I'm suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome. It sucks.

[WyLD iNk]

My youngest just walked out the door to the car, and left. Five minutes ago. He's going to start his first year of college in another state, where his older brother and sister have been for the last four years.

But now we're alone. His room is empty, except for a couple boxes and his bed. Gah, I know there's a million other problems in the world right now. Real ones, not just my pathetic first world grievance. But there's this massive empty feeling. Like a part of me has just disappeared. I don't feel so good right now.

Heh. It's funny. I bet most of you are in the age range of my kids or are fairly new parents yourselves. How many of the Resetera population has had kids leave, much less be old enough to leave? Am I among the first here?

The place feels cold and hollow. We're probably going to use the room for storage. It doesn't feel right. I was not prepared for this. I can feel a depression sinking in.

 

[Wag]

Join Meetup, there are a lot of empty nesters there. Lot of single parents, recently divorced and/or adult kids looking for something to do.

I've had some good experiences with it.

 

[Huey]

That's rough, OP - I don't have much to say except that I'm sure it's normal to feel this way - feeling the loss of one stage of your life. But you've sent your kids into the world the way you're supposed to do and maybe just try to look forward to the next phase of seeing them develop their own lives, professions and families.

Gonna hug my 4 year old tight tonight!

 

[Deleted member 6263]

Am I among the first here?

Click to shrink...

Correctomundo.

jk, OP. Are you married? If so, how's your spouse dealing with this?

 

[kittens]

Aw yeah, that's real. I don't have kids of my own but I've worked with kids for fifteen years, and I can only imagine how complicated I'd feel seeing my own kid leave the house.

 

[Mesoian]

It's time to focus on yourself.

 

[SugarNoodles]

Buy a new kid there are lots of them out there

 

[metalslimer]

I dont even have kids yet and I feel for you.

 

[DarkChronic]

Damn, yeah. Good luck OP. I think you will slowly adjust. My mom was really sad when my bro and I moved out, but she is doing well now. I make sure to swing by once a week for dinner. Keep yourself busy!

 

[Kain]

Enjoy your grandkids in a couple of years!

 

[Gaf Zombie]

I don't mean to be insensitive but I just don't understand. When my 9-month old son (or whichever the youngest ends up being) gets 18 and goes off to college/military/etc. I'm going to be so happy I'm going to do a goddamned back flip.

Just video games, drugs and sleep for my retirement baby. Can't wait.

You can now do anything you want guilt free.

 

[NecroTechno]

I do not have any children, so I can only speak from the experience of a child, but my relationships with my parents vastly improved when I left home. My experiences outside of their influence allowed me to return to them and reforge our relationships as an equal. I am more appreciative and understanding of them as people, and all of my familial relationships have strengthened as a result of my growth.

I know changes in relationships is scary and even hurtful, and I can only sympathise with how this will impact your life in such a complex and nuanced way, but me leaving and truly becoming my own person was the best thing to ever happen to my and my parent's relationships.

 

[Agentnibs]

I'm not a parent, but this scene from the extremely goofy movie always broke my heart. I feel for you OP, I know it would break my heart too.

 

[TrueSloth]

have loud sex!

 

[dreams]

Yeah, it was really rough on my dad too when all of us kids left (I have a twin sister so two of us left at once, and then a younger brother who left 3 years later). My parents ended up getting a couple of dogs and they seemed to have helped. They were always really active in the community so that also really helped them out. My mom joined a book club and actually made some of her best friends in life and my dad started doing woodworking stuff and makes stuff for people. They also travel a lot more now too since they can. Definitely try to get more active in stuff you're interested in. You have the time now and it will keep your mind off things and be super enriching for you as well!

 

[rickyson33]

have you considered getting a pet if you don't have one already?

 

[BrucCLea13k87]

Do you have pets? They can be a lifesaver. My parents replaced me with two adorable dogs. They're all about them

 

[dDASTARDLY]

I don't mean to be insensitive but I just don't understand. When my 9-month old son (or whichever the youngest ends up being) gets 18 and goes off to college/military/etc. I'm going to be so happy I'm going to do a goddamned back flip.

Just video games, drugs and sleep for my retirement baby. Can't wait.

You can now do anything you want guilt free.

Click to shrink...

Eh, I can feel the OP, I have a long while to go with my kids but I can already see it from their personalities. They just light up the house and once that's gone I'm going to dread it too.

Like, I'm glad to see them leave, but I hate to see them go.

 

[Coyote Zamora]

My youngest leaves on Saturday for college and we will be empty nesters as well. We have plans to do all these things with the kids no longer in the house but right now we both are feeling a little sad to not have our babies around anymore.

 

[Shadow Walker]

Get a puppy and it will be your buddy for life.

 

[Deleted member 6562]

Well I guess it's better than being happy, which my parent's were? lol I moved out at 19.

 

[Ziltoidia 9]

Congrats on successfully putting 3 people out into the world where they will have great adventures.

 

[DrewFu]

Don't worry - These days, it's extremely likely at least one of your kids will be back after college, living with you for the rest of your life. That nest likely won't be empty for long. lol

 

[BringBackSonics]

My youngest just walked out the door to the car, and left. Five minutes ago. He's going to start his first year of college in another state, where his older brother and sister have been for the last four years.

But now we're alone. His room is empty, except for a couple boxes and his bed. Gah, I know there's a million other problems in the world right now. Real ones, not just my pathetic first world grievance. But there's this massive empty feeling. Like a part of me has just disappeared. I don't feel so good right now.

Heh. It's funny. I bet most of you are in the age range of my kids or are fairly new parents yourselves. How many of the Resetera population has had kids leave, much less be old enough to leave? Am I among the first here?

The place feels cold and hollow. We're probably going to use the room for storage. It doesn't feel right. I was not prepared for this. I can feel a depression sinking in.

Click to shrink...

Dude I hear you, My mom used to complain about how we never picked up our laundry etc etc..but after we left the house, she said she would deal with laundry all over the house again if that meant we were still there. Kids are a huge part of our lives, we build our entire life around our children (their activities etc), that sometimes when they are gone, we are like...now what?

I'd use this time to volunteer and give back honestly.

Also, maybe grandkids might be in your future, so that might help fill that void!

 

[Jmdajr]

I feel for you man. My kids are 7 and 3 and I can't imagine how that feels. The time will come and it will be hard.

 

[lurksalot]

OP, my daughter is only 9 and this is already something I think about, how will I handle it when the time comes, will she be safe, etc.

I think the short-term answer is to invest time in existing hobbies you enjoy, or take the opportunity to pick up a new hobby that you have been curious about. Something that will help keep your attention and focus can help you adjust to the new reality.

 

[Trike]

Thank you for reminding me to say hello more often to my parents.

 

[Deleted member 9135]

We have a 10, 5 and a 1 year old but still dread the moment yet am also anticipating it.

One thing I've always told my wife is that I in no way want to identify solely as a parent. Parenting is one of many jobs I have, but I didn't want it to define me so that when I was in the sitaution you are in OP, I wouldn't go through what you are feeling (but let's be honest, i still will).

You've done an amazing job taking care of them and giving them the opportunities to sending them on their way. That's quite the feat. My first priority would be to do what it is you want to do. I'm eager for this part of the process myself where the focus is predominately on my marriage and the experiences we can now embark on.

Good luck, man. and congratulations once again.

 

[Elandyll]

My kids are just 8 and 10, and even though there are days they get on our nerves (like most active kids I imagine), I can't even imagine a house without them screaming and running in it.
Time to get back to do things as a couple again, probably things that were hard/ too expensive to do with kids like travelling?

 

[Deleted member 9330]

I know it was hard on my parents too when my sister and I left. They did what others here are talking about, getting more active with other people with similar hobbies and doing more traveling. That seemed to help a lot

 

[Hippopuncher12]

I feel you OP, my kids are only 5 and 2 and we plan to have a 3rd but man I dread the day I don't get to see them every day. On one hand it will be cool to be able to do what we want with no guilt attached but at the same time it's going to suck ass to not be able to just give them a hug whenever I want. Although I probably won't be able to do that anyway once they hit being a teenager because well...they're teenagers.

 

[Dalek]

Just reading your post made me tear up a bit, OP. My daughter is in Middle School and is such a giant part of my life-I can't imagine processing this.

 

[Lulu]

I don't mean to be insensitive but I just don't understand. When my 9-month old son (or whichever the youngest ends up being) gets 18 and goes off to college/military/etc. I'm going to be so happy I'm going to do a goddamned back flip.

Just video games, drugs and sleep for my retirement baby. Can't wait.

You can now do anything you want guilt free.

Click to shrink...

Easy to say now.

 

[AcidCat]

My daughter is going to college here in town, so she's still living with me, which I'm very happy about. My son just turned 15 and will probably be doing something similar, so I won't have that empty nest anytime soon - but I feel ya OP, that must suck.

 

[maigret]

In this economy he'll be back before you know it!

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

I don't mean to be insensitive but I just don't understand. When my 9-month old son (or whichever the youngest ends up being) gets 18 and goes off to college/military/etc. I'm going to be so happy I'm going to do a goddamned back flip.

Just video games, drugs and sleep for my retirement baby. Can't wait.

You can now do anything you want guilt free.

Click to shrink...

I don't feel this way in the slightest. My kids leaving will be one of the hardest things of my life. Literally nothing more important to me than being with them, even if they are a pain in the neck.

 

[BringBackSonics]

I don't mean to be insensitive but I just don't understand. When my 9-month old son (or whichever the youngest ends up being) gets 18 and goes off to college/military/etc. I'm going to be so happy I'm going to do a goddamned back flip.

Just video games, drugs and sleep for my retirement baby. Can't wait.

You can now do anything you want guilt free.

Click to shrink...

honestly, I think your stance might change. At 9 months, they are mostly all 'work' You don't start to see them become their own selves till a bit later down the road.

 

[AcidCat]

honestly, I think your stance might change. At 9 months, they are mostly all 'work' You don't start to see them become their own selves till a bit later down the road.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, this. Give it a few years. At some point Gaf Zombie will be playing those videogames with his kid and having a great time.

 

[SolVanderlyn]

I don't have kids and am not old enough to experience that but I did just live entirely on my own for the first time (no roommate/girlfriend/etc.) for two years.

The loneliness really bites at you. What helped me during that time was spending as much time out of the house as possible, and I say this as someone who used to hate going out. It can be a chance to broaden your horizons and find new things and communities.

 

[Deleted member 24097]

I don't mean to be insensitive but I just don't understand. When my 9-month old son (or whichever the youngest ends up being) gets 18 and goes off to college/military/etc. I'm going to be so happy I'm going to do a goddamned back flip.

Just video games, drugs and sleep for my retirement baby. Can't wait.

You can now do anything you want guilt free.

Click to shrink...

I'm time, that son of yours is going to become your best gaming partner, and then he'll surpass you, and you'll enjoy talking games with him.
So when he's off, you lose all that.

 

[Deleted member 4614]

I'm time, that son of yours is going to become your best gaming partner, and then he'll surpass you, and you'll enjoy talking games with him.
So when he's off, you lose all that.

Click to shrink...

He might even get better at doing drugs and sleeping than you are.

 

[Allforce]

Yeah can't relate, my oldest is leaving next week for college and Thursday can't come fast enough.

No more drama, no more attitude, no more constant struggles about basic ass shit.

 

[Deleted member 11069]

I feel for you OP! Time to look for hobbies and become the fittest dude ever! Gotta get sleep in before they come back with grandkids!
Mine are still young but, right now, I think the thing that would help me (us) out of this would probably be a move.
Scale back to something smaller in a more urban enviroment. Easier to keep busy there and less empty rooms that talk about the past.

 

[Trouble]

You can always make more kids.

 

[DeliciousSunnyD!]

I am not a parent, I'm a bachelor who's nearing 30, but I am still somewhat close to my parents as I live not too far away and see them every so often. I can tell that they would like to see me and my sister more, and that it is quite sad/tough for them for their house to be empty of kids, so in some sense I understand.

My mom has been mostly stay-at-home for several years and seemed like she was falling more and more into a depression.

And my advice is actually what some people in here have suggested: get a puppy of a dog breed that seems to fit you and your partner's personality. That's actually what my parents just did. They just got a puppy chocolate lab after not having a dog for over a decade and they both seem to be more happy as a result, which seems nice.

 

[WyLD iNk]

jk, OP. Are you married? If so, how's your spouse dealing with this?

Click to shrink...

Basically. Not to their mother, though. The thing is that they love her and she loves them. But the youngest was always really close to her. I don't know how she's dealing with it.

Enjoy your grandkids in a couple of years!

Click to shrink...

If this happens, I'm holding you personally responsible.

I'm not a parent, but this scene from the extremely goofy movie always broke my heart. I feel for you OP, I know it would break my heart too.

Click to shrink...

This! This is exactly it. Holy shit. This is exactly what it feels like.

have you considered getting a pet if you don't have one already?

Click to shrink...

We have two cats. Rescues that I did. One of them is my buddy, so at least I have him still. It's just... you know, my oldest is 25 now. I've had kids around for almost half my life. And now they are just... out. They're adults, and doing their own thing. I just don't think I even considered this. No one preps you for it, that's for sure. It just runs up and smacks you upside the head like a truck. I'm going to be reeling for days.

We both work overtime every week, so it's not like we have more time for hobbies, though. But maybe it'll help keep my mind off it.

 

[TheGhost]

Get a dog, you'll never be alone again. They will follow you everywhere, don't require you to pay for sweet 16/wedding/graduation parties etc etc.

Rescue a dog rather. Give it a good home.

 

[Neo C.]

I'm not a parent, but I can speak for my mother that she's super busy with her granddaughter. She works fulltime and also takes care of the granddaughter (my niece) the whole weekend (friday evening included) and the holidays. So the empy-nest-syndrome might be only temporary.

 

[Deleted member 12129]

I don't mean to be insensitive but I just don't understand. When my 9-month old son (or whichever the youngest ends up being) gets 18 and goes off to college/military/etc. I'm going to be so happy I'm going to do a goddamned back flip.

Just video games, drugs and sleep for my retirement baby. Can't wait.

You can now do anything you want guilt free.

Click to shrink...

I have a three year old and a one year old, so I get where you're coming from in the sense that right now it's hard. But I assume as they grow older the difficulty will slip away and we will feel like OP does.

 

[Tathanen]

My kid's three and I'm already dreading this, OP.