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I left my husband, went to NYC for five days, and pretty much ruined my life.
- Thread starter Cosmic Bus
- Start date
From the sound of it he's not doing anything illegal?
EDIT: didn't read the kill yourself part, just the OP.
Some of you want a pound of flesh in return and I get that but at what cost?
The OP seems very fragile, he tried to give $ just earlier today. So I really really don't think involving any authorities, anything legal is the best idea. The amount of time and energy ( not to mention $$$) it would to take to pursue anything based on a phone conversation alone (you'll have to prove this "kill yourself") let alone on the opposite end of the country… I can't imagine sustaining this interaction/this situation in his mind is healthy.
Take the L, get help, do not relapse, move forward with your life
The OP seems very fragile, he tried to give $ just earlier today. So I really really don't think involving any authorities, anything legal is the best idea. The amount of time and energy ( not to mention $$$) it would to take to pursue anything based on a phone conversation alone (you'll have to prove this "kill yourself") let alone on the opposite end of the country… I can't imagine sustaining this interaction/this situation in his mind is healthy.
Take the L, get help, do not relapse, move forward with your life
Definitely this. The other party is a borderline sociopath and can clearly push your buttons within seconds. Do not engage at any level would be my advice. While they absolutely deserve punishing, I can't see it working well for you OP. Just block every phone they call from and hope they get bored and move on to someone else (not a nice thought but you have to protect yourself right now).
Please take time to look after yourself, reach out to anyone you feel you need to that will listen - there are a ton of people on this forum that'll know you at least from here and previous places so I'm sure you'll have plenty of support if you want it.
I agree. They need to let the money go and cut off any opportunities to come into contact with that person.
The whole time I was reading this, all I thought was. Please be a joke post. Like this can't possibly be real.
I'm sorry OP. What happens with your ex husband is really sad. But you need to take care of yourself, learn to be happy by yourself for awhile.
Fuck this new guy, he's a scammer and not worth your time. Please be safe and just focus on you.
I'm sorry OP. What happens with your ex husband is really sad. But you need to take care of yourself, learn to be happy by yourself for awhile.
Fuck this new guy, he's a scammer and not worth your time. Please be safe and just focus on you.
I've been reading the thread for a few days but haven't posted since I didn't think I had anything to add, but by now I'd rather not leave things unsaid:
I'm really concerned about you OP. The person you met over Instagram has honed in on your emotional vulnerability and basically tries to squeeze as much money out of you, essentially trying to make you their sugar daddy which given the fact that you mention in the OP that they even called you "Dad" doesn't seem that far fetched. Of course due to the fact that you are essentially spending money that you don't have, the moment your wallet tightens is where they show how abusive they really are. They are a really toxic individual, and like, I know back when I was down and just tried to spend money on someone in hopes of finding happiness, I wouldn't hear it, but believe me when I say that you are better than to be just used as a walking wallet.
You deserve happiness and you deserve to feel good, but you won't truly find either with that person. As for the rest, Shamylov already put it better than I could anyway. You need to seek professional help as you can see that the shortcuts you try to take to happiness only lead to further self-destruction. It's not easy to get out of that hole one digs for themselves, but believe me when I say it gets better. Just stay with us, do not hurt yourself nor expose yourself or your money to that toxic person any further.
I'm really concerned about you OP. The person you met over Instagram has honed in on your emotional vulnerability and basically tries to squeeze as much money out of you, essentially trying to make you their sugar daddy which given the fact that you mention in the OP that they even called you "Dad" doesn't seem that far fetched. Of course due to the fact that you are essentially spending money that you don't have, the moment your wallet tightens is where they show how abusive they really are. They are a really toxic individual, and like, I know back when I was down and just tried to spend money on someone in hopes of finding happiness, I wouldn't hear it, but believe me when I say that you are better than to be just used as a walking wallet.
You deserve happiness and you deserve to feel good, but you won't truly find either with that person. As for the rest, Shamylov already put it better than I could anyway. You need to seek professional help as you can see that the shortcuts you try to take to happiness only lead to further self-destruction. It's not easy to get out of that hole one digs for themselves, but believe me when I say it gets better. Just stay with us, do not hurt yourself nor expose yourself or your money to that toxic person any further.
Op. I don't know you at all but based on this thread you need help. Idk of you are really a good person or not. What you did isn't smart and definitely doesn't put you in the best of people bracket. But I'm not gonna sit here attacking you based on this. This shows you need help. Idk what kinda help but therapy is needed. I do hope the best for you op and hope you find what you are looking for out there.
Definately this. It sucks, but OP needs to focus on their own wellbeing and some stressful legal crap is not what you need right now.
Block everything OP and dont look back.
Ignoring the extreme circumstances of your awful meetup, take a step back and realize that you're in a situation that millions of others have found themselves in - fresh off a breakup, needing to feel validated, jumping headfirst into online dating.
The lesson to be learned here is that you are valuable, your time is valuable, and that if you are interested in *just sex* or going for a jog or going to the movies or just holding hands in a park or a real, lasting, long term relationship... there are people interested in *just those things*.
You are new to this, but you have to actively screen through scammers, bigots, gold-diggers, drama queens, flakes, and Patriots fans before you even meet up with people in the minefield that is modern dating. Simply finding someone attractive enough is just the first step and the easiest when you have unlimited options. So talk. Limit your search locally with a dating app. Find people with similar interests, life goals, maturity, and yes, financial limits. Once you get back out there, you'll realize it was silly to travel cross country just to get some (yes, I've been there, and vice versa, and even when it works out you kind of shake your head years later).
First priority is of course your mental health. Before you begin dating in earnest, see a therapist and talk through your issues, both with your last relationship and your current feelings of self worth. As long as you are in a fragile place mentally you are a potential victim for emotionally abusive people like the guy you described. Best of luck.
The lesson to be learned here is that you are valuable, your time is valuable, and that if you are interested in *just sex* or going for a jog or going to the movies or just holding hands in a park or a real, lasting, long term relationship... there are people interested in *just those things*.
You are new to this, but you have to actively screen through scammers, bigots, gold-diggers, drama queens, flakes, and Patriots fans before you even meet up with people in the minefield that is modern dating. Simply finding someone attractive enough is just the first step and the easiest when you have unlimited options. So talk. Limit your search locally with a dating app. Find people with similar interests, life goals, maturity, and yes, financial limits. Once you get back out there, you'll realize it was silly to travel cross country just to get some (yes, I've been there, and vice versa, and even when it works out you kind of shake your head years later).
First priority is of course your mental health. Before you begin dating in earnest, see a therapist and talk through your issues, both with your last relationship and your current feelings of self worth. As long as you are in a fragile place mentally you are a potential victim for emotionally abusive people like the guy you described. Best of luck.
Damn, I have compassion but you need help. There's some battered wife, big phycological issues at play here and it's all stemming from within.
Without knowing your history and talking more extensively I'd reserve judgement but owing it is a start but if you want the "honest mechanic" opinion then be prepared to be humbled before change or healing can begin.
Good luck.
Without knowing your history and talking more extensively I'd reserve judgement but owing it is a start but if you want the "honest mechanic" opinion then be prepared to be humbled before change or healing can begin.
Good luck.
When you post here you seem to be a rational person who diagnosed the situation correctly Cosmic Bus. And yet, when you get in contact with this guy you end up making completely irrational choices. This only shows that you have to cut the contact as quickly as possible. It literally looks like he was able to put a spell on you which is precisely what con-artists do. You should not be ashamed or feel guilty over this, you are a victim of a dangerous man and should escape his clutches.
Wow Cosmic Bus I'm so sorry :(
First off, that guys an asshole, and he clearly just wanted the money but you know that by now.
Do not apologies to him if he calls you, If I were you I'd probably go off on him over the phone but you might be a better person than I am. You need to seek a therapist and maybe your husband as well, say you meeting him was a mistake but also tell him why you met him and you don't feel fulfilled in this relationship.
First off, that guys an asshole, and he clearly just wanted the money but you know that by now.
Do not apologies to him if he calls you, If I were you I'd probably go off on him over the phone but you might be a better person than I am. You need to seek a therapist and maybe your husband as well, say you meeting him was a mistake but also tell him why you met him and you don't feel fulfilled in this relationship.
Wow. What a tragedy. I really am sorry to hear about your marriage, as well as being the victim of a con artist. The bad always try to take advantage of others.
Have you told your husband about the debt?
Have you told your husband about the debt?
OP
OP
Yes. The debt is my problem and not his since we never combined our finances. He was genuinely stunned that I could be so irresponsible and wouldn't stop talking about how much of a cheapass I typically am, so how could I do this for someone I only met weeks prior? I didn't have an answer other than that abusive transactional codependence gave me some sort of emotional/neurological response - like chasing a drug high - that was never satisfied in our marriage.
OP I feel so sorry for what you are going through. I'm gonna echo what other's have said and check yourself with a caring Psychiatrist.
Now is the time for introspection and finding some level of peace with who you are, and trying to change the things you do not like. You got taken for a ride, learn from this and keep going.
Money comes and money goes, lessons learned stay with us.
I understand the need to feel some sort of gratification, being needed and making someone happy. But please remember that giving does not equal receiving, your brain will trick you into thinking that when you feel good about giving you are receiving something back but trust me, you are not and it'll eventually drain you and leave you in a very vulnerable state. I suffered through it, I understand,
Now is the time for introspection and finding some level of peace with who you are, and trying to change the things you do not like. You got taken for a ride, learn from this and keep going.
Money comes and money goes, lessons learned stay with us.
I understand the need to feel some sort of gratification, being needed and making someone happy. But please remember that giving does not equal receiving, your brain will trick you into thinking that when you feel good about giving you are receiving something back but trust me, you are not and it'll eventually drain you and leave you in a very vulnerable state. I suffered through it, I understand,
I'm glad you're still here. How are you feeling? Any plans for today?
I'm glad you're being honest with him. Honesty still matters, even in this situation. I hope you're doing better.
Cosmic you seriously need to book in an appointment with a proper psychiatrist or therapist. Not a helpline.
There's no shame in it and it's in your best interests.
Don't think or answer any call from that guy again. Everytime he uses an unknown number, interrupt him and put it down.
There's no shame in it and it's in your best interests.
Don't think or answer any call from that guy again. Everytime he uses an unknown number, interrupt him and put it down.
My advice would be to book a psychiatrist first (ASAP), because antidepressants can take a while to get into your system and it could be rough going at first. But, also book an appointment with a cognitive behavioral therapist (or someone similar).
OP
OP
Been a tough week. I'm all over the place emotionally: frustrated, ashamed, sad, anxious, trying to look forward but can't stop thinking about the past. I had to take a kitchen job yesterday in the middle of an unsafe location with numerous positive c19 cases because no one else will hire me, so now I'm worrying about getting sick or injured and possibly infecting my ex.
I've gotten denied for debt consolidation loans.
Everyone says to see a therapist, but it's not that simple. Everyone says, oh, it's just money, you'll move past it, but it's not that easy.
Hey, at least you got a new job! Even if it's not ideal, it's something at least. As long as you wear a mask and try to keep away from your coworkers, I think you'll be okay. I work in a similar-ish situation and haven't been infected (yet?) so just keep your fingers crossed!
I don't know what debt consolidation is but I'm sorry you didn't get it. Is filling for bankruptcy an option?
I don't know what debt consolidation is but I'm sorry you didn't get it. Is filling for bankruptcy an option?
If you're anywhere near any Amazon centers they always seem to be hiring pickers. You can even pick your own hours.
It's good to hear that you're still around!
What's preventing you from seeing a therapist? Is it an issue of money or something else?
OP
OP
Hi. It's been a little over a month since I posted anything in this thread and it seems like as good a time as any for an update. This will diverge from where it first began but it's helpful for me to put this stuff down into words even if reliving it is not easy. Trigger warnings I guess? It ain't pretty.
I have not yet been able to find a therapist to see. After being unable to find work in Los Angeles after 7 months of looking, a small place in Brooklyn expressed interest in mid-October. I flew out to interview in person, they gave me an okay offer and even offered to help me rent a room to start out. This became an extremely stressful time, trying to get my entire life ready to move across the country in such a short amount of time while scraping by on my last few hundred dollars. I have financial obligations to my ex for a portion of the rent on our apartment -- he has continued to be gracious and understanding, and there was definitely a ton of guilt about leaving him to deal with things, although we agreed that I didn't have much choice -- and have also been forced to quit the online classes I was taking because making the monthly payments is now impossible.
My emotional state began to plummet. Two weeks before my move, I tried to commit suicide but couldn't go through with it; I was literal moments away but the dog kept staring at me and oddly that made me feel more remorse than anything else could've. I was able to call someone and they talked me down.
I kept this incident to myself. Mood swings would come in full force daily now, and I was hardly sleeping. The day of my flight to NY came on Halloween.. maybe that was an omen. At the airport, my luggage was overweight and they wanted to charge me $130 (which I could not spare) to get it on the plane or find a way to get a bunch of stuff out of it. The attendant found me a plastic bag to pile some shoes and clothes into, and the luggage made it onto the plane. BUT. Somehow I'd accidentally dropped my ID into the checked baggage and now they can't get it back because of the time left before takeoff and TSA won't let me onto the plane without the ID. I have an honest-to-God panic attack in the airport and spend 45 minutes sprinting from one area to the next, continually being told "No, I can't help you but so and so in that department can!" until I end up back at TSA practically in tears because the flight is leaving in ten minutes. They eventually let me through after verifying my identity with an insurance card and credit card (why didn't they do this in the first place???) and I manage to make the flight by seconds before they force the door closed.
I have to stay in a gross hotel in Brooklyn for one night because my rented room can't be finalized until the 1st. On that day, I also have to start work. The owners want an obscene amount of things to be done and ready for the shop when it opens Monday morning, so I go in and proceed to work a 16 hour shift entirely by myself on roughly 3 hours of sleep. Towards 1am things start to go badly, and my anxiety/stress levels are spiking. I am panicked. I still have so much to do. More things go wrong, I'm shaking, I'm angry, I don't know what to do. I've fucked it all up so much now, there's no coming back from it in time. There's a point where I feel myself absolutely losing control, why did I come to this place, what made me think I could handle this? I'm in a state of complete despair because this was my only shot. My actions feel detached from my awareness? I write a note. Find a milk crate in the electrical room. Grab an extension cord, fashion it into a noose around my neck, and stand up on my tiptoes to tie the other end around some pipes in the ceiling. I'm going through with it this time, there's no question in my mind, but... I still text my ex and the friend who helped me the last time. "I'm so sorry." I am gagging, trying not to slip off the crate. My ex calls me immediately, texts are dinging, I can't figure out if I should answer or try to get the cord undone or will myself to teleport anywhere else in the world or
The loop finally yanks over my head and I'm sprawled out on the floor spitting and sobbing and listening to him yell through the phone. He will talk to me for an hour, maybe two, while I just incoherently mumble and cry. Eventually I'm calm enough to walk 30 minutes to my place (which I haven't even seen in person yet), find the keys hidden away where they're supposed to be, and quietly disappear into my new room. It's almost 4am.
At 6am my phone is ringing and ringing. It's the NYPD: my boss at the shop found the note I'd accidentally left behind and called the police. They convince me to come outside for a wellness check; I know what's going to happen now, despite the officer insisting it would not. Ten officers surround me, an ambulance pulls up, and I'm told I can go willingly or forcefully. I step into the back and am driven to a city psych ward where I'll spend the next 12 hours (far less than expected!) in an oversized gown, surrounded by yelling, crying, sometimes violence, and being asked mostly the same questions over and over by a rotation of doctors, therapists, and psychiatrists. Sometime late in the day a woman comes by and asks if I'd like to leave. Uh, sure? They discharge me and again I walk "home" in a daze. Along the way, the landlord calls to inform me that the shop owners have revoked the rent payment and I need to find somewhere else to stay immediately. I don't know what else to do: no job, no place to live, so I call my parents. They've been talking to my ex and offer to drive down to get me (it's a six hour trip from the Adirondacks and it's snowing and my parents are both in their 70s). I'll get my things from the room and spend the time sitting in the lobby of the apartment building. It will be 7am by the time we get back to upstate NY.
The next few days are very quiet. I sleep for most of it, randomly cry other times. They've offered me a place to stay for as long as I need, to help start taking the online classes again, to find a therapist, and most importantly, no judgment whatsoever. As I'll come to learn, my dad has had a lot of serious issues with depression and anxiety since retiring two years ago. I never would've imagined this, he's one of the strongest, most remarkably stoic men I've ever encountered. I am feeling a bit more normal today. I haven't been back here in 11 years, but the area is still very familiar, often eliciting strangely emotional responses from simply seeing a path in the woods, a building I remember from childhood, the spot where my pets were buried decades ago. This is truly the bottom of it all, I'm humbled and it seems - for now - there's nothing further that can happen to break me down. The next year? will be very difficult, starting absolutely clean, but I have to keep going.
I have not yet been able to find a therapist to see. After being unable to find work in Los Angeles after 7 months of looking, a small place in Brooklyn expressed interest in mid-October. I flew out to interview in person, they gave me an okay offer and even offered to help me rent a room to start out. This became an extremely stressful time, trying to get my entire life ready to move across the country in such a short amount of time while scraping by on my last few hundred dollars. I have financial obligations to my ex for a portion of the rent on our apartment -- he has continued to be gracious and understanding, and there was definitely a ton of guilt about leaving him to deal with things, although we agreed that I didn't have much choice -- and have also been forced to quit the online classes I was taking because making the monthly payments is now impossible.
My emotional state began to plummet. Two weeks before my move, I tried to commit suicide but couldn't go through with it; I was literal moments away but the dog kept staring at me and oddly that made me feel more remorse than anything else could've. I was able to call someone and they talked me down.
I kept this incident to myself. Mood swings would come in full force daily now, and I was hardly sleeping. The day of my flight to NY came on Halloween.. maybe that was an omen. At the airport, my luggage was overweight and they wanted to charge me $130 (which I could not spare) to get it on the plane or find a way to get a bunch of stuff out of it. The attendant found me a plastic bag to pile some shoes and clothes into, and the luggage made it onto the plane. BUT. Somehow I'd accidentally dropped my ID into the checked baggage and now they can't get it back because of the time left before takeoff and TSA won't let me onto the plane without the ID. I have an honest-to-God panic attack in the airport and spend 45 minutes sprinting from one area to the next, continually being told "No, I can't help you but so and so in that department can!" until I end up back at TSA practically in tears because the flight is leaving in ten minutes. They eventually let me through after verifying my identity with an insurance card and credit card (why didn't they do this in the first place???) and I manage to make the flight by seconds before they force the door closed.
I have to stay in a gross hotel in Brooklyn for one night because my rented room can't be finalized until the 1st. On that day, I also have to start work. The owners want an obscene amount of things to be done and ready for the shop when it opens Monday morning, so I go in and proceed to work a 16 hour shift entirely by myself on roughly 3 hours of sleep. Towards 1am things start to go badly, and my anxiety/stress levels are spiking. I am panicked. I still have so much to do. More things go wrong, I'm shaking, I'm angry, I don't know what to do. I've fucked it all up so much now, there's no coming back from it in time. There's a point where I feel myself absolutely losing control, why did I come to this place, what made me think I could handle this? I'm in a state of complete despair because this was my only shot. My actions feel detached from my awareness? I write a note. Find a milk crate in the electrical room. Grab an extension cord, fashion it into a noose around my neck, and stand up on my tiptoes to tie the other end around some pipes in the ceiling. I'm going through with it this time, there's no question in my mind, but... I still text my ex and the friend who helped me the last time. "I'm so sorry." I am gagging, trying not to slip off the crate. My ex calls me immediately, texts are dinging, I can't figure out if I should answer or try to get the cord undone or will myself to teleport anywhere else in the world or
The loop finally yanks over my head and I'm sprawled out on the floor spitting and sobbing and listening to him yell through the phone. He will talk to me for an hour, maybe two, while I just incoherently mumble and cry. Eventually I'm calm enough to walk 30 minutes to my place (which I haven't even seen in person yet), find the keys hidden away where they're supposed to be, and quietly disappear into my new room. It's almost 4am.
At 6am my phone is ringing and ringing. It's the NYPD: my boss at the shop found the note I'd accidentally left behind and called the police. They convince me to come outside for a wellness check; I know what's going to happen now, despite the officer insisting it would not. Ten officers surround me, an ambulance pulls up, and I'm told I can go willingly or forcefully. I step into the back and am driven to a city psych ward where I'll spend the next 12 hours (far less than expected!) in an oversized gown, surrounded by yelling, crying, sometimes violence, and being asked mostly the same questions over and over by a rotation of doctors, therapists, and psychiatrists. Sometime late in the day a woman comes by and asks if I'd like to leave. Uh, sure? They discharge me and again I walk "home" in a daze. Along the way, the landlord calls to inform me that the shop owners have revoked the rent payment and I need to find somewhere else to stay immediately. I don't know what else to do: no job, no place to live, so I call my parents. They've been talking to my ex and offer to drive down to get me (it's a six hour trip from the Adirondacks and it's snowing and my parents are both in their 70s). I'll get my things from the room and spend the time sitting in the lobby of the apartment building. It will be 7am by the time we get back to upstate NY.
The next few days are very quiet. I sleep for most of it, randomly cry other times. They've offered me a place to stay for as long as I need, to help start taking the online classes again, to find a therapist, and most importantly, no judgment whatsoever. As I'll come to learn, my dad has had a lot of serious issues with depression and anxiety since retiring two years ago. I never would've imagined this, he's one of the strongest, most remarkably stoic men I've ever encountered. I am feeling a bit more normal today. I haven't been back here in 11 years, but the area is still very familiar, often eliciting strangely emotional responses from simply seeing a path in the woods, a building I remember from childhood, the spot where my pets were buried decades ago. This is truly the bottom of it all, I'm humbled and it seems - for now - there's nothing further that can happen to break me down. The next year? will be very difficult, starting absolutely clean, but I have to keep going.
Hey I'm so sorry you've felt so low but I'm glad you are still going and you will make it so please don't be so hard on yourself if you can. Keep us updated or reach out to someone, even in a PM if you need to get the thoughts out
I'm happy you are still with us. That sounds challenging but just think you have a place and parents that are caring and loving. It's not an easy time but just take the time to reflect and try to think of all the positives in your life. Also it seeks like your ex-husband is a good support for you, even if things don't work out for you two he truley cares about you. If you need to talk or anything you can direct message me, I struggle a lot of days too but just take it one day at a time.
Thank you for the update! I'm glad to hear you are now safe and determined to keep going. I'm sorry for what you've been through and I don't have any sage-like wisdom to offer other than it truly is never too late to make a fresh, clean re-start on your life. You WILL be ok, OP. I'm just a random stranger on the internet, but I believe in you.
Cosmic, I read your initial post, and I'm glad you're still with us. I'm glad you have found the support you need with your parents and I hope the best for you. Please, take care.
i'm so glad you're safe and have a modicum of stability right now, man. your story resonates with me and how i've felt a lot. especially this, which is a completely spot-on description of an anxiety attack:
you just good do like the drunks do: one day at a time, one hour at a time.. hell, i've gone minute by minute even today. but i'm very happyto read that things are going a little better recently. let's keep it up
you just good do like the drunks do: one day at a time, one hour at a time.. hell, i've gone minute by minute even today. but i'm very happyto read that things are going a little better recently. let's keep it up
It's good to hear you have family that is there for you. That's precious, never forget it, and never feel guilty to have this support, embrace it!
I'm a survivor of a suicide attempt myself. I'm glad you're still here, and that you have stable help and support now.
Things can and will improve from here.
Things can and will improve from here.
i'm so glad you've been speaking to your family about this, cosmic. thinking of you, man.
This is the start of your big reset. Best of luck, make sure you show your parents some love, and don't beat yourself up over it. The best way to show yourself up is to be the best person you can be going forward. But at your own pace.
I'm glad you are still with us. I'm glad you've found a stable place. Take your time and be with your parents. Its going to be okay man; take care of yourself. Wishing you the best.
That's what psychopaths/narcissists do. They thrive on that shit.
I'm so sorry Alex, please get to therapy as soon as you can. You deserve a good life.
I'm so glad you are well, I don't have much to tell you but I wish you the best and I hope you can overcome all of this, you can do it!
Im glad you are ok and in a safe place. Hope everything improves for you.
Knowing it runs in the family can be a big help, because at that point it's not just you. This is something external, an urge, and you can take the time to study it and see the warning signs of it vs. you. It's a long battle. Sometimes you lose. I have quite a bit. But knowing in the back of your mind that this isn't you is helpful. Just survive for now, okay? And I don't mean that in a, "just keep living, regardless of external factors." I mean, remove as many external factors as you can and live small and less than. That way when you reintroduce things one by one you can find what triggers that external urge and avoid it. The same way someone with an allergy might find what foods they are allergic to.
We sound similar in quite a few ways, so I'm sending you lots of love. I'm so happy you accepted the help of others for now. It doesn't feel flattering, but you don't have the energy to care about that right now. Rest and then survive. It's okay to be a shell. However, think of it less like a shell and more like a cocoon. You'll come out of this transformed, one way or another.
Cosmic, I'm so sorry things aren't going well for you right now. But I'm glad you're still here with us and I know you can keep going! :)
