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I'm getting married!!!

Hikari_Ryu

One Winged Slayer
Member
Nov 7, 2017
211
Hello Era, I'm a long time lurker and not much of am avid poster, but I still wanted to make a thread about this to share the good news.

I don't even know where to begin..., I met my gf online about 3 years ago and we hit it off right away. I was in a very bad place before we started dating, had a pretty traumatic incident in a previous relationship and I felt like I was done being in love until I met my future wife.

Anyway, we moved in together a year ago and we're having a blast together. Lots of things happened, we both changed jobs, adopted 2 cats, I learned how to cook, we both got each other into our favorite shows (Doctor Who and Agents of Shields) and about 2 months ago she proposed to me. We're getting married on 02/14 and there's like a million things left to do, but I'm just super excited.

Married-era, any tips for a long a happy marriage?
 
digitalrelic

digitalrelic

Weight Loss Champion 2018: Biggest Change
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
13,124
Congratulations! That's awesome.

My only advice to you is to be honest, be open, and remember that when fights or disagreements inevitably happen, remember that you're on the same team and that the goal of a disagreement shouldn't be to prove you're right, but to find common ground.

Good luck to you!
 
Twstr709

Twstr709

Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,890
Congrats OP. The best advice someone gave me that I stick to is to never go to bed angry at each other. Not all problems can be fixed at the end of a day like in a sitcom episode, but you should do the best you can. If I had an argument with my wife, I at least make sure to have a conversation with her about it and attempt at a resolution.
 
carlsojo

carlsojo

Member
Oct 28, 2017
33,761
San Francisco
Hikari_Ryu said:
Hello Era, I'm a long time lurker and not much of am avid poster, but I still wanted to make a thread about this to share the good news.

I don't even know where to begin..., I met my gf online about 3 years ago and we hit it off right away. I was in a very bad place before we started dating, had a pretty traumatic incident in a previous relationship and I felt like I was done being in love until I met my future wife.

Anyway, we moved in together a year ago and we're having a blast together. Lots of things happened, we both changed jobs, adopted 2 cats, I learned how to cook, we both got each other into our favorite shows (Doctor Who and Agents of Shields) and about 2 months ago she proposed to me. We're getting married on 02/14 and there's like a million things left to do, but I'm just super excited.

Married-era, any tips for a long a happy marriage?
Click to expand...
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Marriage is work. You gotta put time and effort into it!
 
werezompire

werezompire

Zeboyd Games
Verified
Oct 26, 2017
11,319
Never call watching your own kids "babysitting" and you should have a long and happy marriage.
 
Lunchbox-

Lunchbox-

Member
Nov 2, 2017
11,871
bEast Coast
still trying to save up for mine without selling my investments. can't believe how expensive it can get even when you both want a "small" wedding.

good luck and congrats op
 
Vern

Vern

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
5,097
Lunchbox- said:
still trying to save up for mine without selling my investments. can't believe how expensive it can get even when you both want a "small" wedding.

good luck and congrats op
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just go to the courthouse to get married. Find a nice park and bring some friends and have a picnic for your wedding. There, you had a cheap small wedding and didn't mortgage your future
 
SchuckyDucky

SchuckyDucky

Avenger
Nov 5, 2017
3,937
Congrats OP! It's a wonderful feeling finding your person!

I'm getting married in 120 days and can't wait!
 
Blader

Blader

Member
Oct 27, 2017
26,606
Congrats! Just got married myself last summer and, I know it's a total cliche to say this, but it really was probably the most fun I've had in a single day. Weddings can be a blast but when it's your own it's really on another level. It was so much fun it opened my eyes to how little fun I normally have on a day-to-day basis lol.
 
Captain Tuttle

Captain Tuttle

Member
Oct 27, 2017
7,974
Congratulations OP!

As for advice, just communicate and appreciate her and all she does. Try to do a little kindness for her every day for no other reason than that you love her
 
Jeronimo

Jeronimo

Member
Nov 16, 2017
2,377
Congratulations!

I remember hearing something to the effect of believing the best about your spouse--give them the benefit of the doubt when it comes to their attitude, intentions, and words, as they should yours. If it's a loving, supportive relationship and they are who you thought they were, their intentions aren't to cut you down or make you angry. We all have struggles and fall short.

Also, communicate, don't assume.
 

Deleted member 4367

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
12,226
emag said:
Congratulations!



Don't go to bed angry. Talk it out. Don't withhold affection. Communication is key. Don't hold grudges.

All pretty much the same thought, worded differently.
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Nah. I think it's fine to go to bed angry. I think any argument/discussion will be far more productive when both parties have calmed down. The rest of your post is enough.

I'd also emphasize that any argument should not be a 1v1 competition with a winner and a loser. It's not about being right. An argument should be 2v1. The two of you versus the problem. Work together to figure out how to make things better in the future for the both of you. You both deserve to be happy, and discussion is the basis for figuring out how to achieve that.
 
CallMeShaft

CallMeShaft

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
3,358
A girl who loves Agents of Shield? You're livin' the dream, OP.

And congrats on the inevitable sex.
 

Deleted member 9241

Oct 26, 2017
10,416
My marriage advice: Always be dating and courting each other. Flirting, compliments, humor, and special treatment go a very long way. We've been married almost 20 years and we still try to get in each other's pants. Keep your lives fun and light hearted!
 

Deleted member 4367

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
12,226
A big point of contention in marriages is finances, so it would be good to figure out how that will work ahead of time as well. Are you completely merging finances, keeping them completely separate, having some shared accounts and some separate?
 
HanSoloCup

HanSoloCup

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,638
Richmond, VA
Congrats! While you will spend a HUGE amount of time doing things together, don't forgot to take time for yourself. Continue to make time your hobbies, and respect your partner's hobby time as well. I like to watch football, she has her Bachelor viewing parties (which coincidentally happens to be when I get a fair amount of gaming time in). She likes to spend time crafting, I like to build stuff out in the shop. It's about remembering who you both were before you got married, not just who you are together.
 
Jogi

Jogi

Prophet of Regret
Member
Jul 4, 2018
5,445
Congrats op. I've been married since 2012. As for tips, don't sweat the small stuff, seriously. Stupid shit will always come up that can be argued about endlessly, always just try to keep a level head and move on.
 
Lumination

Lumination

Member
Oct 26, 2017
12,469
Smart, only one gift for Valentine's Day and anniversary ;)

Congrats dude! Sounds like she know what she wants.
 
rokkerkory

rokkerkory

Banned
Jun 14, 2018
14,128
I also met my wife online! It's been a wonderful journey for us.

Congrats to you and enjoy every minute of it! Your wedding will be such a magical moment. Capture every second you can!!!
 
Ryu

Ryu

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,316
CONGRATS! Super heartwarming read before going to bed, thanks for that lol. Wish you the best!
 
Nothing Loud

Nothing Loud

Literally Cinderella
Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,975
My advice: the first year was hardest for me and my family. Even our therapist said the first year of marriage, she nearly divorced 3 times. It was similar for us. We both eloped because were gay and my family wouldn't want to know about or visit a wedding. But the eloping came with some unresolved reservations about the timing of our marriage, and some regrets about how it wasn't the perfect wedding I dreamed of. The first year we fought a lot about personality differences that were hard to communicate to each other about. My husband became more introverted, I became more extroverted, and suddenly we didn't like doing the same things together anymore. With marriage, you gotta be ready for the fact that your partner will change throughout the years, and you each may like or hate very different things than when you started out. We've learned how to tolerate each other's rough edges better and now we're out of that slump. But year one, man. I had mental illness that was crippling and we moved 4 times in 18 months and lived a lot of money and family stress while figuring each other out as a married couple. I almost called it quits many times. Thankfully I held on. We're almost 2 years in now and things are going great. Just hang on through the tough times and accept your partner as a dynamic being that has their own taste and space.
 
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