Is flirting with a 19 year old at 28 creepy?

[gozu]

The rule is 1/2 + 7

You're allowed to date as young as 21. 19 does indeed seem a bit too young.

With that said, I don't know you or her. Life is short and all that, maybe you'll be a good life lesson for her, or a good role model even if you don't end up being each other's soulmates.

Best of luck to you both.

 

[Knight in Shining Armani]

Let me put it to you this way. If that was my daughter, who graduated from high school a year ago, then yes, I'd think you're a creep.

 

[Mediking]

I'm 27 and I'm trying to imagine myself talk to a 19 year old… yeah…. NO WAY. The youngest age of a woman I ever messed with was like 21.

 

[Idde]

Half your age plus 7. Sry OP. Thems the rules.

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This always seemed like an arbitrary, but somehow totally fitting 'rule'.

And 19 < (28/2+7). So yeah.

 

[Sabin]

Never ever get dating advice from Era. You are pretty much asking for a disaster.

Stay away from reddit too.

Also you are both Adults so no one has a say in that matter asides from you guys.

 

[RedMercury]

Yes, I would say it's creepy, they aren't even that far outside of high school

 

[III-V]

Up to you, OP. 9 years older is quite a lot at 19, but as you get older, maybe 25+ it really doesn't mean too much.

 

[Red]

With this kind of an age gap, it's weirder to me to maintain a non-sexual relationship than a sexual one. I'd be more comfortable with the statement "hooking up with a 19 year old at 28 years old."

 

[hey it's that dog]

If you're both happy I suppose that's what counts. But 19 is awful young and I don't think there's really any such thing as being mature for your age. There are going to be significant experience and knowledge gaps with someone that little.

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There can be significant experience and knowledge gaps between any two people regardless of age. Why is there some unwritten rule that you can only date your matched control group equivalent?

And maturity is absolutely not 1:1 correlated with age. I of course don't want to hear some 20 year old saying his 14 year old girlfriend is mature for her age, but this situation is not that. If people can be immature for their age, then they can certainly be mature for their age. What we're talking about is things like intelligence and socio-emotional processing ability, and those things definitely vary from person to person separate from age.

 

[sredgrin]

Flirting, nah, anything serious I would think was a little odd, can't imagine being interested in someone that just got out of high school as I was entering my 30s.

 

[Bard]

You're both adults, so do whatever you want as long as it's consensual.

 

[Royalan]

In my experience, any version of "she/he/they are really mature for their age" is a big ol' red flag to hear. It almost always comes off as convincing yourself.

Obviously, don't know you, take this with a grain of salt. But, you asked.

 

[Weiss]

With this kind of an age gap, it's weirder to me to maintain a non-sexual relationship than a sexual one. I'd be more comfortable with the statement "hooking up with a 19 year old at 28 years old."

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Okay that's just silly.

You can be friends with someone who's younger than you, Christ.

I'm pretty sure some of the dudes I hang out with here on ERA are like 20 tops.

 

[TheCthultist]

Depends entirely on the situation. 19's pretty damn young, but they are still an adult capable of making their own decision on the matter… I guess just don't be a fucking creep about it and it's probably fine.

I personally make a habit not to flirt with/date anyone who isn't old enough to legally drink, but that's more just an arbitrary hangup of mine…

 

[Red]

Okay that's just silly.

You can be friends with someone who's younger than you, Christ.

I'm pretty sure some of the dudes I hang out with here on ERA are like 20 tops.

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I'm not saying "as friends." I'm saying "as a romantic partner." Although now that you mention it, the "friends" part also strikes me as weird. I talk to people decades younger and decades older but find friendships uncomfortable outside +/- 3 years.

 

[Antrax]

I think the difference in life experience is the key factor here. A 38 year old flirting with a 29 year old isn't as unusual because both people are functioning adults by then. But at 28 and 19, you're a functioning adult while the 19 year old is probably still in school. You're at very different points in life.

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Yeah. The "half your age plus 7" rule is meant to keep you in similar life stages (if you're 24, then it's 19; if you're 50, then it's 32. The wider band later on in life is because you're both just working adults at that point)

Personally OP, I wouldn't. I don't have very much in common with a 19 year old.

 

[julia crawford]

Creepy as in people will think you're doing something bad? I'm really not sure, i would imagine yes. I would be concerned if it was abusive or manipulative, and the latter is especially likely with someone that young.

I don't really think flirting is especially terrible, being flirty for playfulness can be nice especially if it doesn't have any sexual tension, and i've flirted with people just to make them feel better about themselves. But that doesn't sound like what's happening here...

 

[Hollywood Duo]

9 times out of 10 yeah, I'm sure there are some edge cases but thats a big range from just becoming an adult to well in to adulthood.

 

[Tyrant Rave]

yes it's creepy even if it's ~legal~

 

[Chrno]

iunno..

weren't they asking permission to go to the bathroom like a year ago?

 

[Deleted member 11637]

I'm ace so there won't be any sex between us regardless of if we end up together or not, just romance.

Click to shrink...

If she's aware of this, that helps; but maturity-wise she's a baby compared to you, OP.

 

[Mobu]

Yes, she was just in high school last year

 

[Baphomet]

It's not creepy but why talk with someone you most likely won't have anything in common with?

 

[Strike]

A little. I'd try not to date anybody who might still have to use a fake ID to get into places.

 

[808s & Villainy]

If you're just trying to hookup and both of you are on the same page it's whatever. I just know I couldn't see myself dating a 19 year old at 28. One way to answer your question: Would you be embarrassed introducing her to your friends?

 

[Kyuuji]

Life experience is a major component in these things. I wouldn't say that an actual relationship between the two of you would be held on even ground so, yeh, weird imo.

 

[Weiss]

I'm not saying "as friends." I'm saying "as a romantic partner." Although now that you mention it, the "friends" part also strikes me as weird. I talk to people decades younger and decades older but find friendships uncomfortable outside +/- 3 years.

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That sounds like a you problem.

It's not creepy but why talk with someone you most likely won't have anything in common with?

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I figured the whole reason this thread exists is that they do have something in common and the age gap scared OP into asking for advice.

Do you guys really think there's no way to have any shared interests with someone less than a decade older? On a big nerd forum?

 

[Armadilo]

Most likely a maturity gap and you both want something different out of it, friends would be better and then maybe years later then try it.

 

[Lo-Volt]

Ultimately, you're both adults. So, technically no. But I wonder if there would be a considerable power dynamic since the woman in this story is only recently into adulthood. I realize you mentioned that as a non-issue, though the difference in life experience would be considerable as you mentioned. Not creepy, but "is that going to work as intended" is the question I had reading your post. Good luck regardless!

 

[mopinks]

"creepy" doesn't feel right

 

[LowParry]

Well the age check fails. So I dunno. If you're both into each other sure? Just think about what you're actually get into though.


And here at my job, they are going to hire at 18 year old gal onto my team of 3, who are all 30+. I don't know what to really expect.

 

[rudeboyoslo]

No. And fuck all those dumb rules. Do whatever makes both of you happy.

 

[Bane]

Yep. If it was a 29-38 gap it's less so but when one of the people is that young it's not great. Also, typically the people are going to go through different stages of life in a way that can really strain a relationship.

 

[timshundo]

Edit: unhelpful.

 

[Deleted member 46948]

Half your age plus 7 is still the best rule of thumb for this.

So yes.

 

[JigglesBunny]

I was massively different when I was 22 compared to when I was 19. You're basically pursuing an incomplete person as a full adult.

I wouldn't, but you do you, I guess.

 

[bangai-o]

No, the difference between 28 and 19 doesn't reflect maturity or interests and sometimes chemistry and attraction supersede all that. Life is short and if the two of you can find happiness together, then do it.

Click to shrink...

Lol. Don't kid yourself. 19-year-old kids are pretty stupid. Just owning a car is impressive to them.

 

[Seesaw15]

IMO yes. Sure you're both adults but a freshman in college vs a working adult are just in completely different worlds. Once folks get out of college its fair game for wider age gaps but when every quarter/semester is a new phase of a persons life it seems sus.

 

[Patrick Bateman]

Age / 2 + 7 is the golden rule. That would mark the line at 21.

 

[Pai Pai Master]

Maybe if I was your age I would have said no. Under the vast majority of circumstances I would say a 9 year age gap is nothing, but not when one person is under 21. I don't know you OP but most reasonable people would say it's at least "kinda creepy"

 

[Bee.Cups]

I figured the whole reason this thread exists is that they do have something in common and the age gap scared OP into asking for advice.

Click to shrink...

This is what happened.

She makes me feel wanted and we do have things in common, even if she's really high energy compared to me. I just want to make sure flirting isn't doing something wrong, which it might be judging by the poll.

 

[Precious Tritium]

28/2=14+7=21

Sorry OP those are the rules.

 

[Psittacus]

This always seemed like an arbitrary, but somehow totally fitting 'rule'.

And 19 < (28/2+7). So yeah.

Click to shrink...

I see it less as a hard and fast rule and more of a probability thing. As you pass that limit the odds of something going horribly wrong start to approach 1.

 

[Bulby]

The only person whose opinion you should care about is her's.

 

[Rosebud]

I'm 25 and wouldn't date younger than 21.

But I had a terrible experience dating someone older when I was 13, so I made a ~4 years rule.

 

[YourFriendLevi]

I personally wouldn't date anyone more than 5 years younger than myself (I'm 26). My parents got together at 27 and 17, and I've always thought that was weird and I have conflicted feelings about it.

 

[Aldi]

When I was 19 I dated a 30 year old for a short while. It didn't work out, it became almost instantly apparent that we had nothing in common and she tried her best to act younger while I tried my best to act mature and experienced, but it was just an act.

Id advise against it.

 

[Weiss]

Ultimately, you're both adults. So, technically no. But I wonder if there would be a considerable power dynamic since the woman in this story is only recently into adulthood. I realize you mentioned that as a non-issue, though the difference in life experience would be considerable as you mentioned. Not creepy, but "is that going to work as intended" is the question I had reading your post. Good luck regardless!

Click to shrink...

Okay I've seen this come up a bit, what power dynamic? What power would OP have over someone they wouldn't if they were younger or if their partner was older?

Like the only thing I can think is "sketchy adult lures naive younger adult" but, like, any relationship between adults has the potential to get sketchy. What changes here?

 

[GameAddict411]

I mean it's fine but it's not going to be easy to connect with such person. They are just out of high school and maybe just started college. It's an unstable time of age so I wouldn't take everything the person says very seriously. 10 years from now when she is 29 and you are 38, it's actually would be easier situation. She has experienced life and probably knows more about what she wants. The same to you too.

 

[Kurita]

You do you I guess. I'm 27 and I can't imagine myself hanging out with a college girl at this point.