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Introvert ERA: How do you cope with your personality?
- Thread starter Deleted member 13015
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I just kind of isolate myself to recharge in between social stuff. It's not healthy to be alone all the time, so you've got to force yourself to get out there from time to time. Just make sure that you don't overdo it without having time to yourself. Being introverted doesn't mean you're not social, it just means that being social is draining, so you can't do it as frequently as extroverted people.
Be patient with yourself. I've lived with this for all my life, I'm 30 now. For a while there in my 20s I tried to make efforts to "get over it", with occasional success but I never became a different person or anything. At the end of the day, I love talking to people with interesting things to say but cannot make small talk to save my life, so I have an incredible difficulty bridging the gap between acquaintances and friends.
Introverts just make friends slower, that's how it is. Be patient with yourself and only push yourself to do things when other people are interested in doing things with you. Don't try to force yourself to become an extrovert, that just doesn't work.
Introverts just make friends slower, that's how it is. Be patient with yourself and only push yourself to do things when other people are interested in doing things with you. Don't try to force yourself to become an extrovert, that just doesn't work.
Reading a lot the replies in here just reads like "I don't do well in social situations" or "I have social anxiety". Things like "being forced to talk due to my job" just does not sound like an introverted person.
I've developed a technique where I try to recognize where I am making excuses not to do something due to my desire not to talk to people. If what I'm rationalizing avoiding is beneficial to me or someone I care about, then I force myself to do it. But I definitely need time afterwards to myself. People sometimes don't realize I'm a huge introvert because I work on actively compensating for it in social situations, but it's all an act.
Easier said than done but one of the solutions is finding like-minded friends. You don't HAVE to become extroverted.
Maybe all that is because they find it draining. Which would make them introverted.
As some of us have said: It's not inherently tied to how well you do in social situations. I can function fine around people and hold conversations, but a day or two straight of that and I'll go silent for a day.
Yes it takes effort to talk to people, but the way it's being written by some here makes it sound more like social anxiety.
You touched on this but my greatest step was decoupling the anxiety from social situations. In large groups, I bud off with someone and ask them questions until the say something I find interesting. Then I ask more questions and before I know it, we are both engrossed in convo. So much better that telling a story with 6 people gathered 'round.
My advice: Make it work.
My advice: Make it work.
I think you're being a little dismissive of the honest feelings of posters here. I suppose being bad at talking to people doesn't necessarily make you an introvert, even if it is often related, but I think wanting to avoid social situations because you dislike how they make you feel does make you an introvert. I read many of the comments in this thread as falling into that category.
It's just a part of things. I have to be very active and friendly at work and it takes a define toll on my personal life. I need friends who can draw energy out of me usually. If they aren't available I'm very happy to go home and recharge.
A small amount of drinking helps but also leads to a large amount of drinking which only rarely helps. Better not to at all imo
A small amount of drinking helps but also leads to a large amount of drinking which only rarely helps. Better not to at all imo
I'm not trying to be dismissive. I think having social anxiety and being an introverted are two different things, and I say this as someone who deals with both. Social anxiety is something you can work on and deal with, much in the way many people are highlighting coping with it. I get social anxiety when I'm invited to hang out with friends I see with some regularity. That hesitation and pause is not triggered by my feelings of tiredness and wanting to be left alone, but just the general idea of being around people and fear of looking stupid. When I am tired from interacting with people I mentally and verbally shut down. This shutdown can also happen mid-hangout for me when I just begin to feel that bit of tiredness.
Introverted but never had a problem interacting with people. I just limit my interaction because I generally have no interest in others and usually people have to seek me out first for any kind of interaction. Its useful because I've always made observations about extroverted people that seem to need to be the center of attention or always looking for validation from other people. That would be a nightmare.
Social anxiety and being shy is definitely separate from being introverted though.
Social anxiety and being shy is definitely separate from being introverted though.
At work I take a few long restroom breaks each day.
I only leave the house for work and errands.
I only leave the house for work and errands.
Once you have kids it changes a lot. If you love kids and want a family then you will be fine. I love just being around my wife and kids. It's other people I have a problem with. I love her family but I'm not big into drinking and being social which is what they love to do. I think after time if your spouse loves and respects you they will come to terms with who you are. The family will fall in line. At least this was my situation. I'm never mean to anyone I just like to chill and relax. Old soul some say... just like my grandfather.
I just ended a fairly loving relationship because my partner couldn't accept my introvertedness and I'm glad I did so because I learned that there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just different and I just have to find someone that accepts me for who I am without trying to mold me into someone else (more extroverted).
I just wish I could do the same thing at work. I had to fake my personality to even get the job (which i'm great at)
I just wish I could do the same thing at work. I had to fake my personality to even get the job (which i'm great at)
Yeah, this thread was really confusing. Personally, I found out I wasn't introverted, just shy and bad at socializing. Then I got good at talking to people and the more I started doing it the better I got at it. I wouldn't say it's perfect, but it's a lot better than it was a few years ago. If anyone has anxiety issues, I would suggest powering through it.
OP
OP
Hey guys, sorry to bump my own thread.
Just want to vent a bit.
So I ended a relationship a few days ago because I didn't feel anything for this person other than lust and excitement for having a partner. We have nothing in common, and she doesn't understand me at all.
And it makes me feel lonely again, like that teen who said that nobody understands him. I look around me and the things I love, and I do love these things and my personality, but I'm thinking... will I find that one person who loves me and wants to really understand me?
I don't want to get with someone because I find them attractive inside and outside... I want more than that, and I have never had that in a romantic relationship. I want someone to get me, the introvert. I wish I could get with another introvert.
People say to avoid other introverts, but why? People tell me to dodge dating introverts because there are those that stay inside their house all day and have an anxiety attack when they go out in public, but being an introvert is not this.
I feel like loving myself is the best option right now, and that I hope I'll find that person who will love and care about me, and that they understand me so much because they feel the same way themselves.
I'm still finding myself.
Just want to vent a bit.
So I ended a relationship a few days ago because I didn't feel anything for this person other than lust and excitement for having a partner. We have nothing in common, and she doesn't understand me at all.
And it makes me feel lonely again, like that teen who said that nobody understands him. I look around me and the things I love, and I do love these things and my personality, but I'm thinking... will I find that one person who loves me and wants to really understand me?
I don't want to get with someone because I find them attractive inside and outside... I want more than that, and I have never had that in a romantic relationship. I want someone to get me, the introvert. I wish I could get with another introvert.
People say to avoid other introverts, but why? People tell me to dodge dating introverts because there are those that stay inside their house all day and have an anxiety attack when they go out in public, but being an introvert is not this.
I feel like loving myself is the best option right now, and that I hope I'll find that person who will love and care about me, and that they understand me so much because they feel the same way themselves.
I'm still finding myself.
I'm definitely an introvert but that surprises a lot of people. I don't think I fall neatly into the category but I'm definitely not extroverted. I'm pretty talkative and I find a lot of enjoyment out of bonding with other people, but I often find myself dreading going out to parties even when it's people I know and love. What I've found is that I try and take the initiative whenever possible to socialize but on my own terms, for example, I'd much rather host a party than be a guest. My job at work is actually in customer service, and I don't mind it at all. There's a piece of mind in knowing that a conversation is fleeting and isn't the rest of my life. Also, I've accepted that sometimes in life, you have to be uncomfortable.
OP, I'm sorry your relationship ended. My only advice is that the future is unwritten and when life has me down I try to remind myself that it's presumptuous to think that I know where my life is headed, and that's a good thing. There are a whole slew of good things and interactions and people in your future. Also whoever said not to date another introvert, I don't get that at all. Me and my girlfriend are couch potatoes and I love that.
OP, I'm sorry your relationship ended. My only advice is that the future is unwritten and when life has me down I try to remind myself that it's presumptuous to think that I know where my life is headed, and that's a good thing. There are a whole slew of good things and interactions and people in your future. Also whoever said not to date another introvert, I don't get that at all. Me and my girlfriend are couch potatoes and I love that.
I hate when people attribute social anxiety, reclusiveness and nervousness to introverted behavior. I consider myself an introvert, and I am none of the things people often describe themselves as (shy, difficult talking with, avoiding social interaction).
If you have a FEAR of talking with others, and keep to yourself because of that FEAR, then that's not being an introvert - that's more attributable to social anxiety. There are plenty of people who merely keep to themselves because their energy is derived from the self, and not because they have some fault conversing with others.
If you have a FEAR of talking with others, and keep to yourself because of that FEAR, then that's not being an introvert - that's more attributable to social anxiety. There are plenty of people who merely keep to themselves because their energy is derived from the self, and not because they have some fault conversing with others.
OP
OP
Thank you for the encouragement Robin, I will look forward, into the future. So many things I want to do... I'll find my fellow introvert some day.
Very true and it's something I wish more people understood. You shouldn't need coping mechanisms for being introverted.
That isn't to say that being introverted doesn't present its own set of challenges - it definitely does when you consider that societies revolve around extroversion - but navigating through an extroverted world and learning to be successful is just a part of life, and will be a different experience for those who are introverted compared to ambiverts or extroverts.
I'm introverted, but I wouldn't say I'm all that quiet. When I'm in a large group of new people, I can be. I don't love small talk, but I'm good enough at it, and that simply came from practice.
My close friends are great about my need for alone time. They respect that I need it sometimes and it has nothing to do with them, and they're good about asking me ahead of time if I want to go out and do something. (I'm happier when I have time to mentally adjust to changes in my plans.)
Occasionally I have some FOMO, but I really am happy spending time by myself. I remind myself of that and that there isn't anything wrong with it. I also do make a genuine effort to put myself out there and be social. Even when I didn't feel like it at first, I usually have fun. And if I didn't, I don't do that thing again. But yeah, learning about introversion was helpful to me, because it taught me that I SHOULD value my alone time. It's important to my mental health.
My close friends are great about my need for alone time. They respect that I need it sometimes and it has nothing to do with them, and they're good about asking me ahead of time if I want to go out and do something. (I'm happier when I have time to mentally adjust to changes in my plans.)
Occasionally I have some FOMO, but I really am happy spending time by myself. I remind myself of that and that there isn't anything wrong with it. I also do make a genuine effort to put myself out there and be social. Even when I didn't feel like it at first, I usually have fun. And if I didn't, I don't do that thing again. But yeah, learning about introversion was helpful to me, because it taught me that I SHOULD value my alone time. It's important to my mental health.
I've been reflecting and realizing that my distaste for my current customer service job comes from my introversion. I'm empathetic but I dislike being forced to absorb the emotions of others and that's what this job makes me do day after day.
I'm not sure if this is true introversion. I do need a social recharge but I dont have any problem in theory meeting new people or talking to people. However I dont have much to say most of the time cuz I'm not interesting myself and nothing interesting happens to me.
I just rock with it. People tend to like me when they finally get a real conversation out of me.
I just rock with it. People tend to like me when they finally get a real conversation out of me.
I have no idea if I am an introvert. I have no problem with people and/or crowds, but on the other hand, I prefer to be alone and even enjoy taking trips solo rather than with a SO and friends.
I'm ambivert (well, I try to be) and like a lot of things, extroversion/introversion is on a sliding scale and can change due to circumstance.
Not going to lie, I am wrangling with the possibility that I'll be alone for a long while and using introversion as an coping mechanism. It isn't healthy, but sometimes you have to adapt to circumstances you don't like.
Not going to lie, I am wrangling with the possibility that I'll be alone for a long while and using introversion as an coping mechanism. It isn't healthy, but sometimes you have to adapt to circumstances you don't like.
I accepted I have no personality, I'm boring I've accomplished nothing. I rather not be sad and instead I'd rather focus my time on studying for a career.
I'm an introvert, my husband is an extrovert. Some things that work for me include scheduling my alone time and social times, prepping for conversation starters in the mirror, and eating my lunch alone.
Some things that work for me but may not work for others include visiting places on my own, and throwing casual get-togethers on my own terms. I just gotta make sure the
house is clean and there's food in the fridge, I don't have to travel and it's low key.
As an introvert, you can be social, but your battery recharge comes from alone time, and you should embrace it.
Some things that work for me but may not work for others include visiting places on my own, and throwing casual get-togethers on my own terms. I just gotta make sure the
house is clean and there's food in the fridge, I don't have to travel and it's low key.
As an introvert, you can be social, but your battery recharge comes from alone time, and you should embrace it.
OP
OP
Perfectly said healbite-maritima, I understand this so much and I will embrace it.
Speaking as an introvert... I've pretty much had it up to here with introverts talking about being introverted. Sometimes it feels like being an introvert is some kind of badge of honor. Like there's some banale dignity in not being super social and preffering your own company. And that this is.. sad? And sad is what? Good? Pity me, for I'm so uniquely sad?
Give me a break. Being an introvert is the best thing in the world. It helps you to not give a shit what anyone else thinks about you and what you should be doing, and it takes all that time you could have wasted on disappointing social events, and gives it to you to do what you wish.
I'd never have found the time to do all the thing I do if I was an extrovert.
So yeah. Stop whining about it. Stop talking about yourselves like you're somehow special, and go do what you like without worrying what everyone else thinks.
News flash, nobody gives a fuck about you, so why waste your time worrying about it?
Give me a break. Being an introvert is the best thing in the world. It helps you to not give a shit what anyone else thinks about you and what you should be doing, and it takes all that time you could have wasted on disappointing social events, and gives it to you to do what you wish.
I'd never have found the time to do all the thing I do if I was an extrovert.
So yeah. Stop whining about it. Stop talking about yourselves like you're somehow special, and go do what you like without worrying what everyone else thinks.
News flash, nobody gives a fuck about you, so why waste your time worrying about it?
I think it's important for people to not buy too much into the introvert/extrovert binary. First of all, it's clearly a spectrum, and throwing a line down the middle doesn't help anybody understand themselves any better.
Secondly, it's also more complex than even a two dimensional spectrum. Fivethirtyeight recently posted a test based on the Big Five, which is a common personality metric used by scientists. It can be found here.
Not only does it assess your Big Five traits, it goes deeper and tries to break up those monolithic traits into more specific categories. Even if you find issue with the test (no personality test you take online is going to be perfect, even one with a firmer basis in science than others), the categories are food for thought. Take the test, and give the introvert/extrovert breakdown a closer look!
Secondly, it's also more complex than even a two dimensional spectrum. Fivethirtyeight recently posted a test based on the Big Five, which is a common personality metric used by scientists. It can be found here.
Not only does it assess your Big Five traits, it goes deeper and tries to break up those monolithic traits into more specific categories. Even if you find issue with the test (no personality test you take online is going to be perfect, even one with a firmer basis in science than others), the categories are food for thought. Take the test, and give the introvert/extrovert breakdown a closer look!
I'm a little confused as to what you're getting at here. You make a point to say you've had it with introverts talking about being introverted and wearing it like a badge of honor, but then you talk about being an introvert and it being the best thing in the world.
Then you tell people, in a thread on a message board, to not talk about the topic of the thread and finish up with telling people that no one gives a fuck about them.
There might be some sort of positive or productive message in your post, but I think I'm maybe missing it.
Well, I guess the short version is that there are a lot of people who both whine about being introverted, and treat it like it's a virtue. It seems completely disingenuous to me.
Not really telling people to stop talking about it, but to stop talking about themselves like they're special. I mean, who cares? Right? Nobody does. And that's not a negative.
I think being inteoverted is great for me and my interest, but it has fuck all to say for my value as a person. There is no contradiction there. The introvert part is completely uninteresting from a personality standpoint, it's just a massive time saver.
I dunno what else to tell you.
I'm an introvert-extrovert, which is honestly harder sometimes, because a lot of people don't get it. I love being around people and can definitely cut loose in a big group, but I need at least one 5-6 hour "alone time" stretch a week or I start to go nuts. And while I have a decent social IQ, I still occasionally get those nagging feelings of just wanting to go home and be in a quiet room.
I'm engaged to an introvert, though, so I get it. She's a wonderfully funny, social person, but she thrives in small group settings. In larger groups, she sometimes keeps to the background and doesn't engage as much.
I'm engaged to an introvert, though, so I get it. She's a wonderfully funny, social person, but she thrives in small group settings. In larger groups, she sometimes keeps to the background and doesn't engage as much.
I think that's an interesting way to look at it, but I guess that in my case, I feel as though being introverted does add to my value as a person. Especially to my workplace, which isn't built around introverts, but the feedback I can give them, helps shape that for others that might be like me. And I think in general my worldview and life experiences as an introvert would be different than someone else who isn't, and those different experiences also provide value to the people that I interact with, both personally and professionally.
Well, 46 now and i can say that socially i'm doing pretty good. When i was younger i didn't talk that much and i often felt embarrassed when i did (In hindsight i see no reason why. Just insecure, i guess). I was fine playing by myself but also played with friends. I always tried to force myself to go out there and go to places while i rather just stayed at home. You don't have to talk a lot. I think a lot of introverts are actually good in hearing more of the conversations and remembering more details. And that's often pretty good stuff to talk about with people when you meet them again. It's fine to be the quiet type but don't be afraid to speak. You're not that important to people. Don't worry about what they might think. They have their own shit to worry about. So they're mostly just happy to talk to a friendly person. I do still work alone though ;). But in recent years i've come to enjoy working with others on projects a bit more.
Be fine with who you are. But you're doing yourself a favor, i think, to go out there and meet people. Like you do here. You're fine here. You'll be fine out there.
Just don't overdo it. Before you know it you have to go to countless birthday parties...
Be fine with who you are. But you're doing yourself a favor, i think, to go out there and meet people. Like you do here. You're fine here. You'll be fine out there.
Just don't overdo it. Before you know it you have to go to countless birthday parties...
I have my little circle of friends which I know since like 15+ years that I connect with.
As for the job part, I put on a very effective mask of a smiling, funny guy that only shows its seams when there are 'outside work hours' events or activities going on...which I promptly refuse the moment they pop in my email box....AND during lunch breaks, for which I don't go to the cafeteria, I quickly eat my lunch at my desk and play Switch until the end of the break. :lol
As for the job part, I put on a very effective mask of a smiling, funny guy that only shows its seams when there are 'outside work hours' events or activities going on...which I promptly refuse the moment they pop in my email box....AND during lunch breaks, for which I don't go to the cafeteria, I quickly eat my lunch at my desk and play Switch until the end of the break. :lol
OP
OP
