I watched a video of two teenage girls fighting which resulted in one of them dying and I still don't feel fine?

[Deleted member 26398]

For some reason I fell into a rabbit hole of questionable websites which started with Twitter, then some subreddits and then Chan websites and then some other crazy communities on other websites. Finally it lead to a website which was an alternative for a closed subreddit dedicated to videos of people dying. This video in question was two teenage girls fighting. The fight ended with one of them unconscious while some other teenagers running around excitedly shouting "She got knocked the fuck out" and then the video ended. Some people had commented that the trauma and the girl's state looked to be fatal then another said that the video is a few years old and the girl indeed died.

I don't know why I went into these disgusting websites but anyways I don't feel fine. I have been depressed for the past two days and can't get it off my mind I even cried a few times. I don't know how to get out of this. I have history of depression and other mental illnesses so I should get out of this downward spiral quickly. I don't know what to do. I know I am to blame watching the video but please help me forget it.

 

[H2Yo]

Very harsh, OP. I've been screwed over by 'friends' sending videos like that. I've never found them.on my own though. Sounds like you might want to chat with a professional. Lay it out and they'll talk you through it.

 

[jph139]

I mean, first things first: how do you know that person wasn't lying? Like, it's a random dude hanging out on a skeevy website. How would he know? Just because someone sounds authoritative doesn't mean they have more information than you do.

 

[Dest]

Do your best focusing on the things that make you happy, make yourself some busy work and repeat until you feel comfortable again.

 

[TheMan]

What do you like to do for fun? Treat yourself to lots and lots of that.

 

[uzipukki]

From now on, maybe not go to websites like that?

 

[capitalCORN]

The internet is a terrible place.

 

[nsilvias]

be glad you didnt see a video of cartels slitting someones throat live on facebook as a teenager op. that scars you for life.
or rotten, fuck rotten

 

[shenden]

Terrible things happens all the time around the world. Disconnect from internet, be around friends/people outside and appreciate your life and the value of other peoples lifes.

You'll be ok OP.

 

[Komo]

be glad you didnt see a video of cartels slitting someones throat on facebook as a teenager op. that scars you for life.
or rotten, fuck rotten

Click to shrink...

Yeah I don't get how that shit somehow stays up on Facebook

 

[apocat]

Honestly, maybe you should be glad that you don't feel fine. Desentization through information overload is turning people into sociopaths. This mean you still have empathy.

 

[Pet Rock]

I second speaking to a professional, if you're not already doing so, or at least a free service like http://yourlifeyourvoice.org, to talk about the depression.

 

[Deleted member 26398]

I mean, first things first: how do you know that person wasn't lying? Like, it's a random dude hanging out on a skeevy website. How would he know? Just because someone sounds authoritative doesn't mean they have more information than you do.

Click to shrink...

That's my first thought but I did research in the past days about brain injury and I'm not claiming to be an expert but it looked really bad according to my little research.

Do your best focusing on the things that make you happy, make yourself some busy work and repeat until you feel comfortable again.

Click to shrink...

What do you like to do for fun? Treat yourself to lots and lots of that.

Click to shrink...

I'm trying but I haven't been able to.

 

[Arcia]

be glad you didnt see a video of cartels slitting someones throat live on facebook as a teenager op. that scars you for life.
or rotten, fuck rotten

Click to shrink...

I accidentally watched a terrorist beheading video when I was a kid. Thankfully it was early days for video on the internet so the video was postage stamp size and terrible quality. I've mostly blocked it out of my memory too.

 

[Haloid1177]

Honestly, maybe you should be glad that you don't feel fine. Desentization through information overload is turning people into sociopaths. This mean you still have empathy.

Click to shrink...

Yep. As an unsupervised kid that knew how to get around firewalls as a kid, the internet showed me a lot of shit I wish it hadn't and it def desensitized me in a way that I really regret at age 24.

 

[BlackFyre]

It sticks with you.

Back in 2002, someone emailed me a link of a video of a guy lying on the ground gagged and tied up. And then someone proceeds to stick a Bowie knife into his neck and starts cutting.
The death gurgle sounds were horrific.
I still get chills thinking about it.

 

[ShadowAUS]

Yep. As an unsupervised kid that knew how to get around firewalls as a kid, the internet showed me a lot of shit I wish it hadn't and it def desensitized me in a way that I really regret at age 24.

Click to shrink...

I know that feeling, I've seen enough online and IRL that I can definitely say that I'm pretty desensitized to violence. I would +1 the counselling suggestion OP, it's always good to talk to someone when you feel yourself starting to spiral.

 

[Deleted member 26398]

I second speaking to a professional, if you're not already doing so, or at least a free service like http://yourlifeyourvoice.org, to talk about the depression.

Click to shrink...

I'm on and off going to therapy for my depression and I have an appointment for Monday. I hope to get better before then because I know my therapist will be disappointed to know I watched it.

 

[Landy828]

You know OP, I've seen worse...yet somehow manage to deal with it.

I'm not criticizing you there or saying "deal with it"...I'm actually trying to figure out how I manage to deal with it, despite how horrible and angry it makes me when I see horrible things done to other human beings.

I'm not sure what it is that keeps me from falling down a depressed/angry path. Friends, family, people I love? I guess that's it...but you'd think the fear of something awful happening to them being possible would creep in. I honestly can't tell you exactly what it is that lets one push those things out of their mind.

Another suggestion...

Look to the good that does happen in this world. Heck, do some good. Give a homeless person some food. Buy some poor kids some gifts. Do something kind/loving/caring for another person. Turn pain into kindness and good acts. :)

At the least, go talk to someone.

Edit* I see you have a therapist. That's good....like I said, do something kind for someone, it will make you feel better....and you can talk about that too.

 

[Deleted member 26398]

You know OP, I've seen worse...yet somehow manage to deal with it.

I'm not criticizing you there or saying "deal with it"...I'm actually trying to figure out how I manage to deal with it, despite how horrible and angry it makes me when I see horrible things done to other human beings.

I'm not sure what it is that keeps me from falling down a depressed/angry path. Friends, family, people I love? I guess that's it...but you'd think the fear of something awful happening to them being possible would creep in. I honestly can't tell you exactly what it is that lets one push those things out of their mind.

Another suggestion...

Look to the good that does happen in this world. Heck, do some good. Give a homeless person some food. Buy some poor kids some gifts. Do something kind/loving/caring for another person. Turn pain into kindness and good acts. :)

At the least, go talk to someone.

Edit* I see you have a therapist. That's good....like I said, do something kind for someone, it will make you feel better....and you can talk about that too.

Click to shrink...

Thank you. I'm going to buy a meal for a homeless person.

 

[Schreckstoff]

My brother went down the liveleak rabbit hole once always tried showing me shit and I really didn't understand what he got out of it.

 

[Landy828]

Thank you. I'm going to buy a meal for a homeless person.

Click to shrink...

Awesome, you'll make their day. Even if they don't show it, or if they do, you've counteracted at least one evil in this world with kindness and care.

That makes a difference.

 

[Asbsand]

I once accidentally clicked on a video that seemed to contain a moment of death by bombing or something. I don't understand why this content is not persecuted harder by police and the internet.

Obviously it shouldn't have been my fault for finding stuff like that on YouTube, but sharing it and uploading such material should be illegal.

 

[Wackamole]

Yeah just don't watch those vids. They can cause trauma.
Beheadings and shit like that. Fuuuuck that man.

 

[Brass Body Dave]

You should consider therapy, it can unlock the mind to understand why you decided to seek that out and can help process things like this.

 

[Mothballs]

The internet is a terrible place.

Click to shrink...

The *world is a terrible place.

ftfy

 

[Nome]

I've been in the same boat. There's some videos I saw in college a decade ago that still stick with me.
It's OK to not forget--that's just how reality is. You'll have to learn to deal with it.

 

[Tapiozona]

The beheading of Nick Berg in Iraq still affects me

 

[pizoxuat]

I'm not going to chastize you, it sounds like you've found your limits the hard way. Get help with your depression and I suggest find a volunteer opportunity outside the house for a cause you feel strongly about. Want to help the homeless? Make an appointment with yourself to volunteer at a soup kitchen or a food pantry a couple of times a month. Or help at an animal shelter or an assisted living facility... find something you are passionate about and take that step of doing something for it. Getting out of the home will help, doing something to help others will help.

I also recommend picking up a handicraft to do when you are at home and bored instead of falling down the internet hole. Take up origami or woodworking or knitting. The physical act of making something is very soothing and helps with feelings of depression and anxiety as well as keeping you from getting caught in that negative net cycle that can take you to dark places.

 

[TaySan]

be lucky you didn't see shit like the Cartels chainsawing people heads off.
Shit is fucked up on the internet.

 

[Mugman]

Humans aren't meant to see stuff like this. I saw the video of Daniel Pearl being decapitated when it was new, so I would have been around 15 years old I think. I wasn't even purposely trying to see it; the internet was a very different place back then, and I didn't even need to tumble down any rabbit holes to get there. I still think about it out of nowhere sometimes, and that's never going to change. It's not going to for you either.

Bring it up to your therapist. You're not going to manage to fix this with the help of strangers on the internet in less than a week. Even if you feel better by Monday, which you probably will, please bring it up. In the meantime, just get out of the house and be a part of the world. Isolating yourself and continuing to be on the internet isn't going to help you forget any of it. Even if it's just going on a brief walk; anything is better than stewing on this more than you have to.

Don't despair, you'll get through it. My inbox is open if you need anything, as are the inboxes of a lot of other people with similar experiences, I'm sure.

 

[Ducarmel]

Ive been there and hate that I was curious about such things, at least now you know these things do bother you and you are a person that has empathy but it sounds like you may need help.

 

[hey it's that dog]

1) don't watch shit like that

2) you'll eventually feel better but it might take a little time. You may still think about it but the the emotional component of the memory should fade

3) choose not to believe the random person who said she died, or at least tell yourself that you can't know for sure what happened. recontextualizing the trauma in this way can help

 

[Skade]

If the fight involved a shovel, i think i saw that video. But i don't recall anything about one of the girls dying.

 

[Reckheim]

be glad you didnt see a video of cartels slitting someones throat live on facebook as a teenager op. that scars you for life.
or rotten, fuck rotten

Click to shrink...

ugh, I've seen the one with the chain saw, I've stayed away from that shit since. Horrible shit.

 

[Burrman]

If it's the story you're talking about, it wasn't the fight that killed her. They discovered a tumour in her head. Still sucks for the poor girl.

 

[h1nch]

Watch enough live police chases and eventually you see someone die in real time.

 

[Prine]

This is what trauma is. You have great compassion for human life, and your fellow man/woman, we need more people like you mate. Just remember how precious life is, and try to avoid seeing it being abused with these videos, its not healthy for you nor anyone else,

 

[TheIdiot]

I was upset and irritable for like 4 days after seeing that 3 guys 1 hammer video years ago. The occasional snuff video or shock video I'm sent unsolicited also sets me off.

It's shit the average person isn't meant to view unceremoniously on the internet.

The positive side is you feel empathy. It'll pass. Just avoid those videos like the plague.

 

[Stryder]

This fad started on VHS tapes. It's people not the internet.


Yeah stay away from chan sites and liveleak.

 

[hey it's that dog]

It sticks with you.

Back in 2002, someone emailed me a link of a video of a guy lying on the ground gagged and tied up. And then someone proceeds to stick a Bowie knife into his neck and starts cutting.
The death gurgle sounds were horrific.
I still get chills thinking about it.

Click to shrink...

Thanks for sharing! Very helpful and appropriate.

 

[smisk]

Most horrifying thing I ever stumbled upon was a video of The Station nightclub fire in 2003, during which 100 people died. There just happened to be guy filming the concert when the pyrotechnics go off and you see the whole thing, it's just awful. Pretty sure it's on youtube.

 

[Deleted member 8561]

Have you ever considered that random online comments about years old videos regarding a persons current status might not be reliable

ugh, I've seen the one with the chain saw, I've stayed away from that shit since. Horrible shit.

Click to shrink...

Oh yea, I saw that one too when it was making the rounds on reddit.

 

[BrassDragon]

For some reason I fell into a rabbit hole of questionable websites which started with Twitter, then some subreddits and then Chan websites and then some other crazy communities on other websites. Finally it lead to a website which was an alternative for a closed subreddit dedicated to videos of people dying. This video in question was two teenage girls fighting. The fight ended with one of them unconscious while some other teenagers running around excitedly shouting "She got knocked the fuck out" and then the video ended. Some people had commented that the trauma and the girl's state looked to be fatal then another said that the video is a few years old and the girl indeed died.

I don't know why I went into these disgusting websites but anyways I don't feel fine. I have been depressed for the past two days and can't get it off my mind I even cried a few times. I don't know how to get out of this. I have history of depression and other mental illnesses so I should get out of this downward spiral quickly. I don't know what to do. I know I am to blame watching the video but please help me forget it.

Click to shrink...

You need to talk to a real person about this; your brain is trying to process traumatic information but doesn't have the context and meaning to do so. Your subconcious doesn't know this was a clip on the internet, it's trying to make sense of stimuli that involve danger and misery that happened in your presence. You can't reason yourself out of that stress loop but reflecting on what you saw and how it made you feel with someone verbally, even if it's on the phone, will break the loop. Posting about it here won't help and if you let the loop run for a few months, it can make you sick

Don't put this off, find someone to talk to. It's not a complicated conversation but your brain will thank you for taking the time.

 

[Sec0nd]

be glad you didnt see a video of cartels slitting someones throat live on facebook as a teenager op. that scars you for life.
or rotten, fuck rotten

Click to shrink...

Man... Rotten was ta hype among certain people while I was in Middle School (?). That shit was terrible and I can still recall some images I've been shown to this day.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

This fad started on VHS tapes. It's people not the internet.


Yeah stay away from chan sites and liveleak.

Click to shrink...

Faces of death videos, my brother had one. It was fucked up.

 

[Bear]

A good rule of thumb is to never go to a chan website.

 

[Deleted member 26398]

Thank you all for helping and sharing your own experiences. I'm going to call my mom for some chit chat. I think it's going to help.

 

[PayOffWizard]

If it's the story you're talking about, it wasn't the fight that killed her. They discovered a tumour in her head. Still sucks for the poor girl.

Click to shrink...

I'm 100% sure this is the video and story hes taking about.
never trust people in comments sections.

 

[_ifigured]

You need to cleanse the palate with something on the bright and happy end of the spectrum, or even something droll and monotonous.

 

[Deleted member 26398]

I'm 100% sure this is the video and story hes taking about.
never trust people in comments sections.

Click to shrink...

I don't want to talk about specifics which would lead to that video but it is not. I searched the internet hoping that I find a clue that these people are wrong but couldn't find anything. It could be positive because such a story would probably end up on the news but that comment said it's very old.