In your circle, how common is cheating?

[GSG]

Married here, our friend group is primarily composed of other married couples, some with kids. I only know of one person who has cheated on their spouse and he's not part of our social circle, but rather the sibling of one of our friends. Other than him, I have never met anyone else who has ever cheated on their SO, to my knowledge, either married or unmarried.

 

[Wackamole]

As far as i know most people that i know don't cheat.
My father did though. Twice. So that one counts.

I don't think any of my friends (or their partners) ever cheated. I never cheated either.

I do think life-long monogamy is a lot to ask from people.

 

[Hayvic]

This doesn't factor into it at all because those things are not cheating.

Click to shrink...

 

[SolmisateSol]

I know A LOT of cheaters through work. Both parties. I don't understand why they don't just swing. I also don't understand why I am their mobile confessional booth.

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LMAO. I know that feeling, there's something about being 'minimally kind and professional' to acquaintances that gets confused with 'judgement-free'. Then at that point you're basically their secondary therapist.

Idk, the 50% number doesn't seem too off to me and it highly depends on your definitions of cheating. Having been cheated on, but not cheating myself. I hit that 50% statistic right there lmao.

Cheating obviously fucking sucks and is super painful, but there are a lot of situations where it doesn't mean that the cheater is an absolute piece of shit (still is though).

I've seen people in seriously terrible, emotionally abusive relationships who cheat to blow it up or have some semblance of control. I know some people who cheat because their spouse starts acting literally insane and they don't know what to do and it turns out they were bingeing on hard drugs.

I've also seen people cheat because they're emotionally immature and just can't be bothered to care about another person's feelings. People who go clubbing every other weekend and end up making out with a stranger is pretty scummy imo. Those are the people I stay away from. They're pretty common now days unfortunately lol.

 

[Paertan]

Very uncommon as far as i know in my circle. I know of it happening but very rare.
I myself would never do it. It is not about love/lust or whatever drives you. It is about respect. I might fall in love or lust for another woman way more than my current girlfriend. But I would never sleep with another woman before leaving my current.

 

[Piston]

I can count on one hand the number of people I know that have cheated on their SO.

I think the only time I've been directly exposed to it was a roommate I had at the start of 2020 was in a long-distance relationship where he was FOR SURE cheating on the regular up until we split ways in March. He of course got engaged with his girlfriend in June, just a few months later.

 

[Culex]

Not sure how common, but two of my coworkers cheated on their spouses with each other. Pretty shitty situation.

 

[Piston]

Thinking on it. I think what may be more accurate is that 50% of people have been involved in a relationship where there was cheating, meaning only 25% of people have cheated.

 

[Tavernade]

I don't think I'm actually aware of anyone I know who cheated? My social circle is small and I have some suspicions for one or two people though.

Lots of people I know others who cheat though.

 

[RichardHawk]

Went to a strip club with some coworkers a few years ago and two of them hooked up with strippers. Both dudes are married with kids. The funny thing is they blame me for 'taking them there'. Just for clarity, I'm single. Outside of that I know a few other people that have cheated so at least in my realm it's pretty common.

 

[Leo]

I haven't and will never cheat.

I have a friend who cheated on his girlfriend on a regular basis, and another one who admitted he cheated on his ex-wife (and i think he regrets it, now he's in an open relationship and doing great afaik).

 

[deathsaber]

I mean, in my circle of people- we are pretty much all longtime-mostly happily married people (if they are unhappy, they aren't airing their dirty laundry, publicly, etc). Can't say I've really experienced it "close" to me, which obviously is a really good thing. I have never done it, etc.

That said, you look at the world, and it honestly if its over 50% that DID cheat, it would not shock me.

High divorce rates, lots of cheating and breakups- and honestly- these are the people that ARE getting caught and put out to dry. How many either don't get caught at all and "get away with it" (honestly the main reason why it DOES happen because people feel they can keep it under wraps), or do get caught, wind up being forgiven, but its all kept on the "down low" (and most rest of the public is none the wiser). So, I can see it not being too promising, overall.

 

[Heliex]

Two of my friends are in a relationship and they constantly cheat on each other, everyone knows about it. Neither of them care either. At this point they should just be in an open relationship, but I guess the idea of being monogamous is hard to let go. Apart from them, the rest of my friends are also couples who are actually monogamous.

 

[Thorrgal]

I haven't known of many people cheating BEFORE getting divorced after getting married. So is hard to say. 50% wouldn't surprise me at all though. I know some of my closest friends did cheat when dating on their 20's and are not doing it now that are married on their 40's, so "have cheated or will ever cheat" is a tall order I think.

 

[Twister]

None of my friends have ever cheated on anyone, but none of us really date either

 

[Zekes]

I think a lot of people I know on a personal level have cheated at some point in their lives. Tons of my family and friends / acquaintances growing up. My previous ex cheated on me, despite her lamenting all her friends were cheaters. My current girlfriend admitted when we met that she fucked up and cheated in a previous relationship as they were poly and everyone was fair game except one dude who her ex didn't like, leading her ex to continuously cheat on her.

I've never cheated but I wouldn't ever think I was better than anyone who has. In a previous shaky relationship I definitely was tempted, but never acted on it

 

[Zekes]

accidental double post

 

[ghostemoji]

I think it's more common than people admit or know about. People's definitions of cheating are very plastic and malleable depending on their conscious.

 

[Good4Squat]

I know quite a few people who have cheated, but I don't view them as bad people, there can be understandable reasons why some people do it.

 

[KillLaCam]

Definitely less than 50%, that would be insane .

 

[Sybil]

I dunno if I'll ever really have an unbiased take on it, since one of my parents cheated when I was a preschooler and it's really affected my relationship with them (unbeknownst to them, I think they don't realize I remember) and even my own viewpoint on relationships.
But I do think it's <<50% (per my idea of what cheating is)... but I also wouldn't be surprised if it was half or something.

 

[pants]

In Japan the criminal conviction rate is famously around 99%, which might appear to show the effectiveness of the Japanese criminal justice system, or a lack of unpunished crime, but its actually just a symptom of the prosecution deliberately tailoring the cases they prosecute and the numbers they report in the name of preserving a self-serving narrative.

So whatever the anecdotal self reporting turns up within a group of peers, its probably not indicative of the actual prevalence of cheating. Especially not in the general population. For so many obvious reasons.

I did a couple quick google searches and the social science work thats gone into this is at around 15%–20% when it comes to anonymous self reporting. However the actual prevalence is probably higher than that when you factor in all of the reasons a person might still not want to accurately self report, or all the nuance that goes into what different people consider cheating. Almost certainly not 50% though.

 

[DarkOxygen]

Cheating in marriages hasn't been common in my social circle thus far (about to turn 40), but in the two instances I know of it was definitely surprising who was involved. I feel like what people say about social media, that it shows a very specific and carefully-selected image of someone's life, applies generally as well. You never really know what people are dealing with until they tell you.

In one of the instances the husband didn't tell us until 4 years after his wife informed him of her affair. They (maybe mostly he) tried to keep the status quo for that long, until eventually he asked for a separation once it was clear that things were over.

 

[Fatoy]

I haven't known of many people cheating BEFORE getting divorced after getting married. So is hard to say. 50% wouldn't surprise me at all though. I know some of my closest friends did cheat when dating on their 20's and are not doing it now that are married on their 40's, so "have cheated or will ever cheat" is a tall order I think.

Click to shrink...

This is my take as well. When I was in my 20s and early 30s, I'd say more than 50% of the people - men and women - I considered friends had cheated, juggled multiple partners (openly or covertly), casually slept around etc. Now I'm in my late 30s, and most of my friends are either married with kids, not married but still parents, or in long-term relationships, it's less than 50%.

Perhaps I have a particularly amoral set of friends, but in my opinion the majority of people worldwide have been unfaithful at some point in their lives.

 

[ItchyTasty]

It was scary to realise how many of the people I know thas has created on their partners (both exes and current) with and without them knowing. Totally anecdotal, but still feels a bit weird.

None of them married tho.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

I'm a fairly family oriented guy and while I understand shit happens we generally don't cosign that type of shit. No way to truly know but culturally we are very aligned with loyalty to family.

 

[DarkOxygen]

Tangential question: Has anyone requested that their significant other / spouse / etc. end a friendship or change its boundaries? Or been the recipient of such a request? What are everyone's thoughts in general about such things?

I was reminded of a case in my circle that I wouldn't consider "cheating", but is adjacent to the subject: The wife asked the husband to...adjust, we'll say, his friendship with a (single) female friend, as she felt it was crossing boundaries. He was spending (what she considered to be) a lot of 1:1 time with this friend, inviting her over to their house, etc. From what I understand, as the female friend was younger the husband felt like the relationship was more of a "big sibling, younger sibling / mentor, mentee" type of deal, but obviously the wife didn't feel the same way.

 

[Zen]

Barely anyone I know, and by that I mean exactly one person, and they are about as far from my circle of friends/family as you can get. My close friend did get duped into an 'open' relationship once and it messed him up emotionally. I put open in quotes as it was more like coercion

 

[Deleted member 9241]

My circle of friends are all in long term marriages with kids. I can't imagine any of them cheating on each other. Keep in mind we're all in our mid-40's, so some of those relationships have been going on 20+ years.

 

[Airegin]

You'd have to be pretty good looking to be able to cheat. Definitely less than 50%.

 

[StephDiesel]

I used to think it was rare but after I recently discovered my girlfriend (of 7+ years) was cheating on me I am starting to think I am just naïve. It happens way more than anyone realizes, people don't talk about it. Probably <50% but maybe like 25% which is not insignificant

 

[UraMallas]

I guess a good way to ask it is if you have been cheated on yourself. Because lots of people would either not cop to (or have justifications for why they don't think it was) cheating. But, if you think about all your SOs and how many times you were cheated on. Then, I'd add at least one or two extra to that number because of people who just didn't get caught and never told you.

I seriously think it's rampant when younger. I agree that as you get married and have children it gets better but it doesn't even go away then, really. Like, I've had people confess infidelity to me before and those are just people that felt comfortable telling me. There are LOADS of people I know who I'm sure have cheated or been cheated on that would never just come tell me.

I hate to say it this way because it sounds like I'm bragging but my friend circle was rather large in my younger days. Well into the 100s. And cheating was definitely incredibly common. Almost part of the culture at that age.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

You'd have to be pretty good looking to be able to cheat. Definitely less than 50%.

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LMAO. Who told you this bullshit?

 

[defaltoption]

I don't think it's over 50% but it's also more common then people think. It's just not something most people are exactly eager to spill the beans about.

 

[Grenouille]

I think it depends a lot on culture and demographics. I've been in social circles where guys talked about it proudly or as if it was a funny thing. Meanwhile, there places in which this is (obviously) looked down upon.

 

[Aprikurt]

Gotta be honest I try not to judge but I have a hard time not feeling less respect for somebody who would go behind their partner's back like that. The thought of it makes me anxious.

 

[Chopchop]

No one I know personally has been on either end of a cheat. I've only heard stories about people who are a few degrees removed from people I know. I think it's probably way below 50%.

 

[RadzPrower]

Tangential question: Has anyone requested that their significant other / spouse / etc. end a friendship or change its boundaries? Or been the recipient of such a request? What are everyone's thoughts in general about such things?

I was reminded of a case in my circle that I wouldn't consider "cheating", but is adjacent to the subject: The wife asked the husband to...adjust, we'll say, his friendship with a (single) female friend, as she felt it was crossing boundaries. He was spending (what she considered to be) a lot of 1:1 time with this friend, inviting her over to their house, etc. From what I understand, as the female friend was younger the husband felt like the relationship was more of a "big sibling, younger sibling / mentor, mentee" type of deal, but obviously the wife didn't feel the same way.

Click to shrink...

Yes

Until sometime in April of 2020, I was texting a friend sporadically. We hadn't even seen each other in person since maybe September of the previous year. She actually used to be my wife's friend and that's how we got to know each other. Eventually, they had a falling out though, but I maintained a friendship with her for over a year after their falling out.

Then we went to therapy and my wife decided to share her feelings that she didn't like for me to stay in touch with her. She talked about all this nasty stuff that the friend did but I had never seen out of the friend and, frankly, fits with the victim complex that'd become apparent through our therapy sessions. In the spirit of therapy and helping our relationship though, I let her delete all our conversations, delete her number from my phone, and block the number.

A part of me really resents letting her do that though since the pandemic has really hit that much harder since she really was about the only person I ever really texted and it's only made the isolation worse.

 

[MrHedin]

Late 30s, I don't know anyone in my family or friend circle who has cheated or has been cheated on. Now there is certainly a possibility that those things have happened within my circle and just stayed private but just knowing them how I do I would be surprised if that were the case.

 

[loco]

During the pandemic I think cheating has been curbed a lot but its very rampant amongst my circle of friends. I have two best friends that are pretty transparent about it with me and able to justify it in their own heads. I also know someone else that stays in the relationship despite having a sloppy cheating husband. ITs wild how much people will overshare on Facebook and air out their dirty laundry.

 

[Cymbal Head]

Super low among my friends and acquaintances (at least that I know of) -- maybe 10-15%? And many of those go on to break up or get divorces because of it. I guess people could be keeping a lot of secrets but I still wouldn't put it above 30%.

 

[inner-G]

Not at all.

If I knew someone was cheating on their spouse I wouldn't want to hang out with them.

 

[Summit]

I don't have a circle now but my old work circle would lead me to believe cheating happens at least ~50% in couples.

 

[walkinfast]

I have a co-worker who cheated on his wife with an old girlfriend. I asked him if she would find out. "Only if she looks at the Discover bill", he said.

He took off work for the day without telling his wife and got a room with him and the ex. As far as his wife knew he was at work.

 

[The Unsent]

I don't have a circle now but my old work circle would lead me to believe cheating happens at least ~50% in couples.

Click to shrink...

I think dramas and media romanticizes cheating. Calling it an affair makes it sound normal and cool.

 

[UraMallas]

I'm legit trying to think of a close friend of mine who hasn't been cheated on or cheated themselves. It's hard. I can think of maybe two.

I think dramas and media romanticizes cheating. Calling it an affair makes it sounds cool.

Click to shrink...

I agree with this. Turn on the radio and pick out how many songs are about cheating at the very least emotionally. It helps give a permission structure for it.

 

[Ducarmel]

I only know 1 guy that is cheating on his wife. Great guy in general but really shitty behavior of him especially knowing his wife is really too good for him. Within minutes of meeting and interacting with him everybody wonders how the hell he met an amazing women like her and married and making 2 kids.

Everybody else is faithful as far as I know. I do know some divorcees due to cheating but I met them after the fact.

 

[The Albatross]

Not common, below 50% that I know of. The way the poll is worded is weird. The thread title seems to be about your circle, while the poll question seems broad.

Of my close group of friends, y'know... 5-10 couples, nobody cheats that I know. So I'll say less than 50%.

Of extended acquaintances ... some rumored cheaters, maybe a few confirmed from people I work with or whatever.

I'm approaching mid-age and I know more people who are divorced than who have cheated.

 

[thesoapster]

In my circle it's definitely under 50%, but I think it's below the average.

 

[bigf00t]

• My ex-wife cheated on me, but it was during a manic episode, and not something she normally would have done, I don't think.
• A close friend's ex-wife cheated on him.
• My old roommate was sleeping with the married owner of the coffee shop he worked at.
• My current fiance's last relationship ended because her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend. On Christmas. While they were all staying at my fiance's parents' house. What a mess, there's still fallout 5 years later.

I still think it's far less than 50% though. I do wonder how much of that is only because a lot of people haven't had a good opportunity to cheat come their way, though.