It's very clear that he thinks of her as property. When she refused him and left, he messaged her saying that he was about to tell her ex about this shit. Why would you do that? Why in seven hells does her ex need to know at all? And not only that, after he told her ex, he wrote that he was ready to be beaten by her ex. Basically in his mind, since he'd tried to "own" the woman and failed, he felt it was his duty to inform the previous "owner" of his attempt and accept any beating from this guy on account of his "attempted theft".
There's no empathy in this post. Only narcissistic, objectifying, creepy behavior. And this is HIS side of the story. Who knows what her side is.
OP, you need to self-reflect. And you need help. Because the signals you're giving off in your post here are all wrong. If you dream of ever finding happiness or a good partner, you'll need to change a LOT.
I stayed off here all day because I said enough. I needed to just listen. I thank the people who have given me a point of view I was incapable of viewing this through. The harshness is necessary for that.
Maybe youre right, I cant disprove your theory if you were to analyze why I did what I did on a subconscious level. I dont think Im in a position to be objective, but what I can say is that in the moment I obviously wasnt actively thinking "female said no, must be smashed", though this would be a lot simpler to understand if I was. I wish it was that easily explainable. I dont care about making an argument of whose intepretation is correct of why I did what was wrong. It was wrong, period. Maybe your theory of why is right.
What I know was I wasnt thinking anything at the moment. It wasnt a threat. The idea that I was just going to go home and go to bed, pretend like nothing had happened, and say goodbye to him the next morning didnt feel right. They had been together almost as long as we' been roommates. She was at our house more than her own. It just felt like the right thing to do. I told her Ibwas going to tell him because I didnt want to seem like I was being manipulative behind her back.
But who gives a shit what my intent was
Ive done stupid shit. Really embarassing shit hencd thread. It's a pattern. In this case, I have not held anything back from my recollection, but I wish I could hear her side too. I know I did this same circus a year ago here, but she was the person who was an outlet to keep me from acting in any way which was seriously bad. A ooster here was right, women are not my therapists. Of course it grated her. I never saw her as an object, but she fulfilled a subject which I lack within myself, and still do. I cant supplant my lack of self with someone else, I know that. But it's easy to forget. It's easier to be disliked, it's easier to be incomplete.
I dont want to be this way. I dont like it. I dont wake up wanting to push people out of my life. I dont like this person I am. I fuckinf hate it, I have proof of that written on me.
I just dont know if I can do therapy again, it'a losing. The idea that Im broken out of the box and cant be whole without a "professional" is anathema to me. just a few tiny grains in a pill of a chemical is all it takes to make me a normal functioning real person, fuck that. Im not pinnochio
If I cant do it alone, then what's the point?
But whatever. If she never wants to talk to me again, then okay, Im okay with that, I understand. Id do the same if I was her. My friends, Im less sure, but okay im sure they were as tired of myself as I am. Im not here anymore anyway.
Thank you all again, especially those critical of my actions. I dont feel slighted or wronged by anyone or the world in this. Ive never felt like Ive been owed anything, just the opposite. I dont hold anger. I couldnt, even if I wanted to. I just want to sleep.
