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Is flirting with a 19 year old at 28 creepy?
- Thread starter Bee.Cups
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I think it's also worth noting though that just because an adult brain is still developing, doesn't mean said adult isn't capable of making decisions for themselves. And in fact, in society, we expect them to at 18. So if they are able to drive a car (16), drink alcohol (21), be responsible for criminal behavior (18) or die in a war (18), I think dating an older person is something that a 19 year old can decide for themselves. That 19 year old can also change their mind later if they get older and think they made a mistake, sure, as can anybody.
The number isn't the issue. If you were 40 and she 30 it'd be no issue. For me the issue is she is just out of high school. No matter how hard of a life she had you are just on another level in life experience, exposure, financial security, etc.
I think you should hold off until she get life experience imo.
I think you should hold off until she get life experience imo.
A little bit but go ahead and do you. You still got a few years before it becomes ACTUALLY creepy.
There will always be a difference in power, naturally, given that she's just out of high school and you would (generally) be out of college and/or going for a higher degree.
If she was my age and the girl was 19, I'd say it's creepy, but 27? Fuck no.
Yeah I'm in my 30s. Anyone under 21 is a no-go zone. And even then I couldn't see myself doing anything more than hooking up under 25.
A bit yeah. Not really about the 9 year age difference, but the fact that 19 year old is still rather close to being a child. Everyone develops differently of course, yet still it's bit iffy. I wouldn't cast much judgement though, but bit questionable. I don't think being "legally adult" is all that matters. Person who is 17 and a half, isn't entirely different person six months later. There's no magic happening in those six months when they hit 18.
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I dated an 18-year-old when I was 22 (against my better judgment because I had said I only date people 21 and up). We were both uni students in Tokyo, and I thought she was mature. She asked that I give her a chance when I said I was uncomfortable with her being a teenager. It was a mistake, and I went back to not dating people under 21. I'm 29 now and I wouldn't date anyone under 24 just because of how different life is after uni. The woman you're talking about is going to be going through some huge changes in her life for the next 5-6 years, and I wouldn't want to be around that.
I personally think big age gaps (especially with a teen) are creepy, but you'll have to figure out what's right for you.
I personally think big age gaps (especially with a teen) are creepy, but you'll have to figure out what's right for you.
Incorrect. Era is everyone's shitty dad.
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Ehh..."mature" how? Self-confidence? Sexual experience? Life experience?
That you're consciously thinking about it is a good sign, at least.
This is *definitely* not a hard-and-fast rule.
I'm a 26 year old high school teacher. I teach 18 year olds every day.
It's creepy. The vaaaaast majority of 19 year olds are nowhere near as emotionally mature as a 27 year old.
That doesn't make it okay.
Until very recently, society turned a blind eye to grooming and predation.
Latest episode of that new reality tv show of course.
But yea, I'm curious what conversations with a 19 year old look like once surface "get to know you" conversational subjects run out. She's literally fresh out of things that high school kids think are important. That's a nah from me. Not because a lack of potential, but because who that person is is likely not the person she will be a few years from now. lol @ anyone suggesting a 19 year old knows who they are at that age.
I mean, I dated a 21 year old as a 26 yr old dude and I felt a little weird about it lol. There is just something about that age where a person goes through a lot of change and life experience. For me, I would not do it again the maturity just isn't there. I'm also older (28 as well) and now it would feel extra creepy imo.
I used to think this but honestly if we're gonna let someone go die (or just generally contribute to) in a war at 18 I don't see how dating someone much older than them is any more suspect or a more complex decision than that.
Old enough to know better
It really just sounds like you don't know/don't remember how underdeveloped someone is mentally and emotionally in their late-teens. Like, there are plenty of people in this thread (myself included) who are around OP's age and interact with people at or near that age for one reason or another saying exactly that.
While there are plenty of mature 19 year olds, on average most people still do a lot of maturing between 18 and 22. So it's best to proceed with caution in that age range. Also if you don't intend to follow through at all, maybe don't lead the person on too much.
The gap itself ain't no thang.
The gap itself ain't no thang.
There's scientific studies that prove the cognitive differences between a 19 year old and a 28 year old so there's only so much truth these sort of stories hold.
Let's not generalise like this, this isn't purely an American thing.
Age gap relationships are fine, this potential relationship is legally fine... however, 18-20 are still drastically malleable years for a person's maturity hence why some older people approach the idea of dating that age range with trepidation.
I don't understand? I was expecting someone to tell me a legitimate reason why the US law lets people drink at 21.
I have seen it and while people aren't approving it's usually seen as a fling between both parties, unless they get married and people come to accept it as something deeper.
^this on the other hand would legitimately be creepy.
OP doesn't fall under this, so she shouldn't feel bad about her feelings.
I'm going to say you are probably, technically fine..... But this phrasing is absolutely the line that unsavory types use to justify their actions.
(For the record, i did still say you were creepy in the poll)
Not going to speak on her maturity level but I would steer clear of dating anyone that young. Personally I'd be in a complete different phase of life than a 19 year old when I was 28. Just my 2 cents. You do you, OP.
My first thought was 'I'm not sure' but then I thought about any 19 year olds I'd met recently and actially 19 year olds are super young still. I mean they're still teenagers after all. It's not immoral but it is creepy.
Wow, this really resonates with me. lol
When I was in college, it was nothing for me and peers to hook up with professors. I was 18 years old, hooking up with educated 30-somethings who probably should have known better. And so were my friends. It was a badge of honor. We'd all hang out and gossip about it, like having these older dudes enamored with us was a sign of our own maturity and prowess. I think something that a lot of people don't know how to acknowledge or talk about is that, for a lot of younger people, that age difference, that power imbalance...is attractive.
And while everyone's experience is different, I do think the responsibility lies with the older person to always keep that in mind.
Which is why I personally could never date someone that young (speaking for myself here). Because frankly, it ain't nothing for me to get a 19 year enamored with me. All I gotta do is say the word "mortgage" and it'll get a lot of 19 year old's hooked. Because at 19, a lot of these base experiences are still so new, and the attention of an older person can often validate what most 19 year olds want to feel: grown.
Age is just a number, when we're talking about consentient adults.
There's so much more that can make people with a different number be closer. Be it life experiences, attitude, mentality and so on. I see nothing wrong in big age gaps when both parts are fully aware of that.
And I'm saying this with no personal bias, my soon to be wife being just 40 days younger than me so basically no age gap
There's so much more that can make people with a different number be closer. Be it life experiences, attitude, mentality and so on. I see nothing wrong in big age gaps when both parts are fully aware of that.
And I'm saying this with no personal bias, my soon to be wife being just 40 days younger than me so basically no age gap
Age gap isn't an issue, it's the fact how young they are. To me, that's a person still trying to figure out who they are and where they are heading in life. Their stage in life and priorities are going to probably conflict with yours. It's not creepy, just don't be surprised if it doesn't last and one of you wants to move on.
There's no issue if you connect. I'm finding I can't connect to anyone less than like 6 or 7 years than me at this point.
also, no, not creepy. Consenting adults seem to only be ok when it is porn but not dating. Lmao
also, no, not creepy. Consenting adults seem to only be ok when it is porn but not dating. Lmao
1000% agreed. He was loving his power and I was loving being shared that power. He had a bar at his place and offered me a drink!!!! He said he couldn't believe I'd never kissed anyone before cuz I was so good at it. Bruhhh I was on top of the worldd.
Yup. I am not particularly special (my momma loves me tho!), but by life experience I can make myself seem like the most interesting man in the world to someone who's 19 (you went where, u did what? wow)but someone five years older would be like 'So yeah, who cares grandpa. I was on a yacht in Cannes doing lines with Chris Evans last week, before flying to Tokyo for a meeting"
I think what I'm struggling with is what does 'mature for their age' mean? Because usually maturity is about your life stage, and I just can't imagine a 19 year old being in the same life stage as a 27 year old.
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My first older guy was a Spanish professor. I'm messing around with a guy with a PhD; I made it mom!
LOL I was such a dummy.
I have a friend who would always say "You can't take your money with you when you're dead so you may as well buy the things you want."
They aren't dead yet but now in massive debt.
Yeah not the same as this subject, but the "You may die tomorrow" thing never connected with me.
Yeah, completely. It's not like half your age plus seven, and one day? Everything is completely easy and perfect! Half your age plus seven minus one day; all hell will break loose immediately!
The bottom line also feels a bit uncomfortable.
But...that's mostly for relationships and actual sex and stuff.
The OP is talking about some flirting. I still think it could be a bit weird but...if she likes the flirting, he likes the occasional flirting. That seems somewhat okay.
The difference in maturity makes it super creepy imo. I am the same age as you OP and in my friend group is a 19 year old. Talking to her and seeing how immature she is (compared to the older ppl in the group) makes it hard to view her as anything but a child. I couldn't even imagine trying to date her lmao
Flirting is absolutely fine especially if she's into you like you said. Ultimately, it's your choice whether you want to have a relationship with this person, go with what you feel is most comfortable for you.
Yes it's creepy. Age gaps absolutely matter when it comes to the age groups you're discussing. A 30 year old and 40 year old dating isn't an issue but take that gap and apply it to a teenager/adult relationship and it's creepy. This person is barely out of highschool with maybe a year of real life experience? There is too much of a lifestyle and experience gap for this to be okay.
I'm 29 and the idea of dating anyone still a teen repulses me.
I'm 29 and the idea of dating anyone still a teen repulses me.
Dude. I was 31 and had a 19 year old pursue me and I ended up dating her. I didn't persue her at all. She worked me down. Did it last? No. Do I regret it? No. Was she mature? No. Did I have some good times? Yes.
it's all about life experiences. If everything is on the up and up. It's fine.
If you're just talking about flirting then 🤷🏻♂️
If it's more serious than that, I think it's important to consider the experience difference. Being "more mature" isn't a replacement for living thru trying situations and learning to navigate other people's differences, big mistakes and etc.
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