I owe ERA a Goodbye.

[Nymir]

Life hasn't been great for me the past few years, and it just keeps getting exponentially worse.

I've been doing a lot of self reflection, but the major factor of it, is me. I'm the common denominator in all the deficiencies of my life. I've spent the last few years trying to be more than a worthless loser, but reality says that would be overstating myself by quite a bit. There is no help available when the problem is everything you see in the mirror. I'm too far gone to even start putting myself back together into something worth a damn.

ERA, you've at least tried to help me out and that was somewhat touching. If I could feel anything, it would probably warm my heart just a bit. As such, I felt I should at least say goodbye to someone. For what it's worth, congrats. I'd say it was fun, but I don't know what that's like.

With that said, that makes this a Goodbye.

Click to shrink...

I remember your old thread. When I read It I was in a bad spot too, but I still tried to write something encouraging because no one deserves to feel like you felt at the time. You probably missed it but that's ok, it was nothing memorable I assure you. The point is, I had a job interview the next day but I was planning not to go, I just felt incredibly unprepared and a bundle of anxiety. I felt like a Failure. But seeing everyone doing their best to cheer you up have me gave me new strenght. We are more than our accomplishments, we influence things outside of our control and we can have a positive effect on people without even knowing it. Your thread helped me reflect on myself and I seized an opportunity that I was already prepared to abandon. I will deliberately abstain from telling you how the interview went, because It doesn't fucking matter. Please think about how many things you could still do for others and yourself by simply living. PLEASE.

Sorry for the broken english ;(

 

[Deleted member 41520]

Life hasn't been great for me the past few years, and it just keeps getting exponentially worse.

I've been doing a lot of self reflection, but the major factor of it, is me.

Click to shrink...

Then you know the solution. You can change the person in the mirror. Nobody is static, in one state - every human is fluid, even if it doesn't feel like it. You can come out of this.

You can do this.

 

[TaySan]

Life is worth living for my friend
It will get better :)

 

[GARlock Spiral]

Life is worth living for my friend
It will get better :)

Click to shrink...

No.

No, it absolutely will not. It will not no matter how hard I try or what I do in life.

Not once in the last ten years has it ever been decent, let alone worth living for one single second.

The cold, hard realization that there is absolutely nothing in life worth it for me hit pretty bad.

For me, it's hopeless. I'm hopeless and there's nothing that can be done to inspire that one bit.

 

[Vanillalite]

No.

No, it absolutely will not. It will not no matter how hard I try or what I do in life.

Not once in the last ten years has it ever been decent, let alone worth living for one single second.

The cold, hard realization that there is absolutely nothing in life worth it for me hit pretty bad.

For me, it's hopeless. I'm hopeless and there's nothing that can be done to inspire that one bit.

Click to shrink...

We all love you. Your life has intrinsic value.

Call the hotline numbers if need be to get help!

Love you GARlock

 

[SageShinigami]

No.

No, it absolutely will not. It will not no matter how hard I try or what I do in life.

Not once in the last ten years has it ever been decent, let alone worth living for one single second.

The cold, hard realization that there is absolutely nothing in life worth it for me hit pretty bad.

For me, it's hopeless. I'm hopeless and there's nothing that can be done to inspire that one bit.

Click to shrink...

It's not hopeless. But you have to take small steps to push forward. Please don't quit.

 

[GARlock Spiral]

We all love you. Your life has intrinsic value.

Call the hotline numbers if need be to get help!

Love you GARlock

Click to shrink...

It has negative value. I'm living it, that's the problem.

Tried the hotline. It's pretty useless as far as i'm concerned.

It's not hopeless. But you have to take small steps to push forward. Please don't quit.

Click to shrink...

Small steps are absolutely Herculean with my levels of...burnout/depression/whatever else you want to call it. It's not hopeless, but i'd put more money on Trump acting presidential.

 

[MrMephistoX]

No.

No, it absolutely will not. It will not no matter how hard I try or what I do in life.

Not once in the last ten years has it ever been decent, let alone worth living for one single second.

The cold, hard realization that there is absolutely nothing in life worth it for me hit pretty bad.

For me, it's hopeless. I'm hopeless and there's nothing that can be done to inspire that one bit.

Click to shrink...

Fuck man don't do it I guarantee if you post your phone number right now someone will call you and talk you through this.

 

[ZealousD]

You don't owe us a goodbye.

You owe it to yourself to get some real help. If you care enough about us to talk about what's happening to you, you can spend some time calling the hotline for us.

I don't even know you man, and I'm trying to do whatever I can to help you.

Suicide isn't the answer. It's a rock bottom you can't come back from.

 

[Betty]

Small steps are absolutely Herculean with my levels of...burnout/depression/whatever else you want to call it. It's not hopeless, but i'd put more money on Trump acting presidential.

Click to shrink...

Ha, that's pretty good.

Just get some rest and take some time to relax. It's not worth doing something drastic

 

[TheCed]

I don't know what to say man...
But trust me things do get better.

I'm glad many people that are better than me with words are here to talk you out of this. Listen to them, please. I understand that you feel that things are hopeless, but they never really are.

 

[Rackham]

just found out I might have scabies or developed an allergy to something. Can't be much worse than that OP.

 

[Raccoon]

Don't do that. Order some pizza instead, enjoy it, then make french toast pizza with the leftovers tomorrow morning.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hB42iztkzVQ

Click to shrink...

op I wish I had something profound to say but you can't end your life without trying this abomination

 

[SageShinigami]

.
Small steps are absolutely Herculean with my levels of...burnout/depression/whatever else you want to call it. It's not hopeless, but i'd put more money on Trump acting presidential.

Click to shrink...

That step is too small. Pick something smaller. Like literally getting out of bed is a big step some days, and that's ok. Understanding you have worth is a big step, and you do. Move slow as you have to, but keep going. Please.

 

[Android Sophia]

No.

No, it absolutely will not. It will not no matter how hard I try or what I do in life.

Not once in the last ten years has it ever been decent, let alone worth living for one single second.

The cold, hard realization that there is absolutely nothing in life worth it for me hit pretty bad.

For me, it's hopeless. I'm hopeless and there's nothing that can be done to inspire that one bit.

Click to shrink...

I don't believe we've ever really talked before, but I do want to say that I know it gets better.

I personally spent a large chunk of my life in depression. I thought I'd never get better, that I didn't have anyone there for me. That ending it all was the only way out. It was a battle every day to see good qualities in myself; to keep going on. Sure, I enjoyed some moments. But a lot of the time I was locked away in my own room in a bout of depression, or trying my best to absorb myself in something else to hide the pain.

Then people reached out to me. They helped me get through my past and hard times. With their help, things turned around. I got to finally transition genders to be who I really wanted to be. I beat back my social anxiety and depression. I'm going to college and looking at a future in a career I love.

I may not know you personally, but I do know that people in general are pretty incredible. Every person I've met has their own story, their own gifts and uniqueness. I have no doubt that you're an incredible person as well. You say you're a "worthless loser" in your first post, but I know if we got to talking, we'd find something that proves otherwise.

It may be hard and painful right now, but please stay here with us. Because it DOES get better. I know it.

 

[Akira86]

don't give up on yourself Garlock

you don't owe the world anything, but you do deserve a chance to just BE.
you don't have to do anything right now but take some deep breaths, and just be.
give yourself that much. you think you're worthless but nobody is worthless. If you reach out for help.
If you were to reach out and help others in return, you'd see the inherent value in the basic person. This includes you too, Garlock.
you have worth, you are worth it, so don't give that up, and don't take that away from yourself.

 

[Quade]

I've been where you are, and for that reason alone 2018 was the worst year of my life. I'm still here climbing my way back out of the hole I got myself in and I've learned so much about myself in this whole process. I won't lie to you, it's not easy nor does it happen overnight, but if you just change your perspective a little through the support of friends/family or whomever else you can lean on you will beat this, I promise you. You're unique and have so much to offer, believe in yourself like we believe in you here. Go get 'em, OP.

 

[Nida]

I don't believe we've ever really talked before, but I do want to say that I know it gets better.

I personally spent a large chunk of my life in depression. I thought I'd never get better, that I didn't have anyone there for me. That ending it all was the only way out. It was a battle every day to see good qualities in myself; to keep going on. Sure, I enjoyed some moments. But a lot of the time I was locked away in my own room in a bout of depression, or trying my best to absorb myself in something else to hide the pain.

Then people reached out to me. They helped me get through my past and hard times. With their help, things turned around. I got to finally transition genders to be who I really wanted to be. I beat back my social anxiety and depression. I'm going to college and looking at a future in a career I love.

I may not know you personally, but I do know that people in general are pretty incredible. Every person I've met has their own story, their own gifts and uniqueness. I have no doubt that you're an incredible person as well. You say you're a "worthless loser" in your first post, but I know if we got to talking, we'd find something that proves otherwise.

It may be hard and painful right now, but please stay here with us. Because it DOES get better. I know it.

Click to shrink...

I don't believe we've ever really talked before, but I do want to say that I know it gets better.

I personally spent a large chunk of my life in depression. I thought I'd never get better, that I didn't have anyone there for me. That ending it all was the only way out. It was a battle every day to see good qualities in myself; to keep going on. Sure, I enjoyed some moments. But a lot of the time I was locked away in my own room in a bout of depression, or trying my best to absorb myself in something else to hide the pain.

Then people reached out to me. They helped me get through my past and hard times. With their help, things turned around. I got to finally transition genders to be who I really wanted to be. I beat back my social anxiety and depression. I'm going to college and looking at a future in a career I love.

I may not know you personally, but I do know that people in general are pretty incredible. Every person I've met has their own story, their own gifts and uniqueness. I have no doubt that you're an incredible person as well. You say you're a "worthless loser" in your first post, but I know if we got to talking, we'd find something that proves otherwise.

It may be hard and painful right now, but please stay here with us. Because it DOES get better. I know it.

Click to shrink...

This is really well said. We're all here for each other.

 

[Ultimate Bear Cub]

Thank you for continuing to talk with us and sharing. I know it isn't easy. Drink some tea, wrap up in a throw blanket, and just chill for a while. Maybe read a thrilling novel if you have one. Do something relaxing and enjoyable. Whatever it may be.

 

[The Wraith]

Keep talking OP. Talking helps. People might have the answers you need. All life has value

 

[SolVanderlyn]

I've been there dude, I know exactly how you feel.

Stop trying to make your whole life better at once and try to find pockets of light. Start reveling in the moments of reprieve you have. It can literally just be music you like or a show you like to watch. It's not a panacea but it is a painkiller.

Life can ALWAYS get better. Trust me. I was once on the other side of the world, with a broken arm, getting wrong advice on how to treat it from people who spoke bad English, with a boss who hated me, and it kept getting worse and worse and I had no family and no anyone, and there were honestly more things wrong than right with my life then and at several other times of my life, and suicide seemed like the logical choice to make. But let me tell you man, it might have seemed logical at the time but if there is any afterlife I would sure be there beating the HELL out of myself if I went through with it.

You never know what's coming next. I know you feel like you might know but life doesn't always follow a logical path. There is always hope in life.

Please hang in there, for your own sake, for the sake of those who love you, for us here trying to help you, but mostly for you... especially the future you who might want to live.

 

[Blackie]

GARlock Spiral
I used to be suicidally depressed as well, saying many of the things you said. Flirted with suicide and self harm. Tried taking a few extra pills over prescription, cutting myself, angrily smoking cigarettes and dangerously excessive intoxication. But I never went all the way, and somehow this year was one of the most hopeful, exciting and joyous for me personally. Years like that can exist in YOUR future.

Before suicide, have you really tried everything? We will all die someday. Its inevitable. Why rush?

Have you ever:
Travelled to Antarctica?
Biked across South Korea?
Climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro?
Went whitewater rafting?
Jumped from a plane while wearing a parachute? Skydiving?
Scuba dived to see underwater ruins?
Tried standup comedy at a great dive bar full of drunk yahoos?
Volunteered at a charity?
Taken ballroom dancing classes?
Tried a bunch of legal drugs?
Cooked your own 5 tier chocolate cake?
Ran a marathon?
Adopted 3 cute puppies?
Gotten a badass tattoo?
Tutored developmentally disabled children?
Made an origami elephant?
Played all the new VR games at an amusement park?
Went to Disney world?
Driven a monster truck?
Went bobsled racing?

I could go on and on. Until you try everything you can in life, are you sure the answer is not out there? Life is full of possibilities.

 

[TaySan]

No.

No, it absolutely will not. It will not no matter how hard I try or what I do in life.

Not once in the last ten years has it ever been decent, let alone worth living for one single second.

The cold, hard realization that there is absolutely nothing in life worth it for me hit pretty bad.

For me, it's hopeless. I'm hopeless and there's nothing that can be done to inspire that one bit.

Click to shrink...

You just gotta trust me it does get better. And I've been there before where I've question it myself too. It will only go up from here. :)

 

[Hollywood Duo]

Things can get better, don't give up. We are here for you.

 

[GARlock Spiral]

I don't believe we've ever really talked before, but I do want to say that I know it gets better.

I personally spent a large chunk of my life in depression. I thought I'd never get better, that I didn't have anyone there for me. That ending it all was the only way out. It was a battle every day to see good qualities in myself; to keep going on. Sure, I enjoyed some moments. But a lot of the time I was locked away in my own room in a bout of depression, or trying my best to absorb myself in something else to hide the pain.

Then people reached out to me. They helped me get through my past and hard times. With their help, things turned around. I got to finally transition genders to be who I really wanted to be. I beat back my social anxiety and depression. I'm going to college and looking at a future in a career I love.

I may not know you personally, but I do know that people in general are pretty incredible. Every person I've met has their own story, their own gifts and uniqueness. I have no doubt that you're an incredible person as well. You say you're a "worthless loser" in your first post, but I know if we got to talking, we'd find something that proves otherwise.

It may be hard and painful right now, but please stay here with us. Because it DOES get better. I know it.

Click to shrink...

I disagree on it getting better. It does not, and never has. I'd love to believe you, but my existence has proven otherwise for me.

Half the difference between you and me is that i'm misanthropic. Maybe someday I could work on that, but that's a ways away. However, i'm not incredible or have a story or have any gifts. Trust me, I suck.

GARlock Spiral
I used to be suicidally depressed as well, saying many of the things you said. Flirted with suicide and self harm. Tried taking a few extra pills over prescription, cutting myself, angrily smoking cigarettes and dangerously excessive intoxication. But I never went all the way, and somehow this year was one of the most hopeful, exciting and joyous for me personally. Years like that can exist in YOUR future.

Before suicide, have you really tried everything? We will all die someday. Its inevitable. Why rush?

Have you ever:
Travelled to Antarctica?
Biked across South Korea?
Climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro?
Went whitewater rafting?
Jumped from a plane while wearing a parachute? Skydiving?
Scuba dived to see underwater ruins?
Tried standup comedy at a great dive bar full of drunk yahoos?
Volunteered at a charity?
Taken ballroom dancing classes?
Tried a bunch of legal drugs?
Cooked your own 5 tier chocolate cake?
Ran a marathon?
Adopted 3 cute puppies?
Gotten a badass tattoo?
Tutored developmentally disabled children?
Made an origami elephant?
Played all the new VR games at an amusement park?
Went to Disney world?
Driven a monster truck?
Went bobsled racing?

I could go on and on. Until you try everything you can in life, are you sure the answer is not out there? Life is full of possibilities.

Click to shrink...

I'm very sure. None of that sounds interesting.

You just gotta trust me it does get better. And I've been there before where I've question it myself too. It will only go up from here. :)

Click to shrink...

When? You need reciepts if you're going to make claims that big. It never goes up. The only destination my life has is down.

 

[Chuck the Bean]

You are reaching out to us because you feel somehow comfortable within this community. You can find other places where you will find has comfortable and you will be open to share. Talking will help.
My father who passed away a few years from now said to me that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I always thought that made a lot of sense and even though you don't see any light at the end of the tunnel right now, I promise you that it will come.

Tell us more about you and we will be here for you.

 

[Windy_Smile]

It will get better, You will be stronger. We are all here for you. You write well by the way.
Can you write your experiences at length for us? Maybe a blog or even here. I am sure we would all like to read them.

 

[Quade]

I disagree on it getting better. It does not, and never has. I'd love to believe you, but my existence has proven otherwise for me.

Half the difference between you and me is that i'm misanthropic. Maybe someday I could work on that, but that's a ways away. However, i'm not incredible or have a story or have any gifts. Trust me, I suck.



I'm very sure. None of that sounds interesting.



When? You need reciepts if you're going to make claims that big. It never goes up. The only destination my life has is down.

Click to shrink...

Yes, someday. There are all of these days in your future to work on yourself and grow, that's what life is about. Don't rid yourself of all of those opportunities with one foolish decision.

 

[Chuck the Bean]

I agree with above that you do write well. It's actually the first thing my wife said when I showed her your post.

 

[Deleted member 25834]

My guy, I need you to get away from you environment. Take a trip, big of small...a couple of days or weeks. It will inspire you, I promise. There is so much to live for, because your world isn't just what you are experiencing now. There is a whole different world out there and there's room for new, greater experiences.

 

[GARlock Spiral]

Yes, someday. There are all of these days in your future to work on yourself and grow, that's what life is about. Don't rid yourself of all of those opportunities with one foolish decision.

Click to shrink...

Absolutely not worth it. Where's that "This is the worst deal in the history of deals EVER" Gif?

It will get better, You will be stronger. We are all here for you. You write well by the way.
Can you write your experiences at length for us? Maybe a blog or even here. I am sure we would all like to read them.

Click to shrink...

-Live shitty life
-Get degree in IT
-Work shitty help desk job
-Get laid off from shitty help desk job
-Aim to find better job in Desktop Support
-Fail repeatedly
-Aim to get certifications to get better job
-Spend three months trying to get a cert that takes three weeks*
-FAIL REPEATEDLY while failing at the above
-Realize you aren't cut out for what you want to do and aren't interested or qualified for anything else

 

[Raccoon]

I disagree on it getting better. It does not, and never has. I'd love to believe you, but my existence has proven otherwise for me.

Half the difference between you and me is that i'm misanthropic. Maybe someday I could work on that, but that's a ways away. However, i'm not incredible or have a story or have any gifts. Trust me, I suck.



I'm very sure. None of that sounds interesting.



When? You need reciepts if you're going to make claims that big. It never goes up. The only destination my life has is down.

Click to shrink...

The people saying it gets better are people who were once like you. But they stuck it out and eventually it did get better. Not perfect, never perfect, and honestly fuck people who say that it gets perfect, but it does get better. And you can't really pinpoint when it happens, so you won't gee receipts.

Do something crazy, man. I finally gave myself a really short buzz cut after growing my hair out for almost two years (a long time for a 19 year old). Now I feel fresh to death, first of all, AND likeI've moved forward somewhat. I know that's a pretty banal thought, but if you're feeling this low you don't really have much to lose shaking things up, I'd say.

 

[grang]

With absolutely no judgment or preconceived notions, how old are you OP?

I'm a late 20s dude who has just about drank himself to death, I am not asking in any derogatory way or to be like "meh you're too young to know blah blah blah"

 

[FFNB]

Life hasn't been great for me the past few years, and it just keeps getting exponentially worse.

I've been doing a lot of self reflection, but the major factor of it, is me. I'm the common denominator in all the deficiencies of my life. I've spent the last few years trying to be more than a worthless loser, but reality says that would be overstating myself by quite a bit. There is no help available when the problem is everything you see in the mirror. I'm too far gone to even start putting myself back together into something worth a damn.

ERA, you've at least tried to help me out and that was somewhat touching. If I could feel anything, it would probably warm my heart just a bit. As such, I felt I should at least say goodbye to someone. For what it's worth, congrats. I'd say it was fun, but I don't know what that's like.

With that said, that makes this a Goodbye.

Click to shrink...

Don't give up on yourself. No matter what, you are worth something, and do matter. No one is worthless. Who you see in the mirror isn't the totality of who you are as a person.

Rebuilding yourself isn't easy, and it's not a quick process. It may take months, years, decades, but it will ultimately be worth it in the end.

Start small, the smallest step forward, but it's still a step. Something as small as getting up out of bed in the morning. Focus on something within your circle you can control. We spend a lot of our energy fixated on what we can't control, or what others think of us. Instead focus on you. On reclaiming who you k ow you can be. Don't try to overhaul your thinking at once. Do you write? Do you draw? Do you sing? Read? Dance? Even if you aren't particularly good at those things, indulging in them can not only improve your skill, but your disposition.

Deep down inside, you know you are worth something. You never would have opened up to us in this thread if you didn't think you meant something to this community, and you do. I've certainly been through the shit, and am going through the shit, but I refuse to let it beat me.

You are someone worthy of joy, happiness, and peace. Call a suicide hotline. Get the help you deserve. Love yourself, truly, and understand that there is no such thing as perfection. Times will be shit. Times will be great. Those things ebb and flow and circle around again, but you still push through. Despite it all, you are still here, because you belong here. Don't give up on yourself.

Trust me, the people telling you that it gets better aren't just spouting empty platitudes. It's because they've been there as well, and are offering their strength, support, and experience to help. You are not alone, and you never have to suffer alone.

My door is always open if you need to vent, or an ear to listen, shoulder to lean on.

 

[Akira86]

-Live shitty life
-Get degree in IT
-Work shitty help desk job
-Get laid off from shitty help desk job
-Aim to find better job in Desktop Support
-Fail repeatedly
-Aim to get certifications to get better job
-Spend three months trying to get a cert that takes three weeks*
-FAIL REPEATEDLY while failing at the above
-Realize you aren't cut out for what you want to do and aren't interested or qualified for anything else

Click to shrink...

holy shit have i been there.
bruv you are so not alone in feeling that way.
what happened to me at the bottom of it all was finding something I loved
something that wasn't dependent on degrees and certs or serving other people's whims and moods and shortcomings.
i can't exactly do what I love right now, but I'm working to get there. (and sometimes it feels like what I love hates me, but thats another tale, and also very untrue.)
what brings you joy? right now you may not be in touch with this part of yourself, but really stop and think about it.
you can slowly and surely turn your life in that direction if you hold on.

 

[Deleted member 21709]

It does get better. Hang in there.

 

[GARlock Spiral]

Don't give up on yourself. No matter what, you are worth something, and do matter. No one is worthless. Who you see in the mirror isn't the totality of who you are as a person.

Rebuilding yourself isn't easy, and it's not a quick process. It may take months, years, decades, but it will ultimately be worth it in the end.

Start small, the smallest step forward, but it's still a step. Something as small as getting up out of bed in the morning. Focus on something within your circle you can control. We spend a lot of our energy fixated on what we can't control, or what others think of us. Instead focus on you. On reclaiming who you k ow you can be. Don't try to overhaul your thinking at once. Do you write? Do you draw? Do you sing? Read? Dance? Even if you aren't particularly good at those things, indulging in them can not only improve your skill, but your disposition.

Deep down inside, you know you are worth something. You never would have opened up to us in this thread if you didn't think you meant something to this community, and you do. I've certainly been through the shit, and am going through the shit, but I refuse to let it beat me.

You are someone worthy of joy, happiness, and peace. Call a suicide hotline. Get the help you deserve. Love yourself, truly, and understand that there is no such thing as perfection. Times will be shit. Times will be great. Those things ebb and flow and circle around again, but you still push through. Despite it all, you are still here, because you belong here. Don't give up on yourself.

Click to shrink...

I've given up on myself YEARS ago. You might think i'm more than a shell of a human being, but that joke's on you. There is no me to rebuild, that guy is FUBAR. No, I don't do any of those because I have no interest in them. Times have never been great for me. I absolutely do not deserve joy, happiness, and peace, but i've realized I will never have a single one of them no matter how hard I fight.

Good post, though.

holy shit have i been there.
bruv you are so not alone in feeling that way.
what happened to me at the bottom of it all was finding something I loved
something that wasn't dependent on degrees and certs or serving other people's whims and moods and shortcomings.
what brings you joy? right now you may not be in touch with this part of yourself, but really stop and think about it.
you can slowly and surely turn your life in that direction if you hold on.

Click to shrink...

I don't love anything. Nothing brings me joy. I haven't felt anything like that in years.

 

[Quade]

Absolutely not worth it. Where's that "This is the worst deal in the history of deals EVER" Gif?

Click to shrink...

I understand your thought process, and it's valid, but it isn't rational. Your perspective is warped and you're stuck in a spiral seemingly due to your situation in regards to work and daily life in general. All of the above can be changed, with time and a little perseverance, but you need to begin taking those steps yourself, at whatever pace you feel comfortable with. No matter what situation you feel you are stuck in, there is always a means to change that, I and many other posters here are proof of that. Have a little faith in what we've been through too and what we are telling you in that things can and will get better if you stick around. There are a infinite opportunities and possibilities your life can move forward, let it.

 

[Jombie]

I won't pretend to know your situation, nor will I lambast you with a myriad of reasons to live because I'm sure you've heard them 1,000 times before. However, you've made it this far in life so there's a reason you're hanging on and and there's a reason to hang on just one more day. It sounds cliche, but you're not alone. I've dealt with major depression and anxiety for close to 30 years, and we're in this fight together.

 

[Chuck the Bean]

Awesome post Figboy.

Listen to him, he's 100% right.

 

[GARlock Spiral]

I understand your thought process, and it's valid, but it isn't rational. Your perspective is warped and you're stuck in a spiral seemingly due to your situation in regards to work and daily life in general. All of the above can be changed, with time and a little perseverance, but you need to begin taking those steps yourself, at whatever pace you feel comfortable with. No matter what situation you feel you are stuck in, there is always a means to change that, I and many other posters here are proof of that. Have a little faith in what we've been through too and what we are telling you in that things can and will get better if you stick around. There are a infinite opportunities and possibilities your life can move forward, let it.

Click to shrink...

I've stuck around long enough to regret surviving two previous attempts. I don't have faith in anything, especially claims that ~30 years of life have contradicted. You'd have to back that up with some reciepts.

 

[TyraZaurus]

Please. If you're still listening, try to get some support. All these people are rooting for you. You can do this

 

[Akira86]

I don't love anything. Nothing brings me joy. I haven't felt anything like that in years.

Click to shrink...

what was it that brought you joy years back, then?
right now in the middle of all the frustration and pain the energy makes it really hard to feel that, I know.

 

[Punjabi_Hitman]

This is why life is worth living right here. Strangers who don't even know you taking time out of their day to provide you support when they don't have to. People care that you live please seek help

 

[Spring-Loaded]

I won't presume existence is the best choice in your situation—it could be so painful that it wouldn't make sense to keep going. However, while things aren't ever guaranteed to get better, but they can improve. Things are only guaranteed to never improve if you stop now.

Failure absolutely sucks. feeling like you've chosen a wrong path is awful, and continually finding yourself to be the source of your problems is disheartening, but ... you may as well subsist, if only to maybe enjoy something in the future, or finding something worthwhile.

If you're truly at your wit's end, think of something, anything you like and take the most direct path to whatever that is. If you'd like to, say, travel, do it even if you have to be a drifter.

I find when people even bother reaching out at all, it means there's still something they want to live for, so really consider what that something is, no matter how small or basic or abstract. It can get so hard to think of anything at times, but there's almost always something, so it's worth looking.

 

[GARlock Spiral]

what was it that brought you joy years back, then?
right now in the middle of all the frustration and pain the energy makes it really hard to feel that, I know.

Click to shrink...

I don't remember that far back

Please. If you're still listening, try to get some support. All these people are rooting for you. You can do this

Click to shrink...

No, I can't.

I won't presume existence is the best choice in your situation—it could be so painful that it wouldn't make sense to keep going. However, while things aren't ever guaranteed to get better, but they can improve. Things are only guaranteed to never improve if you stop now.

Failure absolutely sucks. feeling like you've chosen a wrong path is awful, and continually finding yourself to be the source of your problems is disheartening, but ... you may as well subsist, if only to maybe enjoy something in the future, or finding something worthwhile.

If you're truly at your wit's end, think of something, anything you like and take the most direct path to whatever that is. If you'd like to, say, travel, do it even if you have to be a drifter.

I find when people even bother reaching out at all, it means there's still something they want to live for, so really consider what that something is, no matter how small or basic or abstract. It can get so hard to think of anything at times, but there's almost always something, so it's worth looking.

Click to shrink...

It could, but it won't. This is just nature's way of telling me i'm not cut out for it and to look elsewhere. But the thing is, there isn't anything else I like. I've been desperately searching for some sort of reason to live for the past decade only to realize there is none. To me it's not worth looking because I've been beaten over the head with the answer.

 

[Sonicfan1373]

Absolutely not worth it. Where's that "This is the worst deal in the history of deals EVER" Gif?



-Live shitty life
-Get degree in IT
-Work shitty help desk job
-Get laid off from shitty help desk job
-Aim to find better job in Desktop Support
-Fail repeatedly
-Aim to get certifications to get better job
-Spend three months trying to get a cert that takes three weeks*
-FAIL REPEATEDLY while failing at the above
-Realize you aren't cut out for what you want to do and aren't interested or qualified for anything else

Click to shrink...

OP I have been in the situation as you. I know how it feels when you feel (and you really feel it inside you, it almost feels like emptiness combined with physical pain) beat down by life. I am also working at a lower-end job while trying to seek higher-education in order to move up and not succeeding at the moment. I am also dealing with depression and anxiety disorders, so I know that feeling that you are getting. But please understand that with treatment and help things can get better. It did for me, and I am sure the same can happen for you. You are not a bad or worthless person. You are strong! And you can get through this. If you want someone to talk to, please PM me (and there are others here you can talk to as well) or we can all continue talking on this forum. Please stay with us.

 

[psynergyadept]

Talk with us OP if you don't like using the hotline at least talk to us; this community got a man who had 8 weeks to live a new lease on life!!!

WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!

 

[Kaelan]

I've stuck around long enough to regret surviving two previous attempts. I don't have faith in anything, especially claims that ~30 years of life have contradicted. You'd have to back that up with some reciepts.

Click to shrink...

Alright, it's time to take the gloves off (joking aside here). I'm almost a full time therapist and have put all my time and energy into helping those with addiction and suicidal actions. I have seen the worst of the worst.

I'm going to confront you here, confrontation is healthy and therapeutic. People I'm this thread have given you amazing advice. Let's be honest, per cognitive behavioral therapy you are doing a lot of thinking errors that contribute to several of your problems. You're discounting the positive and focusing on the negative, you think you have s crystal ball, you're participating In generalizations.

with that in mind, you have a lot to live for. Thousands of people on this site give a damn about you. It may not be the people you want ,but they care about you. Suicide may seem like an escape, but it's also a regret. You say you don't have faith in anything, but spiral that is false. The fact you're still here posting tells me you have a ounce of faith left.

I implore you to look into your faith. Look into yourself. You keep discounting every post here that is positive - saying life has no positivity. That's the lens you are wearing in your glasses. That's probably a core belief you've had for some time, CBT therapy can help modify that. If you keep the lens on that life sucks, there is nothing good, you will stay that way. Make no mistake, I'm not saying this is all your fault, but the first step stops with you. Change that lens. Use a technique called reframing; maybe life has some shitty parts, but even the darkest moments have a glimmer of light. I impore you to re read the posts here. To change your lens, modify you're core beliefs and experiment with a new outlook on life. What's the worst that could happen?

one famous quote I like is the darkest nights make the brightest stars. You've been at the worst already - you've tried 2 times and you are still here, for areason. You are meant for this earth. I just hope one day you accept that.

 

[Akira86]

I don't remember that far back


No, I can't.

Click to shrink...

you're stronger than you' give yourself credit for. you've taken the knocks and you're still here, though it hurts.
you've still got the fight left in you. I hope you use it for yourself.