of consent, then you should be fine with him dating a 18yo?
People who say dating someone 9 years younger than you are is wrong no matter what and in all circumstances are the ones ignoring context.
I was a sophomore in college when I was 19. Hardly "freshly out of highschool".
And what special experience does being "almost" 30 give someone? Like, where do the lines get drawn, and why?
Can a sheltered 21-year-old date a very adventurous 18-year-old? Can two 19-year-olds who have never had a serious relationship before hook up? What are the specifics here?
Why? Neither or us would've had the intervening seven years of experiences. What's the age at which people have had enough experiences to date someone any amount of years older than them?
I wasn't over 30, I was 26. And that Sweden is wildly not relevant to this discussion.
I didn't say you was over 30 I said your situation is fine because you had a shot at growing into your own person. A 19 year old has not.
The Sweden thing is highly relevant since you said it was legal. That was also legal.
the states do have age of consent ranging from 16 and up. A years diff ain't that important in that case. It'll always be creepy for old ass people to shack up with teenagers.
Exactly. I work with a 18-20 year old's who are saving lives every day. These are adults.
All anecdotal of course, but I started college in my late-twenties, having worked full-time for a few years first. There were a couple of older, 30+ guys in my year and they were a bunch of fucking manchildren. Meanwhile the people I ended up befriending were either close to my own age or actually a lot younger, like 20 or so. One of them, who was 17 (!) in our first year, was way more emotionally mature than most people my own age. It never felt weird befriending him, nor were the age differences ever an issue in our friend group. Mentally we were all on the same level it felt.
If you feel a connection with her, OP, especially on an intellectual level, go for it. If you don't, expect you two will run into issues later. Either way I don't think it's creepy at all.
If you feel a connection with her, OP, especially on an intellectual level, go for it. If you don't, expect you two will run into issues later. Either way I don't think it's creepy at all.
My grandparents were 19(grandpa) and 29(grandma) when they started dating and have been together till she died at 83. My grandpa is still alive and is still saying that she was the best thing that happened in his life together with the children.
Me and my ex were 36 and 27 and if it wasn't for some family tragedy, we'd still be together, even though in that age range, it's easier and both are more mature. At least should be.
A 19 year old is hard to generalize, as some people are already mature at that age, while others are not. Still, it absolutely can work out and if everyone and their mothers are fine with it, it's ok imo.
But you should reality check yourself, especially that the age gap isn't what you find attractive in itself or that you like her just because she makes you feel younger.
Me and my ex were 36 and 27 and if it wasn't for some family tragedy, we'd still be together, even though in that age range, it's easier and both are more mature. At least should be.
A 19 year old is hard to generalize, as some people are already mature at that age, while others are not. Still, it absolutely can work out and if everyone and their mothers are fine with it, it's ok imo.
But you should reality check yourself, especially that the age gap isn't what you find attractive in itself or that you like her just because she makes you feel younger.
The majority of 19 year olds who have those sort of lifestyles are either in a relationship or dating people around their age range. There's also socio-economic variables to consider with those young adults.
I think some people are confusing age gap relationships with large age gap relationships. This post is about the latter and is a much bigger deal than a five year age gap especially if you met that person when you or they were 21+.
I fixed computers and sorted invoices when I was 15, that's also a massive responsibility but it wasn't at all indicative of my cognitive maturity.
The issue I have isn't the gap. For me it's the idea that someone could be 18-19, possibly still in Highschool or a fresh graduate and people view it as a nonissue to be dating someone who is ~30 and old enough to be their teacher.
In your situation 26 and 35 is much different than 18-19 and 27-28. I don't know many who are the same at 26 as they were at 18-19.
You believe it's okay for a 30 year old to be taking a 18-year old to prom? It's legal right? Just turned 18 and now dating your social studies teacher. Legal right?
Context is important. The issue isn't teenagers having sex or relationships. People need to stop equating 18-19 to 28-30.
That's actually interesting research to cite when it comes to a lot of things, like politics. If someone can't figure out that the minimum wage is too low by the age of 25, then they will probably never figure it out.
I think one issue is that, just because a young person is doing "mature" things like holding a job or displaying a high-level skill, then we also assume they understand sex and relationships. That might the wrong assumption to make.
i... uh, i mean a friend of mine has been in this situation a few times
my feeling is if the flirting is not initiated on your part, like you're not trolling for 20 yr old girls off university ave every afternoon in your red sports car, you're not morally obligated to disengage
my feeling is if the flirting is not initiated on your part, like you're not trolling for 20 yr old girls off university ave every afternoon in your red sports car, you're not morally obligated to disengage
This isn't even worth responding to
And I think that's completely fair nuance to bring in, I'm mostly directing my side-eye to the pearl clutchers trying to make it personal rather than the people just answering "yes" to the poll. OP did explicitly ask if it was "creepy" so I know some are just answering the question.
I don't get it, are you joking here or something? Fixing computers is in no way comparable to having somebody's life and mental health in your hands. Have you ever experienced vicarious trauma, for instance, from fixing computers? Is there a significant and potentially costly emotional burden that comes along with that?
In reality you are the only two that matter, since it is only a relationship between you two.
Practicality wise, is this girl in college or working FT? What type of relationship would you be looking for? Does she want that type?
There is a huge difference between a 19 year old working FT/in college and someone who is 28 and in a job/career for years. If you two want the same things, its up to you but for me personally that would be too young for me.
Practicality wise, is this girl in college or working FT? What type of relationship would you be looking for? Does she want that type?
There is a huge difference between a 19 year old working FT/in college and someone who is 28 and in a job/career for years. If you two want the same things, its up to you but for me personally that would be too young for me.
are you sure? because you've been defending yourself extremely aggressively
I think you're fine. Not sure by what you mean by "ace". Both of you are adults and can make your own decisions.
I'm 40 and I would find it somewhat difficult to date someone under 29 due to the difference stages in our lives. I guess it'll be hard to relate to each other.
I'm 40 and I would find it somewhat difficult to date someone under 29 due to the difference stages in our lives. I guess it'll be hard to relate to each other.
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