Never before has the fact that so very few women post here been more apparent than in this thread.
OP: Tell me I did nothing wrong, even though I emotionally used a woman and then tried to guilt her into sex randomly and then essentially stalked her til she threatened to call the cops. (His side of the story. Which is always edited in ways to make the narrator look better than reality)
All the women in this thread: holy shit wtf op that's terrifying behavior.
Some men: she totally overreacted and also you women are wrong cause we know best also stop being mean, think of poor op
Congrats on doing the exact thing she was talking about without a shred of awarenessNever before has the fact that there are people that really like to act on something between a sadistic and Schadenfreudiges behaviour been more apparent than in this thread. The gender does not matter and also the accusation that people "always"(!) tell things better in their perspective is really questionable to say the least. I actually thought that we are better than this. Don't use always when you can't include everyone, because I've seen enough and I know I can always get back to my education and know from what I've learned, seen and people I've worked with, that it's not that way at all. There are enough that actually make their perspective way(!) worse than it actually was.
I literally see not a single response that says she overreacted. It's just quite the opposite, that if someone didn't dare to insult him, you might even be a supporter - which is crazy. Also, between out-calling a bad behaviour and insulting is still a nice gap. How it actually should be is:
Women: You fucked up and you know it, now search for either help or do your best to educate yourself, so you don't fall back into this scheme.
Men: You fucked up and you know it, now search for either help or do your best to educate yourself, so you don't fall back into this scheme.
And why? Because the gender doesn't matter and no matter who did something wrong, this person still also should've the right to change. He didn't ask for advice. He knows he fucked up and that's why he wrote it in the first place, so he is at least a step ahead. Would he have asked for advice during this whole thing and think it was fine what he did until now, I would accept way more harsh responses. But this is not the case here. I can't stress enough how you generalised the woman - men reaction here, as well as the "you always make it way better than it actually was" response. Hmm... Taking a step back might be good. I also think this was my last post in this thread, it's way to negative.
lots of words just to say "women feelings doesn't matter". Gender does matter, he wouldn't ask a guy to fuck him.Never before has the fact that there are people that really like to act on something between a sadistic and Schadenfreudiges behaviour been more apparent than in this thread. The gender does not matter and also the accusation that people "always"(!) tell things better in their perspective is really questionable to say the least. I actually thought that we are better than this. Don't use always when you can't include everyone, because I've seen enough and I know I can always get back to my education and know from what I've learned, seen and people I've worked with, that it's not that way at all. There are enough that actually make their perspective way(!) worse than it actually was.
I literally see not a single response that says she overreacted. It's just quite the opposite, that if someone didn't dare to insult him, you might even be a supporter - which is crazy. Also, between out-calling a bad behaviour and insulting is still a nice gap. How it actually should be is:
Women: You fucked up and you know it, now search for either help or do your best to educate yourself, so you don't fall back into this scheme.
Men: You fucked up and you know it, now search for either help or do your best to educate yourself, so you don't fall back into this scheme.
And why? Because the gender doesn't matter and no matter who did something wrong, this person still also should've the right to change. He didn't ask for advice. He knows he fucked up and that's why he wrote it in the first place, so he is at least a step ahead. Would he have asked for advice during this whole thing and think it was fine what he did until now, I would accept way more harsh responses. But this is not the case here. I can't stress enough how you generalised the woman - men reaction here, as well as the "you always make it way better than it actually was" response. Hmm... Taking a step back might be good. I also think this was my last post in this thread, it's way to negative.
Then maybe you should check again?I literally see not a single response that says she overreacted. It's just quite the opposite, that if someone didn't dare to insult him, you might even be a supporter - which is crazy. Also, between out-calling a bad behaviour and insulting is still a nice gap. How it actually should be is:
Assuming we can take everything you say at face value, I don't think you 'fucked up badly' at all. You misread some stuff, asked her the question and she overreacted to it badly IMO. If she was a real friend, she wouldn't let that one line ruin the friendship, much less say whatever she said to other people that caused them to delete you from Snapchat etc. I can see why you've held onto the thoughts you have, as the spiral of events must have been confusing and difficult to understand. It does seem from your initial post, however, that this friendship had been on a knife edge previously, so you're probably better off out of it. It's a shame there was so much collateral damage, though.
You did almost every dumb thing you could, but damn her first reaction was really an overreaction
But dude, stop. And for fuck sake don't ask people to have sex, either there is chemistry ad it is happening or don't be the creep that awkwardly asks for it
I think a line was crossed but there might be some overreaction too. The part where she rallied the troops to block you seemed a bit weird.
She said no, left.. fine. It obviously wasn't ok with her. You were leaving, so it would seem the thing pretty much had a natural ending. Just let it go and move on. Some things can't be undone.
Almost everyone in the thread has been helping the OP. Making sure he understands exactly what he did wrong so that he doesn't make the same mistake again is a good thing. Reality is harsh and he needs to hear it. The OP is conflicted right now and in his first post made it clear that he didn't fully grasp his actions and writing something like this:And why? Because the gender doesn't matter and no matter who did something wrong, this person still also should've the right to change. He didn't ask for advice. He knows he fucked up and that's why he wrote it in the first place, so he is at least a step ahead. Would he have asked for advice during this whole thing and think it was fine what he did until now, I would accept way more harsh responses. But this is not the case here. I can't stress enough how you generalised the woman - men reaction here, as well as the "you always make it way better than it actually was" response. Hmm... Taking a step back might be good. I also think this was my last post in this thread, it's way to negative.
I dont know why Im sharing this. Maybe I just want to be told I didnt do anything wrong. Or maybe my subconscious actually wants me to be punished just so I can finally process this. I dont know.
Not being able to accept that women have different life experiences than you especially with regard to social interactions with men is a hell of a take I guess.Never before has the fact that there are people that really like to act on something between a sadistic and Schadenfreudiges behaviour been more apparent than in this thread. The gender does not matter and also the accusation that people "always"(!) tell things better in their perspective is really questionable to say the least. I actually thought that we are better than this. Don't use always when you can't include everyone, because I've seen enough and I know I can always get back to my education and know from what I've learned, seen and people I've worked with, that it's not that way at all. There are enough that actually make their perspective way(!) worse than it actually was.
I literally see not a single response that says she overreacted. It's just quite the opposite, that if someone didn't dare to insult him, you might even be a supporter - which is crazy. Also, between out-calling a bad behaviour and insulting is still a nice gap. How it actually should be is:
Women: You fucked up and you know it, now search for either help or do your best to educate yourself, so you don't fall back into this scheme.
Men: You fucked up and you know it, now search for either help or do your best to educate yourself, so you don't fall back into this scheme.
And why? Because the gender doesn't matter and no matter who did something wrong, this person still also should've the right to change. He didn't ask for advice. He knows he fucked up and that's why he wrote it in the first place, so he is at least a step ahead. Would he have asked for advice during this whole thing and think it was fine what he did until now, I would accept way more harsh responses. But this is not the case here. I can't stress enough how you generalised the woman - men reaction here, as well as the "you always make it way better than it actually was" response. Hmm... Taking a step back might be good. I also think this was my last post in this thread, it's way to negative.
So? did you read what I wrote?Then maybe you should check again?
I'm not going to comment on the other parts of your post except this:
Almost everyone in the thread has been helping the OP. Making sure he understands exactly what he did wrong so that he doesn't make the same mistake again is a good thing. Reality is harsh and he needs to hear it. The OP is conflicted right now and in his first post made it clear that he didn't fully grasp his actions and writing something like this:
shows someone who needs brutal honesty to move past this. He needs to work on himself and take the necessary steps to do it.
Yes I did. And?
Yup, I edited my post. I realised it was not clear.Yes I did. And?
He said he hadn't seen a single post that said she overreacted. I quoted a few people who said it which includes you.
People like op are the reason why women fear men and yet some people think this is about ""men's mental health"" but nobody has sympathy for the poor girl
And yet women here never make threads like this, we know the kind of ""advice"" we will get by the dudes here. I still remember that hread about cold approaching and op asked specifically to the women in this site yet men couldn't help themselves to vomit their useless opinions.If this thread were posted by the woman with her side of the story, all of the posts in it would be expressing sympathy for her and telling her to cut the guy out of her life.
And yet women here never make threads like this, we know the kind of ""advice"" we will get by the dudes here. I still remember that hread about cold approaching and op asked specifically to the women in this site yet men couldn't help themselves to vomit their useless opinions.
Indeed. People need to chill the fuck out. We all make mistakes.
Then maybe you should check again?
I'm not going to comment on the other parts of your post except this:
Almost everyone in the thread has been helping the OP. Making sure he understands exactly what he did wrong so that he doesn't make the same mistake again is a good thing. Reality is harsh and he needs to hear it. The OP is conflicted right now and in his first post made it clear that he didn't fully grasp his actions and writing something like this:
shows someone who needs brutal honesty to move past this. He needs to work on himself and take the necessary steps to do it.
My overreaction comment was in regard to enlisting the larger group to block him.
I think it's quite obvious that if his close friends blocked him they most likely were also struggling to deal with his constant unloading(the girl clearly got it the worst) and with him leaving finally had a good enough reason to drop him.'There are a lot o
My overreaction comment was in regard to enlisting the larger group to block him. in my mind this is the type of thing that someone confers with family and very close friends. Trying to scorch the earth for someone in today's zero second chance environment is ridiculous. The stuff the OP did after was stalker-ish so I was simply referring to the first bit.
Words were used here and people were teeing off like this was sexual assault. OP fucked up a friendship and has to live with the consequences. You learn from these things or you don't but I know plenty of people who did similar things when young and they turned out to be perfectly good people down the line.
I don't want people giving her advice but I feel like there is lack of sympathy for the girl, people has barely called op for what he did and that is being misogynic but if you aren't a women this is hard to understand and it's common behavior or "just a mistake"I'm sorry you were treated that way on here, but anyway I think I explained why people in this thread are giving the man in this situation advice rather than giving the woman advice.
Youre right. I dont want to do that and dont intend to but if that's the outcome, then yeah, youre right.So let me get this clear: seeing a therapist is anathema to you, continuing to emotionally abuse women is not.
I think you need to look at that line over and over and really weigh it in your head.
I think it's quite obvious that if his close friends blocked him they most likely were also struggling to deal with his constant unloading(the girl clearly got it the worst) and with him leaving finally had a good enough reason to drop him.
Still if this happened in my group it would cause a massive rift even without previous issues playing a part. Having a close friend randomly ask to have sex is beyond creepy and inappropriate. This isn't a situation of someone struggling with feelings for a friend and deciding to reveal them. It's just a close friend jumping to "Wanna fuck?" which I think the majority of people in that position would be completely turned off and uncomfortable.
You're saying that you are aware of how often you mess up in your life, but therapy can help for you to prevent it happening again. Therapy isn't at all about medication. Therapy/counselling is about talking to someone and develop ways to better yourself. You're not any less of a person for needing to resort to the practice. It's only there to help you. It's ok to ask for help, you're not perfect and others are willing to help you. By yourself, you ended up having an alcohol problem and went back to see her in a bad state of mind and got shut out forever. So it's time you allowed others to help you. I hope you reconsider.I just dont know if I can do therapy again, it'a losing. The idea that Im broken out of the box and cant be whole without a "professional" is anathema to me. just a few tiny grains in a pill of a chemical is all it takes to make me a normal functioning real person, fuck that. Im not pinnochio
If I cant do it alone, then what's the point?
But whatever. If she never wants to talk to me again, then okay, Im okay with that, I understand. Id do the same if I was her. My friends, Im less sure, but okay im sure they were as tired of myself as I am. Im not here anymore anyway.
Thank you all again, especially those critical of my actions. I dont feel slighted or wronged by anyone or the world in this. Ive never felt like Ive been owed anything, just the opposite. I dont hold anger. I couldnt, even if I wanted to. I just want to sleep.
I don't want people giving her advice but I feel like there is lack of sympathy for the girl, people has barely called op for what he did and that is being misogynic but if you aren't a women this is hard to understand and it's common behavior or "just a mistake"
The most likely scenario would be messaging someone from the group who then tells the others. It's pretty easy for that stuff to spread even more so if your group is smaller.So what is the protocol here? Do you go home and post this on Facebook, some group chat?
I'd be a terrible young person.
This is a terrible attitude towards mental health and belittles those that seek treatment.I just dont know if I can do therapy again, it'a losing. The idea that Im broken out of the box and cant be whole without a "professional" is anathema to me. just a few tiny grains in a pill of a chemical is all it takes to make me a normal functioning real person, fuck that. Im not pinnochio
If I cant do it alone, then what's the point?
I am being stubborn about the therapy thing. I was forced to do therapy as a child when my parents got divorced and they put me on zoloft for years and I fucking hated it. It made me feel like a robot, or I guess more than I already did. I eventually just started throwing away the pills and lying about taking them and felt much better. I have no argument against the profession, it's a science and an important one. I just have a negative gut reaction to it from personal experience.
I have no intention of bothering her again. I see a pattern for me using this forum to get blind ass fucked up and dumping my thoughts into it as an outlet. Im not going to do that anymore. Maybe a person trained to handle that is more appropriate.
Nice mansplaining.Never before has the fact that there are people that really like to act on something between a sadistic and Schadenfreudiges behaviour been more apparent than in this thread. The gender does not matter and also the accusation that people "always"(!) tell things better in their perspective is really questionable to say the least. I actually thought that we are better than this. Don't use always when you can't include everyone, because I've seen enough and I know I can always get back to my education and know from what I've learned, seen and people I've worked with, that it's not that way at all. There are enough that actually make their perspective way(!) worse than it actually was.
I literally see not a single response that says she overreacted. It's just quite the opposite, that if someone didn't dare to insult him, you might even be a supporter - which is crazy. Also, between out-calling a bad behaviour and insulting is still a nice gap. How it actually should be is:
Women: You fucked up and you know it, now search for either help or do your best to educate yourself, so you don't fall back into this scheme.
Men: You fucked up and you know it, now search for either help or do your best to educate yourself, so you don't fall back into this scheme.
And why? Because the gender doesn't matter and no matter who did something wrong, this person still also should've the right to change. He didn't ask for advice. He knows he fucked up and that's why he wrote it in the first place, so he is at least a step ahead. Would he have asked for advice during this whole thing and think it was fine what he did until now, I would accept way more harsh responses. But this is not the case here. I can't stress enough how you generalised the woman - men reaction here, as well as the "you always make it way better than it actually was" response. Hmm... Taking a step back might be good. I also think this was my last post in this thread, it's way to negative.
I think this is a misconception. I mean, OP is the one posting here. We can't reach the woman to talk to her, the best we can do for her is tell OP to stop contacting her and leave her alone. Sure there are some people that have no sympathy for her but I would say the majority of them do, it's just... we can't tell her that, obviously.Yeah, Resetera is still a boy's club.
People like op are the reason why women fear men and yet some people think this is about ""men's mental health"" but nobody has sympathy for the poor girl
Also gender don't matter? Not just men are stronger but also far more agressive and far less tolerant to rejection than women. Fear, that why we feel in these situations, fear for our lives, fear for our integrity.
How's this post in any way fucking helpful? But I guess you couldn't help yourself with the pile-on.
Never before has the fact that there are people that really like to act on something between a sadistic and Schadenfreudiges behaviour been more apparent than in this thread.
I don't want OP to get dogpiled, I want him to understand, truly understand that what he did was a shit and misogynist thing to do and that he should stop this behaviour. Yeah, he needs help and a therapist but people have to understand that mentally ill men aren't just poor innocent people who just need help but also are capable of abusing and killing women,lots of men with disorders do and OP is already emotionally abusing women.I think this is a misconception. I mean, OP is the one posting here. We can't reach the woman to talk to her, the best we can do for her is tell OP to stop contacting her and leave her alone. Sure there are some people that have no sympathy for her but I would say the majority of them do, it's just... we can't tell her that, obviously.
It's pretty clear that what OP needs is therapy and OP is clearly acknowledging his problems and wants to be better. Doing the Gaf/Era dogpile for something he already is acknowledging just seems pointless. Is it wrong to suggest he get therapy for this? It sounds like you're saying men's mental health isn't important. OP clearly has some toxic views on mental health and therapy that are pretty often problems for men and your kind of viewpoint just exacerbates the issue. If OP is the type of person that makes women fearful of men and OP clearly wants to change, should we not try to help him not be that type of person or should we just keep telling him he fucked up?
FWIW OP, I don't think you were the only one acting childish in this scenario. I think her telling your mutual friends about this, thus causing even more drama, is a pretty messed up thing to do. It should have been a private matter between the two of you.
I mean, what do you think therapy is going to do for him if not help him understand what he did was wrong and how to not be like that? OP has said multiple times in this thread that he wants to stop, that he doesn't want to be like this and yet people are still dogpiling him as if he's been in here saying he did no wrong. I don't know where I said mentally ill men can't hurt women or that OP is just some poor innocent guy who needs help. He did something wrong - multiple things - objectively. But at this point what does telling him what he did was wrong accomplish? Not saying you need to feel bad for OP or to excuse his actions but repeatedly telling him he's a shit person doesn't really help anyone, not him or the woman or anyone else he comes in contact with in his life. Saying this isn't about men's mental health just feeds back into the idea that men's mental health isn't important which is not great in this context since OP is bouncing off the idea of therapy, repeating some pretty toxic ideas about therapy and mental health that men often have. I think we can tell OP he needs to get help while at the same time not treating him like a poor innocent person. No, he did wrong, now own up to it by being better and addressing it.I don't want OP to get dogpiled, I want him to understand, truly understand that what he did was a shit and misogynist thing to do and that he should stop this behaviour. Yeah, he needs help and a therapist but people have to understand that mentally ill men aren't just poor innocent people who just need help but also are capable of abusing and killing women,lots of men with disorders do and OP is already emotionally abusing women.
For OP, what he did was a mistake but for the girl and ex, it was something that made her fear for their lives because there are stories of men killing women because of rejection everyday.
I've been pointing this out since the beginning because I noticed the same thing too - especially the not-so-subtle shift of blame others are trying to place at the girl's feet by saying she was overreacting.Never before has the fact that so very few women post here been more apparent than in this thread.
OP: Tell me I did nothing wrong, even though I emotionally used a woman and then tried to guilt her into sex randomly and then essentially stalked her til she threatened to call the cops. (His side of the story. Which is always edited in ways to make the narrator look better than reality)
All the women in this thread: holy shit wtf op that's terrifying behavior.
Some men: she totally overreacted and also you women are wrong cause we know best also stop being mean, think of poor op
Never before has the fact that so very few women post here been more apparent than in this thread.
OP: Tell me I did nothing wrong, even though I emotionally used a woman and then tried to guilt her into sex randomly and then essentially stalked her til she threatened to call the cops. (His side of the story. Which is always edited in ways to make the narrator look better than reality)
All the women in this thread: holy shit wtf op that's terrifying behavior.
Some men: she totally overreacted and also you women are wrong cause we know best also stop being mean, think of poor op
You have to wonder what these posters' history with women are. Do they not hear women's side of the story on these things?
For many guys it seems that is the case.I read all this and... you should feel guilty. You did fuck up. Is it really that hard to be friends with a woman and not see them as an objective for sex?
I can't believe there are people in here trying to downplay what the OP did and say she is overreacting. Wtf is wrong with you all?
It's not normal to ask one of your closest friends if they want to fuck just because you're leaving soon. It's completely disrespecting her friendship and trust in with him. Then OP continued to bother her and demand her time after all of that.
OP: you fucked up and you know you did. Leave her alone and move on with your life. Stop trying to force a resolution because it's only going to make things worse.
As a fucking woman who experiences this type of behavior often when trying to have healthy male friendships, I literally do not give a shit.
Don't go onto a forum and expect everyone to stop after you've had your fill of their opinions.