I don't see how in anyway shape or form this relationship can last. It was built on a foundation of mistrust. You're better off just ending it and moving on.
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Im sitting here at work and cant concentrate because i think i may be getting cheated on
- Thread starter Lightning hand5
- Start date
That's about as subtle as a brick to the head. She probably is cheating though, that second post you made she sure was projecting.
went through a somewhat similar experience Lightning hand5 ... one of my ex girlfriends started talking to a friend of hers from high school after a year or so of not talking to him (There was no romantic history between them at that point)...found out she had been texting/messaging him A LOT, even when the two of us were together. I talked to her about this and told her I was uncomfortable how much the two of them were talking, esp when she was spending time with me. She said she would cut back communication.
Shortly after this it eventually all came to a head when she lied to me about going to stay with her mom for a couple days. At this point I already suspected her of cheating so I also checked her social media...found out she had been continuing talking to this guy a lot and was going to see a concert and spend the weekend with this guy in New York. I called her and told her I knew she wasn't with her mom, and she apologized to me and swore nothing was going on with the guy.
This was my first serious relationship and I was in love with her, so I decided to try to believe her.
She basically ghosted me the whole weekend. I was away that weekend with my dad and brother, and I was worried about our relationship the entire time. We were both supposed to come back to our city on Monday night. I arrive home and continue trying to get in touch with her. I texted her and she said her 'friend' was driving her home and they got 'lost' and would be late. She didn't come back that night.
The next day she broke up with me over the phone. I asked her if she slept with her friend. She said she did.
At the time that was probably the worst weekend of my life. She's still in a relationship with that guy afaik. It took me a long time to get over her.
anyways, the point of the story is that if you suspect your GF is cheating, you need to either talk to her about or make a judgement call and end it. if you prolong it you'll just end up more hurt in the end.
best of luck, hopefully nothing is going on.
Shortly after this it eventually all came to a head when she lied to me about going to stay with her mom for a couple days. At this point I already suspected her of cheating so I also checked her social media...found out she had been continuing talking to this guy a lot and was going to see a concert and spend the weekend with this guy in New York. I called her and told her I knew she wasn't with her mom, and she apologized to me and swore nothing was going on with the guy.
This was my first serious relationship and I was in love with her, so I decided to try to believe her.
She basically ghosted me the whole weekend. I was away that weekend with my dad and brother, and I was worried about our relationship the entire time. We were both supposed to come back to our city on Monday night. I arrive home and continue trying to get in touch with her. I texted her and she said her 'friend' was driving her home and they got 'lost' and would be late. She didn't come back that night.
The next day she broke up with me over the phone. I asked her if she slept with her friend. She said she did.
At the time that was probably the worst weekend of my life. She's still in a relationship with that guy afaik. It took me a long time to get over her.
anyways, the point of the story is that if you suspect your GF is cheating, you need to either talk to her about or make a judgement call and end it. if you prolong it you'll just end up more hurt in the end.
best of luck, hopefully nothing is going on.
Nah, I'd say 90% of Era relationship threads result in people chastising/dunking on OP for being insecure and invading their partners privacy. The OP's are usually so cagey and obviously one sided.
picture of the girlfriend's old friend. added to the pictures they have of themselves on the side table.
You might start with a conversation. It will be pretty telling of how she really feels depending on what her reaction will be, from then it will ultimately be up to you.
As many has said.. Have the conversation.
You aren't her dad or her warden.. She has made her choices and if bad, she'll have to take the consequences.
You aren't her dad or her warden.. She has made her choices and if bad, she'll have to take the consequences.
"If"???
Dude she's gonna get pissed the moment he brings it up because she'll know he was snooping. You don't just bring that shit up out of nowhere.
Lol at people saying have a talk with her. I'm sure if she's being shady she'll be all like congrats you caught me fair and square and she won't be pissed you looked through her stuff.
She'll just deny anything - you won't get a straight answer either way so you'll need to study her actions and words over time and she if she is absent or things change between you etc
She'll just deny anything - you won't get a straight answer either way so you'll need to study her actions and words over time and she if she is absent or things change between you etc
Have the conversation, yes, but I don't think asking if she's been adding exes to her social media or talking to them again is a great idea. It's suspicious to come to that conclusion when all you should bring up is your feelings of her coming off as distant. It's a valid concern, and it's possible there's something that you're not reciprocating and she's afraid to start a conversation.
Either way, best of luck.
Hm. Well what's worse, someone who is worried about the state of their relationship and has been needing emotional attention from their partner, leading them to snoop, or breaking the rules of the relationship and (potentially) cheating?
Not justifying the sneaking into the social media, but when someone is snooping, like the OP, it's because they're worried and lacking affection from their partner. At least in this case.. Yeah it's not cool, but I can't help but think if my partner was snooping in my shit because they were worried about our relationship, I might be a little annoyed, but I'd be less mad and more reassuring. It might be rude, but it's also saying "I love you and I'm worried about us"
The fact that you already crossed the line to snooping, means that no matter what it is done. Whether she is or isn't A) you will never believe it or trust it and B) you will always know that you crossed that line. There is never ever ever an excuse. You will not just talk to her straight out about your concerns which is very telling yet you come on here knowing how most of these threads go.
OP, best thing you can do is not mention you saw she re-added those people and just ask about the relationship in general. Mention she feels distant, ask if she's still invested in the relationship and if she wants to keep moving forward together or not. Let her know it's bothering you. Ask if there's something on your end causing her to be like this. Based on her responses you should be able to tell if it's worth sticking with or not.
Based on personal experience, if they don't seem 100% invested then it's best to just move on.
Based on personal experience, if they don't seem 100% invested then it's best to just move on.
Any question that will spill the beans on you snooping around on her social media accounts is going to going to end up badly for your relationship.
If you truly think there is a good chance she hasn't cheated on you and this could just be your insecurity talking, start to look for other clues without snooping. You know, if you tell her "I love you" and she doesn't tell you she loves you back then that'd be a sign.
Talk about inviting her parents over for dinner, assuming they're nice people.Or maybe ask if she wants to bake some cookies with you, or go for a nice walk in the park on a beautiful day. Maybe she wants to play some video games with you, if she's into that. If she gets uncomfortable, that'd be another sign.
If she's cheated, she'll most likely try to avoid being overly friendly and romantic with you. She'll probably also avoid eye contact.
If you truly think there is a good chance she hasn't cheated on you and this could just be your insecurity talking, start to look for other clues without snooping. You know, if you tell her "I love you" and she doesn't tell you she loves you back then that'd be a sign.
Talk about inviting her parents over for dinner, assuming they're nice people.Or maybe ask if she wants to bake some cookies with you, or go for a nice walk in the park on a beautiful day. Maybe she wants to play some video games with you, if she's into that. If she gets uncomfortable, that'd be another sign.
If she's cheated, she'll most likely try to avoid being overly friendly and romantic with you. She'll probably also avoid eye contact.
OP, you need to step back and think. Did she break an agreement? Yes. Does that deserve asking her why? Yes but approach that carefully. And that's it. That's all you need to do. Get this idea of her cheating out of your head until you have that conversation and then go from there.
I can't believe the amount of people encouraging being understanding
Op, ask her to tell you honestly if she has any interest left in the relationship in person. One and done, you'll see if she's lying or not.
Keep your chin up, you admitted that you had insecurities and if you can't trust your partner five years in, its kinda safe to say it will never happen regardless of the state of your relationship. You've built nothing to overcome that
Now, I will also say that outside of your detective work going on, you know damn well that when you got nothing to hide ... you got nothing to hide.
You didn't cheat on her ass so have some goddamn faith in yourself and bail with dignity / pride. You might not be perfect but you're not the asshole on that one.
(Emotional cheating is still cheating)
Op, ask her to tell you honestly if she has any interest left in the relationship in person. One and done, you'll see if she's lying or not.
Keep your chin up, you admitted that you had insecurities and if you can't trust your partner five years in, its kinda safe to say it will never happen regardless of the state of your relationship. You've built nothing to overcome that
Now, I will also say that outside of your detective work going on, you know damn well that when you got nothing to hide ... you got nothing to hide.
You didn't cheat on her ass so have some goddamn faith in yourself and bail with dignity / pride. You might not be perfect but you're not the asshole on that one.
(Emotional cheating is still cheating)
Sounds like a toxic relationship to me, my marriage was very similar, except my ex-wife did not really even try and hide the fact she was emotionally cheating on me. I'm pretty sure the only reason she never physically cheated on me was because we spent almost all the time together. My advice is if you think she is cheating on you, and you are pretty sure you are not just being paranoid talk to her, and if you think she is lying get out ASAP!
Yeah, I had a girlfriend who did this to me. She wanted me to remove other females from social media, established all these "rules" and agreements... basically exactly what OP went through. Turns out it was 100% projection and she was the one up to no good.
If you're snooping on social media she left logged in, you're not in a fit state to be in this relationship. I think you need to either talk to her about your trust issues so as to get yourself in a fit state and resolve these issues you have with her, or else exit the relationship. If these are recurrent problems for you, I would seriously encourage you to bring these issues up with a therapist—this is not healthy behavior, and it's preventing you from being a good partner.
Compelling your partner to remove ex-partners on social media because of your own trust and jealousy issues is not health.
Also, the people in this thread handwaving the social media stuff (or saying "your gut doesn't lie") are doing this person, their partner, and any of this person's future partners an enormous disservice.
Compelling your partner to remove ex-partners on social media because of your own trust and jealousy issues is not health.
Also, the people in this thread handwaving the social media stuff (or saying "your gut doesn't lie") are doing this person, their partner, and any of this person's future partners an enormous disservice.
The fact that the trust is completely gone and you're checking their history without permission means it's over either way.
This is hyperbolic. So far nothing has happened that is cause to instantly dust a 5 year relationship.
It could be the beginning of the end, but they need to discuss it.
He should bring up the fact the he's checking her history.
Let's see how that works out.
If you don't trust her (even if she is in the wrong) it's over. No sense in working it out because you will always think about this moment and if it's happening again. Best to be with someone where these thoughts never enter your mind.
She will obviously deny it, as you said its been 5 years she probably sees OP as the person who will always be there no matter what, a backup in a sense.
What you described is a huge red flag, I feel you OP.
Good luck.
Yes he should, pretty sure relationships have survived worse than that before though.
Ignore people like this who can't see anything but their own projections, though.
in a thread of bad advice, this has gotta be the worse
a lot of y'all seem to be getting relationships mixed up with, like, one-on-one cold wars
Relationship threads on Era really shouldn't surprise me any more, but they still usually find a way.
Damn it aint THAT SERIOUS
Motherfuckers will KILL someone if they hit fucking ctrl+h on accident on their browser
I personally. Trust and communication are the two most important things in the relationship. Both are done.
Sure, it may be salvageable, but it's unlikely
I will like to add that blocking an SO to not talk to their ex's is a red flag in my book. I was asked of that once and I refused and it didn't work out long after that. I can still get along with my ex's without boning them. If they can't, that's their problem so don't make it mine.
You are probably right, but let's hope we get an update and let's hope I am compketely wrong for OP's benefit.
Cheers.
She broke the agreement she came up with and added those fools without telling you. She's cheating.
Yeah genius, I am being completely sincere in my relationship advice concerning two people I've never met.
This tells me all I needed to read. Not being able to trust someone is an instant red flag to me. I've never heard of anyone having "trust issues" early in a relationship and having everything work out over time...
Trust is the cornerstone of a relationship.