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I'm so bad at office small talk

Amory

Amory

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,161
I just have no idea how to do it. I've been at my current job almost a year, and I'm fine (even good at) talking about work stuff with anyone, and I can pretty easily hold personal-ish conversations with the people in my own department whom I work with regularly (though there's only a couple of them, we're a small team).

But I've basically gotten to the point where I'll take the stairs up 5 or 6 floors instead of waiting for an elevator with a person I know I should be familiar with but know nothing about. It's becoming a phobia on a level that it hasn't been before in my career. And everyone's nice here too! That might be the worst part.

I think maybe I'm too cynical and think too much about the content of a conversation, which shouldn't really matter. I have a lot of trouble with the chats about the weather or the 'ugh, monday' 'happy friday' etc talks. They're so cliche that I feel like an asshole.

Anyone used to feel this way and get better? I really want to practice before I full on become the office weirdo.
 
NinjaScooter

NinjaScooter

Member
Oct 25, 2017
54,138
Just bring up the weather.

"What are you doing this weekend?"

"Trying to get out of this heat/rain" is an easy go to that avoids me having to actually share anything with coworkers.
 
Dyle

Dyle

One Winged Slayer
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
29,932
Bring up the fact that Staples got a new logo recently, no one seems to have noticed yet and end up getting caught off guard when they see it
 
iFirez

iFirez

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,576
England
NinjaScooter said:
Just bring up the weather.
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This is so me. I literally talk about the weather to everyone as an icebreaker of sorts. Most of the time they end up just telling me what they have planned for the weekend and I just listen and say "that sounds awesome, hope it'll be good for you..." then loop it back around and add on "because we already know the weather is going to be great"
 

Deleted member 6949

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
7,786
I either say:

"Hey how's it going?"

Or:

"Waaaaaattuuuup?!1?" and I point at them.

And then either way I keep moving because fuck actually talking to people.
 
AegonSnake

AegonSnake

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
9,566
just keep at it. you will eventually get better. you've only been there a year. ive been at my work for almost 10 years now and some conversations at the water cooler are still a little awkward.

do NOT go into your shell. embrace the awkwardness or you will not grow as a person. dont stunt your development by taking the easy way out.
 

Deleted member 2109

User-requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,927
Luckily I rarely have to deal with office small talk anymore but when I do I usually bring up movies or something. Did you see John Wick 3? DUUUUDE.
 
FeD

FeD

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,275
Two questions:

1) How was your weekend?
2) Any plans for the weekend?

Sometimes I mess up the timing.

99% of the time people will talk about all the awesome stuff they're doing and don't really care about what you're gonna do. So you can just get away with saying you don't really have plans yet.
 
skipgo

skipgo

Member
Dec 28, 2018
2,568
Idk, just find common interest subjects. For me it's usually movies or football. Usually from there other topics will come up organically and you might even make new friends. who knows.
 
JBucc

JBucc

Member
Oct 25, 2017
263
Take a mental note of every inane Era thread about fast food or other dumb shit and put in the convo bank.

"You tried that new Popeyes sandwich yet? Yeah the chicken one."

"Wow I can't believe no more Spidey in the MCU!"

"So, standing or sitting?"

etc.
 
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Slayven

Slayven

Never read a comic in his life
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
93,085
NinjaScooter said:
Just bring up the weather.

"What are you doing this weekend?"

"Trying to get out of this heat/rain" is an easy go to that avoids me having to actually share anything with coworkers.
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Yep, or the local team.

"How about them dawgs?" Can get you out of so much shit in georgia
 
SABO.

SABO.

Member
Nov 6, 2017
5,872
I really dont have too much time for small talk so most i keep it to is "hey, how are you?", "how was your weekend?" and sometimes even just "hey".

I talk to my colleagues who I consider friends at lunch , work social events and at the pub.
 
AcidCat

AcidCat

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,410
Bellingham WA
Amory said:
It's becoming a phobia on a level that it hasn't been before in my career.

Anyone used to feel this way and get better? I really want to practice before I full on become the office weirdo.
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I can fake it and respond to small talk, but I almost never initiate it except with a couple particular coworkers. There's people in other departments that I've shared elevators with and passed in the halls for years and never said a word to, and I think they like it that way too - probably more people dislike fake small talk than you might imagine. I know every office culture is different, but I'd say unless your advancement and/or continued employment is based on being super friendly to everyone, just be yourself and don't feel like you have to participate in the mindless drivel.
 
Finale Fireworker

Finale Fireworker

Love each other or die trying.
Member
Oct 25, 2017
14,711
United States
Violet said:
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This is so funny. I'm cracking up.

Amory, some simple tips:
1) Turn questions back around. If someone says "Hey, how was your night?" just say "Fine, what about you, do anything interesting?" Then they will talk about what they did. Then say something cookie cutter like "sounds like a great Wednesday night," adjusting tone from enthusiasm to sarcasm based on whatever they did.

2) Literally just recount what you did last night. "Went home, had some dinner, then hit the couch for a while." People don't really want or need much more than that to sufficiently have their question answered. This is simple and friendly and nobody is going to really challenge you if your answer is boring.

In terms of this, though:

I think maybe I'm too cynical and think too much about the content of a conversation, which shouldn't really matter. I have a lot of trouble with the chats about the weather or the 'ugh, monday' 'happy friday' etc talks. They're so cliche that I feel like an asshole.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

You have to stop worrying about that. The purposes of these conversations aren't to actually stimulate the brain or strengthen your emotional bond with others. It's a decompression ritual. People are social animals and just want to interact with one another a lot of the time. They're not looking for substance. It's basically just a courtesy dance.

Even Garfield hates Monday. Be like Garfield.
 
OP
OP
Amory

Amory

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,161
AegonSnake said:
just keep at it. you will eventually get better. you've only been there a year. ive been at my work for almost 10 years now and some conversations at the water cooler are still a little awkward.

do NOT go into your shell. embrace the awkwardness or you will not grow as a person. dont stunt your development by taking the easy way out.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
This is helpful. I'll keep at it. I want to be here long term, it's a great company, so it'll be worth putting the work in if I can even just get to a serviceable level.

Ripcord said:
/Thread. Half of them don't even need conversation, just a smile. But not the white people smile. Don't do that one.
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I had to look it up, and yeah that's pretty much what I do to people....all day. So that's not great.

FeD said:
Two questions:

1) How was your weekend?
2) Any plans for the weekend?

Sometimes I mess up the timing.

99% of the time people will talk about all the awesome stuff they're doing and don't really care about what you're gonna do. So you can just get away with saying you don't really have plans yet.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
This is a great idea. Simple, and it'll pretty much always apply. Except for Wednesdays I guess. At that point I think you'd default to the coming weekend rather than the past one.
 
digitalrelic

digitalrelic

Weight Loss Champion 2018: Biggest Change
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
13,124
Wtf is wrong with our species? Imagine aliens observing us and being like "They can't communicate with their own kind because they get too nervous and flustered? What the fuck is that all about?"
 
BebopCola

BebopCola

Member
Jul 17, 2019
2,057
It's a pain, especially when you're just starting at a place. The easiest way is to ask about pets/family, especially if your coworkers have pictures of them at their desk. But yeah, as others have said, asking about the weekend is a great icebreaker.

Also, as a last resort ask them to take a look at a growth on your shoulder, and then act panic'ed when it isn't there. That will lead to some great conversations!
 
Shogun_of_Truth

Shogun_of_Truth

Member
Oct 25, 2017
275
Most of my co-workers at my new job are Trump supporters so.... my motivation for any engagement beyond what is required of my job is pretty low. There's is pretty much one guy I sit next to that I talk to about music, games and stuff with and that's it. I'm hoping to God he isn't secretly alt-right or something.
 
Poppy

Poppy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
18,272
richmond, va
just be the office weirdo like me

i will say a few lines then invoke an awkward silence for five seconds then say ALRIGHT and walk away
 
Slayven

Slayven

Never read a comic in his life
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
93,085
Finale Fireworker said:
This is so funny. I'm cracking up.

Amory, some simple tips:
1) Turn questions back around. If someone says "Hey, how was your night?" just say "Fine, what about you, do anything interesting?" Then they will talk about what they did. Then say something cookie cutter like "sounds like a great Wednesday night," adjusting tone from enthusiasm to sarcasm based on whatever they did.

2) Literally just recount what you did last night. "Went home, had some dinner, then hit the couch for a while." People don't really want or need much more than that to sufficiently have their question answered. This is simple and friendly and nobody is going to really challenge you if your answer is boring.

In terms of this, though:



You have to stop worrying about that. The purposes of these conversations aren't to actually stimulate the brain or strengthen your emotional bond with others. It's a decompression ritual. People are social animals and just want to interact with one another a lot of the time. They're not looking for substance. It's basically just a courtesy dance.

Even Garfield hates Monday. Be like Garfield.
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Click to shrink...

You don't have a corner office in Lotte world tower?
 
Mintaro

Mintaro

Banned
Jul 26, 2018
349
This is probably the most valuable skill you can learn in life. What works for me, is just saying whatever is on my mind at the time. Although, if you're prone to weird and obscene thoughts, don't do this.
 
I Don't Like

I Don't Like

Member
Dec 11, 2017
14,907
How long are your elevator rides that you need to engage in small talk during a ride? It's just "Hey how's it going?" and that's basically it.
 
FTF

FTF

Member
Oct 28, 2017
28,387
New York
That's a nice haircut. Did you do it yourself?

SparklingOfficialAtlasmoth-size_restricted.gif
 
Eidan

Eidan

Avenger
Oct 30, 2017
8,569
I literally just had a two hour conversation with a coworker about the 2020 Democratic primary, Log-Cabin Republicans, the 2004 presidential election, police unions, and the 1999 romantic drama The Other Sister.
 
Robochimp

Robochimp

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
2,677
Go buy an instant pot and tell people about it, food prep is s universal.

I should be an instant pot salesman.
 

Deleted member 59339

User Requested Account Closure
Banned
Aug 19, 2019
2,840
For me, this is the purpose of decorating my desk with nerd stuff. Then people who like that stuff will come up to me to tell me that stuff is cool, and it's an easy ice-breaker and conversation magnet that doesn't require any effort on my part. It's like putting up an ad that says "here are things you could talk to me about".
 
Aurica

Aurica

音楽オタク - Comics Council 2020
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
23,495
A mountain in the US
I quit my office job a few months ago, but I got along with my coworkers really well. I'm an extrovert, so I just talk about whatever. I would notice something someone said that referred to an interest, and when I had the opportunity, I'd ask more about it.

I also got my kicks by pranking coworkers. Hooking a wireless mouse into someone's computer and messing with them slightly throughout the day until he got the IT guy and thought they were hacked was glorious. Keeping things interesting gave people something to talk about hahaha
 
GungHo

GungHo

Member
Nov 27, 2017
6,134
"The wife and I are going to a swinger party. Your wife is welcome to come with us."
 
Ebullientprism

Ebullientprism

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,529
Aizō said:
I quit my office job a few months ago, but I got along with my coworkers really well. I'm an extrovert, so I just talk about whatever. I would notice something someone said that referred to an interest, and when I had the opportunity, I'd ask more about it.

I also got my kicks by pranking coworkers. Hooking a wireless mouse into someone's computer and messing with them slightly throughout the day until he got the IT guy and thought they were hacked was glorious. Keeping things interesting gave people something to talk about hahaha
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This is the kind of guy you throw an office party for AFTER he leaves. :P
 
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