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I left my husband, went to NYC for five days, and pretty much ruined my life.
- Thread starter Cosmic Bus
- Start date
Damn OP....That was ridiculously foolish....I can only echo other in getting professional help...
<3 big hugs cosmic continue to let out what you need. But please please remove that man from your life. I would not trust that person with any more of my personal information or life at all.
Remember you always have the lgbt thread the discord and all the people you've met in this community all these years.
This is a great idea. It wouldn't even need to be lgbt focused. Any help would benefit
Emphasis on the EVERYWHERE.
Remember you always have the lgbt thread the discord and all the people you've met in this community all these years.
To be honest when I first started reading the OP I kinda assumed you were actually cheating and I would've had absolutely no sympathy with that backfiring but wow this was bad.
Like, you even approached your husband about it and had what sounds like an amicable breakup? Even if your relationship is over you didn't outright betray his trust. You did the right thing there and I hope your ex husband will at least continue to be a friend when the initial wounds heal. I don't really have anything else to add that hasn't already been said.
I know it probably can't mean much but I hope it helps knowing that a random poster that absolutely despises cheating and emotional betrayal thinks you did neither and thay you didn't do anything awful. You just made reasonable mistakes in moments of weakness, and I really hope you can find the strength to drop this new abusive asshole like a brick and find affection with someone that isnt out to use you
Like, you even approached your husband about it and had what sounds like an amicable breakup? Even if your relationship is over you didn't outright betray his trust. You did the right thing there and I hope your ex husband will at least continue to be a friend when the initial wounds heal. I don't really have anything else to add that hasn't already been said.
I know it probably can't mean much but I hope it helps knowing that a random poster that absolutely despises cheating and emotional betrayal thinks you did neither and thay you didn't do anything awful. You just made reasonable mistakes in moments of weakness, and I really hope you can find the strength to drop this new abusive asshole like a brick and find affection with someone that isnt out to use you
I'm sorry you went through such a terrible situation. Personally I would recommend you not request a ban as this place can act as a bit of an emotional rock to help you get through rough times. Era did nothing wrong. :p
Also, you know his address? If this guy does this sort of thing frequently eventually he's going to find some guys from Jersey at his door with bats and pipes.
Also, you know his address? If this guy does this sort of thing frequently eventually he's going to find some guys from Jersey at his door with bats and pipes.
Along with the other old schoolers, that was a tough read. Hope you can find a good resolution, and if you need to distance yourself from the forums do so. God knows posting on this place for 20 years wasn't the most productive use of my time. If you can escape, all the better!
Man Hota I myself am going through a divorce after 16 years and 3 kids. What I am learning is you just have to look forward and try to learn from your mistakes. Don't undervalue yourself.
All I can say is don't settle for abusers. You're better than that. I know how it is that to be lonely, but there will be somebody real for you.
Gotta truly love yourself before you can get true love from another.
Take some time and really focus on you. Your needs. Your hurt. And please get guidance from a professional counselor/therapist.
Take some time and really focus on you. Your needs. Your hurt. And please get guidance from a professional counselor/therapist.
" The 36 years before my husband I was very lonely and I was lonely again for at least the past year or two. I needed someone to need me, to rely on me, to want me. So when this guy on Instagram contacted me about a month ago, we quickly began to talk everyday. I felt sick even doing this, but couldn't stop myself from continuing. After a couple weeks I confessed to my husband that I was getting emotionally attached to this person, and he told me that if it had been a simple instance of cheating then he could've gotten past it, but having such strong emotion already was an obvious indicator that I wanted to be with this person — and i did. We went for days without speaking to each other, and living in the apartment like this was awkward. Later we'd have additional conversations, tearful ones, about where do we go from here. This isn't a bitter split, there's no real anger involved, just sadness and disappointment.
I would then decide to take a trip to NYC to see my friend? Hook-up? Crush? Who knows. I didn't care that we're in a pandemic, I wanted to feel loved."
——-You need to seek professional help. That you are 36yo ( or are you older...am I misreading this) and have these types of emotional issues, it is incredibly unhealthy. The naïveté to allow yourself to be conned because you " wanted to feel loved ", " didn't care we are in a pandemic" needed to care for someone.. by buying someone things? That hit you up on Instagram!? No, no no no.
I would then decide to take a trip to NYC to see my friend? Hook-up? Crush? Who knows. I didn't care that we're in a pandemic, I wanted to feel loved."
——-You need to seek professional help. That you are 36yo ( or are you older...am I misreading this) and have these types of emotional issues, it is incredibly unhealthy. The naïveté to allow yourself to be conned because you " wanted to feel loved ", " didn't care we are in a pandemic" needed to care for someone.. by buying someone things? That hit you up on Instagram!? No, no no no.
cosmic, I've enjoyed your many contributions to the community over the years. You've turned me on to so much great music, and I'm sure many others would say the same.
The only thing I can say is that when you've gone through something incredibly painful, sometimes you have the urge to be really self destructive because it offers momentary relief. I know when my partner of ten years died, I felt something similar. Be kind to yourself. Nothing is unfixable or totally broken, even if you feel that way. I hope you can get the help you deserve. It's hard but you can work your way through the pain you're in right now.
The only thing I can say is that when you've gone through something incredibly painful, sometimes you have the urge to be really self destructive because it offers momentary relief. I know when my partner of ten years died, I felt something similar. Be kind to yourself. Nothing is unfixable or totally broken, even if you feel that way. I hope you can get the help you deserve. It's hard but you can work your way through the pain you're in right now.
Phewwwwwww. What a roller coaster of stupidity.
Being in a dead relationship for so long can cause people to blindly do dumb things, like you did, though.
You need professional help as everyone else has said. Nothing can be done here for you.
One thing is for sure. Block the other dude. Never speak to them again.
Being in a dead relationship for so long can cause people to blindly do dumb things, like you did, though.
You need professional help as everyone else has said. Nothing can be done here for you.
One thing is for sure. Block the other dude. Never speak to them again.
Hey don't feel so bad, that's rule number 1 for a con: make the victim do things in the moment. He was never going to let you think on any decision. "Do this or I'm leaving."
This is good to read. I'd lean on him and offer the same (as I'm sure he's got feelings to work through here too). You can make a plan together about any type of therapy/counseling/maybe some local peer groups?
Oh fuck. I'm so sorry to hear this.
Please don't beat yourself up.
DO be proud of yourself for your progress in life and know that his moment does not define it. You do deserve to be happy and loved, of course.
Please don't beat yourself up.
DO be proud of yourself for your progress in life and know that his moment does not define it. You do deserve to be happy and loved, of course.
Really sorry to hear this. Please do seek real help, rather than some band aids. Obviously people here appreciate you, and you're worthy of appreciation.
And no matter what - what you've experienced now could possibly be helpful for others. When you find your footing, don't forget the potential help you could provide.
And no matter what - what you've experienced now could possibly be helpful for others. When you find your footing, don't forget the potential help you could provide.
No matter financial hole you think you've dug yourself into, remember that you can and will overcome it. It'll take some time and hard work, but you'll be able to do it. Don't let that part of this whole situation stress you out. When you get home have a shower and get some good sleep and wake up with a fresh mind and make a plan of what you want to do next. I always find shower and a good rest to help me deal with times I'm super stressed out about personal problems or work problems.
What a lovely person. Definitely let him know how much you appreciate him.
I hope someone you know gives you a good long hug and tells you that you are a worthwhile person.
Cosmic Bus you are an amazing human that has grown so much over the years I've been on GAF and here. Your journey has been amazing to witness and share, and do know that your growth was valid, powerful, uplifting, and REAL. You are going to get through this with the strength that we all know you have.
Sorry that this happened to you OP. I actually now hate this guy for you. What a manipulative creep he was to you.
Well some of us do live in NYC and we have working fists....ok, I probably wouldn't go so far as to punch him, but I'd at least knock the wallet out of the hand of whoever is standing next to him.
I'm sorry to hear about all of this and don't have too much to add. To those unsure how it could happen, sometimes we find ourselves in toxic situations that we can't fully process until there is some distance. And even then there are parts of it we continue to deny. Be glad you realized so much after just one trip.
Sorry I'm no longer in LA or I'd get you hiiiiigh (not that you'd need much help with that in LA).
While I can't claim that I really know you other than our interactions as old school movie bros, I've always known you're a complete sweetheart. I know a kind person when I see them and it's not something you can hide. I'm very sorry this happened to you, it was honestly very upsetting reading that. I don't know what to say. Although I don't post much anymore either, I hope you don't go.
What an emotionally loaded thread. I totally understand the way you feel. There are points in time when you feel like a by-stander and just watch yourself doing mistakes despite knowing better.
It's easy to raise your finger in retro perspective and give a lecture when you are not in that emotional loaded situation yourself (anymore). In that situation, you simply cant.
I agree that getting help to over come your emotional rollercoaster and make clear minded decisions again should be your priority.
It seems really strange that the CC did not act upon this. Then again, maybe they do not catch all abnormalities?
It has not happened to me yet, but credit card fraud is not a rarity and you do not always need the card itself to proceed? I mean especially during times of online shopping huge scams may pile up that you do not recognize until days to weeks later.
It's easy to raise your finger in retro perspective and give a lecture when you are not in that emotional loaded situation yourself (anymore). In that situation, you simply cant.
I agree that getting help to over come your emotional rollercoaster and make clear minded decisions again should be your priority.
That's what I was wondering too.
Exactly, and dont get me started on more than 400 Bucks per day.
It seems really strange that the CC did not act upon this. Then again, maybe they do not catch all abnormalities?
I dont check my balance every day, maybe once a week or twice a month. Even once a month during corona.
It has not happened to me yet, but credit card fraud is not a rarity and you do not always need the card itself to proceed? I mean especially during times of online shopping huge scams may pile up that you do not recognize until days to weeks later.
Seek friends/family/therapy ASAP, this is unhealthy behavior that is unlikely to fix itself.
Other posters have already recommended it, but therapy would be really helpful in this situation. You've already made the first step in recognising that you have a way of relating to people that makes you unhappy; the next step, even if it has to wait until your financial situation improves, is to work how to change that. It is not impossible that the same thought patterns that led you to connect to someone who was so transparently ambivalent towards you (and ultimately disconnected) were involved in your situation with your ex.
As others have also said, don't feel, however, that this defines you. You will be able to work through this.
As others have also said, don't feel, however, that this defines you. You will be able to work through this.
Please move away from this new dude, he clearly took advantage of you.
This happeend to my mother and the end result was devastating to my family. Please, I don't want you to suffer because of the same thing.
This happeend to my mother and the end result was devastating to my family. Please, I don't want you to suffer because of the same thing.
You should take a break from romántic relationships for a really really reaaaally long time, you will never love and be loved unless you love yourself first.
Seek help, and if you surrender yourself to the scam guy again, don't feel to bad about it, it happens sometimes.
Just don't carry your cc when you meet him.
Seek help, and if you surrender yourself to the scam guy again, don't feel to bad about it, it happens sometimes.
Just don't carry your cc when you meet him.
i remember you from the gaf days cosmic -- you don't need me to give any advice i'm sure, but fwiw i know you deserve better, and you most definitely can do better.
I don't think I can add anything that hasn't been said, but you are a victim here. You were emotionally vulnerable and they took advantage of that for their own gain. Everyone deserves love and happiness, but it won't be found through your bank accounts. Get professional help and look after yourself.
Yeah codependency fuckin sucks, might be worth checking into a CoDa group for support. It can help a lot having others in the same boat to share experiences and whatnot.
https://coda.org/find-a-meeting/
Regardless, block that little shit from everything and look for some help. Your happiness and self-worth is more than what you do for others. <3
https://coda.org/find-a-meeting/
Regardless, block that little shit from everything and look for some help. Your happiness and self-worth is more than what you do for others. <3
That other person was trash. They were obviously using you for free stuff.
That was one roller coaster of a ride to read. I think more happened in a weekend than I've done in a year.
Heck, I've not spent more than $500 on my own wife shopping over a weekend 😆.
🤔 (She pays for her own stuff anyway though)
That was one roller coaster of a ride to read. I think more happened in a weekend than I've done in a year.
Heck, I've not spent more than $500 on my own wife shopping over a weekend 😆.
🤔 (She pays for her own stuff anyway though)
You need help. Also do not need to be left with access to money. Get some help and get the card paid down. Anything beyond that is irrelevant at this point.
Took a lot of courage to post this thread. Hope you can bounce back.
Took a lot of courage to post this thread. Hope you can bounce back.
I wish I could give you a hug. You definitely need professional help, so do I btw. That guy you met was definitely worse than trash. He was using you for money. Block him on all social media. Your credit card company or bank should have froze your cards after seeing all the spending you were doing in a different state no less. They dropped the ball there too. You seem lonely and just want to be wanted and loved. I'm sorry that guy used you when you were your most vulnerable. All that money you spent is gone and most likely not coming back. This will be a life lesson for you. I think you hate yourself just like I hate myself. I've struggled with it all my life. You cant love others until you start loving yourself, remember that.
I think it's very important to remember that if a person is an asshole; scratch that - an actual con artist, him or her "playing" you doesn't say very much about you. This person has probably done this before and is likely very skilled at it. Anyone could have been fooled.
You feeling lonely, and perhaps "weak" is another matter and it is of course much, much more important - but don't see the fact that he managed to play you as any sort of indication that you are weak, or gullible etc.
I was used as a pawn in an advanced chess play by a girl once; used just to make him jealous etc. It stung, but I was never the one at fault. It's super easy to get played, who doesn't like attention and feeling wanted.
move on from this absolute douche and don't dwell on it. Focus on you.
You feeling lonely, and perhaps "weak" is another matter and it is of course much, much more important - but don't see the fact that he managed to play you as any sort of indication that you are weak, or gullible etc.
I was used as a pawn in an advanced chess play by a girl once; used just to make him jealous etc. It stung, but I was never the one at fault. It's super easy to get played, who doesn't like attention and feeling wanted.
move on from this absolute douche and don't dwell on it. Focus on you.